Author: Raven Shadowrose
Title: To Catch a Falling Star
Rating: M
Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?
Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.
A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)
Thank you to MrsJeffreyCollier for your review and for sticking with the story throughout all of the ups and downs that have been going on during it.
I'm not sure when the next chapter will be as I am currently in the process of moving into my own flat, busy times all around at the moment.
Chapter Fifty-Five... Pauline 'Polly' Emmerson.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the events that have brought me to where I am now, it is hard to believe that so much has happened since the start of this year. The day that college shootings happened is one that is forever etched into my memory, it had started out like an ordinary day, that soon changed when people started getting hurt. I remember the calls coming in throughout the day, various people had been shot and one of them had died. The mood in the station changed from a happy one to a very subdued one, the usual jokes and banter were quickly replaced by uncertainty and fear. Every time a shout came through the radios or loudspeaker and a crew left the station, those that had been left behind wondered if the crew would make it back safely to the station. Dixie was worried about every member of the crew, I knew that she was afraid she would lose one of us. She was very worried about Hannah being out there, I saw the look of fear in her eyes whenever she had to let us go on a shout, she wondered if we would return safely. I felt for Dixie during that time, every time we came back from the shout we had been on she would hug Hannah tightly. Hannah was worried about Dixie too, I saw it every time that Dixie and Jeff left the station. I was worried about everyone, I hoped that the crews would all make it back safely and we wouldn't lose anyone. I prayed that my friends would be looked after when they went out to help someone in need.
I began to hope that the worst was over when everything went quiet, I hoped whoever it was that had been shooting innocent people had given up. Little did I know that the day was about to take a turn for the worst, that the trials of the day had only just begun. The announcement of the shout at the college came through the loudspeaker, a lot of people had been hurt and they needed our help. I saw other people running to their ambulances and getting into them. I followed Hannah to our ambulance and got in it. Hannah drove us to the college, none of us spoke during the journey, our thoughts were on what we might see at the college and if any more people had died. I tried to prepare myself for the worst, I knew that there might be young people that were severely injured. I wanted to do the best that I could for them, I wanted to help them after everything that they had been through inside a place that should have been safe for them to be in.
Hannah pulled up outside the college and we saw a lot of scared students and staff running away from the building. It was chaos, the police were trying to keep people away from the college buildings. I saw that reporters were arriving and trying to get near to the college buildings, the police were trying to keep them away too. There were armed officers preparing to go into the college, I remember wondering if they would have to shoot the boy with the gun to stop him hurting more people. Some of the people were injured and unable to get further away from the college without help from their friends. Some of the students and staff were already being treated by other crews that had already arrived on the scene. Dixie was talking to the police about where the safest spot was for the wounded to be treated. I remember feeling sad as I looked around, a lot of the students were crying as they were being treated for their injuries. Some of those that had been inside the college and witnessed their friends being shot were in shock, a lot of them looked as though they needed someone to hug them. I hope that they have been given counselling to deal with their feelings about what happened to them and the things they've seen.
Jeff overheard Dixie talking to the incident commander, he knew that she would have to send two people into the college. When Jeff told me that he was going to volunteer to go in the college I knew that he wouldn't change his mind, he would do it so that someone else wouldn't have to put themselves in danger. I told Jeff that I would go in with him to watch his back, he promised to look after me and make sure that I was safe when we were inside the college. I've always felt safe with Jeff, whenever we've worked together he has always looked after me. I promised Jeff that I would look after him too, that I would make sure he made it out of the college safely. I wanted to protect Jeff for Emilie, Dixie, and Sophia and John, they would have been devastated if anything had happened to him. I didn't want anything to happen to Jeff either, he means a lot to me, he has been there for me for as long as I can remember. I know that Dixie was unsure about letting us go into the college, I saw it written on her face. She made us promise to be careful, I promised Dixie that I would be careful and so did Jeff. I know that if Dixie had known what would happen in the college then she wouldn't have let us go in there.
Treating the injured students and staff inside the college was hard for me, some of them had been shot several times and were in a very bad way. I wasn't sure how many of them would survive their injuries, it made me sad to think that some of the young people I had treated might not be alive at the end of the day. I was starting to think that we might not see the end of the patients we had to treat when the officers told us that they hadn't found any more injured staff or students. It worried me that they hadn't found the boy that was shooting everyone, nobody seemed to know where he was. Jeff was packing up the kit and I started to tie up the clinical waste bags, I couldn't wait to get out of the college and back to my friends. I hoped that I would be able to spend some time with them at the end of the shift and go through everything that had happened during the day. I knew that talking to everyone would help me feel a bit better, being with my friends would give me some relief from the memories of all the people that we had treated during the day. It is on the difficult days that I need my friends the most, they have always been there for me, I hope that they feel the same way about me too. I care for my friends and I will do anything that I can to help them.
I was about to pick up some of the bags when I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned to face the movement and I saw the boy aiming his gun at Jeff, I knew that he was about to shoot him and I had to stop him no matter what. I heard myself scream as the gun went off and I got between Jeff and the boy with the gun. I felt the bullets hit me and the pain that followed them, Jeff caught me in his arms and he held me close to him. I remember him asking me why I had got in the way, I told him that he had people that needed him. I got in the way to keep Jeff alive for the people that loved him, there would have many people that would have suffered had Jeff been hurt. I promised Jeff that I would protect him before we went into the college and I managed to keep that promise, he would make it out of the college alive and unharmed. My memories get quite a bit tangled after that, I remember Hannah and Cyd treating me at the college and on the way to the hospital. I heard the voices of some of the people I have worked with for years promising me that I would be okay and that they would help me. I remember very little of anything after that, I think it is because I was taken to surgery and the anaesthetic would have made me unconscious.
I have a few memories of the time that I was in a coma, I would sometimes hear the voices of my friends and feel them holding my hand as they sat with me. It comforted me to know that they were visiting me and thinking of me. I wished that I could let them know that I knew they were with me and how much their visits meant to me. I was confused as to why Jeff hadn't visited me, he was the one person whose voice I hadn't heard. In the times that I was able to hear people talking to me I listened to them for any mention of Jeff and if he was angry at me for protecting him. Not one person talked about Jeff, I listened very carefully to them all and still I heard nothing. I hoped that I had missed Jeff visiting me, that he had come to see me during one of the times that I hadn't been able to hear anyone talking to me. I waited for him, I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to know that he was all right and not angry at me.
I remember Hannah singing to me, I also remember her talking about the twins and how big they were growing. Dixie talked about the twins too, she talked about Hannah and how much she loved her too. I liked hearing Dixie talk about Hannah, the love she has for her always comes through in her voice. Cyd would sit with me and read to me, hearing her reading to me always helped me to feel less alone. Emilie came to visit me too, I remember how she sounded as though she was trying to stay strong and put on a happy front for me. There were times when the sadness she felt would come through in her voice and she would try to hide it. I wondered what was making Emilie so sad, there was something going on that I didn't know about. I waited for Emilie to talk about Jeff, I was sure that she would say something about him that would let me know how he was doing. I was confused when Emilie didn't talk about Jeff, it worried me too, I was afraid that they had split up and that was why Emilie was so sad.
I have very few memories of when Jeff came to see me, I remember how desperately sad and tired he sounded. I wasn't sure what had made Jeff sound that way, I wondered if my earlier assumption that Jeff and Emilie had split up was right. I wanted to reach out and give Jeff a hug, I wasn't able to move though. I heard a few things that Jeff said to me, I wish that I had been able to do something to help him. If I had been able to reach out to him and comfort him then he might not have gone to the roof to jump off it. It makes me feel sad to know that Jeff was in such a bad place, I am glad that Emilie and Dixie went after him and were there for him when he needed them. I am glad that Emilie was able to talk Jeff down off the ledge and get him to safety. I am sorry that what I did in the college caused all of my friends to go through such a terrible time.
Hannah was with me on the day that I woke up from the coma, I remember hearing her voice and being able to speak for the first time in a long time. I wasn't sure how long I had been unconscious for; sometimes it felt like a short time and at other times it felt like a long time. I am grateful that Hannah stayed with me and held my hand when I was feeling scared after just waking up. I know why Hannah didn't tell me how I had been injured or that I might be paralysed, she wanted to give me time to adjust to being out of the coma. If she had told me at that time then it would have been on my mind and I wouldn't have been able to sleep. I am grateful to Hannah for everything that she did for me when I came out of the coma, she was there for me when I needed her the most.
It surprised me that I had been in a coma for almost a month, I thought that it had been a week at the most. I was relieved when the nurses told me that the bullets hadn't done enough damage to stop me from walking or going back to work. I was determined to work hard so that I could go home and then go back to work. I wasn't about to let anything stop me from doing the job that I loved so much. The visits from my friends gave me the encouragement I needed to keep going when I struggled with the physiotherapy. I was determined to get better for them, I wouldn't let anything stop me from working with them again. Seeing the twins also made me determined to regain the full use of my body, I wanted to hold them and play with them like I used to.
It took a while for Jeff to come and see me after I had woken up, I knew that something was going on, everyone seemed to try and change the subject when I asked about him. I was worried about Jeff, I wasn't sure if he was okay or if something bad had happened to him. I remember him telling me that he had gone up to the roof of the hospital after he had visited me. I knew why he had gone up to the roof, it made me angry and upset at the same time. I was upset because Jeff had ended up in a bad place because I had jumped in front of the bullets to save his life. I was angry at Jeff for showing so little respect for what I had done for him. I was angry at myself too, I could have caused the death of a man that I think of as my father and who I love very much. I shudder at the thought of losing Jeff in such a manner, I am glad that Emilie's love for Jeff saved him. My anger faded quickly when I saw how sad Jeff looked, he was obviously having a tough time and he didn't need me having a go at him.
I had been on the new ward for two days when I saw Owen for the first time, he was bringing books to a few of the other patients. I watched him as he walked around the ward, he eventually got to my bed and he asked me if I wanted anything from the library. I asked him if he would bring me a copy of Lord of the Rings and he smiled, he told me that it was his favourite book. I wasn't sure if he would be able to get me the book, but he told me that he knew exactly where it was. Owen brought me the book the very same day and he talked to me about it for a little while. He always made time to talk to me when he was visiting the ward, I found myself looking forward to his visits, he was so easy to talk to. I told him about how I had ended up in hospital and he said that he thought I was very brave. I was surprised when Owen asked me if I would like to go for a coffee when I was out of hospital, it was a nice surprise though. I accepted as I wanted to see him again. I gave him my number and waited to see if he would call me. I was happy when he called, there was something about Owen that made me like him, I knew that I could trust him.
I was happy when I was told that I would be able to leave the hospital, it meant that all of my hard work had paid off. I knew that I would still have to work on getting my mobility back, I was more determined than ever to do it. Jeff and Emilie's wedding was fast approaching and I wanted to be a bridesmaid for Emilie, I wanted to walk her down the aisle. I worked as hard as I could so that I could be ready in time for the wedding and to go back to work. I was determined to prove to my friends and the trust that I deserved to be back at work. I wasn't about to let the trust tell me that I wasn't capable of doing my job. Dixie helped me a lot during my first week back on the crew, she wanted to show the trust that I could do it. I am glad that she has so much faith in me, Dixie means a lot to me, I didn't want to let her down. I remember being very happy when the trust ruled that I could go back to work.
The day that Emilie and Jeff got married is another happy day for me, I got to be a bridesmaid for Emilie and walk her down the aisle. Owen came to the wedding, we had been seeing each other for a while at this point, he had managed to win Jeff over and earn his trust. I think that Jeff knows Owen can be trusted and that is why he let him come to the wedding. It was a beautiful day, I thoroughly enjoyed being a bridesmaid and watching everything that happened. I saw the look on Jeff's face as Emilie walked towards him, it was obvious that he thought she was beautiful. I thought that she was beautiful too, the dress that she picked really suited her. I cried as Emilie and Jeff said their vows to each other, they have come through so much and are stronger for it. I think I cried again as they exchanged rings, I am so glad that they survived everything to make it to the altar. I am honoured that Emilie asked me to play the guitar for their first dance, they looked so happy and in love with each other as they danced together. I have a lot of happy memories from the day of the wedding, I hope that I will have a wedding like theirs one day.
I remember spending the night with Owen after the wedding, I wanted to be with him, it felt right to ask him to stay with me. He saw my scars from the operation that saved my life, I waited for his judgement on them, I wondered what he thought of them. Owen ran his fingers over the scars and he held me close to him, he told me that he thinks I am beautiful and brave. I sensed the honesty in his words, he wasn't put off by my scars. I am glad that he isn't put off by the scars I have, it makes me happy to know that he thinks I am brave. I knew that I was doing the right thing, I had chosen a man that would look after me and stay with me. I knew that I had chosen a man that would make me happy and give me everything that I have been looking for in life.
The brings us to now, I'm still with Owen and we are happy together, I hope that we will remain so for a long time. I'm sat in the pub with Jeff, Hannah and Dixie are getting the drinks in for us all. Cyd has gone on a date with Jack, they are getting on well and I am happy for her, she deserves to have someone in her life. 'Princess Polly, you look as if you are in your own world.'
'I was just thinking.'
'What about?'
'Many things, being happy is one of them.'
'Are you happy?'
'I am.'
'Good.'
'Are you happy Jeff?'
'I am.'
'That's good, I'm proud of you, I want you to know that.'
'You're proud of me?'
'Of course I am, I know how hard things have been for you. I am proud of you because you went to counselling and talked through your feelings about what happened in the college.'
'It was hard for me to open up like that. I did it for everyone that I care about, I needed to get better for you all, to be there for you all when you need me.'
'I am glad that you did.' I smile at Jeff, I am glad that he is back with us and that he was brave enough to go to counselling.
I look at Jeff, he is happy about something, he has been smiling a lot during the past few days. 'Jeff, how is Emilie?'
'She's good.'
'Glad to hear it, I think that married life suits you.'
'It does, this time around anyway.'
'Emilie is perfect for you, and you are perfect for her, anyone that sees you both together knows it.'
'I am glad to hear you say that. I wondered if we would make it through sometimes.'
'You made it because you love each other, you two are meant to be.' Jeff looks at me, I know that he wants to say something to me.
'Polly, I am proud of you, you're an amazing woman.' I hug Jeff, his words have made me happy, he hugs me back and I smile into his shoulder. I like hugging Jeff he is always nice and warm. 'Thank you for saying that.'
'I mean it, you are brave and I will always love you and be there if you need me. I think of you as my daughter and that won't ever change.'
'I think of you as my father, I hope that you will always be proud of me.'
'Of course I will always be proud of you sweetheart.' I smile again as Dixie and Hannah rejoin us at the table, I am happy to be alive and with the people that I love. I hope that every day in the future will be as happy as this one is.
Aww, squishy times :)
