Chapter Fifty:

He didn't want to answer. He didn't know how to answer. His heart told him he could never let a part of her be given away like it had no value. Another part told him she was trying to do the right thing but once again he did not think it was right.

"Sara, you'll do the right thing," he said quickly and then made an excuse that Bruno needed to be let back in. By the time he returned, she was tucked in bed and asleep. He joined her later slipping between the covers to pull her close bringing his hand to rest gently on her abdomen as he longed to feel the same thing that she had experienced. He kissed her whispering a few lines of Shakespeare into her ear before drifting off to sleep.

She had not seen him before. He seemed out of place as he approached the nursery coming to stand beside Peggy and giving her a hug. Sara diverted her eyes trying not to stare as they stood and chatted nearby. She returned her focus on the baby in her arms smiling down as it fought to stay awake. She continued to rock humming softly, grinning every now and then when she felt her own child moving inside her.

He's mine…

He's a part of me…

I wonder if he'll be tall or…

Like his father….

Cold blooded murderer…

She looked away trying to avoid the feelings of despair and uncertainty.

"Sara?" She turned when she heard her name.

"I'm Father Brannigan," he said with a smile. "I'm a volunteer here also…I've been gone for a few weeks and I'm glad to hear that Peggy has had some other helpers while I've been away."

Sara smiled. "I just started a few weeks ago."

"I've been coming for the last five years…ever since Peggy came to mass one day…she can rope just about anyone into helping."

He sat down and grinned when Peggy placed an infant in his arms. "She makes sure all of these babies get held."

"She's teaching me how to care for an infant," said Sara as she placed the baby gently into the bassinet before reaching for another one that was awake.

"Planning a family soon?" he asked.

She nodded.

"It seems everyone has a reason for helping out."

"What's your reason?" she asked.

"I was adopted," he said matter of fact. "I never guessed I was adopted until my sister became ill and needed a bone marrow transplant. I wasn't a match. I'm not very good at science but I did learn a thing or two about blood types and there was no way I could have been their biological son."

"Oh. That must have hurt."

"Not really. I still tease them that's the reason I don't teach…it's not in my blood…they're both teachers."

Sara smiled.

"Have you ever wanted to know about your birth parents?" She asked.

"My parents told me after I was assigned my own church. I think they wanted me to know where I came from…so I would kind of have a better understanding what a person can do with their life."

"They knew your birth parents?"

"My father was well known….he was a serial killer in Pennsylvania…my mother overdosed when I was a baby. My adoptive parents got me when I was fourteen months old."

Sara was quiet.

"You can imagine my surprise when I met Peggy and found out what she did. I mean so many of these kids don't get adopted because people are afraid they will turn out like their parents…can you imagine that? I was in foster care for over a year because no one wanted a murderer's son."

Sara bit her lower lip.

She felt him move inside her and she felt a pang of guilt followed by fear…for him.

What if nobody wants him…

What if he gets stuck in the system like I did…

How long will he be here until someone takes him…

Who will hold him…

Who will rock and sing to him…

Who will make sure he knows he is wanted and loved…

I won't….

"I have a confession to make Sara," he said as he stared down at the infant in his arms.

"That sounds strange coming from a priest," she said.

"I recognized you immediately. You were on our prayer list for a long time. I believed you were abducted for nine weeks?"

She nodded.

"Is that why you're interested in adoption?' he asked.

If it had been anyone else who had asked the question, she would have avoided it but it seemed natural discussing such matters with him. Sara had never really given much thought to religion except that she did believe on some level.

"My husband and I….we're not sure…I'm not sure I could keep his child."

"I see. You think it would remind you of what happened to you."

"Yes."

"What happened to you?"

She looked at him strange now no longer wanting to continue the conversation. He sensed her unwillingness and continued talking.

"Sara, God doesn't make mistakes. He was with you through the entire ordeal and he kept you safe. You also received a gift. You received a child. You're child. Now, what are you going to do with your child?"

She stared at him.

"You're making it sound so simple…it's not."

"It's not?"

She didn't reply.

"Then you've already decided what you want to do with it. You want to give it away. Someone will be very grateful. Not everyone gets a child of their own…you're very kind to give yours away…of course it's better with someone else if you're not capable of loving a child…"

The words stung.

"I can love a child…I'm just not sure about this child…"

"I understand…lots of people have children every day they won't love…"

"I didn't say won't…I said can't." she was getting angry now.

"If you're capable of loving then you're making that choice and so the honest answer is 'won't' and not 'can't.'"

She stared at him. "I can't love any part of him."

"But don't you love yourself? You don't really know how to love if you can't even love yourself."

"I know what you're trying to do…you're going to tell me it's part of me and that I can love that part."

"You learn quickly," he said.

"I've heard it before."

"So what's it going to be? You give it to someone else to love or you love it like you already do now and be happy with what God gave you….unless there is some other reason why you want to give it away?"

She said nothing but stood and placed the infant into the bassinet before saying goodbye to Peggy and Father Brannigan.

"Do you think it helped?" he asked.

"We'll soon find out," said Peggy.

She had not seemed herself during assignments and the others glanced at Grissom a few times. She sat there with hands in lap staring at her notepad. She made very little eye contact and it bothered him.

Something's not right….

Something's bothering her…

I'm worried….

I'm really worried…

She grabbed her assignment from Catherine and headed out the door before he could question her. She was quiet during work assisting Warrick on a case. He tried to make small talk but she seemed distant and reluctant to talk. She hurried through the case ignoring the offer for a break and was relieved when the case was finished and they were able to return to the lab. She logged in the evidence and then asked to leave early.

"Strange for Sara to take off early…usually let's everyone know up front if she needs to leave early," said Catherine as she stood there talking to Warrick.

"She wouldn't say much in the field…think she has a lot on her mind or she's just not feeling well. You think we should tell Grissom?" he asked.

"I'll go by his office and let him know she left," said Catherine.

Grissom picked up the lab results from Hodges and headed back to his office. He was surprised when Judy came running down the hall calling for him.

"Greg has been trying to reach you," she gasped.

"Greg is off today," he commented as he glanced at the cell number and then the one word message "Sara."

He hurried to his office grabbing his phone.

"Greg?"

"I've been trying to reach you," he said.

"What's wrong?"

"Sara called me to come and drive a u haul to your place…she told me she needed to move her things out….Grissom?"

"I'm on my way," he said as he closed the phone and cursed.

We pushed her too far…

I just wanted her to look at all sides…

That's not true…

I just wanted her to keep him…

Note from author:

Thanks so much for taking the time at the end of each chapter and leaving a review. I really appreciate it. After reading this chapter, I can say I will need to post another chapter…too much angst in the cliffhanger so once all of the reviews are in, I will give you another chapter. By the way, some have asked about the other story…yes it is definitely GSR. I've already written over a hundred pages and yes I do sleep but this story is going really fast. As for "Taking Risks" I believe there are 68 chapters. Again, I will notify you when we get to the last ten. Pay close attention to detail….

Take care!

Penny