Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns Law and Order SVU and the characters. I only own the idea for the story and the new characters.
Chapter 55: Therapy
Olivia Benson was sitting her therapist's office. She was sent to the precinct's shrink at first, by Cragen, but she had never liked him very much. He just seemed to check if she was able to get back to work or not and even Olivia could see she needed something better than that now.
Well, actually, Olivia didn't see that. She'd just refused to go, but it was Hannah who had changed her mind. The little girl had pointed out, sharpish, that Olivia always advised victims to talk to someone, so it was bullshit that she refused to do it herself now. So Olivia went.
Doctor Huang felt it was best if he didn't treat Olivia either, but rather someone who didn't know her. He had a friend, who he thought might be able to help her. Olivia was sitting in his office right now and this friend was sitting opposite her.
'Can you tell me what happened?' The therapist asked her.
Olivia inhaled and looked around the room. It was a perfectly designed interior, with designer furniture and even designer books, or so it seemed. Her gaze went back to the therapist and lingered on his shoes for a second; they were black and expensive and his foot kept going round in small circles. It was like he was perfectly poised and he seemed to radiate calmness, but that one foot could never quite keep still.
'Olivia?' He asked again.
O yeah, he wanted to know what had happened. Where to start? In Olivia's mind a number of flashbacks were racing past.
The smell of that cellar.
'I always knew you detectives had a high tolerance for pain…'
Patricia's eyes, which seemed empty and avoiding her at all times. Why won't she look at me?
Olivia tried to keep her eyes open, desperately, after he'd forced another few pills down her throat.
The feeling of a rope cutting open the skin of her wrists.
The smell of a cigarette.
A ragged cry sounded from afar and with a shock, Olivia realized it came from her own mouth.
Distant sounds of traffic and people, which she could hear, while she was laying tied up in the van.
'You're mine, baby…'
Olivia cleared her throat and replied, 'We, my police squad and I, were in search of a serial killer and he developed an obsession with me. He then succeeded in abducting me and kept me for a few days, before I was found and freed.'
He wrote something down and it was quiet again for a while. 'That's a very practical description.' He commented after a while, hoping she'd elaborate. Olivia didn't reply.
Trying a different angle, her therapist asked her a different question, 'Did you get any sleep last night?'
'No.'
More pills were being shoved down Olivia's throat, while they were racing through Manhattan in that van, but Olivia tried to spit them out again. That only earned her another punch in the stomach and with even more force, there was nothing she could do but swallow. Her anger faded when the entire world became a blur. She tried to focus on something, anything, but couldn't. Slowly, Olivia drifted away into unconsciousness.
'When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?' The therapist wanted to know.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a memory from a few months ago popped up in Olivia's brain.
It was still summer and Hannah's school hadn't started yet. A rather gentle light fell on Olivia's sheets and turned her hair into gold.
Olivia woke up feeling something heavy, pressing down on her back. Slowly, she opened one eye and then the other. She was lying on her stomach; she often woke up like this, with her head turned to the left on her pillow. Her arms were spread out on the sheets. On her back, Hannah was lying on top of her, mimicking her position.
As Olivia stirred, Hannah knew she was awake. 'Morning.' Hannah whispered, with a sleepy voice, into Olivia's golden hair.
Olivia smiled a little at the memory. That had been a good morning.
Her therapist looked up. Olivia seemed to be slipping into one memory after the other, probably flashbacks from her abduction, he wrote down, but this was the first time she had smiled.
'Where did you go, just now?'
Olivia looked almost startled. 'I was thinking… about my kid. About when I had a good night's sleep and so did she. But that was a long time ago…'
'You have a kid?' He even put down his pen, Olivia noticed.
'Yeah, I have a daughter.'
'What's her name?'
'Hannah.'
'How old is she?'
'She'll be eleven soon.' Soon…
She'd been waiting for his next question, 'How is Hannah coping with everything that has happened to you?'
That's a good question, Olivia thought. How was Hannah really feeling?
When Olivia was still in hospital, only a few hours after she'd been rescued from that burning house, Hannah sat by her bed.
The pills had started to wear off and Olivia woke up, steadily. Hannah jumped up when she'd opened her eyes. Olivia smiled at her, or tried to, and beckoned her to come closer.
Hannah wanted to ask her so many things, Olivia could tell from the look in her eyes, but couldn't find the words.
So instead, she just took Olivia's hand and pushed some of the bandages down. Sore and raw cigarette burn wounds appeared and Hannah just looked at them for a second. Then she rolled up her sleeve and showed her scars, also caused by cigarette burns.
'We match.' Her little girl whispered, and Olivia felt one of Hannah's tears falling on the back of her hand.
'She's having a hard time with all of this.'
'I can imagine…' Her therapist nodded.
During the session, two things became clear to the therapist. Olivia needed a lot of therapy and she wasn't up to talking about much right now. There was just one question, he really needed to ask her; for her and for evidence, he knew that.
'Olivia, were you raped?'
'No, I wasn't.' She sounded numb.
He scribbled something down and looked up at the clock. 'Time's up.'
Olivia got up.
'Wait a second.' After another few minutes, even though their session was over, he had convinced Olivia to come back next week. She couldn't see the point, but he saw how necessary it was. As a last advice, her therapist told her to spend a lot of time with her daughter; it would help both of them.
Once back outside, Olivia had to remind herself to start walking. Otherwise she'd just stand there all day, thinking about everything he'd just said to her. Everything was just so overwhelming. With her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her long winter coat, she walked back to the precinct.
There she found Hannah, who as well taken care of by the entire squad. Still, she seemed relieved when Olivia walked in. Hannah came running up to her and threw her hands around Olivia's waist. Olivia ran a hand through her hair, lovingly.
As they walking through the building, on their way out, Elliot and Fin were walking with them. All of a sudden Olivia froze, when she saw Peterson in another hallway. He was handcuffed and was being escorted by a few officers.
'What is he doing here?' She looked at Elliot, for an explanation.
'I'm so sorry you had to see him, Liv.' Elliot shook his head, cursing their timing. 'I think they're taking medical evidence from. DNA.'
Olivia nodded, but she could feel the numbness taking over again. Of course, evidence…
Hannah had seen him too and a burning fury took over.
When Olivia looked up again, she saw Hannah running down the hall. From one of the desks, Hannah grabbed something and then stormed over to Peterson with it. In a second, Elliot was after her and he was able to grab her, before she could jump Peterson.
Hannah was going crazy, out of her mind with rage, yelling, 'I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you, you bastard!'
In her hand she held a pair of scissors, which Fin desperately tried to wrestle from her grip.
Hannah fought harder and harder, as her cries were getting wilder and darker. The officers just tried to keep Peterson out of the way. With a metallic clang the scissors fell to the floor. After that, Elliot still had a hard time keeping a kicking and punching Hannah in place.
Olivia came running up to them as well and she placed herself between Hannah and Peterson. The thought of being this close to him again made her sick, but Hannah was more important now. Olivia tried to get eye contact with her. Slowly, the little girl started to calm down a little, but all this time she was still screaming hysterically.
Olivia tried to hold onto her wrists, but Hannah kept pulling them free and tried to push Olivia out of the way to get to Peterson. When Olivia refused to let her pass, Hannah pounded her fists onto Olivia's chest and stomach, powerless with rage.
Then she just stopped fighting and Olivia pulled her into her embrace.
'Get that animal out of here.' Fin ordered, harshly.
Hannah was crying her eyes out now and the screaming had turned into her hysterically repeating over and over, 'It not fair! It's not fair…'
It took about an hour to calm Hannah down, and Olivia as well. After that, both felt relieved in a way. Maybe all of this had been quite therapeutic.
On their way home, Hannah asked, 'So, how was your therapist?'
Olivia shrugged, 'He didn't tell me anything you hadn't told me yet.'
'But you are going back next week, right?'
'We'll see.'
'You are.' Hannah decided.
Thank you so much to all my devoted readers for all the support, and again, please review :)
