DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Veronica Roth.
Chapter 50
More Than Words Can Describe
I sit in the tattoo parlour, Mara was sitting in a chair next to me while watching Tori set up the pad with a single bird ready to be imprinted on my collarbone.
"You're very pretty." Tori smiles to Mara, placing the pad down by my trail of birds.
"Thank you." Mara says sheepishly, swinging her legs in slight delight by the compliment. Tori starts up the machine and I feel the slight burn of the tattoo being worked into my skin.
"Mara wants a tattoo." I say to Tori.
"Is Four okay with this?" She asks, Mara nods for me.
"He's okay with the reason she wants it, his only rule is that it's small and the only one that she has until she is sixteen." I say.
"Alright well what will you be getting ?" Tori asks, she loves Mara's middle name and thinks it makes any situation sound formal.
"One of mommy's ravens." She says with delight, pointing to her left collar-bone, in the same place my largest raven is situated.
"Okay well your mommy is almost done here so I'm going to set up a new pad for you. How big Tris?" Tori turns to me and I show her two centimeters with my index finger and thumb.
"Alright." Tori laughs, beginning the set-up while Mara takes my hand and smiles.
"I'm going to have part of you with me forever now." Mara says with pride, I release her hand and stroke her hair in my most motherly way.
"Yes baby girl. Forever." I promise her, taking her hand once again and allowing Tori to remove my pad and have me sit up.
"All done. Mara why don't you switch seats with your mom?" Tori suggests, I rise and help seat Mara on my chair, taking her opposite hand in mine.
Tori works quickly, getting the tattoo ready and explaining to Mara the slight burn. Mara nods and waits for the machine to rev to life.
"Does it hurt?" I ask once the silence of the room is occupied by the hum of the tattoo inker.
"No." Mara says looking to the pad the glows with a black light that indicates the black colour she chose.
"That's my brave girl." I reward her, looking to the small timer that says only one minute remains.
We wait in silence until Tori is carefully removing the pad to reveal my daughter's first tattoo. Her eyes light up with tears as she looks from her tattoo to me.
"I'm now a little raven mommy." Mara says with joy overcoming her tears.
"Yes you are little raven." I say, pulling her into my arms and kissing the sweet smelling hair that cascades down her back, stopping just after her shoulders.
~.~.~
Damien's POV
My fears were being teared from the darkest places in my mind. So far I've been through only two of my fears, the others will be revealed during the final stage, in front of Jeanine Matthews and most of the Dauntless/Erudite Factions.
"Damien do you need me to call you dad?" Zeke asks, leaning against the image transmition that shows a blank screen since I literally ripped the cables from my head after awakening.
"No." I say tightly, shakily rising and wiping my palms over my shirt, a habit I've been told my mom does.
"Alright, take it easy okay?" Zeke eyes me skeptically but opens the door releasing me to the room where my fellow initiates sit and await their torcher. Phoenix isn't here, but the other rooms two rooms are closed off from us indicating a fear in process.
"You good man?" Alex stops me, taking my wrist and causing me to look at his shaken demeanor as he stays slumped on his seat.
"Fine, make sure Phoenix is alright for me?" I ask him. He nods and lets me go, I continue out of the room and down a few hallways. Once out of human contact I slump against a wall and cover my face with my knees.
"Dammit." I whisper in defeat, allowing a single tear to slip before I wipe it away.
"I thought I'd find you here." The soft voice of Piper rings through my ears. I look up and desperately attempt to wipe my eyes clean of the sadness. She sits next to me and stares at the wall ahead.
"What was it about today?" She asks me, the last time I sat here and told her about the fear I went through my first time.
"My death." I whisper, she looks to me with a raised eyebrow.
"Damien that's normal. How on earth do you think you'll die?" Piper asks with astonishment because I was crying before.
"I don't think I know I'm going to die this way." I say to her.
"That way being?" She pressed.
"My lung will fail, I'll have nothing to keep me alive." I tell her sadly.
"Damien you know you'll get a transplant one day and until then you heard my mom she said-"
"Your mom lied!" I say angrily, Piper stops looking at me immediately. "She said 80% chance my lung will work perfectly fine on it's own to you guys! She told my parents and I that it's dropping every minute of every day!" I say angrily. "Dammit Piper I only have 60% chance that this lung gets me past my 20th birthday."
"And you'll be apart of that 60% chance." She says with encouragement, I give a very mean laugh.
"Don't be stupid Piper, I won't be around unless someone gives me a good lung. Someone that matches my body perfectly because apparently no one in my family can provide one."
"Don't say that." Piper says in a whisper, crossing her arms and looking away.
"Don't be naive." I reason with her, she shoots me a glare.
"I'm not being naïve! I'm trying to look at the brightside because I'm not willing to sit here and watch my best friend admit to his death!" She screams loudly, standing up and pointing an accusing finger at me. "You said that despite the missing lung you are going to push all that aside and live your life! You were going to stick around and live all of the adventures we planned together."
"I'm not going to do any of those things." I say angrily, remembering my fear.
"What about staying with me?" She asks tightly, my heart clenches at her light voice.
"I don't want you to get hurt." I tell her softly.
"And I don't want to see other girls flirt with you." She fires back, I can't help the wistful snicker that leaves my mouth.
"Are you jealous Piper Blagrove?" I ask with a cock of my eyebrow.
"Don't turn this on me Damien." She warns.
"I can't believe it." I mumble to myself, she shakes her head. "Piper we grew up together, I held you only hours after you were born. How on earth do you believe that I would be interested in another girl? I'm surprised that you of all people who notice everything can't notice the way I ignored those girls and look at you differently from everyone else." To this she blushes, I stand and tower over her short stature. "You make me want to live, push to be in that 60% rather than that 40."
"I need you Damien, you go through life everyday forgetting about your lung. I know it's a fear but push it away. Beat that fear down and remember us. Remember all of those adventures we want to have together." I can't fight the urge anymore I take her face in my hands and kiss her soft pink lips. Her perfect lips that fit with mine and make my heart skip a beat.
"Here's to starting those adventures." I say with my head resting on her forehead and lips only inches from hers. She tiptoes this time so our lips connect, her hands gripping the sides of my shirt and she and I stand in the empty hallway, not a person in sight to break us from our small adventure.
Phoenix's POV
There was a man. He stood at the corner of the abandoned room, a hand hanging at his side while the other stayed hooked to his hip. He griped a metallic object that ended with a spike. He griped a knife.
"You've come for more?" His voice rings, it matches the ones that haunted my childhood and destroyed my mind. I choke back a response and watch as he turns to eye me. "I told your mother I'd get what I want, even if it meant waiting 18 years to do so." I desperately look around the room trying to find something to defend myself, anything! I also try to avoid his blank face, nothing but black covers it's scary human shape.
"What are you?" I ask in despair, finally allowing my hoarse voice speak. It sounds like I've been screaming for hours.
"Your worst nightmare." The man seethes; I can almost feel the grin evil grin appear on his non-existent face. I swallow the lump in my throat and try speaking again.
"My nightmares shall die." I return darkly, lunging at the man and somehow grasping the knife. I hurdle to the corner, suffocation gets the better of me as I watch him approach.
"You will pay for what you've done." He declares angrily.
"I will never do as you say!" I spit, rising on my shaky legs and running straight at the figure, my hand holding the knife extended towards him. I bury it deep in his chest and awaken with a jump.
~.~.~
"It's over Phoenix. You're fine." Shauna fusses, soothingly running a hand over my hair and trying to stop my thrashing. I compile and lay still, allowing my tears to continue. "Good girl." Shauna unclips the wires from my head and returns to my side. "Are you okay?" She asks.
"Not really." I admit shakily, refusing to sit up. Shauna lifts the seat slightly so I'm able to face her.
"Can I help you home or do you need anything?" She asks, I nod immediately.
"Please get my dad," I sob. "Please." I beg, Shauna leaves the room quickly making sure to shut the door behind her. Soon it opens to reveal my dad, he looks concerned and consumed by sadness.
"Daddy." I whimper, extending my arms out. He scoops me up and sits on the chair, rocking me as I sob. "It came back, the man. He wanted to hurt me like Drew did." I admit through tears.
"It's not real. You're safe now." Dad promises me, kissing my forehead and continuing to cradle me.
I don't speak any longer because fear got the better of me so instead I focus on calming down and drying my tears.
"All better?" Dad asks me once I've calmed down immensely.
"Yeah. Can I go home?" I ask tightly.
"Sure. Try to sleep, maybe it will help." Dad suggests, placing my feet on the ground and rising from the seat. "I love you." He kisses my forehead and heads to the door.
"I love you too." I smile weakly, walking out the opened door and watching as my dad welcomes in a new initiate. He and Shauna probably traded rooms.
"Phoenix." Alex's hand grabs mine and I jump. "Sorry." He says sadly, releasing my hand and stepping back.
"That's alright. I'm a little shaken up, that's all." I say.
"Are you okay?" He asks, I shake my head 'no' and allow his arms to wrap around me. He's warm and smells like laundry detergent.
"Have you gone in yet?" I ask him as I press my nose into his strong chest.
"Yeah. Not my favorite moment ever. Was yours bad?" He asks me.
"I saw those stupid men and heard those stupid voices that are brought on by my stupid schizophrenia." I say angrily.
"They're not real. You're safe with me." He promises. "Do you want me to walk you back home to rest?" He asks.
"Can I go to the dorms with you?" I ask him skeptically.
"Sure." He smiles down at me, releasing the hug and taking my small hand in his large one.
We walk down a flight of stairs to the D floor apartment, then down to the C. We pass B and A quickly until we are on the main level, the pit and cafeteria being offered down different halls while the dorms were offered else-where. We walk a while longer until entering the nearly empty room occupied by 30+ beds. Few people dressed in black and fear drawn on their expressions sit at their beds with their legs tucked up to there chins and mouths whispering words of self-comfort.
"This is my bed." Alex announces to me, showing me the corner bed that was situated nicely against the wall.
"Do you mind?" I ask him, gesturing for me to take a seat.
"Go ahead." He says with a small smile, sitting next to me and shuffling back against the wall.
"What do you miss most about Candor?" I ask, leaning into his shoulder slightly as his arm wrapped around my shoulder.
"I miss the idea of having a home. I mean trust me I love sleeping with all these people." He says sarcastically, motioning to the other beds. "I think it will feel permanent the moment we are given apartments of our own."
"Yeah. Do you miss your family?" I ask him.
"Sure I do, but I think it's a good thing I left. I was thinking about me when I slit my hand not the mother and sister I had sitting in the crowd. I was being rather selfish."
"My mom and dad were transfers. My mom keeps saying how she believes her parents resented her, she never looked at them the same way after switching apparently." I say quietly.
"My mom encouraged me to switch. She said how Candor is only for those devoted to honesty and that I was lying to myself by saying I was happy where I was. I was truly miserable. It felt boring so to speak, waking up every morning and watching another debate between one honest man and one dishonest one, the verdict was yet to be decided. I feel alive here, there is so much energy that radiates from the people that it gives life a whole new meaning." He says happily, I smile at his happiness.
"You're amazing Alex, you make everything so perfect." I say sleepily.
"How so?" Alex asks, noticing my drowsiness.
"The way you speak, the way you smile, the way your eyes light up with the happiness you feel. It feels good when I'm around you." I admit.
"It feels amazing being around you Phoenix. You're the largest amount of radiating energy, no wonder I was drawn to you." He snickers, stroking my hair back and lightly kissing the beginning of my hair. "Sleep now, I'll awaken you for lunch." He promises me, moving us so we lay against the headboard with my head on his chest and body curled by his side. He protects me, that's all I need to know that I love him more than words can describe.
Follow, Like, Comment :)
-Valentina
