As a third hollow turned to sparkling dust Gin stepped out of the tree line. "It appears you've gotten over your hesitation," he said to Toshiro as the boy returned Hyorinmaru to his back.
Toshiro chose not to respond. He doubted his father would have much sympathy for his reluctance to kill living things. It hadn't been hard to reason out. Hollows were murderous monsters and killing them was actually freeing their souls, but getting that idea from his brain to his heart had been more difficult. Death was so final, and with a hollow nothing was left at all. It just evaporated into dust like it had never existed. It bothered him instinctively to make something simply nothing.
"You're going to be working with Captain Aizen tomorrow," Gin said shortly.
Toshiro glanced up. He had expected this lecture for a week. He wondered what had taken Gin so long. "Are you mad?" he asked. He'd never seen his father mad. He wondered what it would be like. The thought sent a shiver of fear down his spine, but that only made him want to push harder. He told himself he didn't care, and he would never be afraid of Gin so it didn't matter. "Maybe I can show him Hyorinmaru too," he said when Gin didn't answer.
"So you're wanting to make your mother cry?" Gin said coolly. "She'll be very upset when they take you away to the Academy. Losing her son will be hard on her, but I'm sure with Kin-chan to take care of she'll get over it quickly enough."
"They won't really take me away," Toshiro said. "And Captain Aizen wouldn't tell them anyway. He's my friend."
Gin leaned forward, and his smile had for once completely vanished. "Let me tell you a little secret, Shiro-chan. The more noble and dedicated a man is to the Gotei 13, like Captain Aizen and the General, the less they can be trusted to protect any one person. Not sending you to the Academy is better for you; you get to grow up loved and protected by your family. Your life is balanced; you study and train, but you also get to play and enjoy wasting time doing nothing at all, and if you're scared or you get hurt, you have your mother to come and make it better.
"I think you deserve to have that just as much as any other child, but it would be far better for the Gotei if they were to take you and train you, and make you into a terrifyingly powerful shinigami, that they could use however they want. They would teach you bankai and make you into a captain, maybe the youngest captain Soul Society's ever seen, and you could spend the entire rest of your life surrounded by blood and death. You'll be strong and proud and completely alone, and that is how they will always want you to be, the perfect shinigami."
"They wouldn't do that," Toshiro said stubbornly.
"Why not?" Gin said, a very cruel smile turning up his lips. "That's what they tried to do to me."
Toshiro took a step back. Despite what his mother had always said, he'd never seen much similarity between himself and his father besides the obvious coloring. He'd heard his father referred to as a child prodigy, but it had never really sunk in. It was hard to imagine his parents had ever been children, even harder to imagine his father ever had the faults of a child, the uncertainty, weakness, and fears. He just couldn't see his father having a nightmare and needing his mommy to come tell him it wasn't real and everything was all right. His father was more of the sort to give other people nightmares. "You were just a kid when you became a shinigami?" he asked.
"Just a couple years older than you. Went through the Academy in a year. Immediately was placed in the Fifth Division, Sixth Seat, moved up to Fifth the next year, and Fourth a couple years later. Made Third Seat before I was allowed to drink; didn't seem fair, that, allowed to kill but not to drink," his smile turned bitter, and he looked away. "I have been exactly where you are, Shiro. You can follow my path and prove yourself to Aizen, spend every moment of every day becoming stronger for him, and he will help you become one of the very best. There is no better teacher, but to do that you have to give up your freedom.
"Sooner or later it will happen anyway. You were born with the reiatsu of a shinigami, and all of Seireitei knows it. One day you will be a shinigami. But there is no reason for you to hurry. Enjoy your freedom. Take your time to decide for yourself what sort of shinigami you're going to be. You still have so many choices. Let Aizen teach you, but don't give him your choices."
Toshiro looked away. He had thought his father might be angry at him for risking his secret with Hinamori and Aizen, but he had never expected this. This was far too real. It scared him to know his father had once been like him, but that having taken the obvious path, the one Toshiro, himself, wanted to follow, he clearly regretted the choice, and didn't want Toshiro to make the same one.
Gin had never talked to him like this before. He wanted to say it was just another lie, just another game his father was playing with him, but he knew it wasn't. He knew that this time, maybe for the first time, his father had been honest with him. "I'll be careful," he said, finally.
Gin nodded.
"Dad, why did you decide to become-"
"Race you home," Gin said, and he vanished.
Toshiro scowled as he raced after him.
