Chapter 53: Confessions Part 2
Normandy Communications Room, 20:42 pm
Pax System, Horse Head Nebula
[LOCATED: NORMANDY CAMERA FEED - NORMANDY VERSION 04231995-414]
[RECORDING ENCOUNTER FOR CALYPSO FILE LOGS: SUBJECT - COMMANDER JESSICA SHEPARD]
Garrus simply continued staring at the picture of Sergeant Zach Singleton's corpse after Jessica had finished telling her tragic story of what happened on Akuze. He ended up learning more than he thought he'd ever know about the battle-hardened sentinel. She had suffered through so much on Earth, lost a child to a miscarriage (another factor as to how humans weren't as durable as turians, as they never/rarely experience incidents like that), and apparently broke a man's heart only because she did not really know how she felt about the rich kid turned soldier who died in front of her eyes. She was also a powerful biotic, as she had tore a thresher maw in half out of rage. She had a headache for three weeks and somehow managed keeping her brain intact from all of that.
"Garrus," Jessica spoke, breaking his concentration on the picture. "I've got a serious question to ask."
Uh-oh. He thought. That voice doesn't sound too cheery. Of course, she did just talk about her most traumatizing experience in her life, so cheery's pretty much off the table. "Go ahead."
"You don't think I'm crazy or messed up, do you?"
"Not crazy in the sense of leading a geth army to take over the galaxy, no."
"You know what I mean, Garrus. The fact that I can't actually tell if what I am feeling is real."
"That's not being crazy unless you started calling yourself something you're not."
Jessica scoffed, turning her face away from Garrus. "Like a demon?"
Garrus tilted his head to try and capture her emotion. "You don't actually think you're a demon, do you?"
Jessica stood up. "Every night for six years, I've been having these dreams of a forest. Every time I go in the forest, Zach runs away from me. One time, he actually did call me a demon. And that is why I feel like one, Garrus. Because I'm always aggressive, even when I do the right thing. And I don't feel... Anything for anybody. Not even Captain Anderson or Father Callahan."
"You don't feel anything for anyone?" Garrus stood up and stood behind her.
The proximity of his body near hers sent electric signals up her spine. Her breathing became ragged and she was trying to control herself lest she throw herself onto him. In truth, she felt quite different when Garrus was around. At first, she thought it was friendship back when he first joined the crew, but after the mission on Noveria when he rescued her from that large nest of rachni that swarmed the hot labs, she couldn't help but feel something for the turian. And after she told him her greatest tragedy he hadn't run off like she thought he would. Instead, he stayed and continued asking questions.
She wanted to tell him the truth.
"I just... I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to feel something for someone if all I'm going to do is break their heart. I don't deserve friendship or compassion or perhaps even the life that I've been given."
"Jess," Garrus spoke, letting her old nickname slide along his tongue. He grabbed her hand and turned her around. "Listen to me. You deserve this life that you have. That's why I saved you during our mission to Dr. Saleon, dealing with the Thorian, finding that geth data for Tali on Solcrum, and even during that large group of rachni that almost swarmed you a few hours ago. You can have a hard time believing your own emotions, but trust me when I say you have the support of friends that actually think the world of you. Tali's been very cheerful since you had a sort of big sister talk with her and gave her the geth data as a pilgrimage gift. Wrex respects you on multiple levels based on combat and leadership, and you managed to make that old geizer smile when you found his family armor. Ashley's been very cheerful lately, too, all because you actually talk to her for a change. And I will always be here for you should you need me."
"Garrus..." Jessica eyes began to water, and all she could do is hug him. Every fiber in her being said to give him a kiss at least for being an awesome friend, but she resisted. She didn't know what would happen between them if she tried that. Garrus eventually hugged her back and started rubbing her back gently, not wanting to cause her discomfort over what he was doing. Jessica actually ended up enjoying it, actually. "You're the only friend I know I care about."
Garry's gasped at that, causing Jessica to shed a tear over her stupidity.
Decided to explain, she cleared her throat. "You've been a good friend to me, and the fact that you'll listen to me complain about how shitty my life has been says a lot about you. You're the only guy onboard I feel I can trust completely, and I can say I know for a fact I like you. I'd be sad to see you leave the Normandy anytime soon."
Garrus brought a hand up to her head, holding her a bit closer as he stroked her short, auburn brown hair. "Don't worry. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. You don't plan on it, either, do you?"
Jessica chuckled, pulling herself away a bit to look Garrus in the eyes. "Not for a minute. As long as you remain onboard, I'll be fine. Doesn't mean I probably won't be all drama queen during these private conversations."
Garrus chuckled at that. "Come on, I'll walk you to your room."
Jessica smiled as she kept only her hand with Garrus, holding his right hand with her left as he guided her through the CIC, down the stairs, and to her cabin. Jessica finally decided to hell with holding back, and gave him a quick kiss on the mandible. This caught Garrus by surprise, but he rather enjoyed the tender moment. It was nice to see her open up out of her shell more.
"Good night, Garrus." Jessica spoke as she closed the cabin door. Garrus walked over to the elevator, not even having to take a guess that Kaidan and Liara were in her office after what happened with her and Benezia on Noveria. After a while on the Normandy, the two became an exclusive pair worth noting. Obviously, Kaidan would visit to make sure she was doing okay.
The elevator ride back down to the cargo hold was uneventful, but it was when he got back down to the bottom of the cargo hold where things got interesting. The door opened and Wrex, Ashley, and Tali were waiting around it, surprising Garrus as he attempted to walk out of the elevator.
"Why are you guys standing around the elevator?" He asked.
Ashley smirked. "We heard about how you saved the commander on Noveria. Trying to get in her good graces, Scuttlebutt?"
Garrus raised his hands. "I don't know how you pictured it, but I just did what any turian should do when a friend is in trouble."
"Right." Tali muttered. "Friend."
"And what are you trying to imply, Tali?"
"Well, you remained in that meeting room for about a good forty minutes with the commander. We thought she might have been serenading you with something you might enjoy."
"If telling a dramatic story about a past event in her life counts as something I might enjoy, then you two don't seem to share the same views." Garrus joked.
"Ah, so she was swapping war stories?" Wrex asked.
"Of a sort. I respect her privacy, though, so I'm not saying what story she talked about. You'll just have to figure it out yourself." He smirked as he walked around his friends, typing away on the mako keyboard as the others engaged in a friendly conversation to add to the atmosphere.
Back up in her cabin, Jessica looked through her drawer in her desk and pulled out a white box filled with the mementos of Akuze. She opened it and reached in for a small golden necklace; a crucifix hanging in the middle. While she was open to the concept of God, she was more into the Budhist beliefs. The necklace had belonged to Zach and had survived the events of Akuze unscathed. Jessica took it from his neck so that she had a reminder of that horrible day.
Somehow she thought he might have done the same if their roles were switched, and that she actually managed to wear some type of necklace. But she had nothing to her name back then, and now all she had from Zach was her Titan X omni-tool and his necklace. Sighing, she put the necklace back in the box and put it away. Then she threw herself onto her bed, wondering how life would have been different if one detail had changed; if Zach had survived on Akuze, if little Emmy Lynn had survived birth, if her mother had survived in that operating room when she was born, and more minor details that could have a major change to her life.
But the past was irreversible.
She yelled into her pillow before she flipped herself upward, facing the ceiling. Her green eyes remembered faintly the calming effect Zach's dark blue eyes once did for her, and she regretted thinking of him so much after yet another near-death experience. Especially since his dream version continued to run from her when all she wanted to say was that she forgave him for being a stubborn ass. They had both said and done some stupid things, but the fact that he had pointed a gun at her made things very serious. She finally got over that event shortly after joining the Normandy, but sometimes she would be reminded of that moment, which wasn't good.
Eventually, however, she drifted into sleep.
The forest that she visited from time to time was a bit emptier than usual. She just walked around in her light Phoenix X armor expecting to see the image of Zach running away from her. This time, however, it was silent. She walked around the forest for what felt like hours. Nothing happened except Jessica slamming her fist into a tree, snapping it with her biotics.
A whistle to her left caught her attention.
As she turned to look, she spotted a young woman with black hair and green eyes sitting on a fallen tree. Her clothes were that of a white fur coat with red straps, and red winter boots that fit with the white leggings she wore with it. This mysterious woman waved her over to sit next to her, and Jessica decided to oblige. Mainly it was because she was curious, but she also felt as if this woman was familiar.
"Hello, Jessica." The mysterious woman spoke. "Have a seat. We have much to discuss."
"Uh, okay." Jessica sat on the fallen tree.
"First off, it's best if I introduce myself. My name is Ariel."
"Like the mermaid?"
"Not really. It's the only good thing my mother ever did for me; naming me Ariel. That's not really important to say, but it is something worth mentioning."
"Right. So why did you invite me here again?"
"I'm here to answer a question for you. You have asked yourself if you are demon, and the answer is no. But the truth itself is more complex."
"What do you mean?"
"This might be a bit harder to explain because you've been trapped in one reality your whole life. There have been a number of realities that exist all at once, and during your birth you visited a few of these realms, although at the time you were on a rampage due to unstable soul solidification."
"You lost me around rampage. What did I do, exactly?"
"You believe that you were automatically born in this realm where you are Commander Shepard, but that is only part true. You first started as a whole being called The Sentinel before being split into two different people; Jessica Shepard and Jessica Hawke."
"Wait a second, split? What does that mean?"
"It means you are not entirely who you think you are. At first, you were a bi-product to solve the Broken Iris problem my true love, The Stranger, accidentally created. However, you were unstable and we were forced to split you into two people to keep you alive. You were reborn as two people meant to make a difference."
"So you're saying I'm, what, two different women at once?"
"Well, you as Shepard are one woman, but you have two mindsets; one of the original Jessica The Stranger destroyed, and the other of the memory that would be borrowed from to revive a memory that no longer exists. Your inability to figure out who you trust comes from is part of the original Jessica. The new Jessica gave you other unique traits."
"Say I was to actually believe what you are saying. What proof do you have?"
Ariel smiled. "Proof will not need to be necessary soon. You'll see the truth soon enough when my love comes to bring you to his world." Ariel stood up, up, ignoring the look from Jessica.
"What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" She asked snidely before realizing that Ariel was disappearing. "Wait! I still have many questions! What's the point of this split mind? What do you mean by memory that was destroyed?"
Ariel had vanished entirely, leaving Jessica mad. "Great. She says she'll give me answers to my questions, but then she runs off when I have questions."
"Who says I run off?" Ariel's voice spoke, scaring Jessica as she fell off of the fallen tree.
Jessica jumped up from her sleep, rubbing her eyes over what just happened. Dreams could get pretty weird, but it almost sounded as if that dream was a real conversation. But why did Ariel say she was only a piece of someone else? What was the point of it? And furthermore, would it affect her future in some way?
Tired beyond measure, she collapsed again, glad that she went into a long, dreamless sleep.
Within Utopia
The Stranger pulled up multiple memories at once, replaying his moment where Ariel died for him, granting him the power of Ascension through her love. He also witnessed Nu seeing his old friend die from her grave wounds, Omicron finding the body of his lover at the bottom of the large cliff with the sword still through her chest, and Kappa ending the torment of the young man responsible for freeing him from prison. While that last one was not as important as the others, he only had it on due to the fact that he never has visited Kappa. And he had a good reason, too. Kappa was already crazy enough without an intervention from The Stranger.
Nu had only just finished speaking about his tragedy to his iris, and Omicron was taking so long the End of Sorrows would be long over by the time he even mentions the fact his first lover died defending him. Obviously, he found someone else who was another perfect match, and he ended up with a happy ending for his story, so he was fine. But what about the happy endings for the other fragments? What about Epsilon, who was close to being born as a whole person? Would they all get their happy endings like his creator wanted?
That all depended on the End of Sorrows.
The day was coming where he would either end the life of Jornada Del Muerto or spare the remaining human fragments within her to create even a real shadow of her former self; not like Jessica Shepard or Jessica Hawke, who almost destroyed the reality of the Fifth Author of his tale so long ago. And if he did decide to save the fragments, he knew exactly who to hand them to to guard.
Epsilon.
Epsilon had always been a plan his creator had wished to execute, and the setting would be too perfect for Jornada's humanity to linger. A two-hundred year old atomic wasteland was perfect for that scenario, especially if Epsilon guards her with his life. It would be the dream his creator had once wanted in a world where it would seem more like a nightmare. In fact, he had already set up the two vaults he bought for the purpose of his experiments there. They would be ready for use should he succeed in the End of Sorrows and rescue what humanity his demoness; his mistake possessed.
It might be enough to redeem himself.
Ultimately, however, not everyone would see it that way, as no one ever saw eye to eye when it came to The Stranger. But if it made up for all of the suffering and loss he and many others had suffered, it would satisfy him enough.
With that thought, he snapped his fingers and returned to his office onboard, determined that the end that would come soon would be a good one.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You know how as time moves on, you tend to care less about things that happened in your past? This is one of those times. Not the story, really, but the main reason why I wanted to write it. It wasn't because of the Mass Effect 3 endings like many other authors online (mind you, of course, that I have no intention of ever using those Deus Ex ripoff endings in the Zach Shepard canon), but because of one particular character that has had a huge role in this chapter.
I think you can guess.
I won't really go into detail about it, but the person behind that character had enough problems to make not one but three characters so far. She screwed with my life near the end of junior year, and the constant thought of those moments mixed with anger towards Bioware for Mass Effect 3's major problem brought this story to life.
But now, inspiration has stopped processing... For now.
I will be putting this story on ice for about maybe 3-4 months to focus on college and hammering out other chapters for my Skyrim and Assassin's Creed stories (and if I'm crazy enough I might start more). Make no mistake, however. This story will be finished. So will the trilogy and the follow-up books for the trilogy. I don't know when, but I will finish all of this one day. And I hope most (if not all) of you that have been along for the ride will stay to see its true conclusion.
You'll know I'm ready to finish at least this story if you follow my activity, because then I will be posting up my final pre-ME1 story, MASS EFFECT: OVERDRIVE.
