In this chapter:
"I don't know where he is, I don't care where he is, and no, I am not calling him for you."
Chaeryung
"You seem different today. Did something happen on Christmas? Something good?" I ask Woohee, nudging her ribs with my elbow as we sprinkle flower petals all over the water of one of the Damiwon's inner bathing pools.
She looks thoughtful for a moment, and then she nods. "Yeah. Something did happen and… it was… mostly good."
I know I shouldn't pry but-
"Woohee!"
Surprised, we exit the pool to see Jinki with a package in her hands. Looking at it more closely, I see that it's a bouquet of beautiful red roses. As roses are very expensive this time of year, I wonder who they're from.
"Thanks," Woohee mumbles, taking them with a blush to match.
"You got a boyfriend for Christmas?" I ask when we're alone again.
"Er…" she cocks her head to the side and grimaces, "I'm not sure, to be honest. Maybe yes, maybe no?"
How can you not be sure you have a boyfriend?
"It's Baek Ah," she explains in answer to my frown. Everything clears in an instant. "A lot of things happened, and we managed to talk, sort some things out…" she shrugs, "He wants to try again." There's a faraway look in her eyes as she says this, and I wonder if it's because she's remembering the past few days, or the long ago past that they both tried to forget?
I nod, feeling like I should have guessed from the start. "Did Sanggung have something to do with it?"
"Actually… now that you ask… she had everything to do with it. She probably doesn't know it, though," she chuckles at the thought of Hajin. "She told me to just be honest… and being honest with Baek Ah… honestly, it was one of the hardest, most liberating things I've ever done. I should have done it sooner, but I needed that little push. I'm lucky unnie was there to provide it." She looks suddenly at me. "And you? Do you need some pushing too?"
The good feeling I had felt upon seeing her genuine smile quickly disappears. I snort and wave a hand. "No need. I dumped him last week."
"What? Why? I thought you said he was perfect!" She's so surprised, I feel guilty for building her expectations of that douche so high, and for not updating her sooner on the situation. "I thought you two really hit it off at the wedding."
I scowl. "Yes, well… he used to get along with his wife, too." She gasps, as curious as a toddler in a new playground, and I make a rash decision to tell her. Because I have to tell someone. I sigh, "I saw him walking hand-in-hand with her. So picture this… there I was carrying grocery bags full of food for my family, sweating and limping as I struggle to make it to the taxi stand… and I see him… and he sees me… and he just walks on."
She tuts. "What an ass."
"I thought maybe I was seeing wrong, so I called his name out loudly like, 'Junsu-shi!', and he didn't turn but the woman did. Can you believe it? And she looked me up and down and said, 'Do you know her?' and the idiot replied, 'A little' and I knew right then that I had been played." I still seethe about it.
"And er… what did you do?"
I force my blood pressure down and smile sweetly. "Well, I couldn't let him get away with it. I told her he was my customer and that I worked here, at the Damiwon, and she was so happy because she'd apparently been trying to get into our beauty program for weeks."
"You have a very good boyfriend, miss, for thinking of giving you only the best this Christmas," I had told the woman with a perfectly straight face. To him I said, "This must be your girlfriend, Sori."
As I had made the name up, he naturally got confused.
"Sori?" the woman asked sharply, looking from him to me.
He struggled to explain that he had no idea who I was talking about, which should have been easy considering he really didn't know who I was talking about as I had literally made her up, and as I listened to his confused stuttering, and as I watched her reddening face, it suddenly hit me that perhaps this was not his first time cheating on whoever this woman was. Or on me, for that matter.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," I interrupted with a genuine gasp, ignoring the way he discreetly kept shaking his head. "Sori was another customer, I must have mixed you two up." His shoulders slumped in relief, but he must have been crazy if he thought I was through with him. "You must be Sora, from Japan. Sori, Sora…" I forced a fake laugh, "your names are so similar, you must forgive me for the confusion. Well, I would like you to know, Sora, that your boyfriend ordered only the best for you two on Christmas morning. Mind you, it wasn't easy putting you in - as you know, we are fully booked for the next six months at least - but he was so passionate about wanting your anniversary to be special that I called in a favor with my boss and-" I spread my hands, waiting for the gratitude that I knew would never come.
Everything was silent for the longest time, and some people had even stopped to watch. A security personnel had just approached us to ask us to please take our conversation elsewhere when everything exploded.
"Yeobo, we'll be late for the-"
"THE WHAT?" she screamed into his face. "Sori? Sora? Anniversary? How many more, you cheating bag of shit!?"
"Yeobo, I really don't know what-"
"How much?" She suddenly turned to me, pointing at him, her face redder than the scarf around her neck. "How much is he spending on that whore?"
Without waiting for me to reply, she kicked him. "Start again? A baby?" she yelled, swiping her bag across his face, but he grabbed it with one hand and held the other out to try and reason with her.
"I don't know her. She must have mistaken me for someone else, yeobo, I promise, there's no one else but y-"
"Bullshit!" She took advantage of his raised arms and landed a solid kick straight at the bundle of nerves between his legs. Men around us groaned in sympathy as he gasped and fell on his shaking knees.
"You tell that bitch that she can keep him," she said to me, snatching her bag off the floor so strongly, the strap came off. "I am done. Done!"
He called out to her as she left, and when he saw me taking my things, he raged, "Chaeryung-shi! You will pay for this!"
I charged at him, but stopped inches short, satisfied at the terror on his flinching, cowardly face. "Maybe now you've finally learned your lesson. Asshole."
I felt good, and not just because people cheered and clapped for me as I left… but because even though he had made a fool out of me, at least I had been able to save that woman from her sham of a marriage.
"Wow. Savage," Woohee remarks in admiration.
I sigh. "I knew he was too good to be true. Sanggung was right… I should stop with these stupid dating websites. You both found yourselves decent men well enough without them! Soondeokie too," I add, feeling miserable. And they're all cousins. Of all the young, eligible Wang men to choose from, it was just my luck that I ended up falling for the most troublesome.
"You know who else was right?" she says, sounding cautious.
I look at her with raised eyebrows.
"Won."
I roll my eyes. "No."
"He warned you about him!"
"He called him a cheap bastard for driving a secondhand car!"
"And now we know he is a cheap bastard."
"Won only knew the man was a cheat because he's a cheat, himself. It takes one to know one, doesn't it?" I point out matter-of-factly.
She brings up her hands in surrender. "It's still Christmas season. Let's not fight about men on Christmas."
"You're right, they're not worth it," I grumble, lighting the last of the scented candles. "I think we're done here."
She nods, packing everything up and shutting the lights. We stand back to admire our work briefly - the steam rising lazily from the shallow but large square pool; the scented candles on mounts on the walls; the bottles of wine and platters of sliced fruits.
"Will you tell Mr. Lee that pool number 3 is ready for his parents?" Woohee asks an intern, who immediately complies. To me, she says, "It's almost time for our break. Where'd you like to eat?"
"We should ask sanggung what she's in the mood for," I suggest, before remembering that she has a lunch date today. "Right. Weekly dates. Daily dates, more accurately."
"Only when he's free," she chuckles, removing her bun to give her hair a chance to breathe, "which just happens to be almost everyday."
A knock on the doorframe makes us both turn. "Chaeryung-shi… excuse me, but there's a woman looking for you. Shall I send her in?"
I think I know who it is. I suppress a sigh and nod.
The moment Won's secretary comes in, I tell her what I've been telling her since her boss stopped coming to work: "I don't know where he is, I don't care where he is, and no, I am not calling him for you."
"Agassi," she begs with clasped hands, looking on the verge of tears, "he hasn't been answering any of my calls lately. His father has threatened to disown him!"
"So tell him."
"I tried."
"And?"
"He hasn't been answering any of my calls."
Right. "Look, you're his secretary. It's bad enough that I have to keep telling you what to do when it's not my job to do so. Find him and talk to him if you have to."
"I've tried that, too," she says, opening a folder, sheets of paper immediately falling to the floor. The poor girl hasn't had a proper break in months and is looking considerably worse for wear. What used to be perfectly styled hair has been hastily tied with a rubber band, with strands of hair sticking out every which way; her make-up now only consists of a dab of lipstick and a bit of mascara; her crisp uniform is ruffled in more places than one; there are spots of dirt on her black shoes.
"I have been to… every single restaurant Won-nim owns," she explains, carelessly bunching up the fallen sheets and showing me a list. "He's in neither of them. I spent… Christmas Eve… dialling up every hotel in the city to ask if he was there, and when they wouldn't tell me, I had to go there myself to check… I still haven't found him, but I'm looking. Just one minute. If you can help me just a bit, I promise I'll stop bothering you!"
I narrow my eyes, challenging. "Forever?"
The poor girl looks speechless and apprehensive, even pathetic - a far cry from the confident fresh graduate she used to be.
I sigh, giving in to pity. "His family has an unlisted resthouse in Daegu and another at Busan. You may want to file a short leave from work to visit those places. I'll text you the addresses over lunch."
"Thank you, agassi!" she says, actually tearing up.
"Yeah, yeah…" I grumble with an inward sigh, before I notice she's giving me something. "For me?" I ask, surprised.
"Thank you for helping me all this time," she says as formally as she can, "I wouldn't have made it this far without you, so… really, thank you very much!"
I'm shocked. No one's ever thought to give me a gift as payment for my help before. "Thank you… and good luck on your search."
The moment the door closes behind her, Woohee tuts. "She should just quit. Let his father disown him. It's clear he doesn't care."
"She has a lot of debts to pay. Won-nim quadrupled the basic salary before disappearing," I shrug, resentful that he hadn't thought of increasing my pay back when I had worked for him, "she needs the money. If he's disowned, she loses her job."
Woohee isn't satisfied. "Then she can find another job, one where she can actually breathe and relax from time to time. I just don't think all that stress is worth it."
"Yes, well…" I shrug, putting the little gift in my bag and shutting my locker, "it's a good thing I no longer work for him."
A scream in the hallway alarms us. "Chaeryung-shi! Chaeryung-shi!"
"Busy day today. I wonder what the fuss is now?" I ask, opening the door to ask, but not before someone barrels into me, knocking me backwards into Woohee.
"What the-?!" we exclaim in unison, but Jinki is unapologetic, looking very distressed.
"Trouble at the lobby," she begins to say, "there's a man and he claims you ruined his marriage. He's threatening sanggung!"
Woohee and I don't need to be told twice. Dropping our things, we immediately head in the direction indicated, and the closer we are, the louder Junsu's voice is.
"I'm losing everything! Everything!" he booms. "Her little joke went too far!"
"As I have told you, you are disturbing our customers. Whatever grievances you may have, please take them up with her in private-"
"I demand to see her right now-"
"-but not before you calm down. I will not have you yelling in these premises!"
"Call security," Woohee orders Jinki, who's managed to keep up with us, though she's visibly shaking. "How long has he been here?"
Jinki replies, "Not long. I've already sent someone to fetch the guards outside."
"Good," nods Woohee, but I've stopped listening to them. As we enter the lobby, we're greeted by a scene that sets my blood immediately boiling.
"You get away from her!" I shout, rushing forward and physically getting in between him and sanggung. He stops advancing up the stairs and fixes me with a deadly glare. I admit to some fear at the sight of him, but it's overshadowed by my anger that he would try to physically threaten one of my best friends. "Don't involve her, this is between me and you."
"Are you okay?" I can hear Woohee ask Hajin from behind me.
"Yes," she replies. I feel her hand on my arm and she's pulling me back. I sense the danger too, as clearly as I can see him balling his fists the same way he did before he punched Won…
As scared as I am of his strength, I'm more worried of what might happen to my friends in the event he suddenly decides to get physical. I need to force him away. The center of the lobby is empty. If a fight breaks out there, there won't be any other casualties.
"You inconsiderate beast!" I yell. Gathering my courage and anger, I push him back, back, back until there's no one else near us. "You cheating, lying bastard! You ruined your own marriage!"
He blocks my final prod with a nasty swipe of his hand. "What, did you actually think I was serious about you? Did you think I would leave her for you? I was just having a bit of fun. You were just a little cookie on the side of my plate," he mocks with a small laugh.
"Did your wife find it funny, too?" I shoot back in disgust. "Was your little cookie worth your marriage?"
I was unprepared to handle the punch, and it sent everyone screaming. From my position on the floor, I try to sit up, to get my vision to refocus, but I'm completely dazed. He had struck my ear, that much I'm aware of, which accounts for my loss of balance. It's a miracle I'm even still conscious.
"Stop!" It's Woohee's voice, and I wonder with dread if it's her shadow I'm seeing in front of me. From behind us, Hajin is yelling, but I can't hear her very well. I can only hear… him… and Woohee. "If you don't leave right now, I'm calling the police!"
"Out of the way if you don't want the same thing happening to you!"
A pair of hands reach me, inspecting my face. I shake my head to clear it. It hurts but it works. Eventually, my eyes refocus and my hearing returns to normal.
I watch in horror as Woohee continues to block him, preventing him from getting to me, and when I look up, I see that Hajin has joined us with the rest of our staff.
"No, you'll get hurt," I tell them weakly, trying to push them away. "Sanggung, go back…" She's on her knees and it's her hands that I had felt earlier.
"Are you dizzy?" she asks sharply.
"A little," I admit, forcing myself to sit up.
"Shh, it's okay, security is taking care of him," Minkyung assures me, and that's when I realize she's right - the two security personnel of the Damiwon have arrived and are trying to get Junsu to leave.
But Junsu soon proves to us all just how angry and desperate he is for revenge when, refusing to leave, he charges straight at the two men and knocks them over backwards, his years of training as an athlete giving him an advantage. Before either of the personnel can get up, he kicks them hard, forcing them to stay down.
"You're crazy," I manage to croak, trying to get away from my friends to keep them from possible harm.
"What will hurting her do?" Hajin demands angrily. "Will it bring back your marriage and solve all your problems?"
He smiles unpleasantly at her. "No, but it'll make me very… very happy."
"Revenge won't solve anything. It won't make you happy!" Woohee tells him. She and the rest of the ladies help me and Hajin up. We huddle as a group, backing slowly away until we reach the stairs.
"Oh yes, it will," he says with malice in his eyes. He's savoring this… like a predator eyeing his kill, enjoying every minute of our fear. This man is crazy.
"My friends and customers are innocent," I croak, forcing my way to the front of the group and spreading my arms wide in an attempt to shield them, but he doesn't seem to care. "If you want to blame me, then blame me! Only me! They're-"
There's a collective scream when he draws back his fist a second time, and I shut my eyes tightly, expecting to die at any moment, but then the screams turn into gasps, and when I open my eyes again, I see why.
It's So and Baek Ah, and they're angrier than I've ever seen them. In fact, I think with both relief and dread, So looks positively murderous.
Meanwhile, Junsu looks surprised, finding the fist he had raised to strike suddenly locked in a man's tight grip. He twists and manages to free himself, but before he can even get a good look at his new opponent, he gets a punch in the face.
"Leave," So says, ignoring Junsu's howls of pain as blood splatters from his broken nose to the wooden floor.
"She ruined my life!" Junsu screams, cradling his bloody appendage, turning around to keep So within his sight as the other man circles around him to stop in front of us.
"I don't care."
With a furious yell, Junsu raises his leg for a kick, but So catches it and tosses it back, causing Junsu to fall to the floor with a resounding crash.
Everyone's silent when Junsu shakes himself and gets back up again, spitting blood onto the floor as he does so. He's red from both blood and humiliation, but his need for revenge spurs him on for one last attempt.
He does what he did to the security personnel and charges at So, bent over and hands in front of him, yelling like a man ready to fight to the death.
I can feel everyone behind me tense up, and no wonder, too, as Junsu is well-built and heavier looking than So, who's more lean. But we needn't have worried.
It just goes to show how brains, as much as brawn, are necessary in the art of fighting.
Instead of going against Junsu and risking injury, So uses the larger man's strength and momentum against him by simply grabbing the man's jacket at just the right moment and spinning him around until he's facing the opposite direction before releasing him. Junsu can't find his feet fast enough to stop himself from hurtling out the doors, down the Damiwon steps and out of sight, into the cold snow, where we hear him crash into one of the pots adorning the gardens.
There's a moment of stunned silence when everyone waits for him to reappear… and when he doesn't, the place erupts in cheers. Customers and staff alike are clapping their hands, relieved that the threat has finally been dealt with. My knees are about ready to give way when there's movement behind me and my colleagues gasp one word that brings me back to life.
"Sanggung!"
I turn to see Hajin sitting on the steps, hands up, shooing people away. I want to help her, but then I see So and decide she'd prefer him than me right now. I'm probably the last person she wants to see, actually.
"Stand back, guys, let her breathe," Woohee orders sharply. She quickly tells the rest of the girls what to do - apologize to the guests and give them all complimentary drinks. Baek Ah is way ahead, already making rounds, doing damage control.
As soon as Woohee is through briefing them, the girls immediately get back to work, ushering people back to their rooms and offering them whatever drink they want, suggesting calming teas for those who look pale and shaken.
"Hey, go with them," Woohee tells me with a swift pat on the back. I look up to see So carrying Hajin up to her office. "I have to help down here, but you need to have that checked. It's starting to look really bad."
I'm so ashamed, I can't bring myself to follow - or move for that matter. This had all been my fault. I had completely underestimated Junsu's character… and if it weren't for So's timely entrance, who knows what kind of damage could have been done today?
Eventually, I do manage to get up the stairs. I knock on the door and feel sick with remorse when I enter to find Hajin lying on the chaise lounge.
So is with her, holding tightly onto her hand even as he talks to someone on his phone. When he sees me, however, he gives her hand a small kiss and vacates his seat, which I nervously take. Still, I reason, somewhat heartened as he leaves the room, if she were in any real danger, he wouldn't have left her alone.
"Are you okay?" I ask shakily.
"Yeah," she replies, lifting her hand for a moment and allowing it to flop right down. "I was just finding it hard to breathe."
"I'm so sorry," I blurt out at once, unable to face her. "It was all my fault. You all could have been seriously hurt because of me."
"Yes, but we weren't," she says quietly, but I know she must have been scared for her baby earlier. Because I was. Am. "Let's not dwell on the what-ifs because we have bigger problems right now."
I notice her breathing is somewhat labored and get up to refill her glass of water.
"There were too many people today," she begins. "This will be all over the news, our first bad publicity since opening. We don't know yet how badly this could hurt the business but we're hoping the new PR team So hired to replace Hwangbo Wook can salvage the situation." Judging by the way she said it - she isn't sure yet how much confidence she can place in their abilities. "I don't know what happened between you two, Chaeryung-ah… but it must have been very bad for him to come all the way here like that." And then she sighs and finally looks at me in a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you? kind of way, "I hate to be the one to say this but… you have rotten luck with men."
I flinch, unable to deny it. "Or really poor judgment."
She sits up with a groan and begins applying a cool gel onto the side of my face as I talk, telling her all that I had told Woohee earlier.
"Well, I can't say you were wrong," she says with a grudging smile when I'm through, "but you could have handled it better today."
"I know," I admit, shamefacedly, "I panicked. I'd seen him hit Won-nim before… and when I saw him being aggressive towards you..." I wipe my nose with a half-hearted shrug.
She lightly squeezes my shoulder. "I'm grateful you came to my help… but when word of this reaches the higher offices and if they decide to punish you, I'm afraid I won't be able to do much to stop them."
I must admit… before she mentioned it, I hadn't at all thought of how this incident might affect my work. Frightened, I whisper, "Am I fired?"
"Not by me and not if I can help it," she assures me. "So and Baek Ah are already working to contain the situation. Let's hope they can wrap this up peacefully."
The door opens and Woohee comes in. "The police just took him away. You're safe now," she tells me, to my immense relief. I hadn't known until then just how scared I had been of confronting Junsu again. To Hajin, Woohee says, "They've decided not to charge our customers today for our services, and a request for additional security has already been made to reinforce our promise of providing a safe environment for everyone."
Hajin nods. "It's probably for the best. Thank you, Woohee-yah, you've done well."
"Are you okay? You seemed really shaken earlier, but you look less pale now," Woohee says, eyeing her critically. "Would you like me to get you anything? Ice cream or some fruits…?"
"No, thank you, I'm not really in the mood for food."
The door opens again and this time, it's So and Baek Ah. Baek Ah is looking harassed, but So looks angry.
"I'm firing these guys when this is over," he grumbles, presumably referring to the new PR team. "They keep asking me what I want them to do. Shouldn't they know? What did I hire them for if I have to do their jobs for them?"
Baek Ah shrugs. "Will we be pressing charges against the man?"
"Of course. Footage from the surveillance cameras should be enough to sentence him."
"And Chaeryung?" Hajin asks, making room for them on the couch. "What did abeonim say?"
It's clear he had wanted to avoid the topic, but as Hajin had asked…
"He wants her fired."
Woohee and Hajin immediately protest, and I feel just about ready to faint. Fired. On Christmas season. After being promoted just two months ago. After I had promised to help pay for my sister's college tuition. After I had promised to give my family a much needed vacation.
"But," So says loudly amidst the protests, somewhat amused, "he's not in charge anymore. I've asked Mu-hyung to intercede on her behalf. He's not like father. He can actually be reasoned with."
I can breathe again.
"Thank you," Hajin says wholeheartedly, sounding as relieved as I am.
"Another but…" And this time, he looks directly at me. I flinch. "As fond as my wife is of you, your actions endangered everyone here today, and you've caused a great deal of trouble. I think it's fair to warn you to expect some repercussions. If I can stop them from firing you, I will, but I won't stop them from doing anything else."
God, he's scary when you get on his wrong side. But I know what I did wrong and there's no one but myself I can blame. "Of course," I agree meekly, feeling worse than ever.
He looks at Hajin with raised eyebrows that I imagine ask, 'Well?'
And though she looks sour, she answers with a shrug and a look of her own that says, 'If you must.'
Satisfied, So checks his watch. "I think we've done all that we can here… shall we stop stressing and go grab some lunch?"
.
.
I've been suspended. One month without pay.
And as I'm too much of a coward to tell my mother and siblings about it, I had forced a smile on my face upon coming home and pretended all was well and good with the world. It's only now that they're asleep, and all the lights have been shut off that I can finally give in to the negative emotions that have been plaguing me.
I'm out in the cold, with nothing but my mother's dead plants for company, and half a dozen bottles of soju that I had smuggled in earlier to keep me warm.
One month without work and pay, with fees and bills to settle just around the corner, and my family oblivious to everything. How do I explain to my mother and younger siblings that I had fooled around with a married man, it had almost cost me my job?
I can't do it. Not now, when they're all still so happy, not when they had thought things were finally looking up for us. I ponder asking Hajin if she would want to hang out tomorrow since it's her rest day...but then I think better of it. After the scare and all the stress from this morning, she'll need the rest.
I had already asked Woohee if she would like to hang out on her rest day, but she had declined politely and apologetically, saying something about a therapy session. Soondeok and I aren't as close, but I would have asked her if only she and Eun would do things other than martial arts and computer games. Also, as they've officially begun dating, tagging along with them just… doesn't seem right.
It's only now that I realize… how much of a loner I am. I've spent all these years working for my family. I have no social life, no friends. It's depressing, really.
Someone nearby coughs. I think nothing of it. But when Won appears, walking right over our little gate and clearing his throat loudly, a bag in his hand, I think maybe I've finally lost my mind. Or is it possible to get drunk after just one and a half bottles of soju? As I've never drunk so much before, I wouldn't know.
"Go away. You're supposed to be in Busan," I mumble, closing my eyes and lying down. The floor is cold and hard. Perfect for numbing out feelings of regret.
"Busan?"
I sigh and ignore him, wishing he would stop talking and let me go to sleep.
"You'll freeze to death if you sleep out here."
"Who cares," I grumble, turning over so I won't have to look at him. "Go back to Daegu already."
"Daegu?"
Running out of patience, I sit up and wave my hands in the air, hoping it'll clear whatever hallucination this is. But he just laughs. "What on earth are you doing?"
I try a pinch to my face. Ouch. That'll leave a mark.
"It's so dark." The light above switches on, blinding me temporarily. "Get up and let me look at that thing you call a face."
"What-?!" I splutter, covering my eyes with my hands. He can't be a dream because I haven't fallen asleep yet. He can't be a hallucination because the lights are on and I distinctly remember switching them off. "Are you real?"
He doesn't reply, but I can still hear him emptying out the contents of his bag onto the rusty little table by the wall.
"What are you doing here?" I demand, getting up and rearranging myself to look more presentable. Then I remember who he is and stop. He's just another cheat like Junsu. Hajin is right… I have rotten luck in men. And I seem to be attracted to the especially nasty ones. But not anymore. This time, I'm putting my foot down and deciding I want better. I deserve better.
He evades my foot and gestures to the items on the table, with a look that says quite plainly, 'What do you think I'm doing?' and as I get a closer look, I realize they're ointments and salves and oils and pills and…
"What's all this?"
"I didn't know which to buy, so I bought everything that said good for bruises. Now stand still while I read the instructions to some of these-"
"I know what they are!" I snap, grabbing the bottle in his hand and putting it back on the table. "I meant why are they here?"
To my surprise, he actually pulls out a mirror. "Because you look like half a panda right now. What did you tell your mother? That you fell down the stairs?"
"That's none of your business!" He's right, and I'm angry that he is. And I'm angry that he's here. "You've been gone for months. No one has seen you in months. And now you decide to show up? Do you have any idea how stressed your secretary's been?"
He looks piqued at my questioning, so it's no surprise that he doesn't answer. After a tut, he simply picks up another bottle and begins reading again.
And I put it away… again.
He sighs impatiently. "Yes, I know, she's been calling me nonstop for weeks. I'm going to have to fire her."
"Oh no, you won't," I tell him firmly, crossing my arms. "It took all of forever for me to brief her about what she's supposed to do. No other woman has lasted this long. You'd better keep her, or so help me, I'll… I'll..."
"You'll what?" he challenges. "You'll stop helping? Good."
He drives me crazy… in a very, very bad way. "You're impossible."
"Sure," he says easily, choosing a bottle randomly and twisting the lid open. "Hold still."
"Your father wants to disown you."
He shrugs, "They're not my family. I've only stuck around this long because of grandfather. You know that."
I do know. I'm probably the only one who knows, apart from his father, about his grandfather's wish.
He takes advantage of my temporary silence to dab a cold gel on my face. I flinch away, but he holds me still and I decide to humor him.
"I don't understand why your grandfather would want you, but not Baek Ah," I remark mildly. "Why would he visit you but not make an effort to even just… see him?"
Maybe he thinks my questions are rhetorical because he doesn't say anything, so I press on. "I mean, yes, Baek Ah's mother disobeyed him and brought shame to his family and some unwanted enemies, but Baek Ah is innocent of his mother's crimes, just as you're innocent of your father's." Crime? Is it right to call it a crime when she's guilty of nothing but disobedience?
"To know the answer to that, you'll have to ask him yourself," he murmurs, squinting so closely at my face that I blush. "I can help you. Just stand in front of my car and I'll run you over."
"Ha ha, funny," I say sarcastically. Then, deciding he's too close, I push him away and begin looking at the things he'd bought, myself. "Most of these are makeup… for covering up scars and unwanted dark marks. Did you even read these labels?" I ask, exasperated. "What did you just put on my face, anyway, toothpaste? It's minty."
"I didn't exactly have time to read through them all," he says, handing me the container of the gel he'd just used. "I came as soon as I heard."
Even though I'm supposed to be reading what the label says, I can't. It just dawned on me suddenly… the real reason he's here… why he had come with a bag of makeup and herbal things.
I'm embarrassed and can't look at him.
"I hate to say I told you so."
"I knew it!" I snap accusingly, ears burning. I can't believe this man. One minute, I think he's being nice and sincere, and the next, he's back to being… well… himself. Why do I even put up with him?
He shrugs and sits on the edge of the table. "I warned you. When he lost control and punched me, you should've known then. You should've believed me. Why didn't you?"
"Why didn't I?" I echo in disbelief. "Why should I have? How was I supposed to know you weren't just being a dick?"
He shrugs again, reading labels on bottles at random. "I am a dick. But I'm a dick who knows what he's talking about."
"Oh, well, forgive me for thinking you were being a dick just to mess with me," I snap, grabbing my half-empty soju bottle and taking a huge gulp.
"Yah!" he tuts, confiscating it. "You've drunk enough. Since when do you drink, anyway?"
"Since now," I reply with a clumsy swipe in the direction of my bottle, but then he lifts it up, way out of my reach, and I end up tripping all over him.
It's unsettling how unaffected he looks when our faces are this close to each other, so close that all I can do is stare up at him and wonder why… after all this time… I still feel this way.
"Give it back," I order him quietly.
"No."
I don't even know why I'm on the verge of tears. I've had a trying day, for sure, but it's not like I had been serious about Junsu… and it's not like I've been suspended from work for a whole year…
But I still find myself hurting.
I suppose, despite the fact that Junsu turned out to be a mighty jerk in the end, I genuinely did enjoy his attentiveness towards me while it lasted. He made me feel, even if for a short while, like I was special.
"You were just a little cookie on the side of my plate."
It's only now that I realize how much those words actually affected me; why I keep seeking to numb myself.
"Just because you don't want me doesn't mean other people won't either!"
Even then, you were right, weren't you? You're a dick but you're always right when it matters.
I no longer want to look at him. I take a step back and am about to open up a fresh bottle of soju when he grabs me and pulls me in again, hard.
I'm so surprised by the sudden intensity that I find myself staring back, speechless as he downs the remaining soju in my second bottle, finishes it all without even taking a breath. And then, tossing the bottle onto the snowy dead bushes, he takes advantage of my partially opened mouth.
As I'm so startled, my instincts take over and I resist him with all the strength I can muster. I try to spread his arms apart when they close around me; I pull my hips back when his own press against them; I struggle to find air as he continues his assault, his kisses so deep and so intense that my lips actually hurt.
Against his strength, I'm useless; completely helpless. I cry even as I hit him, hating how he's taking advantage of me in this way when he must know how awful I feel already.
And he doesn't stop; doesn't let up, not until my arms have gone numb from hitting him, and my knees have gone weak from fear.
Then he finally pulls back and I inhale gratefully, feeling lightheaded. Before I can muster the energy to slap him, he kisses me again - slowly this time, and far less rough.
My senses remain on high alert, even though my body has gone rigid. I wince unconsciously, expecting him to start being rough with me again, but instead, his hand frames my face, cups my cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against a corner of my lips.
His kiss has broken up into smaller ones, showering my tortured lips with gentleness. It's not long before I realize I'm actually kissing him back, leaning against him like a marionette whose strings had just been cut. His hands are curious, exploring me the way I'm exploring him. Under his coat, his body is warm; I run my hands over his chest and abdomen, my fingers liking what they're feeling. His fringe tickles my skin, and it only adds to the strange, pleasant sensation that's been surging through my body this whole time. He moves from my mouth to my cheek, and when his warm breath reaches my ear, I gasp, shuddering against him, only just realizing that he had stopped everything he had been doing all at once.
We're panting, immobile; I've never felt so charged in my life.
"Men who are like me… think only of pleasuring themselves," he says at last to my ear. I have to force myself to pay attention. "Look for someone who respects you and puts your needs above his."
My needs above his.
I feel lost when he leaves me.
"Look for someone who makes you feel comfortable."
I just stand there, staring at the empty wall, confused as hell as to what had just happened. Feeling my lips, I turn around to find him already gone, the falling snow the only thing moving in the darkness beyond the lonely light I'm under.
"Comfortable," I murmur. I snap out of it. Without pausing to think, I yell after him, "Couldn't you have just told me that, you freaking pervert?!"
A neighbor's dog suddenly barks, and another, and the next thing I know, all the dogs nearby are barking loudly, waking everyone up.
I panic when the first window opens. Quickly tossing all the stuff he had bought for me back into the paper bag, I run inside the house and bolt the doors.
So sorry for the late update! But it's another long chapter :D
And I'm sorry also to those readers who were deeply disturbed by the previous chapter! I should have put a warning, but I forgot. I deeply apologize. Trust that nothing that bad will happen from here onward.
Aaaand I'm sorry also to those who want more SoSoo :(
There will be more SoSoo after Chaeryung and Won, I promise!
