Guess what guys! I'm a rapper now! *puts on gold necklace and sunglasses, then leans back against wall as fanboys squeal* Haha, no. Sorry, not a rapper, barely a poet. Just had to do that for a fleeting moment. The reason I bring that up though, is that this chapter is an EPIC RAP OFF! Yeah, that's right. Time to put my limited abilities to the test. You guys are lucky I love you. Anyway, Davesprite's lines will look like this and Arquiusprites lines will look like this.
...Please don't hate me if it sucks.
Davesprite was sitting on the couch, not doing anything in particular. Then another sprite, this one red, walked into his room of the ship. He looked like an extremely ripped troll, with a pair of cracked anime shades covering his eyes. "Who the fuck are you?" Davesprite asked.
"Arquiusprite," he replied. "I'm Dirk's sprite."
"Dave's, if it wasn't obvious," Davesprite replied. "What's up?"
"Nothing really, I just figured we should get to know each other. Maybe urge Dirk and Dave to get over their sh-stuff and hang out for a bit. Frick, I mean shit. Ah, why do I speak such profanity?"
Davesprite raised an eyebrow. "Shit. Are you okay there, dude?"
"Don't use such lewd language," Arquiusprite snapped. Then he recoiled and rubbed his sweaty forehead. "Sorry. Canter decide whether I want to curse or censor myself. Lil' Hal wants to have a sailor tongue, and Equius wants to be boring."
"Lil' Hal?" Davesprite asked.
"Yeah. A computer version of Dirk," he replied.
"Cool. I'm another version of Dave," Davesprite said. Neither said anything after that for an awkward five minutes before Davesprite asked, "Want to have a rap-off?"
"Hell yes. I mean, yes."
It was decided that Davesprite would go first.
It's a good thing I float,
wouldn't want to slip
on the liters of sweat
here's a tip.
If you're nervous,
you shouldn't have challenged me.
You're so fucked up
that horse fetish is creepy.
Oh, are you upset?
Sorry I can't filter profanity.
How cute
the young man acting so tough
I'll do you a favor, junior
and stop when you've had enough.
Here's a warning 'cause you might get hurt,
I've been rapping longer,
my other self taught you,
I'm 100% stronger,
are you feeling blue?
Don't mess with the master,
I know what you'll do.
Shower me with petty insults,
yeah, that's ironic.
You can't beat me,
I'm bionic.
Back of, bitch
I'm getting in the zone.
I mean, fuck, what were you raised on?
Steroids and growth hormones?
Go look at your ponies
or snuggle with smuppets,
I know I'm better
you were raised by a fucking puppet.
Sorry, are you offended
of something so lewd?
I think I've won.
Bitch, you're screwed.
Arquiusprite was at a momentary loss for words as he attempted to curse at Davesprite. Then he saw Davesprite's smug grin, and continued.
Trying to come back STRONG?
Think you're doing good?
You're wrong.
Kid, I don't need to curse to rap.
That's your entire act.
Ninety-eight percent
to be exact.
Now bow down before me,
here's a box of tissues.
You say I'm messed up,
but you're the one with daddy issues.
"Low fucking blow, man," Davesprite replied.
"So, did I win?" Arquiusprite asked, a smug grin on his face.
"Say fuck you, and I will admit defeat."
"Flip you. Fudge you. Oh, god dangit! Why?!" Arquisuprite yelled.
Davesprite asked. "We're even."
I am so sorry this took so long. There's this weird thing about me. I can't write music. Anything else, yeah probably. But making lyrical magic is something I fail at. I'm sorry if your eyes bled. This was a first draft, so it probably sucks. I looked up videos on how to write rap-offs. I don't think I learned that much. Anyway, leave all comments and requests in the review section, and thanks for reading.
Alright, I'm out.
