Let me send a million apologies for my lateness in updating, I just got a keyboard to actually udpate with! Guys my computer situation is the ONLY REASON updates have been so slow. I have a keyboard now so I think we will have updates, and this keyboard is mine so it won't disappear or anything and you all be left without an udpate for months on end. Please accept my apology! More updates for my divergent fics and one of my hunger games fics will be up soon! PROMISE! Keep up the support and love, thanks guys!
Chapter 52
Penelope POV
Tobias stares at me in a violent silence, the tension in the room sits heavily upon my chest, with each breath I take I can feel the disappointment crushing my lungs, the anger making the air hot and difficult to swallow. Those dark blue eyes are a mystery to me. Every time this man, who was supposed to be my long-lost brother, would look at me I would get lost in the depths of blue in his eyes. I wondered if they held his fears, his amibtions, his hopes, his anger. Tobias' eyes are just another piece of him I will never understand or ever uncover. His eyes seem to be what is giving me the most trouble right now, I can't read them liek always. I can't tell if he wants to wrap his fingers around my neck and watch the life drain from my own emerald eyes or if he simply wants me to walk out his house and never return. I'm going to hope for the latter and expect the first.
I finally can't take the silence, its too quiet and my thoughts are much too loud. "Just say something, Tobias!"
"You want us to risk our lives for you? Why should we even consider helping you after everything you have just told us?" His voice is cold and detached, I can't find a trace of sympathy or even hurt in his voice. His indifference pisses me off. It shouldn't, I know that, but God couldn't he at least pretend that I somehow had an effect on him and his life. My fists clench in a vain attempt for me to control my anger.
Before I can control myself, I jump up from my chair and slam my fist into the table as the back of the chair tips back and clatters to the floor. His eyes widen in suprise in the slightest, it's enough to fuel my abrupt action. "You know what, never mind. I don't need anything from you or your family. It was stupid of me to think I could rely on you as an ally." I roll up my sleeves which are now stained with a dark red from the splattered blood of my first assasination. "I can do it myself, if I were you I would get as far away from this area as possible." I reach into my bag and grab the gun that weighs heavily in my hand, heavier than usual, heavy with the weight of death. By the time this is over I am going to be compeltely insane from everything I've done and am about to do. My footsteps are heavy as I walk to the back door, I don't pause as Tris yells after me or when I hear those light footsteps that could only belong to Nicola.
I set my hand against the door knob, knowing that once I walk out of this hose there is no going back, there is no chance I will ever see these people again, I will lose what little family I had created. However they were created with lies and deciet laced with the small truths I shared. Without a pause I turn the knob and release a breath, somehing hard slams into my calves. I look down at the youngest Eaton child, wrapped around my legs, looking up to me with tear stained cheeks. His eyes are glossy and his bottom lip is trembling, there is no way he understands all of this. It's not until I see that he is reaching up to me that I realize the emergency that is happening in his mind, I never leave without a kiss goodbye and a little song so he knows I will come back. He was the only one who recognized me without my disguise, I think its because he is still a baby and identifies me more by my feel and smell then by the color of my hair and eyes. I glance outside and then down to the small shaking child attached to my legs. I look back at the small gathering of people watching me, waiting for me to walk out with the gun in my hand or for me to set it on the counter and pick up the child. One look into those eyes and I know I can't leave him like this. I set the gun on the counter and lift him into my arms. He stares at me with a trembling smile, tears pool into my eyes. This will be our last goodbye, I cup his cheek and he tugs at my curls as I give him a feathery kiss on his forehead. He looks up at me and I know he is waiting for his song, I clear the tears from my throat and offer a wear smile, " goodbye little prince it's time to go, goodbye little prince how I'll miss you so, don't cry little prince I'll be back soon..." My voice cracks and I swallow to keep it together for this one little boy who has loved me unconditionally. "my little prince how I love you." I sniff and give him one last hug and another kiss before setting him on the ground where he waves goodbye. I grab the gun from the counter and turn towards the door. I walk out before I lose the strength to leave.
I get into my car and lock the door, I quickly realize I'm still humming the song I sang to Noah. I force myself to stop, but it's too late the damage has been done, my head falls foward into the steering wheel and tears I've fought to keep in somehow escape me. My shoulders shake as sobs rack my body, I can't breathe but I can't seem to stop crying. I wrap my hands around the steering wheel to keep me at least somewhat stable, but it doesn't help at all. I have to pull myself together and drive away before I Iose the nerve to do that too. After a few deep breaths, the tears slow to just silently streaming down my cheeks and dropping off my chin, slowly I turn the key and lift my head from the steering wheel. I scream as I realize the deep blue eyes peering through the window beside me, I wipe my tears in a feeble attempt to look tough before rolling down the window. "What?" I wanted it to sound cold and detached, but it came out so lost and wounded that I don't even bother to stop the next tear that trails my cheek.
"Look, I'm not going to say that I'm not pissed about this. I'm not even going to say that I can forget about this whole thing, but I can say that I forgive you."
"You...you wh-what?" I cough a bit before turning my car off. "You for-forgive me?" I start to hiccup a little before crying again. Forgiveness is too much, I can't be given that much mercy. I don't deserve it.
"I forgive you, I don't trust you. I don't know if I can ever truly trust you again, but I can forgive you."
"Why?" I don't expect trust ever, but that confession still hurts. I step outside the car and lean against the door, eager to stand tall in a sad attempt to avoid the look of pity I fear I could get if I stayed in the car crying.
Tobias shrugs, "I learned a long time ago that my family seems to be in the business of betraying me." That stings and I nearly wince, but Tobias doesn't seem to notice and if he does he doesn't care. "And out of my family that has betrayed, lied, and abandoned me, you're the only one who has ever been honest about it. Besides, the only person in this world I can never forgive, never let back into my life is Marcus."
In an odd twisted way that was comforting, to know that I was still viewed as family and that I still had a chance to be in his life. I don't smile or even say a 'thank you' instead I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close to me in a hug. His body is tense and I can tell he isn't sure what to do, until I feel his arms wrap around me and lift me off the ground slightly. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."
"I know you will, you take after me."
I step away from him, "why are you doing this? If you don't trust me, why do you treat me like I'm still Scarlett, like I'm still your real sister?"
He raises his eyebrows, "I don't trust my mother and she is my family...Look, Pennelope-"
"Call me Penn."
"Alright, Penn. Look, there's one more thing I have learned about family. Family is not defined by whose blood is running through your veins. It's defined by who stands by your side when the world falls apart and is ready to help you pick up the pieces."
"You think I will stand by you when everything falls apart, when the Bureau is taken down?"
Tobias nods, "you might not be my blood sister, but you chose to stand by my side when you confessed the truth and instead of killing one of us you took out your own mentor. Friends don't kills for friends, bu family...Well, anyone will do just about anything for their family. You risked your life doing what you did...I'm curious, in your town, where you were part of a system like ours. Where you in a faction?"
"No. My life was different than yours. But I would like to think that if I was in the Chicago project, I would have been Dauntless."
Tobias smiles, "oh, I don't doubt that for a second."
