He sat back in his chair glaring at the empty screen that normally reflected the things he wanted to keep track of in the other two worlds.
For now he just was not up to checking in on anyone.
He wanted to throw a fit.
He wanted one of the ogres to mess up so he could vent his frustration on something.
He wanted to forget all the things he had learned within the past twenty-four hours, to forget he was nowhere near the type of god the three worlds deserved.
The door to his office opened to admit Hiromi but all he could muster was a single glance for the ancient reaper before returning to his contemplation of nothing.
"Koenma..." Hiromi ventured.
"Don't say it." He snapped then swiped at his face, "I know already okay. You were right."
He could still see very clearly the amused contempt on his father's face when he had gone to the ex ruler for answers.
I shouldn't have bothered.
Just as it had been when he had confronted his father over the Barrier, Enma had been completely at peace with the choices he had forced on others.
If he had not been so adamantly against everything his father had set in motion he might have been convinced by that certainty that these actions had been necessary.
How could he not?
For most of his existence his father had seemed like the perfect being, the one with every answer and the only solutions to any given happenstance.
To be forced to see yet again that flaw in his perceptions, to have them shoved in his face by Enma's lack of compassion or true sense of culpability was in its own way devastating.
"I find no satisfaction in being right Koenma." Hiromi assured him walking up to his desk, "I am actually sorry your father could not be who you needed him to be. Nor did I want to be correct in my other views."
He snorted eying the reaper, "Tell me you at least got that taken care of."
Hiromi nodded, "It was almost too late but I did reach them in time. It is a precarious hope at best. In the end it will gain you no true appreciation. But you have weighed the odds of questionable offerings many times. What is it you hope to gain?"
"Me?" He asked then shook his head, "The only thing I'm interested in at this point is those idiots getting through all of it intact...or mostly intact. I can't change what my father did..."
He trailed off as the sickening frustration surged again.
His father had zero interest in Spirit Detectives.
Zero interest in the concepts of right or wrong.
What the ex ruler did have was a decidedly resentful interest in Witnesses, in the manipulation of a fate he could not avoid but apparently could alter enough to appease his inner need for childish destruction.
"Did you think it would be easy taking my place? You'll learn being the Ruler of Spirit World means more than just playing with your toys, Koenma."
Like a toddler denied their want his father had thrown a fit, setting in motion a domino affect that could decimate everything around him.
Or more like everything around me.
"He wouldn't tell me who it was working for him." He grumbled into the silence, "If I could just find out who..."
"You would still remain as restricted as you are." Hiromi finished leaning against his desk, "It's enough you were willing to recognize your father's involvement. You could have easily ignored it."
"You haven't been paying attention then." He censured angrily, "My father is usually the one to blame for anything on this type of scale."
"You knew and yet you still went to question him?" Hiromi questioned, raising an eyebrow.
He sighed heavily, "He's my father Hiromi. I was hoping he would say something...different. That maybe the time he's spent locked away might have changed him. I wanted him to be a better person just this once and help me fix this mess instead of making it worse."
"He's been as he is for eons, Koenma." Hiromi said gently, "Resentful of the things he cannot control, greedy with the power he possesses, and in many ways trapped by his fear of change. He gave you no choice in any of this. Don't allow him to color your rule with his taint. If nothing else you have willingly stepped into a role rife with pitfalls that were not of your making. In that you can take some pride, not many would have accepted a mantle so heavy."
"I'm not looking for a pat on the back." He grumbled though he did feel slightly better with her words, "Not like anyone else was volunteering for the job. I don't want to do it either."
Hiromi chuckled, "That is most likely why you are the perfect entity for the position Koenma."
"I think I miss the ogres..." He replied scowling.
"Will you recall your reaper?" Hiromi asked him curiously.
His scowl only deepened, "You heard Shizuru...no I'll leave Botan there. She's been with them from the beginning so if this is the end, it's only fair she stays for that too."
"The wards may interfere with your ability to view these events." Hiromi pointed out much to calmly for his taste.
"I know that." He snapped though it lacked real conviction, "I already considered that before I set it up. The wards can't interfere for the same reason I can still see. Technically I'm not directly influencing, just looking so "Spirit World" stays uninvolved."
"That's a very fine line to walk in regards to your mode of surveillance." Hiromi murmured, a small smile curving her lips, "You have influenced."
Now it was his turn to smile, "It doesn't count unless you interfere with freewill, Hiromi. You should know that. I'm not doing that. I'm just...whispering from a safe distance."
Hiromi inclined her head respectfully, "You're learning quickly."
"Crash courses do that." He gripped.
Murakami Takeo filled a room.
Alone in the room with him she was reminded yet again of that fact, that the man possessed a presence that could be immediately intimidating.
It was not just his size which was comparable to Kazuma's, large and almost tank like in build.
It was in the considered aspect of his motions, the measured step that he used to force others to follow his pace or be left behind.
It was in the oppressive sense of someone who already knew exactly what you would say, how you would react and the expectation that one should consider their words very carefully no matter what.
Takeo poured himself a drink from one of the carafes waiting on his bar while she waited for him to explain his earlier actions.
There had been a part of her that wanted to deny the insinuation that Takeo was a part of what was happening with her.
While he was not a father figure she did hold some affection for the man.
He had been in her life the longest of any male, save Kazuma.
She had never fully trusted anyone within the yakuza families, but if there was anyone she could be said to trust it was Takeo.
He had been the one she had turned to when her family rejected her, the one that had given her a place to be instead of allowing her to wander the streets.
His had been the first face she had seen when she had woken from the coma after her drowning, the voice that assured her that everything was taken care of.
She stared at the ceiling in confusion.
It made no sense to her that she be in a room filled with the sounds and smells of a hospital.
Her sleep fogged mind rejected what her eyes insisted were reality.
Why did she feel so drained?
Stiffened muscles protested as she shifted her body on the bed she was laying on.
"Its alright, Shizuru. Try not to move so much yet."
"What..." She whispered, her voice annoyingly weak.
She managed to turn her head, to look at the person speaking to her. She was more than a little surprised to find Takeo sitting there beside her bed.
He put out a staying hand as she shifted uneasily again, "You're in the hospital. Do you remember anything?"
She frowned, some of the haze in her mind clearing a little as she concentrated.
She had been on a boat...hadn't she?
Yes, she remembered that much, on a boat turning to say something to Narita and then...
Abruptly she was sitting up, eyes wide with fear.
She recalled everything.
The boat's sudden acceleration.
Her fall into the water.
Her body sinking even as she struggled to remain at the top.
Choking on the burning pressure in her chest.
Knowing she was dying and being terrified of its reality.
Warm arms encircled her, drawing her against a solid form that she could only cower into as the terror shook her body.
It was alright wasn't it?
Though it was so wildly out of her imagination to be in this position with anyone, let alone Takeo of all people.
It was alright to need this, to curl into the comfort being offered.
To allow the murmured assurances to wash over her shutting out the fear she could not fight alone.
To ignore that sense that Takeo was not human to drift into the back of her mind.
It had to be because there was no control in her, nothing to slow the tears that crept from her eyes, nothing but the need clawing at her.
They remained in that position for a long time after and never spoke of it again.
Now as she gazed at the back of the man she had considered in many ways to be a permanent fixture in her life she was contemplating his death.
She was barely holding herself still, keeping herself from pulling out the gun at her side and ending his life.
That she could see herself do so caused her heart to curl in on itself, brought a wave of self-disgust and child like denial.
"You're angry with me." Takeo stated firmly not turning towards her, "If there was another way I would've found it, Shizuru."
"You should've stayed out of it." She replied tensely.
"Yes...if I had a choice in any of this I would've." Takeo returned setting the glass down and finally turning to face her, "I never wanted any of this. I hope if nothing else you believe that. We all do things we don't want to, that's the way of life. The compromise of living is that eventually you'll be forced to watch another suffer what you escaped."
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" She demanded, folding her arms, "I'm not your hitman!"
Takeo studied her for a long moment, took a sip of his drink before setting the glass down on the bar.
Don't do this. Don't be this.
She still did not want to believe he had worked against her.
It hurt in ways she had imagined she could not be hurt, in places that had been a part of her armor against the world at large.
Was it all lies?
"You want to kill me." Takeo said into the silence between them, his gravely voice turning the words even darker, "You have more control then I did. You should be proud of that. That you aren't letting it take you over."
Her eyes narrowed, "I don't..."
"You will," Takeo assured her, "you'll understand all of it if you hear me out. Takahashi's death is necessary, you're aware of that. You also have no time to be worried over appearances. They were working for your death, this was the only way to make sure you were left alone long enough."
She sighed heavily in agitation, "You threw me to those flesh eaters. I have to kill him now or..."
"Everyone you've worked to protect will be erased." Takeo interrupted, shrugging as if it were barely a consideration, "That does include all of them, not just your brother or Narumi. You've downplayed just how much you've shown your hand. All four of them will be hunted down, here or in the Demon World its going to happen eventually. As resourceful as they are, as strong as they are it only takes one moment. One thrum of a core, a second of distraction and even Kurama will fall victim to your legacy. This isn't a matter of just the Human World, your choices will echo through all three."
She could only stare at him in shock.
It was the first time he had ever hinted at his true nature out loud to her.
It only barely registered in her mind the implication that he was aware of what was happening inside of her.
The deadly anger still churned inside of her, teasing along the edges of the numbness that had overwhelmed her momentarily.
She should have known it was only going to become more difficult for her.
She had said so to the boys before she had left for the meeting.
She had thought she had prepared herself for it, for the darkness that shifted just out of her perceptions, for its apocalyptic form to take root in her reality.
Or she had thought that until this evening, until realizing the meeting had been more than just a consolidation of Takeo's family.
The inclusion of seconds from the other families had been the tip-off, though not all had been represented.
She had noted the families not called were ones that never questioned Takeo as she settled against the wall in what had become her place during meetings like this.
On Takeo's right so that everyone knew she was seen as important, behind him far enough so that it was ambiguous if she actually held a solid place in his family but could not be confused as his second.
It was both a place of honor and a place of trust that had been her's for years without her having done anything more than saving his daughter's life.
And now he had maneuvered her into something she had not intended to do, forced her hand by manipulating the other families.
"You want me to believe you pitched that just to save me the trouble?" She demanded quietly, "Telling them I got involved with Takahashi because you asked was dumb."
"Manners, Shizuru." Takeo corrected her, frowning.
She rolled her eyes, pushing aside the numbing shock for a more comfortable annoyance, "If I don't do this everyone is dead including you."
Takeo's eyebrows rose, "There is much more at stake than the few hundred lives of dubiously employed humans and demons. If he isn't killed, Takahashi is poised to take over a good deal. You gave him a very deadly weapon, Shizuru."
"I did?" She questioned, surprised.
Takeo sighed, shaking his head slightly, "One of the many things humans and demons alike are prone to is the concept of solidarity. All this time you've spent among those fighters and it never once occurred to you that they are remarkably similar to an army? One, thanks to you, that has been introduced to the concept of following the rules exactly. One that now has a common enemy to fear, to move against. One that Takahashi has complete control over, and that will be very effective against Urameshi and his group."
"No, that..." She began then the words died on her lips as she realized what Takeo was saying, "Because of the humans right? They don't fight..they don't do...what did I do?"
It was a difficult thing for her to grasp, mostly because she had been key in arranging it. In assuring that the boys did not get involved with the fights, she had been involved with the fighters from the beginning. She had thought she was just making it known she was paying attention, that the recruiters were aware of her presence at every fight.
The boys could fight against humans, she had seen them do it.
But if those humans came within a group that included demons how would they fight?
Would they be vulnerable, trying to make sure the humans lived?
Would they freeze at the wrong time?
"Me, right?" She ventured, trying to push past this new wave of shock, "I'm the enemy they're going to come after."
"Can you blame them?" Takeo returned, picking up his glass for another sip of its contents, "You killed without doing anything but standing in the center of that arena. That pulse was impossible to ignore, even the healthy felt the fingers of death from you."
"You were there?" She asked, confused.
"I have...other ways to know those things." Takeo answered slowly before gulping what was left in his glass, "I've known for a long time that you would be the instrument of my death. It never truly disappears, Shizuru. That sense of knowing, of hearing the voice of Fate as you meet those that matter in some way. The only solace is that it no longer insists you be the one to know the outcome. You can walk away."
"Is this where I grab you a tissue and listen to your sob story?" She asked tightly, "I gotta warn you I'm not the best person for confessions. I could still kill you just for being a pansy. I don't give a damn what your excuse is for making all this happen..."
"It was either me or someone else." Takeo interrupted setting his empty glass down with a sharp tap, "I happen to trust myself more. If you were to be betrayed then it was within my power to assure it was in a way that would least affect you."
She could not help the sharp bark of humorless laughter that escaped her, "Least affect me?! What are you?! Some kind of demented guardian angel?! You made this happen to me!"
Her hand floated up to cover her mouth, as she twisted away from Takeo. She could not look at him, it made her stomach roil with disgust.
That, at least she understood.
All of it Takeo had been a part of in some way, for how long only he knew and might even tell her not that she wanted to know.
"When have you ever known me to have a sob story?" Takeo asked with a heavy sigh, "I admit to my involvement but my goal was not to destroy you. There are things that can't be avoided, Shizuru. Events that have to occur. You've been traveling this particular road since before Yusuke Urameshi became a part of your brother's life."
"How would you know?" She hissed turning back to him angrily.
She was not sure what she expected, how she thought he would respond but it was not in the fashion he did.
Takeo favored the formal dress of traditional robes so it was no difficult feat for him to pull up the long sleeve to his shoulder, revealing the spiral tattoo she had seen on Shinya and Kanako. The tattoo she was suppose to be allowing them to place on her later that night.
Takeo was a Witness, or had been at some point in his lifetime.
"As I said it never truly goes away." Takeo murmured as he lowered the sleeve to hide the tattoo once again, "I knew I would have to reveal my story to you once Shinya crossed to this world. I was going to wait but that one has a way of being very convincing. I was an optimistic fool when I allowed him to ward me. I imagined it would free me, and others from what had happened but I was wrong. I don't want you to share that burden."
"Instead you wanted me to kill everyone...makes total sense." She commented sarcastically, "Couldn't you just do like everyone else and try to make a fake portal or something?"
"Those sort of things are best left to mindless fools who believe all demons want is to devour and conquer." Takeo responded dismissively, "I enjoy my life here, why would I want things to change?"
"Then why?" She demanded, scowling.
"I don't have an easy explanation, Shizuru." Takeo replied, frowning, "Some things simply are, they defy reason to any certain degree. I can tell you that I understand everything you've been through up till now. That, just like you, I endured that constant pull to attend to someone else. That drive to be a part of things I either didn't understand or wished never to see again. Regardless of that I had a family in the Demon World, and when Fate turned against me I was weak. All that time spent doing as it wanted and in return its only purpose for me was death and destruction. You feel it now, that dark pull to react to circumstances in a manner that is against everything you are."
Her body tensed in reaction to his words but she refused to confirm what he said.
Yes, she had noticed a distinct lack of care since the arena.
Sure, there were moments when she was tightly controlling her reactions because if she hadn't the result would've been disastrous.
She had taken those instances of over reaction as just a show of the constant barrage wearing her down. Instead of giving in to them, she pushed them away, held tightly to her own reins because that was how she had always been.
While others may not be aware of it, what came from her was carefully measured for reaction. There was very little she did or said that wasn't in some way calculated to a certain degree. So when those reactions were much too impulsive she tended to automatically stop herself, forced herself to think first of the repercussions.
Lately there had been an uncomfortable amount of impulses coursing through her.
"I allowed myself to give in to those impulses. By the time Shinya appeared I had destroyed my life, those I thought I'd never hurt were left with scars. If you're not extremely careful what you leave behind will be as if you were never warded." Takeo warned, "I wasn't a Phoenix Soul but I did my fair share of killing back then, of devastation. Don't allow Shinya to fool you. The ward may contain your energies but it doesn't offer you control."
"You got a better way?" She returned, annoyed, "If you do I'm all ears..."
"No," Takeo answered, moving away from the bar to stand closer to her, "there is no other way. Without the ward you will destroy everything, with it you stand the chance of destroying everything near you."
"There's no way to not hurt them." She stated, shaking her head, "I'm not dumb enough to think that. I just have to wait it out till..."
"You plan to let it consume you." Takeo reasoned, his voice becoming deeper with understanding.
"It's not the popular vote." She offered, a smirk lifting her mouth.
She could not hold his eyes, she had to look away so that she could ignore the intensity of emotions in his black eyes.
It was hard enough dealing with the boys and Botan, to see that anticipated sorrow in Takeo was more than she was willing to acknowledge.
It was time for a subject change.
"Hiro's dead...isn't he." She stated, bringing her eyes back to him.
Takeo raised an eyebrow, "If Hiro has met his end then it was a mutual decision of those involved."
She nodded to herself.
There was no real response to the confirmation, Takeo had put his life in her hands with that simple sentence.
"I think I should get out of here." She said, quietly as she moved to do just that.
"If it spares you then hate me, Shizuru." Takeo offered, calmly.
She paused with her hand on the door, her emotions pulling into a tight ball of pain that sent a shiver through her.
"Oh, I can hate you." She assured him not turning to look at him, "That's not going to get in my way."
She slid the door open and exited the room quickly.
No, hating him was not an issue.
She did hate him, for what he had been a part of, for moving against her.
What might be an issue was that she cared for him as well.
Unfortunately Shinya had been right.
She had felt it in that room with Takeo, the tie that she had to break between them.
He was going to die and she was going to be the one to kill him.
She stared at Shinya with a fair amount of disinterest.
The demon was slightly agitated, she didn't blame him for being that way.
She had just told him she was not going to let him place his wards yet, and that did seem to be his only purpose.
She had left with full intentions of allowing it as soon as she and Narumi returned from the meeting.
She no longer felt the need for its immediate placement, to cause herself more pain while still dealing with what had occurred with Takeo.
She needed time, space to adjust to those new realities before submitting to other ones.
She needed room to breathe even if it was only for one night.
Thankfully the two from the Demon World had set up camp away from Narumi's house.
It made it a little easier to talk to them away from the boys though the moment she had stepped outside Hiei had appeared beside her, silent but obviously aware of where she was headed.
She appreciated his quiet support, if nothing else Hiei was the master of being present.
The decided lack of expectation in his presence had always been a balm to her, soothing in its willingness to be nothing at all or whatever she might need it to be.
"This is foolish." Kanako snapped.
"I'm not asking if its okay with you." She stated, frowning, "I'm just not doing it tonight."
That should have been the end of it.
She should have simply turned and walked away.
Instead she stood there, looking at the two of them suspiciously, "You weren't going to tell me about the downside to that ward, were you?"
Shinya contemplated her for a long moment, "Who have you been..."
"Were you?" She interrupted, annoyed with the stalling tactic, "Were you going to tell me that it'll basically turn me into a psycho who just does whatever floats into my head?"
"That is not...exactly what will occur." Shinya responded then sighed, "It is in the sway of the Witness's personality. What their path is dictated by. If it is towards evil intentions then yes, those warded in that scenario can become overwhelmed by their momentary dark desires."
She closed her eyes for a second, "I'm not a good guy."
It was not all that long ago she had said that to Yusuke but then it had meant something else. A turn of phrase to help him understand how different things were between his brand of misspent youth and her's.
It held different meanings now, as most definitions did with her. It had warped to suit the situation at hand.
"There is nothing that assures that will be the result." Shinya cautioned her gently, "The way we view ourselves is normally within the context of being our own worst enemy. Most are prone to judging themselves harshly, of being overly aware of the faults that lie within our selves. You have experienced the first pulse and remain controlled..."
"Not...like you think." She denied, carefully choosing her words, "I've come really close to hurting people."
Now she was not so grateful for Hiei's presence, for having to admit she had been fighting those wants in front of him. It was embarrassing having to admit to those impulses, especially around someone as controlled as he was most of the time.
Shinya tilted his head in a manner that gave the impression his attention had shifted to Hiei for a moment before it came back to her.
It was strange but she was much too agitated to care if there was a second's worth of not being the center of attention. Lately she felt too much as if the eyes of every being around her was bearing down on her, judging her as she did her best to struggle through.
"With each pulse those impulses will be stronger." Kanako chimed in, "But if you have made it this far without giving in then you stand the chance of sustaining your neutrality. Not a simple task considering Fate is releasing you, it is what binds a being's definitions to their souls. Those lessons learned, the core of who they have become...the less you are held to this life the more you are a creƤture of the present."
"No past or future huh..." She murmured, folding her arms.
She had thought it had only referred to her ties to this life, not that it also included something as basic as her personality.
Hiei remained silent, not a surprising thing considering there was not much that he could offer to the conversation.
There was not much she could either.
She had wanted to know if Takeo had been telling the truth.
"Is there anything else you aren't sharing?" Hiei demanded, tightly.
Shinya's brow furrowed slightly, "We are concerned that she is human. Setting the wards has killed before. Some individuals have found the pain to be overwhelming."
She opened her mouth to comment on how little she cared about the pain but Hiei shocked her with his next words.
"I will hold her beyond it."
What was it about the men in her life shocking her tonight.
"It's not as if I've never done so." Hiei growled at her in annoyance as she stared down at him.
Yes, he had done it before but that was exactly why it was a gloriously moronic idea.
"You can't," She insisted with as much annoyance as he had used, "they're just like Tsuneo."
Hiei managed to give the impression of rolling his eyes, which was amazing since what he actually did was tilt his head enough to glare at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Thier energies will be engaged with setting the ward. There is no danger to me." Hiei half snapped.
Well wasn't he talented at following her train of thought.
"I would not discard his offer so readily, Shizuru." Shinya suggested, "If there is a way to lessen the pain for you then take it. There is no reason to endure all of it. Considering the agony you will go through when your next pulse is redirected , I would grasp this with both hands and greet it as the gift it is. He will not be able to lift you beyond that pain."
Still she was torn over the idea of Hiei purposefully being exposed to energies she knew could kill him.
"I can wait until you are otherwise occupied and then do it. You agreeing now matters very little." Hiei assured her.
The arrogant way he spoke helped her shake off the coiling concern, it was difficult to not be amused when he was so...him.
"Alright, I give." She conceded shaking her head.
"Tomorrow then?" Shinya ventured.
"Yea, we'll deal with this tomorrow." She agreed, unsettled.
It was comforting to know Hiei would be involved, that she was not going to be alone but there was something nagging at her. Something that cast a dark shadow over her thoughts about being warded, which had only become stronger when Hiei had volunteered to assist.
This is not a good idea...
He was dwelling, something he did not normally do.
Dwelling on her scent that surrounded him.
On the contours of her face that he could see from the angle of her resting her head on his chest.
On the feel of her cool skin against his own.
He had not intended to volunteer to use the Jagan again so soon, nor in that strange capacity of it being a tool for healing.
He had heard the hesitancy in her voice and had reacted to it.
Not just because of her hesitancy but also because he did not trust these demons.
If he was directly involved, there could be no deviation from what they claimed to be their intentions.
That he would also keep pain away from her had been an additional boon.
If it was within his power to do so he had no reason to not offer it.
She shifted against him, murmuring nonsense in her sleep before settling once again.
She would live...
It was not a question any longer if he would or would not take the actions necessary to continue her life.
He simply had no idea how to go about doing so as of yet.
She would live.
What it would truly end up costing him was still an open-ended question.
These moments he had become accustomed to, these things that had found their way into his way of life. This human that slept so trustingly against him, who depended on him in ways he could have never imagined anyone doing so.
Not him.
This was not the way he had thought events would shape his life.
He had always thought his ambitions would be the center of his existence, that nothing else could compare to that driving need.
He would have to return to that way of thinking, of putting his gain of power before anything else.
There would be no distractions.
"...hiei..."
He closed his eyes against the ache in his core that whispered entreaty caused.
So yea things are about to take on roller coaster like qualities XD Good thing ya strapped yourselves in tight, hold those hands up and get ready for the plunge lol...and PLEASE REVIEW XD
