Dear Switzerland,

Don't be so flustered about it. Just think of it as a compliment that despite of your trigger happy personality, there are some who will like you for who you are. And as much as you want to keep that reputation, try collecting comrades as well. They will be of good use to you in the future. And who knows, maybe you will able to find a wife someday!

Yeah. You could say you can include me as one of those nations who admires your Solidarität policies.

Well, good for you. I hope you never and will never experience it. Have you felt being so enraged that you want to destroy him and completely eradicate him from the world? (*enraged) HE TRIED TO...TO...TO RAPE MY SISTER! (*smashes all the furniture)

(*in a new room) Oh man, I should stop remembering those things. I need to fix those things I have destroyed. Some beer would calm the nerves.

Oh sorry for the misunderstanding. Speaking of world renowned, how's the Large Hadron Collider been doing? I hope that piece of scientific equipment would start working again. It's too damn expensive!

Yes, I DO see you as trustworthy. We Filipinos tend to trust people who open up for themselves. And even though we haven't met yet, I can form a mental picture of you and your cantons on the way you explain it. Don't worry, I never double crossed someone I recognized as my friend.

Hmm... I'd like to see what tricks your son Zurich has in mind. I can always level the playing field.

Me and my little sister Manila went to France yesterday and to say the least, Francis never dared to "impose his culture" on me and my little sister. I kind of use his tactic on making him submit and of course, I never showed those moves to my sister. That's what he gets for being too "amorous". He gets to taste his own medicine and I do agree, he's pretty loyal of a guy. And no, I'm not gay only shrewd and cunning. (*smirks)

I hope you and Hungary will be on good terms in the future. And the best way to confront Liechtenstein about the world is take it slowly and gently as well as to be frank and direct. No shortcuts because sometimes it gets them confused and you don't want accidents now, do we?

Sincerely yours,

Jose Carriedo Dela Cruz (Philippines)

(P.S. I'm visiting your country tomorrow along with my little sister Manila.)


Dear Philippines,

A...a...w-wife...?

...

Ah, yes, my solidarity. I actually inspired Poland with this concept... and it has proved very effective up until now.

Yes, I have felt that way... at least twice a day...every day of the week, but my anger is directed at most of the other countries in the world. Especially France...luckily I do have a target range and an obstacle parcours for such occasions, just imagine the cost of all that broken furniture. Maybe you should build one yourself; it is a great way of relieving stress.

The Hadron Collider at the CERN? It is doing splendidly... Geneva simply loves science. I remember the first time she saw it. It is actually not much to look at, but she went completely nuts about it! I do not know why you are complaining about the expenses... you are not paying for it, are you? I might just add that that black hole theory is absolutely ridiculous, I am sure you agree...

I do hope that your positive image of me will be conformed by your visit, be careful with Zürich when you do meet him... you are obviously clever, but he likes psychological games as much as he likes money... he is kind of a creep that way. I am very interested to know how you can deal with France so simply when all my threats and maiming has not fruited. You must explain in more detail when you are here, and of course I will be delighted to meet your sister.

I will try your approach once that time is at hand. I thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Switzerland

P.S. We will be awaiting your arrival