Chapter 54
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.
AN: Thank you so much for the support, I hope you like this chapter. I just got a new bout of inspiration from the last episode. PLEASE REVIEW
After over three days of silent driving, and nights of drinking as Stephen attempts to get Penelope to talk, Penelope and Stephen have finally arrived at Carolyn's house, and are knocking on her door.
"Penelope, Stephen." Carolyn greats, hugging both of them, though she hugs Penelope a little longer, "Come in." She says, with a big smile planning on not giving away her current medical issues as she knows that Penelope is dealing with enough already without worrying about her, "Penelope I have your usual room set up for you, and Stephen I have the spare room set up for you." Carolyn explains, as they walk into the entryway knowing that they both know where those rooms are as they have stayed there before.
"I'll take the bags up." Stephen offers, as he wants to give Penelope and Carolyn a chance to talk.
"I've made tea and food, it's in the kitchen. Come there once you've done." Carolyn says to Stephen, who nods.
"I should call Dad, let him know we got here okay." Penelope reveals.
"Okay, I'll be in the kitchen when you're done." Carolyn says, knowing that Rossi will worry if he doesn't hear form Penelope or Stephen.
"Okay." Penelope says, walking into the living room and calling her father.
"Penelope?" Rossi asks, answering his phone after only a few rings.
"Hey Dad, Stephen and I have gotten to Carolyn's." Penelope explains.
"Good."
"Yeah. How's Sergio?" Penelope asks curious.
"He's fine Kiddo." Rossi tells his daughter, "Say Hello to Carolyn for me."
"I will." Penelope says, before hanging up with her father and heading into the kitchen, "Dad said hello." Penelope says as she sits down across from Carolyn.
"When you talk to him next tell him hello back." Carolyn responds, handing Penelope a cup of tea.
"Or you could talk to him yourself, or do you guys not do that?" Penelope asks curious, as she has never been sure.
"We do." Carolyn says, "Usually about you."
"Of course." Penelope responds, not surprised by that reveal.
"I'm really sorry about Emily, I know what she meant to you." Carolyn tells her goddaughter.
"Means." Penelope corrects, "She still means everything to me." Her voice sounding certain.
"Then I'm even sorrier." Carolyn says, "I'm sorry that you've lost the women you love." She says, "if you want to talk, I'm here."
"I know… but I don't want to talk right now." Penelope says, and the two of them drift into silence as they continue to drink their tea and eat the food Carolyn made.
Hours later Penelope, Stephen, and Carolyn are all asleep, or at least Carolyn was asleep until she was woken up. As she wakes up Carolyn isn't sure what woke her until she hears cries and realises that it's coming form the next room, Penelope's room, and so Carolyn quickly gets up and hurries, or as much as she can hurry, to the room Penelope is in.
Getting to the room Carolyn turns on the light and then heads over to the bed where Penelope is tossing, turning and crying.
"Penelope." Carolyn says, as she gets closer to her, trying to wake her up.
"Emily… no, Emily…" Penelope says, as she tosses and turns.
"Penelope, wake up." Carolyn says, shaking Penelope.
"EMILY!" Penelope yells as she bolts upright, looking wide awake, and afraid.
"Penelope, it's okay, you're safe." Carolyn says, as she sits down on the edge of Penelope's bed.
"Emily…" Penelope says, tears in her eyes.
"She's not here, Honey, I'm so sorry." Carolyn says, before hugging Penelope.
"She's still in my dreams, and when I wake up, I think, just for a second, that she's still here…. Then it hurts all over again." Penelope reveals, as she clings to Carolyn.
"I know. That takes a long time to pass." Carolyn reveals, thinking of James.
"I just want her back Carolyn, I just want her back so much." Penelope says, her voice breaking.
"I know, Honey, I know." Carolyn says, kissing Penelope's head as she continues to hold her; hating that the closest thing she has to a living child is in so much pain, and so she promises herself that she will do whatever she can to help Penelope, while not pushing her.
For four days Penelope and Stephen stay with Carolyn, and while they do Carolyn does her best to help Penelope, while not smothering her, something which does actually help her, though only a little.
As they have a lot of driving to do Stephen and Penelope have decided to leave pretty early, having eaten a great breakfast courtesy of Carolyn.
"Thanks for having us, Carolyn." Stephen says, hugging her.
"You don't have to thank me. You're welcome any time." Carolyn assures Stephen as the two of them break apart.
"I'll meet you in the car." Stephen says to Penelope so that she and Carolyn have a chance to say a proper goodbye.
"I want you to promise me something." Carolyn says, taking a step towards her goddaughter, "Promise me that you'll call if you need anything, even if it's just wanting someone to sit with you on the phone while we're both silent. I'm here for you, Penelope. Always." Carolyn promises, even though she knows she may not be able to keep that promise for as long as they both would like.
"I love you." Penelope says, before hugging her godmother.
"I love you too." Carolyn responds.
"Thank you." Penelope says, her voice low, as she feels Carolyn kiss her head as for the last few days Penelope felt like she had a mom again, as that's what Carolyn's always been to her, a second mother.
"You never have to thank me." Carolyn says, as they break apart and she takes both Penelope's hands, "One day at a time, that's all you got to do. Take it one day at a time." Carolyn says, and Penelope nods before heading to the car where Stephen is.
After four days of mainly silence, though occasionally Stephen managed to get Penelope to talk, the two of them are arriving back at Rossi's mansion.
"Do you want to come in?" Penelope asks curious, as Stephen stops the car in the driveway.
"Nah, I have work tomorrow, so I should prepare." Stephen explains.
"Okay." Penelope says, "Thanks for this Gideon, I know I haven't been the best company, but it was nice to see Carolyn."
"You're always great company, and I'm just a call away if you need anything." Stephen reveals.
"I know." Penelope says, before getting out of the car, and once she has grabbed her stuff from out the boot she heads inside the house, using her key to enter, "Dad." Penelope calls, as she walks in, and as she does, she gets no response, but then she notices the time and realises that her father would still be at work, and so she just heads upstairs.
A couple of hours after she got home from her trip Penelope has come to the realisation that she doesn't like being alone, not after over a week of being with someone all the time. Being alone means she has no distraction from her thoughts of Emily, as she doesn't have to focus on what Stephen, Carolyn, or her father are saying or want, and while she doesn't want to forget Emily thinking about her constantly, with everything she's got, is too painful.
Trying to distract herself Penelope has started to do things on her computer, but that doesn't really help when her father's home network is really slow.
"Okay, that's it. Dad, you're getting an upgrade." Penelope says, before getting to work on fixing her father's network, and as she does having something to focus on so that she isn't completely overwhelmed by thoughts of Emily, though she is still thinking of her.
A few hours after Penelope decided to upgrade her father's network Rossi, after a long day at work, is arriving home.
"Penelope." Rossi calls as he walks inside.
"Kitchen." Penelope says in response, and Rossi heads into the living room where he puts his gun in the safe, which he recently changed the passcode off, and once his weapon is secure, he heads into the kitchen where he finds Penelope has made food, a lot of food, more than the two of them can eat in one go.
"Penelope? What's with all the food, Kiddo?" Rossi asks curious.
"Things got a little out of hand." Penelope admits, "I decided to upgrade your home network and once I did that, I decided to make dinner, and then I just kept cooking." Penelope explains, and Rossi recognizes an avoidance strategy when he sees one.
"Well, I guess we know what we're eating for the next few days." Rossi comments, smiling at his daughter.
"You don't mind?" Penelope asks.
"Not at all." Rossi tells his daughter, "I'll set the table." Rossi says, and over the next few minutes the table is set and once it is Penelope and Rossi both sit down and start to eat.
"This looks great, Kiddo." Rossi tells his daughter.
"Thanks Dad."
"Look Kitten, I know we haven't talked about it, but officially your leave is up on Monday." Rossi reveals, and as he does, he notices Penelope tense, and so he hurriedly proceeds with what he is planning on saying, "But if you don't feel like you're ready to go back, you don't have too. I'll deal with Strauss." Rossi explains, and as he does Penelope is pretty sure that her father will like doing that.
"I…. I think I want to go back." Penelope says, sounding uncertain as she knows that she is going to see Emily everywhere at the BAU, just like at her place, but she also sees Emily without being at a place that is connected to them, and so she might as well go back to doing something productive.
"Okay." Rossi says, with a nod, fully supporting his daughter, "But if it gets too much, or too hard, you don't have to stay." Rossi assures his daughter, who just nods, and the two of them proceeds to have a silent dinner, during which Rossi keeps wanting to talk, but he can't figure out what to say.
Five days have passed since Penelope got home form her road trip and since she did Rossi has been watching his daughter, and from what he can tell, she isn't doing much better than when she left for the trip. Honestly, Rossi is feeling even more useless as he knows his daughter is in pain, but he cannot help her.
It is early morning on a Monday, but not just any Monday it is the one-month anniversary of Emily's 'death' and it also happens to be Penelope's first day back at the BAU. As he thought it was best Rossi decided that he and Penelope would drive into the BAU together, and the two of them are arriving, Rossi having arranged for them to get in early so that there were fewer people around, as he though that would be easier on Penelope.
As they walk out of the elevators on the BAU floor Rossi notices Penelope freezes.
"Penelope?" Rossi asks his daughter, who is just staring into the bullpen, clearly at Emily's desk.
"I'll be in my office." Penelope says, before hurrying off, and as he watches her go Rossi decides that he'll give her some time and check on her later.
After leaving her father Penelope heads straight to her office, but when there she pauses, as just like in her apartment she remembers the times spent with Emily in her office.
"God, I miss you so much." Penelope says to herself before forcing herself to walk to her desk, and right away she is confronted by a picture of her and Emily as since they started to date, she has kept one on her desk, "You should be here." Penelope says, to the Emily in the photo, before hesitantly picking it up, and moving it so that it is always in her eyeline.
For the next few hours Penelope works on the ''standard' works she usually does which has piled up over the last month, as she stares at the picture of her and Emily.
"Garcia." A voice says, and Penelope turns to see Reid holding a food bag.
"Reid?" Penelope greats, there being a level of confusion to her voice as she is pretty sure that Reid has never brought her food.
"Every Monday that we weren't on a case, starting nine months ago, Emily would bring you the same lunch from the same place." Reid explains, noticing things that only Reid would notice, and causing Penelope to tense, "I thought you might be hungry." Reid says, and he walks over, places the bag of food on Penelope's desk, and heads back out.
"Reid." Penelope says, feeling amazed, and Reid turns to look at him, "Thank you." She says, her words displaying how much a simple gesture without pushing her to talk means to her.
"You're welcome." Reid says, "I miss her too." He says, before leaving, as while emotions aren't his strong suit, he does know that forcing Penelope to talk about how she is doing, which everyone else has been doing, isn't the way to go, it will just make things worse.
After Reid leaves Penelope opens the bag and finds the exact lunch Emily brought her so many times. Even though it hurts, it also gives her a small bit of comfort, as it is familiar.
A few days have passed since Penelope returned to work and in that time everyone on the team have noticed two things, the first is that Penelope doesn't seem to be okay, while the second is she hasn't entered the bullpen once since coming back.
It's mid-afternoon on a Thursday and the case is working a case in the local area and so they are all working from the BAU.
Having needed to step out of her office for a minute Penelope returns to find Ashley waiting, and holding the picture of Penelope and Emily that she keeps on her desk, having a look at it.
"What are you doing?" Penelope asks, walking towards Ashley, sounding completely furious which Ashley didn't think was possible for Penelope.
"Looking I..." Ashley starts to say, but Penelope cuts her off.
"You don't just come into someone's office and pick up their stuff." Penelope says angrily as she snatches the picture form Ashley.
"I'm sorry, I…." Ashley starts to say, having no idea what to say as she doesn't understand why Penelope is so angry.
"What are you even doing here?" Penelope asks, it not even registering that she is completely out of line because it's like Ashley did one thing to make her anger and now all the anger, she has been feeling for the last month is coming out, "The BAU helps people, saves lives, and you're the daughter of a serial killer." Penelope says, not even realising that her words are having an effect on Ashley, who is getting upset, "You know it's the fault of people like your dad that caused me, and Gideon, and causes Jack, to have fathers who miss basically every important thing, because they're making sacrifices to stop them." Penelope says, as Ashely gets more upset, "What, do you think you can make up for the sins of your father by joining the BAU? Because…."
"Agent Garcia, enough!" Hotch, who has heard most of what Penelope said, as he walks into the room, noticing that Ashley has tears in her eyes, "Agent Seaver, go see if the suspect is in interrogation." Hotch instructs.
"Yes Sir." Ashley says, before hurrying out of the room.
"I know you're hurting, but that was out of line." Hotch tells Penelope, "Seaver didn't deserve that."
"Everyone has things happen that they don't deserve." Penelope says, as she looks down at the picture, she snatched form Ashely.
"Go home." Hotch orders, as he thinks that might be best at the moment, as right now he can tell that Penelope is more like the ''Black Queen" she used to be than the Penelope Rossi-Garcia she has become, and the version of her has no place at the FBI.
"Sir?"
"Go home Penelope, I don't want to see you to Monday, that's an order." Hotch instructs, as he internally debates contacting JJ about Emily.
"Yes Sir." Penelope responds, sounding annoyed, and Hotch leaves.
After Hotch leaves Penelope gently puts the picture back on her desk before packing up and leaving, without seeing or talking to another person.
For the next hour or so Hotch interviews the suspect, but as he did, he kept thinking about Penelope, and how far from okay she is. Walking into the roundtable room Hotch finds Morgan, but no one else, though he knows Seaver is downstairs.
"Where's Rossi?" Hotch asks Morgan.
"He and Reid went to go talk to the family again." Morgan explains, "Everything okay?"
"About an hour ago Garcia lost it at Seaver, and I sent her home." Hotch explains.
"Garcia lost it?" Morgan asks concerned.
"From what I heard what she was saying was cruel." Hotch explains, "It was very unlike Garcia, and I thought Rossi could check on her."
"I'll go check on her." Morgan says, honestly feeling concerned about his friend.
"Okay." Hotch says, with a nod, thinking that that is a good idea, and wondering if he is being too cruel to Penelope by not telling her the truth about Emily, but at the same time, being ''dead'' is Emily's best protection from Doyle.
After getting the okay from Hotch Morgan heads downstairs, pulling his phone, and making a call, as he goes as Hotch said he sent Garcia home an hour ago, which means she may not be there.
"Hello?" The voice on the other end of the call asks.
"Stephen, it's Derek Morgan…"
"What's happened?" Stephen asks worried, being pretty sure that the only reason Morgan would be calling him is with bad news.
"Have you seen, or heard from Garcia in the last hour? Hotch sent her home, and I'm going to go check there, but I thought she might have called or come to see you." Morgan explains.
"She hasn't." Stephen reveals, there being a level of concern to his voice.
"Okay. Thanks. Bye." Morgan says, before hanging up, as he heads out of the building.
A little while after he left the BAU Morgan arrives at Rossi's mansion, and as he arrives her is surprised to find Stephen waiting.
"What are you doing here?" Morgan asks Stephen.
"You called me about Rossi, and said Hotch sent her home, that means something is wrong." Stephen says, "I wasn't just going to just stay at work knowing that." He explains, and as he does Morgan nods in understanding, and the two of them walk to the door.
Once at the door Morgan rings the doorbell, but after a few moments, gets no answer.
"Here." Stephen says, handing Morgan a key, "Dave gave me this a few weeks ago in case of emergencies." He explains, as Morgan uses the key so that they can enter, "I'll check down here." He tells Morgan.
"I'll check upstairs." Morgan says, heading upstairs.
For the next minute or so Stephen and Morgan look around the Rossi house, looking for Penelope, until Morgan hears,
"MORGAN." Being called from downstairs, and so Morgan hurries downstairs, and into the kitchen, where he finds Stephen looking at the bench, where objects that Morgan recognizes are, "Are those…"
"Everyone of Rossi's phones, yeah." Stephen confirms, "She's ran."
"And doesn't want to be found." Morgan realises.
"Well, too bad, I think I already know where to start looking." Stephen says, "I'll let you know once I find her." He says, going to leave, but before he can Morgan grabs his arm, causing Stephen to look at him.
"Hey, no. look, I get it, Penelope's your family, well she's my family too, and just like you I'm not going to do nothing when she's somewhere alone in pain, I'm coming with you." Morgan reveals, there being no room for argument in his voice.
"Okay. There's a few places around that we would go to when we were kids, when we wanted to get away from our Dads, I figure we could try those places first." Stephen explains, as they walk through the house.
"Hang on, no, that wouldn't make sense. This isn't about wanting to get away." Morgan reveals, "It's about Emily."
"So, you think she would have gone somewhere with a connection to Emily." Stephen realises, "Makes sense, but Rossi can't even walk into her apartment because there are too many memories of Emily, where else would she go?"
"Somewhere where she could feel close to Prentiss maybe." Morgan speculates, and as he dose both he and Stephen come to the same realisation, "I'll drive." He says, as the two of them head out of the Rossi Mansion.
A little while later Morgan and Stephen have arrived at the cemetery where they, and everyone except Hotch and JJ, believe Emily is buried, and just like they suspected they find Penelope sitting in front of Emily's grave, and so both Stephen and Morgan walk over and sit down either side of her.
"Hotch tell you?" Penelope asks, a few minutes after Morgan and Stephen sit down.
"Yep." Morgan confirms, "He said you said cruel things to Ashley."
"I was mean." Penelope confirms.
"Look Baby Girl, I know you're hurting, I know you miss Emily, but hurting others because you hurt isn't okay." Morgan says, "That's not who you are, and it's not the women Emily fell in love with." Morgan says, knowing he is being harsh, but right now he feels like he needs to be.
"Rossi, Emily loved you for the kind, amazing person you are. She wouldn't want you to change because you lost her, honestly I think it would be betraying her if you did." Stephen admits, trying to keep his voice kind, but like Morgan he is pretty sure that Penelope needs some brutal honestly right now.
"I know, and I don't want that, it just hurts, so much." Penelope says, getting upset, "I miss her soo much."
"I know." Morgan says, "You just got to keep going though the pain Baby Girl, but you can't let it consume you, or take what you're feeling out on everyone else."
"You're not alone, Rossi, and the pain will pass, you know that. You've just got to give it time." Stephen says, as he puts his arm around his best friend, as Morgan takes her hand, and the three of them drift into silence.
Four days have passed since Penelope was sent home and it is Penelope's first day back at the BAU. Not only is it Penelope's first day back at the BAU, but for the first time since Emily's death she is walking into the Bullpen, doing so because there is something she needs to do.
"Ashley…" Penelope says, walking up to Ashley's desk, where she is sitting.
"Garcia." Ashley says, sounding surprised, and not sure how to react.
"I'm sorry." Penelope says, "What I said on Thursday was mean, and not true, and I'm sorry." Penelope reveals, "I am very glad you're here, and I think it's amazing that you want to join the BAU. I'm sorry." Penelope explains.
"It's okay, I accept your apology." Ashley says, standing up, "And I'm sorry too, I can't even imagine how much you are hurting." She admits.
"Thank you." Penelope says, as she sees Hotch and her father walk towards the roundtable room, "We have a case." She says, and Ashley heads up to the roundtable room.
As Ashley heads up to the roundtable room Penelope walks over to Emily's desk, which is still looking exactly like it did the last time Emily was at work, and spends a few moments looking at it, before picking up the picture of her and Emily that Emily kept on her desk, and taking it with her as she heads upstairs.
