A/N I've decided I'm terrible at figuring out how long my chapters go, once I start rewriting. This was headed to 9000 words, when I decided to break it again. I promise the next one will be the last as I've finished most of the rewrites. Thanks to all the readers for hanging around to the end.
Chapter 51 Bernadette Again
Leonard pulled out from the university, turning west onto California Blvd. Sheldon was nattering on, but he was ignoring him, thinking of packing the rest of the equipment and getting them in the crates. Off and on he was wondering how he was going to explain the delay in getting to the comic book store to Sheldon, not to mention having Raj take him home.
Leonard was now thinking about Penny, and how much he was going to miss her when Sheldon's voice broke through to him saying, "Leonard! You missed our turn."
Leonard continued driving saying, "No, I didn't. I have to go to the Galleria."
"But what about the comic book store?" Sheldon said indignantly. "You know tonight is new comic book night, you didn't request a change in writing, and you can't expect me to accept a change without being notified."
Leonard's reply had an edge to it, "Sheldon, I'm leaving for the North Sea in four days. I'm leaving my girlfriend, the woman I love, and I won't see her for four months. I'm not happy about that, so I'm in no mood for anything from the roommate agreement. If you don't want to come with me, I can drop you off right here, right now, and you can walk. Let me know."
Sheldon sounded contrite, "Well, you don't have to get so prickly. I suppose I can wait until you get done, without a written notification, as long as we can stay a bit longer."
Leonard grinned wickedly, "Here's a notification for you, I'm dropping you off at the comic book store on my way back to school. Raj is taking you home as I have to get back and finish packing my equipment."
"Leonard, just because I authorized one verbal notif…"
"Right here, right now, Sheldon," Leonard's voice still had that edge as he glared at Sheldon before turning back to the road. "Or, you can ride home with Raj, your choice."
Sheldon paused for a moment, then said, "Well, since you're leaving, I suppose I can overlook not getting written notifications and accept verbal ones."
Leonard's mouth curled into a soft smile as he nodded and continued driving.
….
Leonard was walking quickly, knowing exactly where he was going. Sheldon did not know, but it no longer mattered, as he had stopped to enter the Lego store. Leonard was relieved that Sheldon was occupied, as he was wondering if the clerk would remember him. After the debacle at the city hall, when Sheldon kept bringing up the proposal in bed, he didn't need to have him find out why he'd been here before.
As he entered Frank and Sons, he saw the owner, Mr. Frank, who had helped him just over a year ago.
Mr. Frank looked up and smiled, "Ahhhhhh, Dr. Hofstadter, it's good to see you again. How have you been?"
"I've been fine, Mr. Frank, how are you?"
"Quite well, business has been good," said Frank, "so, did you get to give her the ring?"
Leonard's smile disappeared. "No, sir, I didn't. I did propose, just after I got it, but did it during an inappropriate time, and she turned me down. I started to propose again, a few months ago, but she got upset by something she saw, so she wouldn't let me finish."
"Do you still have it?"
" Yes, I do. But, we had a talk. She has some issues with commitment and getting married, so I told her she has to propose."
Frank chuckled, "How did that go?"
"Actually, quite good," said Leonard. "When she's ready, we'll get engaged."
"So what have you done with the ring?"
"I'm keeping it in my wallet. When she proposes, I want to be ready with ring to propose back to her."
"That sounds lovely," said Mr Frank with a smile. "What can I do for you tonight?"
"I saw online that you had a special on some lockets. I'm going to work in Europe for four months and want to get her one. I want one that holds a picture I have of me, so she has my picture with her all the time." Leonard smiled shyly, "Also, I've never gotten her any jewelry."
"Well, come over here, to our clearance area, let me show you a few."
Forty-Five minutes later, Leonard was on his way back to the University, after dropping Sheldon off at the comic book store, thinking about the locket. Sheldon had come into the jewelry store, just as Leonard had chosen the locket he had belittled him for getting something cheap for Penny, but he had managed to keep quiet. It was simply on clearance and Sheldon obviously didn't understand the difference between clearance and cheap.
It had not been cheap, but that didn't matter to Leonard. Both the locket and the chain were 18 carat gold and what mattered to him was what Penny thought of it. He was hoping she would like it. He sighed, and started thinking of what he had to finish when he got back. He stopped at he cafeteria to grab a quick bite, then headed for his lab.
Arriving there, he noticed that the his cold and wet weather gear were there, and the crates, with the equipment staying at the university, were gone. Packing the rest of the equipment went quicker than he expected, mostly he thought because of all of his preparation in protecting the equipment, he had done earlier.
Just after eight, he got the last piece placed in the crates. Afterward, he wedged his cold and wet weather gear into the few open spaces. He left a few spots for his own things, he would bring the rest of them in tomorrow. He then shut the lights off, locked his door and headed home.
…
Bernadette entered The Olive Garden, looking for Penny. She spotted her near the back, sitting at a table, a glass of red wine in front of her. Bernadette hurried to the table. As she approached, Penny looked up with a sad expression on her face.
"What's wrong Penny?" said Bernadette worriedly, as she sat down.
"I'm such a mess right now Bernadette," said Penny. "I don't know if I can make it until he leaves. I'm going to break down in front of him."
Bernadette studied the woman across from her and took a sip from the glass that was sitting there when she arrived. Penny's face showed nothing but sorrow and her eyes were red. She must have been crying for a while now. But, first she had a question. "Weren't you supposed to work tonight?"
Penny nodded, "I just couldn't do it. I was so upset with Leonard leaving, and I needed to talk to you. That's why we're here. I didn't want to call in then go there for drinks, you know?"
Bernadette nodded, "So, tell me, what exactly do you mean break down? You've been with him for almost two weeks since you found out. Why would you break down now?"
Penny took a while to answer, still looking sorrowful, "I've been hiding my feelings, from him, Bernadette. I simply can't tell him how I feel because I know I'll start crying. I've started crying just thinking about him leaving. I'm afraid if he sees how much this is bothering me, he may not go and I can't do that to him."
As if on cue, tears started in her eyes, "I've been avoiding him, so he doesn't see how this is affecting me. Yesterday, I told him I had to go into work early, so I wouldn't be there with him. Then, I acted as if I was asleep when he came home. What am I going to do?"
"OK, you listen to me. You have to talk to him…"
"Bernie, I can't talk…"
"Penny, shut up," Bernadette snapped. "Now listen to me. You have to talk to him. Think of what you just told me. He's leaving in a few days and you're avoiding him. He's going to be gone for four months and you should be spending as much time as you can with him, but you're not."
"But if I'm with him, I'll start crying and then …"
"That's why you talk to him," there was a touch of anger in her voice. "Start out my making him promise he will go, you have to get that from him, then you tell him."
"Remember, how pissed off I was when Howard took the astronaut position without telling me, how I told his mother and you and Amy told me how bad that was?"
"Yes, I remember, but that has nothing…"
Bernadette spoke over Penny, "I mean I was pissed that he didn't talk to me about it first. But, my whole thing was being afraid of something happening to him. My father was a cop, and we were always afraid he might not come home. That's what I was thinking and it upset me."
"How did you get past it?"
"I thought about it," Bernadette said more gently, "this was something he wanted to do. It was something he was picked for, it was an honor for him. I just kept thinking of those things, how proud of him I was, how I would want his support if I was getting to do something that was important to me."
"It didn't mean I wasn't afraid for him, but I couldn't let that stop him from going. So, I concentrated on being proud of him, and what an honor it was for him. It took a while, but it helped me get past it."
"It's what you have to do," Bernadette said seriously. "You said if you were leaving for a movie, he would support you. You have to think about how this helps him. After all, Hawking hand picked him, not many people in the whole world can say that."
"Wait, what?" said Penny, sounding puzzled. "What do you mean handpicked?"
Bernadette suddenly realized that Penny didn't know how he was chosen. Should I tell her, when Leonard didn't? But, Leonard's so self-effacing, he probably felt it was like bragging. She smiled, "Howard told me that Hawking had talked to the University president and asked to talk to Howard. He asked Howard all sorts of questions about Leonard. Turns out, Hawking knew of his work."
"Hawking asked about how Leonard works, how well he focuses on his tasks, his attention to detail, and most importantly it seems, how well he gets along with everyone. So, Howard told him everything he knew and said it was later that afternoon when Leonard got the official word."
Penny look at the woman in front of her in shock. "Hawking picked Leonard…Bernadette, that's so sweet of Howard, give him a kiss for me." She thought for a few seconds, "But, I'm such a wreck, how do I get over that?"
"You don't," said Bernadette simply. "If you're like me, and I know you are, you love him, so of course you're going to miss him. Not to mention you haven't been away from him for more than a day or two for a couple of years, right?"
Penny thought about it, and nodded. "Yeah, it was a couple of weeks before we had our first girls night, you know the first sleepover. I went home to Nebraska for a couple of weeks. But except for those two weeks, we've seen each other almost every day for over six years, even when I was supposed to be staying away from him because of Priya."
Bernadette nodded, "Yeah, you've been close to each other, for so long, and that makes it harder. You're just going to have to think about being proud of his work, how he's working with one of the top minds…ever, how much of an honor that is for him, what it can do for his career. Concentrate on those things, instead of how much you'll miss him."
"But, I don't know if I can," whispered Penny.
"You have to," said Bernadette.
"How?" demanded Penny. "You keep telling me I have to, but you're not telling me how."
"You talk to him about it. Will you see him tonight?"
"Probably not," Penny said thoughtfully. "He should be asleep when I get home. But, he's off tomorrow so I'll wake up with him."
"Well, then," Bernadette said, staring at Penny, "you have to talk to him in the morning. So, let plan things out, so you'll be ready. Talk to him over breakfast."
Penny was lost in thought. Can I do this? Do I have a choice? If not, I'll avoid him and not be spending any time with him. But how? "Bernadette? How do I start this kind of conversation?"
"You just start talking to him." Bernadette said simply. "It's not fair for you, or to Leonard, to hold this in when talking about could make it better. If you don't, you're just going to make it worse. Look, remember you said how tore up you were when he left for the North Pole? You said you didn't say anything because you weren't together?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"This time," Bernadette explained, "you are together, you owe it to him to talk to him about your feelings."
"Again, talk, how?" said Penny sounding frustrated. "Dammit, give me something to work with."
"OK, first thing," Bernadette started, "is you get him to promise to go, no matter what you two talk about, you make it clear you won't stand for him NOT going."
"Once you get that, explain your feelings. How you feel you are going to miss him, how bad this makes you feel, but you stress to him that this is something he has to do. Then, you ask him about how he is feeling. Don't you think he's going to miss you?"
The question surprised Penny, she had thought about that just once and it was quickly crowded out by other things. Now, she was thinking about it and realized he may be just as messed up about it and she realized she would want to know how he was feeling.
Penny sighed, "OK Bernadette, I get it. I'll talk to him in the morning, it will give me some time to think about it."
"Don't forget," Bernadette smiled and in a soft voice said, "you will also will have me and Amy to help you." She reached out and patted Penny's hand. And I know a way to make sure you talk to him.
Penny smiled back, "I know, thanks so much Bernadette." She paused looking down, "At least I have a plan, that's better than what I had before, I just have to get through it." She straightened up. "OK, that's enough about Leonard leaving, lets talk about something fun…" She reached into her purse and pulled out the soft bag, she knew was red.
"Bernadette, look," said Penny. "I brought this so you could see it. You are the one that got me to do this. I have the band-aid in there, with the snowflake."
"Penny, that so romantic," Bernadette squealed, "I'm so glad you brought it so I could see it."
Penny just nodded, with a huge smile on her face.
….
It was two hours later and Penny was slowly walking up the stairs. She had just gotten home from talking to Bernadette, And while she felt a bit better and had a plan for dealing with it, she was still struggling with Leonard leaving. Bernadette finally got through to me about talking to Leonard. I'll do it first thing in the morning, over coffee together. I know I have to let him go, but this whole thing has got me so down.
Entering the apartment, she saw the light, remembering that Leonard didn't know she hadn't worked that night. She locked the door and walked toward the kitchen, dropping her purse on the couch. Reaching the kitchen, she picked up the note and read:
Hey, I have to leave by 8 to talk to the people in England about the equipment. Be back by eleven. Here's your wine for tonight. Love you. L
She opened the bottle and poured a small amount in the glass. How am I going to get by without him for four months? How am I going to tell him tomorrow? Come on, Penny. Concentrate on being proud, being happy for him.
The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to just get to bed, so she could get to sleep and not think about it. Finishing her wine, she put the glass in the sink, the bottle in the refrigerator and picked up her keys off the counter to put back into her purse.
Walking to the couch, she picked up her purse, reaching in to put her keys in it. As she did that, her hand brushed against the bag there. She knew what it was. Soft, red, and containing a square piece of plastic and a band aid.
Tears started as she remembered putting it into her purse earlier today and how sad it made her feel. She had almost broken down when she put it in her purse, remembering the feelings that had accompanied Leonard leaving for the North pole.
But now, much more strongly connected with him, her fears of him leaving, being without him, were so much stronger now and now mingled with those old feelings, and they became overwhelming. She had started crying, tears flowing down her face. Her legs became weak and she sat on the couch, trying to keep from sobbing, but she was unable to keep them from escaping from her.
Leonard was startled awake by the noise. Once awake, he knew immediately what it was, turned on the light on the nightstand and he hurriedly got out of bed. Walking quickly out of the bedroom, he saw Penny sobbing on the couch. He rushed over to her, pulling her into a hug. Penny just held on, crying.
"It's OK, Penny, I'm here," he said. "I'm awake, you don't have to think about Kurt."
While she continued crying, Penny realized Leonard thought she was worried about seeing him in the bed and thinking about Kurt. She didn't even try to explain, as she knew she was no where near ready emotionally to talk to him about what was actually bothering her, so simply hung on to him and nodded. Leonard held on until she was quiet, the released her and stood.
Leonard helped her to her feet, leading her to the doorway to the bathroom. He helped her take off her uniform and afterward, took it over to the hamper, while she was brushing her teeth. Leonard slid into the bed, and after finishing her teeth, Penny joined him. Leonard shut the light off and rolled over to face Penny. She pushed back into him, pulling his arm around her, "Leonard," she asked plaintively, "when will you be home tomorrow?"
"Sometime around 11, why?"
"I'll tell you tomorrow. Love you," she said, pulling his arm tighter around her.
"Love you too," sighed Leonard, knowing he would have to wait.
…
Penny was sitting at her table, looking down into her coffee. She had woken up when Leonard had kissed her goodbye this morning. As soon as he left, she got up, poured a cup of coffee and started planning her talk.
She was still struggling with the whole idea of him leaving. Bernadette had been right, she thought. If I keep thinking about how proud I am of him, how much this means for him, or how he had been picked by Hawking, it was easier to deal with.
It was close to 10:30 and Penny was all ready to talk to Leonard. She expected him to be home in a half hour. With a slight smile, she got up to get another cup of coffee.
…
Leonard unlocked his office, the call from England had been late, and it had taken longer than was planned. It was almost ten-thirty and he still hadn't finished packing his own things in the crates. He had hoped to get back to the apartment to spend some time with Penny, by eleven, but that wasn't going to happen now.
He went to the pile of his things and started putting them in the nooks and crannies of the crates, hoping he'd be done in a half hour or so. Leonard had called the facilities group to have them come and close the crates. He was just about finished packing last items, when his phone rang. Looking at the screen, he said, "Hi Bernadette, what's up?"
"Did Penny talk to you this morning?"
"What are you talking about?" he said sounding puzzled. "She was still in bed when I left to come in to the office."
"We talked last night and she was supposed to call me when she…wait, you were supposed to be off this morning."
"Yeah, I got told yesterday that I had to be there when the team called, they wanted to talk about the equipment."
"Oh," Bernadette sounded embarrassed. "I guess I should have talked to Penny first. Hmmmm, OK, you have to make sure she talks to you today."
"OK," he said warily, "what about?"
"I can't say Leonard," she said. "I just want to make sure she talks to you."
"What about?"
"Again, I can't say." She continued pleadingly, "If she doesn't say something to you when you get back, you have to ask her."
"Say something about what?" said Leonard, now genuinely puzzled.
"Just ask her if she ready to talk to you."
"Is there something wrong?" said Leonard sounding worried. "Is she all right?"
"Please Leonard," it now almost sounded like she was begging, "it's something she has to tell you. Just talk to her, Okay?"
Leonard thought for a couple of seconds, "OK, I will. I'll give her about a half hour or so after I get home, then I'll ask, how's that?"
"Thanks Leonard," the relief was audible in her voice. "You won't be sorry."
"OK, Bernadette, see you tomorrow night?"
"Yes, Howard and I will be there."
"OK, bye."
"Bye, Leonard."
He disconnected, looking at his phone, he shook his head looking puzzled. It was almost eleven and he was still waiting for the facility guys. "I'm never gonna make it home at this rate," he muttered.
A half hour later he was on his way home. All the crates had been closed and were ready to get taken tomorrow for their flight to Scotland. He was thinking about what Bernadette had said. What could Penny want to talk to me about? Is it about me leaving? But why would she talk to Bernadette about it? Suddenly it hit him, Oh my god, she's pregnant. Now he was worried about talking to her, his thoughts trying to figure out when her last period was.
Penny was getting worried, Leonard had said eleven, but it was almost noon and he still wasn't home. She had geared herself up to talk to him, but now, with extra time to think about it, she was getting nervous. She had even gotten a glass of wine, to help calm her. Should I call him? I'll wait for a little bit longer. Maybe I just won't talk with him, try to hide it for a couple of more days. After all, I'm an actress. Shaking her head, she turned back to the TV and flipped the channel.
It was 12:15 when Leonard walked through the door to the apartment. He looked around desperately for Penny but didn't see her, so he called out, "Penny?".
"I'll be right out," he heard her say from the bedroom.
Leonard nervously walked to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. He had take a couple of swigs, when Penny came out of the bedroom.
"You're late," she said.
"Yeah," he said staring at her, "the call took longer than I thought, not to mention it was late." He look right at her, "Then I got another call."
"Well, can we go to lunch?" Penny asked. "After, I've got something I have to do."
"What?"
"I said, I'll tell you when we get back."
Leonard tilted his head, giving her a questioning look.
She saw it, "No, really, I'll tell you after."
He sighed, "Where do you want to go?"
"I saw a little place on Colorado, near the Cheesecake factory."
"OK, you ready?"
"Sure," said Leonard unconvincingly.
Leonard put the bottle back in the refrigerator, took her hand and headed out of the door.
They were on their way back to the apartment after lunch and even without Bernadette's call, Leonard would have known something was up. Penny was very quiet, and distracted during lunch. He realized she was very much like she was when she was thinking of breaking up with him the previous fall.
He really didn't think that was what she was thinking about, her being pregnant was all he could think of. He wanted to say something, so he asked, "How was work last night."
She coughed, and he saw her mouth start to move, but nothing came out.
"What's wrong?"
She shook her head, "We'll talk about that after we get back, Okay Leonard?"
"OK," said Leonard, feeling frustrated. And with that they fell silent for the rest of the ride home. Both were nervous, for different reasons.
