Note: 21- Cooking/Baking

So, guess who's watched more than her share of healthy eating/animal rights documentaries in the last year. The idea of a Vegan/Vegetarian Edd is too cute! And Kevin, who just wants to eat a dang steak has to put up with wheat-grass juice and soy ice cream. :3

I own nothing!


They'd bought a ton of produce last night, Kevin recalled when he woke up that morning. Three bunches of celery, a dozen heads of different leafy greens, a multitude of fruits and veggies and so on and so forth. Oh God. That could only mean one thing.

While he showered and dressed for the day, Kevin hoped the worst had not happened and Edd was sitting in the kitchen, a batch of pancakes sitting in front of him, waiting for Kevin to join him in their normal breakfast marry-time.

As he set foot down the staircase, everything seemed normal. No weird odors wafted from the illuminated kitchen doorway. Edd's shadow could be seen as he moved around. Kevin counted a few of his chickens.

In the living room, just a few feet from the kitchen, all was still well, nothing raising red flags, telling him to "Abort! Abort!"

And low and behold – when Kevin rushed into the kitchen, expecting a plate of flapjacks with that tooth –decayingly sweet syrup that Edd liked on the table, a few links of sausage and some bacon on a plate in front of the seat he always sat at, Kevin was thoroughly disappointed when no pig-based products sat on the table and no pancakes could be found anywhere.

Instead, there stood Edd with… That.

That beast. That monster. That… Thing!

"Good morning, dear," Edd said sweetly as he cut up celery and apples. A large amount of fruits, vegetables, and a variety of nuts and legumes were already piled around the counter near Edd. And to his left, plugged in and ready to destroy Kevin's day was the one piece of machinery that Kevin loathed with a passion.

"I'm almost ready to start juicing," Edd told him as he finished chopping the celery into manageable pieces. "Is there something you would like specifically?" He smiled as he wiped his hands on a dishrag thrown over his shoulder. He looked at Kevin expectantly.

"Uh…" Kevin fumbled for words, grasping for something, anything!

"Uh…"

Eddward giggled. "I know you're not a morning person, but syllables and sentences are best for communication."

"Uh…"

Eddward shook his head. "If you don't want anything, then I'm just making the usual. All the juice should be ready in just a short time. I'm trying a few new recipes along with the usual, so I hope you don't mind." And with that, the first beet was pulverized.

Kevin groaned mentally as he slumped at the table. Urgh! He hated juicing; juicing and everything that came with it because it couldn't just stop of juice. No, there had to be that disgusting pulp stuff that Edd liked to dehydrate and make crackers or freeze and use for vegetarian soup base. Kevin liked when it was used for compost, though. Let the worms deal with it. As long as it wasn't him!

"So, uh," he said casually, trying not to seem suspicious or, you know, completely dead set against the idea of binging on grass juice. "How long are we cleansing?"

"Just the week," Edd said as he pressed a few carrots through the juicer. The drink that came out looked like dirt. Kevin shuddered. "We can cleanse and then feel much better for a while. No need to go crazy," he joked sweetly. Kevin rolled his eyes.

"So just this week. Until Sunday?"

"Yes, dear." And like that, the first batch of hell in a jar was done, tightly sealed in a neat mason jar with a label proclaiming the date in blocky letters.

Kevin tapped away at his phone, listening and cringing every time the accursed juicer machine whirred to life, puking out brightly coloured slime. Ten minutes before he was due to leave for work, Edd set a neatly sealed thermos in front of him, a folded sticky note taped to the cup.

Edd smiled at him expectantly. "I've given you a mix of mostly fruits. I know you don't like these drinks much, but the health benefits are plentiful so I think you can power through a few days of torture." He kissed the top of Kevin's head. "Don't be expecting steak for dinner though."

Kevin grumbled and rolled his eyes, kissing Eddward back. "Yeah, yeah. What are we having, then?"

"A wheatgrass drink with some vegetarian stew. I have enough pulp left over to make a few crackers to go with it. And…" Edd leaned up to peck Kevin's cheek once more before he left out the door. Kevin wrapped his arms around Edd's waist, leaning in as well.

"Hmm?"

"We might be having fish as well," he smirked, winking and shutting the front door in Kevin's face.

Damn that dork was good.