Part One
Heero regained consciousness as he was dragged through the main hall by two NR-CLO soldiers back to his room. He could feel the toes of his boots slide against the floor and felt the rough, strong hands of his captors as they clutched tightly at his upper arms. His neck throbbed and he felt the deep tissue burn of newly formed bruises beneath the now loose collar.
Once they entered his room the two men tossed him unceremoniously to the floor. He landed hard on his side and his head bounced off of the hard grey, polished resin. He hadn't tried to catch himself to break his fall. His arms and legs felt heavy and unresponsive. He wasn't sure if the dullness of his senses was merely a physiological response, or a direct result of his crippling mental shock.
The door slammed closed behind him and he could hear the faint, receding echo of two sets of boots as they pounded down the hallway. He knew that he was alone except for the all-seeing eye from the ceiling above. His palms were unusually hot and sweaty and an uncomfortable, almost painful tingle agitated his fingers and toes. His chest ached and he couldn't seem to find his natural rhythm for breathing. He gasped as his body reflexively curled into itself to assume the fetal position.
His mind was frantic with flurries of panicked thoughts. They've done this again. I can't escape this cycle. This will never end. I can never do enough. I can't stop this. Why is this happening?
His abdominal muscles contracted and he swallowed back the acid that threatened the back of his throat. He closed his eyes tightly in an attempt to block out his current setting. Having been forced into this room and made to face his past only exacerbated his anxiety. Heero hadn't experienced a full on anxiety attack in years. He had occasionally had them as a kid; it was a typical byproduct of his stressful training. In that time he had been taught to handle the occasional stress and anxiety overload by focusing on something else. His trainers had told him to focus on objects, smells or feelings and count them off.
He cracked open his two-tone eyes and tried to find something in the room to focus on. Unfortunately there was nothing but the bed and computer console. The sight of the bare, utilitarian room forced his anxiety to metastasize as a lump in his throat. He closed his eyes again and crossed his arms over his heaving chest and attempted to force his mind to think of something else.
The first image that came to mind was that of his shared cabin back on the Lennon. The room he and Duo shared was in stark contrast to this bare room from his childhood, but only because of his partner being an element within it. Duo's things were always everywhere. It used to annoy Heero, but eventually he had learned to appreciate the comfort of a "lived-in" space. He could see Duo's shoes tossed carelessly in the corner, his lover's black Motorhead t-shirt lying crumpled on the table, a half-eaten bag of pretzels ripped open and surrounded by crumbs. He could smell the chypre citrus scent of Duo's deodorant over the intense, almond and musk smell of his partner's used gym clothes lying on the bed.
Duo's laptop was open on the desk with his personal pictures cycling across the monitor as a screensaver. Many of the photos had been taken during the year Heero was under cryostasis. A picture of Duo in a black tuxedo flanked by Quatre and Trowa in matching white suits illuminated the monitor. His partner was smiling broadly into the camera while holding a bouquet of pink and yellow flowers he had caught at their wedding. The next picture was of Hilde holding a taco, her mouth agape with her emerald eyes wide as if Duo had caught her off guard mid-bite. There was an image of Howard in a blue, yellow and white floral Hawaiian shirt standing on the beach, smoking a cigar and grinning from ear to ear in front of a pink and purple setting sun.
The next photograph was of Heero in Preventer uniform seated beside Relena in a cream sundress at an outdoor cafe. Relena had been in attendance of a peace summit on L1 while they were on assignment for Preventer nearby. Duo had dropped him off in the rental car so Heero could visit with her, but before he left he had insisted that they lean in close and smile for the camera.
Heero's body relaxed as he recalled the lunch with Relena, and how she had asked Duo to stay but he had insisted that they go on their date without him.
Heero had always known how Duo felt about him. The unresolved tension was always there. Heero had been in a relationship with Relena at the time, and despite the occasional draped arm over a shoulder or a playful back slap Duo had been respectful of the boundaries between them, but Heero had known. He had always known.
Part Two
"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have snapped at ya." Duo said sincerely. He shifted his weight from one black booted foot to the other as he stood awkwardly in the doorway to Hilde's cabin. Milo had come out from his hiding place beneath her desk to rub his butt and plum of tail happily against his legs. He smirked at the cat and knelt down to pick it up. The furry ball of tabby nuzzled his chin affectionately.
"Yeah, well, you should be." Hilde snapped, though her face wore a forgiving smile. She stood up from her seat on her bed and threw up her hands with frustration. "Ugh, you're so infuriating sometimes."
"I know-I know. I'm sorry. What do I gotta do to make it up to you?" Duo asked with a grin. "Back massage? Your laundry? Cook you dinner? I make a mean frozen pizza."
"Oh God no, that last back massage left me bruised for weeks!" Hilde said with a laugh. She closed the distance between them and scratched between Milo's ears affectionately. "I don't need anything from you, other than a promise."
Duo blinked. "Promise?"
"Yes. Promise you'll stop keeping things from me? I know it's your thing, and that you do it all the time, but when you act like nothing's wrong, and then you snap at everyone else and become a total asshole all it does it hurt you and everyone around you," Hilde explained with a frown. Duo felt like shit.
He knew that he couldn't deny that that was his pattern. Hilde knew him best, and he knew that as a true friend she wouldn't hold back on him about what he had been doing, and how it had hurt her. Even though her words hurt he knew it was what he needed to hear. He sighed and squeezed the limp and purring cat against his chest.
"I wish I could promise you that I will," he said with a frown. "All I can promise you is that I'll try."
Hilde smirked and reached up to press her palms against his cheeks and squished his face until his lips formed like that of a fish.
"Stop being so adorably angsty, will you? Let everyone help you! We'll find Heero. He's out there waiting for you to swoop in and be his knight in ebony Gundanium, so stop-" squish, "-being-" smoosh, "-so-" squeeze, "-bummed. Have confidence in us!"
Duo sighed through his deformed lips and nodded his head between her hands. "Yeeaaash m'aaahmmm."
Part Three
Two days had passed since Heero had attacked the clone. In those two days he had received nothing to eat aside from a single one thousand calorie protein paste and a handful of water pouches. The lack of sustenance wasn't what concerned him, but rather the decision the NR-CLO would come up with concerning his future. He knew that he had acted rashly when he attacked the clone they called Gamma. He had done what he thought was right at the time. However, after two days of isolation he had plenty of time to reflect on the situation as a whole.
He finished washing his hands and exited the water closet from the narrow, hidden door on the left wall of his room. Once in the center of the small space he dropped down onto his hands and toes and began pushing quickly against the floor. There was nothing else to do, and he couldn't allow his muscles to atrophy while being captive. Not when so much depended on them in the event of an opportunity for escape.
As he performed his countless push-ups his mind wandered back to his clone. Gamma was only a boy, but his strikes had the power behind them of a grown man. Heero felt the faint soreness of his forearms from the bruises he had received in defense against him. He bent his elbows and dropped until he was only centimeters away from the floor. He paused and held that position for a few seconds before slowly pushing against his hands to lift himself up. He stiffened his arms and locked his elbows and then stared down at the spot between his hands. He felt a twinge of guilt form and stab against his chest.
He had attacked Gamma because he felt that he had no right to exist ,because he was a weapon and a threat to peace. He could say the same about himself. He was trained in the same way the boy was. Heero had even less of a right to live than the child did. He had killed countless civilians and soldiers. He was a murderer. He had become a true weapon. He had saved many lives, yes, but at the expense of others.
The kid had done nothing wrong. He was a victim of his circumstances. He hadn't asked to be created. He hadn't asked to be trained and turned into what he was. He was an innocent, and Heero had decided before now that he wouldn't kill anyone he deemed innocent.
He dropped to the floor and frantically began to push his anxiety and stress out through his arms. He could feel his pectoral muscles begin to stiffen and burn with each shove.
He couldn't kill Gamma. He couldn't punish him for what the NR-CLO had done to him. He couldn't allow him to stay here, either.
Heero decided that when he made his escape, he would take Gamma with him. It was only a matter of time before an opportunity for escape presented itself and when it did he wouldn't hesitate to take it. The question was whether the kid would go willingly or not.
He continued doing push-ups until his arms began to feel dull with exhaustion. He stood up and stretched his shoulders, arms and rolled his neck muscles. He glanced down at the computer and then up at the camera eye above him. Every time he had tried to touch the computer the collar started to contract and threatened to strangle him into unconsciousness. He didn't know how the collar clasped at the back of his neck. If he touched it or tried to explore it too much it would choke him. He wished he had paid closer attention to it when the soldier had first walked around behind him to put it on.
He grabbed the second to last of his remaining water pouches, flicked the plastic lid from the built-in valve and sucked down a few mouthfuls before he tossed it on the bed again and dropped down to the floor to lie on his back. He sat up, bent his knees and proceeded to do as many sit-ups as he could while he traced a mental map of the complex.
Part Four
"Still nothin' on the scanners, huh?" Duo asked with a frown as he approached Trowa from behind with Haro and Demo in tow. The former Heavyarms pilot was sitting on one of the white, plush couches in front of a large, rectangular picture window in the observation deck. He looked up as Duo approached and nodded his head in greeting.
"Nothing. Sorry," Trowa said quietly. He gestured to the empty spot beside him on the couch. Duo fell heavily into the couch next to him and stretched his legs out in front of him. He rubbed at the tension that had built up at the back of his neck and sighed. Haro couldn't contain its excitement at the sight of Trowa. It rolled happily to his feet, shot out a cable arm to grab his knee and launched itself up into the former Heavyarms pilot's lap.
"IKEMAN, TROWA! MISS TROWA!" Haro said brightly.
"Shit… now what?" He asked. He glanced down to see that Demo had settled between his legs on the floor. Trowa smirked and rested a hand gently on top of the flapping, crooning Haro and shrugged a shoulder casually.
"I don't know. I don't have the answers. The only thing I can think to do is wait. Heero will find a way to tell us where he is. We just have to be ready to act when that happens." Trowa turned his face from his study of the asteroid belt beyond the window to watch him. Duo glanced at him, cupped his hands against the back of his neck and folded his arms behind his head. He slumped back deeply into the couch with an air of defeat.
"This is killin' me. I'm running out of stuff to do. I've fixed the Zan's generators, organized Howard's Sweeper scrap hoard by type, color and size, changed Milo's litter box, folded Hilde's laundry, helped Wufei prune his weird miniature orange trees, listened to Doctor J tell me all of his weird stories about goin' to school with that Pacifist Heero Yuy, polished all of the floors, checked all of Lucifer's cockpit transistors, and scrubbed all the shower stalls. There is nothin' else I can do. I am going bananas over here," Duo rambled. "Fuck. Every time I stop and look at my watch I begin to think about how they say you gotta find someone within the first 48 hours, otherwise you only got a 50/50 chance of seeing 'em again," his voice died away as it was strangled by the pervasive tightness of his throat.
Trowa nodded and extended a hand out to touch his elbow. Duo blinked and tilted his head to better look at him.
"He's alive. You know Heero, he won't go down without a fight. Nothing can kill that guy," Trowa said as a slight smile ghosted over his lips.
"Nothin' can kill him, but me." Duo chuckled. "Sometimes I have dreams about that. That he was drawn to be because I loved death so much. I dunno, it's stupid-"
"No. Tell me," Trowa said as he turned on the couch to face him.
Duo dropped his arms from behind his head and rubbed the tip of his nose with his index finger. He hadn't thought about this in a long time.
"The first time I heard him say something was when we were on the battlefield. I was really gettin' into it, yellin' and just talkin' out my ass about being the 'God of Death'. It was a hard fight, shit ton of Leos and Aries comin' at us from all directions. He was behind me. I remember hearin' his voice over the COM say something and when I asked what he said he was like, 'I've finally found a Shinigami.' I didn't know that a 'Shinigami' was a kind of god of death at the time…" he rubbed the side of his neck and yawned before he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "The way he said it… it was like he was hoping that I'd kill him. I dunno, this all sounds really dumb when I put it to words, but it felt like he was relieved that death had found him. Like I would be the death of him or something. I mean… I almost was. If Relena hadn't freaked out on me when I shot him and made me pull him out of that water he probably woulda."
"After he self-detonated that one time and Cathy and I saved him he seemed frustrated with me," Trowa said slowly. "Like he didn't need my help, or that he didn't want it. That he wanted us to just leave him there to die."
Duo blinked and stared at him wide-eyed. He hadn't known any of this before. He knew that Trowa had taken care of Heero and helped him mend, but Heero hadn't given him any other details about that interaction.
"Maybe he was suicidal when he first came to Earth? That's the only thing I can think of. Oi…. oioioioiiiii…." Duo said loudly as he rubbed his face with his hands. "That guy. He was insane. Seriously, he used to scare the shit out of me."
Trowa chuckled. "Me too."
"And me as well," Wufei said from behind them. Duo turned to his left and saw the Chinese man as he rounded the arm of the couch. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against it. Duo was surprised to see he was wearing nothing but a white t-shirt, blue track pants and white running sneakers. His shoulder length black hair was free from its usual ponytail. He was peering through his round glasses out at the drab asteroids Duo smirked at him.
"So you tested those field generators?" He asked.
"You know that I did." Wufei replied.
"And? Well? Tell me I'm fuckin' amazing and that I did a good job, because I know you wanna." Duo said playfully. The former Shenlong pilot sighed and tilted his head down to regard him with a raised eyebrow.
"They would not have sustained those damages had someone decided not to use my ship as a scratching post," Wufei replied with a smug expression. Duo grinned and playfully swat his leg. The former Shenlong pilot huffed as if he were annoyed, but his face had betrayed him by displaying his amusement through a smile.
"I was cracked out of my mind, okay? Seriously, you joined up Mariemaia that one time and nobody keeps throwin' that shit in your face," Duo exclaimed facetiously.
"He has a point," Trowa added with a chuckle. Wufei rolled his eyes and sighed.
Part Five
Heero waited as Luna Armonia and her sister took their seats across the table from him in the conference room. Soris wore her usual malicious smile, and Luna her placid and indifferent one. Once they had settled in their seats Commander Armonia locked her deep brown eyes on him.
"I am disappointed that you would attack project Gamma, considering you had agreed to train him," she said cooly. "Our organization has worked tirelessly on that project for years, and you attempted to cancel that order. Why?"
Heero straightened in his chair and narrowed his eyes on the woman. "You sit there and chastise me for trying to kill it, when you were the one who used my DNA without my permission to create something that, quite frankly, is an abomination. That child shouldn't exist, and the types of training you are so proud of are nothing more than psychological and physical abuse."
Soris cackled and ran her hand through her blond and red tinted hair. "You of all people shouldn't be lecturing us about morals. We know what you've done, and how many people you've killed, Beta. So stop trying to convince everyone that you're all high and mighty when you're not," she said in an accusatory, hissing tone.
"You're right. I'm not perfect, and I haven't always been moral," Heero said slowly. He locked eyes with Soris. "I've done horrible things, but now I'm trying to live my life in a way that makes up for the crimes I've committed. What I don't understand is why you're here, and what you hope to accomplish by creating that boy. Operation Meteor is over. The colonies and the Earth-Sphere have unified. Aside from the small, occasional movements of power-hungry human beings there's no need for widespread violence. There is no need for war. Nobody's oppressed. Who do you intend on attacking with him? What is your goal?"
"As if we'd tell you all of that in some sort of villainous monologue!" Soris yelled across the table at him. She smiled widely and leaned back against her chair. "You couldn't possibly understand now. You've drunk the kool-aid. You're one of those soppy, pathetic peace lovers."
Heero scowled. "How could you want war? How could you, as a human being, seek out the suffering of others? The only conclusion that I have come up with for your thirst for violence is that you're a megalomaniac, or that you work for one," he said darkly. He leaned forward and locked eyes with Luna Armonia, who was watching him mutely from beside her sister with a grim frown.
"You idolize an ideal that no longer needs to exist. There's no need for any violence against the Earth. The Earth exists to support the colonies and vice versa. The colonies and the planet have a symbiotic arrangement now. There's no dictator. There are no oppressors. Why are you doing this?" Heero felt strangely calm as he confronted his captors. He had come to accept that there were only two options left for him now. He could walk out of the conference room with their confidence and train his clone, or he would be dragged out dead. He knew he was pushing his limits, but he recalled seeing the glint of excitement in Commander Armonia's eye when she spoke of the CLO and her new resistance organization. She cared about whatever it was she was backing. Despite her flat affect she had passion for it. If he could appeal to her love for her work he knew he would be able to get her to talk openly about it.
"Despite what your opinions are of me and what I am now, I'm satisfied with the path that I've chosen. I believe in peace through limited force and non-violent means. I don't understand what your motivations are, here. Please… if I'm going to help you, I need to know your mission." Heero said slowly. "Why are you here? Who are you working for? Why have you cloned me?"
"You've already fucked up, guy. It's over. You're too much of a hassle to have around, so we're just gonna kill ya and-" Soris began, but was cut short by her sister as she lifted a white gloved hand. Luna Armonia's dark, nut-brown eyes were locked in a staring match with Heero's. His bionic implant zoomed onto her face and detected her pupils as they dilated.
"You must be familiar with Newtypes," the commander began. Soris grumbled something incoherently before she rested irritably in her seat.
"I am," Heero replied tersely.
"And you are aware that you are considered to be one. There are so many of us now, but back when you were first born there were only fifty-two confirmed cases," Armonia stated plainly. "It is how the mobile suit pilots are chosen. How the Gundam pilots were chosen. My sister and I were chosen before you and your comrades to be the pilots for Operation Meteor. However, our abilities were limited. We couldn't handle the interface with ZERO, which was how you came into the picture. They had your information as well as screenings for the other four pilots. When they terminated us from the program they sought you all out and trained you instead," she explained. Heero knew that they were former pilots, but he hadn't known why they had switched from the Armonia sisters and their associates to himself and his friends.
"'Newtype' is a word from urban legend. The correct term for what you are is a 'Synergist'. Our scientists have experimented with these concepts out here in space for years, while institutions on the planet deny our existence. Synergists are here, we have evolved here in space. The Terrans on Earth won't accept us…" she appeared distant as if deep in thought. Heero felt his anger stoke white hot at her words.
"There is no them and us. There is no difference. I'm not a Synergist. I'm not a Newtype. I am a human being. We all are. What you're suggesting is a race war," Heero said with a snarl. Soris was grinning wickedly at him.
Luna looked down at her hands and nodded with a smile. "That's exactly what we're saying."
