I slept soundly – forever, it seemed, but when I woke up Darry told me it had been just about a whole day. While I'd slept, my fever had broken, and the medicine to clear out my lungs had been working, too – I had to admit, it didn't hurt nearly as much to breathe, and while I was still coughing quite a bit, it wasn't even close to as painful as it had been previously.
I was allowed to eat a little bit of real food, and while I wasn't quite as up for the cheeseburger that Soda had promised as I had been when he'd mentioned it, I was able to eat a bit of chicken pie and some mashed potatoes. Soda and Pony came by, with Ben – for which I was both grateful and embarrassed, imagining how I looked – and I immediately feel asleep again the moment they left. This time I hadn't been out long when Steve once again invaded my slumber.
………….
I had just left school, and sat down in Two-Bit's car, when I realized it was him. My heart just about stopped, then started again at a breakneck pace.
"NO! I yelled, and kicked him away as he grabbed my arm, and I opened the car door and started running.
I could feel my heart slamming against my chest as I ran, with all I could, toward the football field bathrooms.
It seemed like no matter how fast I ran I never got any closer, but my legs slowed more and more with each stride, until I was barely moving at all.
"NO!" I yelled, as I felt his hands on my shoulders, knocking me to the ground. "No!"
…………………..
Suddenly, from far away, I heard Darry and Pony's voices, and realized someone was holding both of my hands. I realized I wasn't running, either; though my heart was racing. I was lying in my bed in the hospital.
"Just a dream," Darry said, as I struggled to focus on his face leaning over me. "Not real, Scout. It's just me and Pony. Nobody else."
"We're right here," Pony added. "Wake up. It wasn't real."
I opened my eyes, and realized that Darry and Pony each had one of my hands. I closed them again, a deep sigh escaping as I let my head fall back into the pillow.
"Are you awake?" Pony asked. "You're okay?"
I nodded. I felt stupid, for making everybody worry – for making Darry sit with me like a babysitter - for all of it. I just wanted to go back to being a regular kid, sleeping through the night, worrying about stuff like homework and boys, not rapists and getting taken from my family.
"Open your eyes," Darry said. "Look at me."
I opened them but I just stared down at the bed, not wanting to look at anyone. I wanted to disappear, so nobody would have to sit around and coddle me anymore. I felt like a damned six year old.
"You're okay," Darry said.
"I know." I didn't look up. "I'm sorry about all this, it's so stupid."
"Look, Scout, we've been through this. It's not a problem. We want to be here for you."
"No, it is a problem. It's a big problem. This has to stop. I'm almost thirteen, I shouldn't need a damned babysitter."
Darry let my swear slip, but the conversation obviously wasn't over – he just wanted Pony gone for it. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a dollar, telling Pony to go get him a Pepsi, though it was clear to all three of us that Darry just wanted to talk to me alone.
"You want anything?" he asked me.
I shook my head.
I watched as Pony left and the door shut behind him.
"Just tell me," I said, breaking our silence. I figured since he'd kicked Pony out, it must be something bad. "I mean it, Darry. I can't take anything else sneaking up on me, so just tell me, whatever it is. Is something else wrong with me now?"
"No, baby. You're doing good. Dr. Bryant says if your fever stays away and you get a clear X-ray you can go home, maybe tomorrow."
That seemed to be all good news, so I couldn't help but wonder what all the secrecy was about.
"But…?" I knew there had to be one.
He took my hand and held it until I finally looked at him.
"Before you get upset, I just want you to think about it, okay? Don't say no right away."
I just stared, narrowing my eyes at him. I didn't like how he'd prefaced whatever it was, that was for sure.
Darry smiled, looking down at me.
"Don't laugh at me," I said. "It's not funny."
"I'm not laughing at you. It just makes me smile – you don't think you're tough, but you are. If looks could kill, sometimes, you'd be deadly."
"Look, quit beating around the bush. Just say whatever you kicked out Pony to tell me, because he'll be back any minute."
He sighed and paused for a moment before starting.
"Alright, Scout. Just… sometimes I have to do stuff I know you won't like because I know that, in the end, it's gonna be best for you. Can you understand that, at least?"
I didn't like where this was going, at all. I stared again, and this time he didn't laugh at me.
"And…?" I couldn't take the anticipation.
"Dr. Bryant put a condition on your release."
"What does that mean?"
He must have sensed the fear in my voice, because he squeezed the hand he had and leaned over me, reaching under my sheets for my other hand.
"It means he's only going to let you out of the hospital if we – you, but me, too – agree to certain things."
All of a sudden my paranoia took over.
"No way I'm going home with anybody but you, to anywhere but our house," I said. "Don't even tell me you agreed to let someone else take me." I felt tears rising again and cursed myself for being such a girl.
I felt Darry tense up and he pulled his hand away from mine, lowering his head and kneading at his forehead. Just like Dad always did when he was upset.
"You did?" I cried.
"God, Scout, No. Do you have any idea how it makes me feel to think that you really believe I'd just pass you off to somebody, like a stray kitten or something? Jesus Christ, you're my sister! Give me some credit, would you? I love you! I'm not just gonna give you up, ever. Do you get that? Never! Never."
I grabbed his hand back, squeezing it.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Darry. I'm just confused… I don't know what to think anymore. I'm scared to death every time I close my eyes about what I'll wake up to."
"I know. I didn't mean to yell."
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad, either," I admitted.
"You're coming home with me, and Pony and Soda, to our house. I would never agree to anything but that," Darry said. "So relax, and just listen, and know that I would never have said okay to what Dr. Bryant asked if I didn't really think that, in the end, it would be good for you."
"Okay." I bit my lip and waited.
"He wants you to talk to somebody… a professional... a therapist – about what happened to you. And I think you should, too."
I didn't answer at first. It was certainly better than sending me somewhere other than home, but I didn't want to talk about it. Definitely not to a stranger.
"Why? Why do I have to? You saw what happened when Dr. Bryant made me talk about it. I was getting better, before that." I wasn't crying, but I was toeing the line, for sure.
"You weren't, baby. You were just burying it, and as soon as something made you remember it again you were scared, and hurting again. You can't just keep burying it, because it will always be there, waiting to come back and haunt you again. You have to deal with it."
I didn't answer. I wanted to go home so badly that I was willing to agree to just about anything, but, still, I was guarding so closely everything that had happened to me, not wanting to talk about it - not wanting to admit it was real, and scary, and terrible - that I was terrified to say yes.
I felt the tears come again and just gave in.
"I know you don't want to," he said. "but I'm worried, for you, that if you don't deal with this now it's just gonna stay with you forever, and you don't deserve that." He pulled me up from the bed, hugging me. "You never deserved any of this. I always wanted you to talk to somebody, but I'm no expert on what you need… but Dr. Bryant, well, he is – and he thinks you need to, too."
"What if I don't want to talk about it? What if I can't?" I asked.
"She can't make you, baby. But I think you need to. You deserve to, to get rid of it, all that's scaring you, and hurting you… I can go with you, or Soda… anybody you want, or you can go alone."
I didn't respond. I had no answer for that. I didn't know what I wanted.
"He wants Soda to talk to somebody, too."
I looked up at him, surprised.
"He said yes?"
"He agreed. He wants you home, and okay. And Sandy, too. He's hurting, too, baby. He blames himself for all of it. He wants everybody well again. Same as me. And Dr. Bryant; he cares, too. He could have just let you go home. But he wants you well, really well."
I leaned into him, letting go of his hands and pulling him tight against me. He wrapped his hands around me, too, whispering in my ear.
"I just love you, Scout," he said. "I want you well."
"I love you too," I said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. I saw how much he loved me, right then.
"Okay… I'll do it," I said, setting my jaw, wiping my eyes and fighting back my tears.
"Good girl," he said, pulling me back against him. "Lucky me; I got the toughest sister in the whole world." He lay me back gently against my pillow.
I heard him; all that was left was for me to believe it.
.........................
A/N: Short, I know, but... sweet? Time to get the Curtis family the healing they need. Things are looking up.
