TMWolf: Holy crap guys. Chapter fifty-freaking-one. This story is getting long, ha ha. And hey! I actually updated in less than a week! You can thank my muse/inner-writer coming back for the latest chapter I'm on... which you guys will both love and hate. Anyways, don't expect an update soon again. I'm struggling a bit with this certain part in Math, so I need to spend extra time on it, and I'm going to try and focus on it more than writing. I want to write so bad, but I gotta deal with Math first, so just bear with me folks.
Anyways, so. ROTF is officially over. Now we start with the aftermath of everything that's happened to Catherine. It's a bit of a short chapter, but definitely worth it. It also shows a bit of what's been going on, and I plan to go with all kinds of cool direction with the post-ROTF, pre-DOTM stuff. And it's all going to lead up to the movie. I made it work, hell yeah! :)
And today's song comes from one of my favorite groups- Florence + The Machine and their song: Shake It Out, which I HIGHLY recommend listening to. Seriously. This song can lift you up, man. It always lifts me up. I originally meant to use rise Above 1 by Reeve Carney featuring Bono and The Edge, but Shake It Out fit WAAAAAAAAAY better. :)
Now for reviews, you oh so wonderful reviewers! x)
Angel897: "Sad" might be an understatement, ha ha...
Autobot-Bre: Sorry for the tears, although it means I did my job! And yes, things WILL get better! :)
a Wiccan: Yup.
Azlyn The Mullet Zombie: Dude. Your username is awesome. Aaaaaand I make you feel those feels because I totally just love all of you guys. And don't mope for long! Things will get good!
Bee4ever: Because i'm boss. Man, 'Cat needs to talk to a lot of people, but she's so damn stubborn! D: Just like me. She keeps everything inside even if it hurts. Sooo duuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb. Don't worry, though. She's got a good friend to make her spill the beans!
Berenos: Yes. Yes I am c: I'm terrible like that~ And no, no, no- I wasn't taking it personally! xD;; I know mySspanish isn't that great, so I wasn't surprised or insulted or anything. :P
Cascadenight: BECAUSE IT MAKES SOME DARN GOOD ANGSTY DRAMA, YO. Jazz... Well, Jazz is dead, and you'll find out a LOT at the end of the story. Don't worry too much about 'ol Kitty Cat and Sideswipe, they'll be okay. And, if it helps- I stop killing her kids off and no one except humans die for a while c: Aaaand, uh... no, it's actually kind of not too early as you'll find out in this chapter, ha ha ha.
Chibi Oro: You know me so well, my friend. I do love pain and misery... to an extent, and it has to fit the story, y'know? And it's good you feel distraught about it. You're supposed to D: It's just bad all around for both of them! And, no, no wrench. At least, not yet. ;) Dude. Three times? Wow. xD;; pssh, please, gurl. Ratchet can't touch this. dun nun nun nuh, nuh nuh CAN'T TOUCH THIS.
Fictitioushero: Pssh, screw running. TC! TO ME! -flies away with him- Yeah, I feel really bad about killing Jazz, but there's a reason if it helps! I just... I can't tell you until the end. :c Do, um.. you need a tissue then? And, well, I do feel bad I made you cry, but it also means I did my job as a writer. You felt a catharsis, and that's something all writers should strive to get from their readers :) And no, 'Cat is not making it easier for either one of them -shakes head- Sideswipe would go to her, but he realized SHE doesn't/can't see him and if he did it would hurt her, so he doesn't want to hurt her and they're both just stuck. Things are going to get happy this chapter! There's even some fluff, I promise! Although, uh, there aren't any rainbows or cookies involved, ha ha xD;;; LOL $300? That's gotta be a lot of stuff in Thailan... And whoo! No more school for me! Oh, congrats on graduating High School! You're gonna wish you hadn't very soon ;) And no, definitely can't help when TF dreams inspire ideas! And you should go ahead and try the fic out! :) It never hurts to try... er, well, sometimes. Trying deadly things hurt, ha ha. FRAGGIT ALL. STOP. MAKING. ME. FAT. The story does have an ending, by the way. A happy one, too. Sooo sorry, but yay at the same time, right? xD
Heather Tobotua de Cybertron: Tee hee c: I won't be satisfied until you all drown in your tears, bwaahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Uh, er, I mean- sorry everyone! D: Thanks, by the way! And, um... sorry again... about Jazz. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet xD;;
Iceshadow911247: I' actually a little surprised you had less caps this chapter, lol. POWER RANGERS WAS FREAKING AWESOME. Dude. Your friend's a bitch xD;; A trolling bitch, lol. Everything is better with wings. OP especially. A lot of people didn't want him to die, apparently. They do want me to die, though, ha ha... And yeah, 'Cat will go into depression. If you kill me... you won't get anymore story ;) ...DAMMIT. I SHOULD HAVE PUT THE LINK. FRAG. xD
Joldino-sidestreaker: Hmmm... I like your theories, my friend. I can neither confirm nor deny- it would spoil things. Nice thinking, though, and yeah Sideswipe is stuck and it sucks :/ You'll learn about Mikeala soon enough... and 'Cat does feel horrible. :( I'll do be best to update!
LadyAmazon: nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu -flees-
Lovely Rain Dancer: OH MY GOD. You read it all in one go? Props to you, my friend. And while I'm sorry you were sad at times, it means I did my job! :) Thank-you so much for the compliments, too! Makes my day start out VERY good :D And you're going to make a playlist? Awesome! xD You don't need to be desperate for too long this time! Next time... it will take a while .^. Here's a tissue, by the way. I'm kind of running out, though, ha ha ha... And yeah, they kind of are jerks, but they actually do have some reasons. Maybe not GOOD ones to some people, but they have them and explain their behavior... eventually.
Mercedes Wolfcry: I get the feeling you're angry with me. Would you like to talk about your feelings? Ha ha, just kidding, but seriously... Yeeeeeeeeah... I'm a very bad person xD;; Odin's beard huh? I call upon- Fenrir!
Monday78: Cookie brakes are always essential. Especially my home made cookie ones, which I BAKE LIKE A FRAGGING BOSS. -puffs chest out proudly- FEEL THE FEELS, BRO. FEEL THEM. It's okay to feel the feels!
NightMaskedFemme: Oh, it's going to get better :D We're at the "getting-off-our-aft" chapter! And I revived then killed him again for- wait for it- DRAMA. But no, seriously, there's a reason. You'll find out at some point. I promise. Until then... you can accuse me all you want, because I am so freaking guilty.
Pitstop96: Wow. I think I made you speechless, ha ha! xD Hopefully it wasn't too powerful of a mind frag! COME BACK TO ME. -shakes-
rEdRoSeSiNaUgUsT: Don't worry, this is the last of the depression. It was never meant to be quick for the reader, although timeline wise, it is a LONG time for Catherine. Don't you worry about 'Cat and 'Sides. They're going to be just fine. :)
xXSakura-Hime-SamaXx: This is bad of my, but... Why so blue, panda bear? tee hee, I'm awful. Things get better, so now you can be a happy panda?
Spark of the Forgotten: Do... do you need a brown bag? -hangs one over- Just.. Just keep breathing, okay? xD;; And um... I've killed a LOT of people and mechs and made things just God awful for 'Cat? :D Well, um.. some certain things are fixed this chapter, sooo... eh? SUNNY IS IN SPACE RIGHT NOW. HE'S GOING REALLY FRAGGING SLOW. HE DOESN'T WANT TO SCUFF HIS PAINT.
StarBee20: Sadness indeed. That chapter should renamed: YOU WILL CRY. tee hee c: And um... I could kill them because I could? D: And to answer your question- No, no second book. All three movies are going to be encompassed in this story :3
Starscream's Prime: -petpats and gives tissues- Yes, I killed him, and also brought back Prime, so it's like... kind of okay? Wait am I saying- not it's not. D: I'MMA FIX THIS SOON JUST HOLD ON K THX.
Taeniaea: Thanks, and yeeeah... poor 'Cat :c
Topkicker26: Yes. Yes I am, nyahahahahahaha -twirls fake, evil french mustache- Ah, LOL. And niiiiice. If I was ever into Hetalia and my friends like TF I'd totally do that xD Yupyup; they're both badasses... and wait- Connor only has one? That sucks... I guess it's 'cause he has the tomahawk and more fighting abilities- like killing two opponents at once and what not. And then tree climbing, lol.
WulfLuvr22: He's, um, dead, um, because... the story, uh... called for it? :x I probably should be stuffed int he box... And what's wrong with me? I don't know. I just don't know. I guess I'm just evil like that? c:
TIME TO GET DEPRESSION TIME OVER AND FOR SAM TO BE AWESOME. LET'S DO THIS.
LI. Shake It Out
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around…
"Miss me?"Will Lennox's voice purred over the phone, and Sarah Lennox giggled as she leaned against the kitchen counter, Annabelle held comfortably on her hip and arm. Their little girl, now almost three years old, was more than able to get around on her own, but she still loved for her mother to hold her like she was still a baby. The blonde-haired woman didn't mind at all, and couldn't wait to see how her husband fared when he was finally able to come back home for a break.
"Only every day," she purred back. "I'm glad you finally found some time to call home. I've been worried with all the news about the Autobots going around."
"Ah. I see you saw the broadcast. I'm just glad I wasn't the one who had to make the statement or be there when Optimus showed himself. Granted, it was funny to see all their expressions."
"It wasn't so different from when I saw Ironhide for the first time. How do you think the public will handle it?"
He sighed, "To be honest? I'm kind of worried. Me and the other guys have fought with them and know what's what, but citizens? They're not going to get it like we do."
"I expect we'll hear protests soon enough. Hopefully Prime and the General can keep things going smoothly," Sarah added, glancing up at the small TV in their kitchen, which was replaying the press conference from just a few days ago.
There was no hiding the fact that the Cybertronian existed when the Decepticons had made a world-wide broadcast, effectively showing they were very much so real and among humanity. Furthermore, there had been leaks from the Jordanian and Egyptian bases, and nothing NEST did could keep even the least skeptical of citizens from thinking it was just a hoax. The solution? The President and General Morshower decided it was time to tell the truth. The "aliens" were real, as was their battle, and the Autobots were on humanity's side to fight the "bad guys". Optimus himself had appeared for the conference and transformed for everyone to see. There were many shocked faces, to say the least, and a flood of questions followed.
That was only a few days ago, and now every blog imaginable had word of the Autobots, every possible question that could be thought of, and of course, the beginning of protests. Had the aliens brought their battle here on purpose? If it the war was over, why hadn't they left? Would they be using up Earth's resources? How would they affect humanity? Were they dangerous? Were there more hiding all around the world? Was it possible that so-and-so's vehicle was an alien?
"Me, too… At least we finally have the President on our side. Galloway's been out of our hair—on 'sick leave', as Morshower put it—so that's help a lot. That Smokescreen guy is helping, too, but, to be honest... things aren't going as smoothly as we liked."
"Is it all the press?" she frowned, and her husband told her kinda.
"There's some internal problems, too. We have some soldiers acting up and getting onto some of the Autobots. It doesn't help the Autobots they're ragging on are doing the same thing back. What's worse is that they're the new guys—the Seekers. They're not exactly Prime's, so he's having trouble keeping them from flying off, and it's all just a big load of crap going on."
"Is there anybody they will listen to?"
He waited a little too long to answer, "There is possibly one."
"…Don't tell me it's who I think it is," Sarah replied at once, pushing off the counter, while Annabelle whined in response to her mother's sudden change in demeanor.
"I know, I know, but… we.. we need Catherine."
Sarah Lennox was the one to sigh this time, her eyes turning to the window facing the backyard. The redheaded young woman wasn't right there, rather, she was further out near the horse pens as she always seemed to be these days. Sometimes she ventured further, but never too far. The blonde-haired woman frowned at the thought of her adoptive daughter, and then smiled sadly down at Annabelle.
"Oh, Will... I'm worried. She's been like this for so long now. Nothing I do seems to work. I try to get her to talk, but she just clams up on me and then she looks like she's in pain. I've tried getting her off the ranch, but no matter where we go she always looks so despondent. I've tried everything I can think of, but she's still so upset! What happened to her?"
"I…I'm not even sure. She…She hasn't said anything about when she was… and then… God, I think something happened when… Sam. It had something to do with Sam. I think. He might know what's going on. He was the only she really talked to after it all happened."
Sarah set her little girl down to use her free hand to open a nearby drawer. From it she pulled out a book and shuffled through until she reached the label "W". She didn't have many numbers under that letter, so it was easy to find "Witwicky" and set it on the counter.
"You really think he'd be able to help? I'm willing to try anything Lennox. I even thought about maybe getting a therapist or a psychiatrist, but I feel like that'd only make things worse," the woman sighed again, letting her head fall back sadly.
"If anyone can do it, it's Sam. Don't even think about therapy or psychiatry or whatever—she hates all that. Just stick with Sam,"Lennox replied, and, after a short pause, continued, "I'm sorry I can't be there, Sarah. I wish I could be, but…"
"I know, Will. I know. NEST needs you more. The Autobots need you more. I understand, and I'll always forgive you, love. Just try and take more breaks, alright?" she laughed softly, and she could just see her husband relaxing as he chuckled back. If he had been there beside her, she would have kissed him, but their words worked, too.
"I love you, and I'll see if I can't make it home by Christmas," he replied and she knew he was smiling in that charming way she'd fallen in love with.
"I love you, too. Keep the world safe."
He chuckled again before hanging up. Sarah set the phone down and then looked to her little girl, whom grasped at her shirt and looked up with bright, worried eyes. She smiled at the toddler and picked her back up, which immediately brought a smile onto Annabelle's face as well. She tucked a lock of dirty-blonde hair behind her child's ears, turned back to the counter, and looked down at the number card, touching it with her hands. She glanced at her daughter again, whom had followed her gaze down to the number, too.
She shifted Annabelle a little, "Well, let's see if our friend Samuel can't help your big sister."
-O-
Catherine's eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the speckles of light that broke through the branches of the tree above her and warmed her cheeks. A short breeze came through, rustling the leaves, and causing a few browned ones to fall. One landed on her hands, which were laced together at the fingers and rested on her stomach. It cooled her at once, and she let out a deep breath of air. The scent of the grass filled her nose, and while once it had been a relaxing, it no longer had an effect upon her. It hadn't for the two months she'd been back. It wasn't that she hadn't tried to let it do its work either—it just didn't do anything for her. She knew why, of course.
She'd seen it again—the memories. She'd yet to find a way to keep them out, and part of her knew it was because she couldn't. She couldn't let herself forget them. She didn't feel anything from them—the pain was no longer there, and she couldn't hear their silent scream or feel the hatchling's sparks snuff out. She still saw them, though, and that was enough to remind her of what she had done. Shame came with it, but she had learned to let it come and not deny it. Denying it only made things worse.
She let the feeling settle out before she sat up and gazed out upon the ranch. It was midday by the sun's position, and though it was still hot in the autumn season, the horses were romping about as playful as ever. She smiled, envious, and let her eyes wander. Her home hadn't changed much in her leave, and that was kind of comforting. Sarah and her cousin had done well to keep it in good shape, although much of the land was allowed to grow as it pleased. She'd helped out, of course, particularly with the horses, and it did well to keep her mind busy. Being busy was the only way she'd managed to find some peace. Sleeping sometimes did the trick, too. She didn't dream so much anymore, and it was those empty dreams that were the best.
She spotted the tip of the house's roof just over one of the many kills, and frowned a little. She knew very well her foster mother was doing all she could to make her happy, and she often felt bad she hadn't been able to even fake a smile for Sarah. She just…she just couldn't explain it to her. How did one explain everything that had happened? How could she explain the shame and horrors of what she'd done? It was just better if she kept it to herself. She just needed a bit more time to control it; that was all.
Movement in the corner of her eye made her head turn, and she stared, eyes widening a bit, at the sight of the silver mech. Her frowned deepened, and so did the shame.
Sideswipe.
He had followed her here and no matter where she went, he was never far away. He kept his distance, though, but he was still there, always watching out for her. Her chest hurt whenever she saw him, but she couldn't bring herself to approach him. She was too afraid—too scared to see what he thought of what she'd done. She didn't even know if he knew, but she couldn't take that chance. She shouldn't stand it if he hated her; loathed her. She didn't want him to find out, so she had to stay away. She couldn't face him.
She looked away before he could turn toward her, and she pushed up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt and headed downhill, making her way towards the ranch's very own pond. It wasn't big even in wet seasons, and at the moment it was low, but she found it a nice spot to walk or sit by. It was there she generally let her thoughts mull and attempt to work through things. She hadn't done too well at it, she knew, and that it was ridiculous how hard it was, but she just wasn't able to figure it all out yet. So many lives were on her hands. She had tried to tell herself they weren't—she couldn't have stopped all the deaths of her friends and comrades, both Autobot and human. It was beyond her means to have controlled such a thing, but she knew it was her fault.
It was because of her actions in Mission City the Allspark had become part of her and Sam; it was because she was foolish and stupid that the Decepticons found out about her powers; it was her lie that got Steeljaw killed; it was because of her that her three drones were killed; it was because of her the Autobot's greatest enemy was revived; it was because of her she had killed countless potential lives; it was because of her that Roll Bar, Scattershot, Gears, Longarm, and—and… and Jazz were dead; it was because of her that another of her children—Slingshot—was gone, not given even a few days to live; it was because of her David and Alexander and so many other NEST soldiers were dead. All the blood and Energon was on her hands, and she couldn't wash it away no matter how hard she tried.
With a tired, miserable sigh, she fell back to the grass and pulled her legs close, linking her arms together to keep them as such. She nestled her chin into them while she stared at the water for a few minutes before pressing her head down and closing her eyes again.
She stayed there for what felt forever, and would have continued to do so had the sound of shoes crunching grass not reached her ears. She figured it was Sarah coming to get her, so she lifted her head up and turned to face the woman, but was greeted with a very different sight. One which made her eyes go wide and mouth open in surprise.
"S-Sam?" she inquired, still shocked, and the young man grinned and waved as he closed the distance between them. He sat down beside her, still grinning while she still gawked.
"Nice spot here," he mused, and she finally broke free of her stupor.
"W-what are you doing here?"
He raised a brow, "Not happy to see me?"
"No, of course I am!" she replied quickly, even giving him a small smile for good measure. "I just wasn't expecting to see you."
"Figured it was time for a visit. 'Bee's been whining about coming to see you anyways, but I told him to wait by the house."
"It's, um... been a while hasn't?"
"Pretty much. Anything cool happen here?" he asked, and he didn't miss her expression darkening for a moment before she put on a brighter mask.
She shook her head, "Not really. I've just been helping out and, uh, this."
"Better than me. I've been at college… and then Mikaela and me broke up."
Catherine blinked once, then twice, and then looked over at the young man incredulously. He smiled, albeit sadly, as he nodded. He shifted, setting his elbows on the ground so he could lean back on them comfortably.
"Yeah, she uh… It was just a couple weeks ago. She visited and, well, we talked and it ended. I thought we were doing okay, y'know? We went through two life-changing adventures, and I figured we were set for life at this point, but I guess it was too much," he sighed, glancing over at the redhead. "She, uh... She said she didn't think she could handle another go—couldn't handle any more of the war; couldn't handle seeing me die or almost die again."
Catherine opened her mouth to speak, but Sam beat her to it, "She also said it was obvious I had someone else I cared more for. She pretty much said straight up it was you, only subtle—you know, like a girl would. And I know, I know; we're not like that and never will be. I told her that, too. I told her you and me—we're best friend; brother and sister. Family. But she didn't believe me, and, well, I'm a free man now. It's not as awesome as I thought. At least Leo makes it kind of worth it. Keeps trying to be my wingman, but we all know 'Bee is the only wingman for me."
"I'm… uh, I'm sorry to, ah, hear that, Sam," she said after a few moments. "I, uh… I kind of thought you guys would be that 'together since High School' couple for sure…"
He waved it off, "I'll be fine. To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm probably just blocking it, but I feel okay... And since I've told you about my issues, how about you tell me what's going on? I may be one of the most oblivious people in the world, but I know when something's wrong with you, 'Cat."
She opened her mouth again, but then closed it, her eyes turning away from him. He kept his gaze on her though, waiting, and she had a pretty good feeling he wasn't going to leave until he got every little bit out of her. She hated him for that because she knew he wasn't going to quit until she did, and he knew if there was anyone in the world she would succumb to, it was him if only because he was just as stubborn as she was. That and the fact they'd told each other their secrets all the time as kids and never broke their promises to share them with anyone else. It was the kind of thing one didn't just give up so quickly—especially not after all they'd been through. Still, she cursed him for it and did her best to think up some excuse. Unfortunately, she knew he would see right through. He knew her best after all. He knew every excuse in her book.
"You jerk," she finally growled, and he laughed as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her close.
"It's what I do. So tell me—it's about what happened in Egypt, isn't it? What happened in that... weird place?"
She reluctantly nodded, "That, and everything else. I did terrible things, Sam. Things I can't forgive myself for. I killed them. I killed innocent lives. I did it without remorse. And so many others died because of me."
"'Cat, you can't seriously think that!" he replied sternly, looking her straight in the eyes. She nudged out of his grip as she grabbed her legs again.
"This all happened because I had those fucking powers! If I hadn't had them then… then the Decepticons wouldn't have taken me to their ship and I wouldn't have killed those hatchlings and Megatron wouldn't be alive, either. I revived the most terrifying and dangerous Decepticon in Cybertronian history, Sam! If I didn't have the Allspark powers then this battle wouldn't have happened and all those people and mechs would still be alive!"
"You know that's not true," he began, but she turned her eyes—brimming with tears—on him with such a look that he was silenced.
"Isn't it, though?! The Decepticons have been after the Allspark all this time, so they came after me, and NEST and the Autobots were in the way!"
"Then it's my fault, too!" the young man spoke up, and she looked at him, confused. "I had the Allspark in me, too. I had the knowledge, and the 'Cons came after me. Optimus died protecting me, and so did a lot of people in that battle in Egypt so I could get to you and Optimus. It's my fault you're like this, too. I brought that damned thing to you, and then… Shit, and then even before I could go get that stupid contraption I almost gave up. Optimus told me what happened and I didn't know what to do, and I almost didn't do anything. I almost abandoned you again. But I didn't, and I brought it to you, and then made you like this. It's my fault, too."
Catherine shook her head, denying it, but he rebuked her claim, affirming he was equally at fault. How could he be, though? He hadn't done the terrible things she had. He was just an unfortunate young man caught up in alien war with a hidden destiny he had finally fulfilled. Yet, he denied anything she said as he kept her close.
"You know you don't have to go through this alone," he began, attracting her gaze. "I know you've always been that type—you always hid your pain and feelings, and I was always too stupid to notice, but this time don't. Don't do this on your own. You have friends and family who are here for you. We want to help, but you have to let us."
She looked down and whispered, "I don't want you guys to leave…"
"You honestly think that we would leave you?" he inquired, his tone hinting that he already knew the answer. Still, he waited as she glanced up and then back down.
"No," she murmured at last. "But I'm scared."
He squeezed her hand, "Don't be. You know Lennox and Sarah and my parents and those NEST guys and the Autobots won't leave you. I know I've abandoned you before, and I almost did again, but I swear—I promise I won't. I won't abandon or let you down ever again, so you can add my name to that list. And—and then you know Sideswipe won't leave you, either. So you can just stop worrying right now."
She paused to glance over at where the silver mech was standing, partially hidden by the trees and looking elsewhere, but still there.
"Yeah," she replied slowly. "I… I don't know if I want to talk about it, though."
"You don't have to if you don't want to. Not right now, anyways, but someday you should. Just don't call me while I'm in college. Some of the professors don't like it when our phones go off in class," he smiled and she let out a short laugh.
She became quiet then, though a small smile remained on her face. Sam watched her, waiting, but willing to let her make the choice herself. Regardless of what decisions she did make, he would go along with it. Catherine knew it, too, and, looking him one more time in the eye, she told him what happened. She told him everything the Primes had shown her and what the Fallen had done, and what she had lost, and Sam listened. His gaze never broke as she spoke, her grip around her knees steadily becoming tighter and tighter. Once the last of the words left her mouth, her hands loosened and her legs flattened out, and he had to admit, it looked like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.
"And… uh, that's… that's what happened," she finished, looking down at her feet, which knocked together. Sam leaned back onto his arms—having sat up to listen- and hummed. She glanced back and forth between him and her feet expectantly, but he waited a few moments before he found words to say.
"I know I don't and probably can't get everything that happened—I don't have that bond you had, but what I do know is this: you're still Catherine. You're still that girl down the street that I grew up with and had sleep overs and protected me from the monster in the closet. You're still my best friend, and you always will be. Like you used to tell me all the time—shit happens, but we have to get up and keep moving, and I'm here to help you and so is everyone else," he told her, looking first out at the pond, but as he finished he looked at her, his eyes soft and earnest. She looked at him directly, and knew he was sincere and that he was right. She knew she wouldn't be able to fully believe him just yet, but he was right. And that made it possible for a real, genuine smile to appear on her face.
Sam watched as Catherine suddenly swung her legs out and laid her head on his lap. She shifted here and there to get comfortable and then relaxed. Next, she grasped his hand and squeezed. He returned the grip and smiled down at her, finally seeing a bit of his friend's old luster returning.
"Love you, Sam," she sighed as she closed her eyes.
His smile widened, "Love you, too, 'Cat."
-O-
The moon was full in the midnight sky, blinding out almost every star except those too far for its light to reach. The grassy lands and hills on the ranch were a shimmering sea of silver in the moonlight, and it was quiet. Not even the bugs and frogs were croaking, and the horses were sleeping peacefully in their barn. The Lennox house was dark, too; Sarah and Annabelle having gone to bed long ago. The ranch was not completely still, though—a young, redheaded woman walked through the backyard of the house toward the nearest hill. She did so quietly and with intention, her eyes searching through the darkness for a particular shape and glow. It didn't take her long to find it, the silver frame dark, but still bearing a metallic sheen in the pale light. The familiar glow soon showed itself; two orbs of blue as bright as stars in the sky.
Eyes and optics met for an eternal moment, and then the redhead broke the gaze to ease her way down the hill. While her friend had given her words of confidence, it had still taken many hours for her to finally give her mind the courage to find the silver mech and face him. It was his reaction she had feared the most above all others, and she still feared it as she walked towards him. Her heart pounded faster with every step, and her mind played constant scenarios in which she turned around and went back to her room. However, none came true, and she found herself at his wheeled feet. She swallowed as she looked up and the two orbs looked back. No words passed, but he knew what to do and so lowered his hand to grasp her gently between his four fingers as he lifted her up.
At his touch she realized how much she had missed his presence. She had missed the feel of his metal; his voice; his optics; his being. She could no longer feel his emotions within her, but she still missed him. The warmth emanating from his hand was welcoming even in the late night heat, and she honestly didn't want to be let go, but she was, and stood upon his torso. She paused, and sure enough, she could feel his spark thrumming beneath the metal surface. The memories of their time in the Medbay returned, and remnants of the sensations she had once felt through the bond echoed and she could swear she felt it, but they were only memories, and they vanished when she opened her eyes.
His optics were focused solely upon her, and within them was a torrent of so many emotions that she thought she might drown. Her next swallow was difficult, but she forced it down as she stepped closer.
"H-hey," she managed to stammer out and felt foolish that it was all she could say.
"Hey," he replied calmly, though she thought she could hear a yearning in his voice.
"Sideswipe," she began again, eyes lowering. "I… I'm… I'm sorry, I—I didn't…I was just…"
She stopped when she felt the warm, smooth surface of his finger touch the bottom of her chin and lift it up to look into his optics again. Of all things, there was a smile on his face—one with such warmth and love that she felt even worse for what she had done.
"It's okay," he told her, but she shook her head.
"No, it's not okay. I should never have ignored you like that. I even knew it was hurting you, but… but I did it anyways, and…"
His smile remained, "You had your reason."
"…You… were listening, weren't you?" she inquired, though it was more of a statement than actual question.
"Maybe," he grinned with a hint of mischievousness, but then sobered. "You could have told me, you know."
She looked down again, "I was just… afraid of what you'd think. I didn't want you to hate me."
"I couldn't hate you for that. I couldn't hate you for anything. And if it was the killing part you were worried about—I've killed hundreds of mechs in my life time. If that makes us something terrible, then we'll be terrible together."
"Oh, Sideswipe," she sniffed, eyes watering again. "I'm sorry. I was such an idiot. God, I can't believe I was so stupid for so long."
"You just needed Sam to come along, huh?" he asked with a smile, but she caught onto the pain right away—the grievance of once who could not help those he cared for, and had to watch as someone else did it for them. She looked into his optics and stepped closer, touching at the sides of his face.
"I just needed someone to give me a good smack, I guess you could say, and Sam was the one for that. Your hands are a little too big, you see," she told him, giving off a soft laugh. "But I do need you, 'Sides. I need you for a lot of things—things Sam can help with a little, but not like you. I couldn't tell you for what—I've had a lot of that lately, actually—but it's there, and all I know is I need you. Maybe that's what people call 'love'. I honestly don't know, but I need you, Sideswipe."
His optics softened as he leaned his forehead into hers, "I need you too."
They stayed there for a while, foreheads pressed together gently. His warmth flowed into her, and she felt safe and welcome and happy and at peace there with him. It was more comforting than any hug or embrace or kiss or anything she might have had, and she knew it was all she needed to regain heart. She felt her fears melting away there with him, and knew that, though the memories and scars and weight of the past events would remain with her always, she could get through them. Even with the bond gone, she knew this would be enough. All she needed was Sideswipe, and she would be alright.
She pulled away at last, a brilliant smile on her face. He returned it in kind, and gave her an inquiring glance.
"Sideswipe, I think it's time we gave our friends a NEST a long-awaited call."
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out…
LI. End
TMWolf: And so ends her two-month long depression. Actually, I went through it, and I'm not sure I made that obvious. So I'll say it clearly here: Catherine has been in a depression for two months. Why hasn't she gotten help? Because she's damn stubborn and doesn't want people to know what's making her upset and because she's ashamed. I actually suffered the exact same thing, only I didn't have Sam to knock me out of my funk. Speaking of him... yeah, this is a major Sam chapter. He's grown up a lot here. And yes, he and Mikeala have broken up. I always figured (and based on things from the novels) Mikeala seemed like she couldn't handle all the robot business. I added in the 'Cat factor for jealousy and misread emotions, so that didn't help at all. But Sam pulled up his britches and became a man and a darn good friend.
Oh, and just so people don't get confused- she does not love Sam like she will Sideswipe or boyfriend/lover. She loves him as a friend/brother/etc. She's his best friend, and she'll always love him like that. Sam loves 'Cat, too, and that's why they'll be best friends for life no matter what.
And then we come to our odd couple. Do they love each other? Maybe not just yet, but they've got something there. They don't know what it is, but they've got it, and it makes them want to be near each other and be with one another. It could very well be the beginnings of love, and considering the ultimate pairing of this story, it probably will be. They've got a lot to go through, though, and they're going to be just fine. That, I assure all of you. :)
And then there's more than just depression and friendship and love-in-the-making going on! The Autobots' secret is out and the public is mixed in their emotions! It's definitely going to come back soon enough, both biting them in the but and giving them a boost. It's only a small part of what I have in store for the post-ROTF/pre-DOTM chapters! PREPARE YOURSELVES!
...And wait for a much longer amount of time because I have to study Math :c
