Chapter 17: Exile

The next few weeks went by in a blur. Ayesha went dutifully for her check-ups in the Coruscant General Hospital, only to be told that her pregnancy was evolving perfectly normally and that she had nothing to worry about. She had a long discussion with her friends about the Plebeian Exhibition and they agreed that Onion and Tashi would look after her exhibits after she was off to Kashyyyk, but there wouldn't be much for them to do as most of her works were already sold anyway and would be collected by the buyers when the exhibition finally wound down. "It's good I won't need to produce any copies," she told Thrawn one night. "I'm so excited that I can't focus on anything. Ada' and Rumpy will have to take care of making a crib and toys for our little boy."

Thrawn arched an eyebrow. "Do we know that the Lifeform is a boy?"

She shrugged. "No. But I think it will be a little boy. A very smart little boy full of secrets, like his father."

"I beg to differ," he said with a chuckle. "I believe that the Lifeform will be a stubborn little girl, like her mother."

She gave him a mock angry look. "You can call me stubborn all you want, I'm not changing my mind. I'm always happy to spend time with Ada' Yakooboo and Rumpy, especially now, but it's not them I'm having a baby with, you know. So I'm not leaving until you leave, period." She paused. "Unless you'd finally care to tell me what all this is about, of course."

Thrawn let out an exasperated sigh. "Ayoo'sha, as I have told you many times already, I cannot disclose any details to you before you are safely out of the Emperor's reach. He will be returning to Coruscant on the twentieth of this month, and I would much rather execute the final phase of my plan without having to worry that you might unwittingly give it away."

She shrugged. "I won't. That's what Uncle Quin's plants are for, aren't they?" Both eyebrows shot up, making her smile. "I'm not entirely stupid, Thrawn. The most brilliant mind in the Navy must have rubbed off on me. Now let's go to bed. You haven't had your silent conversation with the Lifeform today and he needs time with his father, seeing as you won't be around to watch him grow for the next couple of months."

All in all, and despite such minor arguments, Ayesha was glowing with joy and happiness. Thrawn was still going every day to the Palace, but he managed to be at home far more often now, and that was enough to keep her satisfied. Meanwhile, the HoloNet channels seemed to focus on the widening divide within the Navy –some officers were siding with Thrawn, while the vast majority stood behind Tigellinus – rather than his individual actions. Words like 'un-Imperial clique' and 'alien-loving coterie' were being thrown around on the evening news broadcasts, and more often than not it was Captain Parck who found himself challenged by sycophantic holoshills to explain how the scion of a proud Core World family could possibly choose to follow and support an Admiral whose contribution to Imperial warfare remained obscure. "I certainly hope you know what you're doing," Ayesha told Thrawn one evening as he switched off the HoloNet display. "I'd be really upset if Captain Parck found himself in trouble because of you." Thrawn went to speak. "Yes, I know, you do know what you're doing. But still, take good care of our friends, will you?"

The next afternoon, Thrawn arrived from the Palace to find Ayesha chatting with Matt Ruud on the conversation circle. "I'm sorry for turning up unannounced, Sir," Matt said. "Valeria and I just returned from a holiday in Kuat. She'll be here in a few minutes too, we both wanted to talk to you."

"It is a pleasure to see you, Captain Ruud," Thrawn answered evenly. "There is no need to apologize, you are always welcome in our home." He sat next to Ayesha, who was munching on a bag of crystallised wasaka berries, and helped himself to a bottle of Forvish ale. "Are you satisfied with your new assignment?"

"It sounds very interesting, Sir. And I understand that it's close to your territory in the Unknown Regions. I seem to be edging my way into your task force little by little," he added with a smile.

He was interrupted by the turbolift bell. Ayesha opened the doors for Valeria. "You're beautiful, sweetie," Valeria told her after greeting Thrawn. "Don't you agree, Matt? She's even more beautiful than usual."

Matt nodded. "I didn't want to say it first so the Admiral wouldn't get the wrong impression, but it's true, you're radiant, Ayesha. What are you so happy about?"

Ayesha blushed as they sat back on the couch. There was a slightly embarrassed silence. "Did we say something we shouldn't?" Valeria asked.

Ayesha glanced at Thrawn, who gave her a microscopic nod. "No you didn't," she said. "What you're noticing is the deadly cocktail of hormones that drifts around pregnant women. You should keep your distance, it's quite potent, you know."

Matt's jaw dropped and Valeria and Ayesha exploded with laughter. "That's wonderful," Valeria hiccupped when she recovered her ability to speak. "I'm so happy for both of you." She poked Matt in the ribs. "Say something. You're supposed to congratulate them."

Matt's eyes went from Ayesha to Thrawn. "I... I'm not sure what to say, Sir," he stuttered finally. He glanced at Ayesha again. "Perhaps 'good luck' would be appropriate?"

Ayesha stuck out her tongue at him and Valeria rolled her eyes. "Looks like I'm going to have to take care of this bit," she said. "Okay, Ayesha. Tell me everything."

The conversation between the two women revolved around the various issues surrounding a pregnancy – "yes, I get a bit of morning sickness, but not so much, and no, we haven't thought of baby names yet, we're still getting used to the idea, to tell you the truth," – until Valeria took Matt's hand. "You got your voice back?" He nodded uncertainly. "Then ask them."

Matt turned to Thrawn. "Sir, as you know my new assignment with the task force Discipline is a one-year mission on the very edge of the known Galaxy," he began hesitantly. "We had a long discussion with Valeria and we decided that she would come with me and..." His voice trailed off. He suddenly stood up and gave Thrawn a formal bow. "Sir, will you and Ayesha be our best sentients for our wedding?"

He was nearly knocked off his feet by Ayesha, who sprang up to hug him. "I believe you can take that as a yes from Ayesha's side, Captain," Thrawn said when she moved on to Valeria. "Before I answer for myself however, I want to make sure that you are aware of my situation in the Imperial Court. Having anything to do with me might not be politically wise at present."

"If you're referring to the scuttlebutt I keep hearing about with that mor... with Grand Admiral Tigellinus, that's really not something I'm concerned about, Sir," Matt replied.

"You do understand that I might be losing this round, do you, Captain?" Thrawn pressed.

Matt smiled. "Sir, do you remember the first thing you told us when you started your Tactics and Strategy seminar in Carida? You said, 'a good commander is one who never loses a battle, unless he intends to lose it.' I've never seen you lose a battle and you're the best commander I know. If you're going to lose this round, it's because you were planning to lose it."

Thrawn eyed him carefully. "It seems that I should have been more cautious in my teaching," he muttered. "Very well, Captain... Matthias." He held out his hand. "It will be an honour and a pleasure. On one condition however," he added as an afterthought. "You must stop calling me 'Sir'. It would be entirely ridiculous if we are to be family."

Matt shook his hand eagerly. "Thank you, Sir." Thrawn's lips twitched and Matt laughed. "It's going to take some getting used to, but I promise I'll get there in the end."

Ayesha hugged him again. "So when are you planning to get married?"

"I don't know," he answered. "We haven't really planned anything yet."

"How about now?" Valeria interjected. Matt gave her a baffled look. "Why not? We're both here and we have best sentients. Do we need anything else?"

Matt's gaze went from her to Ayesha and then to Thrawn, who nodded again imperceptibly. "You're right," he said slowly. "Let's do this straight away."

On the nineteenth of the month, Thrawn hurried home around midday when the news broke that the Emperor was due to arrive on Coruscant the next morning. The HoloNet was awash with speculation once more, and overexcited anchors took a perverse pleasure in repeating that His Majesty would discipline the small cabal of officers who had caused undue trouble by setting their sights well above their rank. Ayesha was sitting at the comm desk, browsing for youngling gear, and she quickly interrupted Thrawn's convoluted explanation as to what the Emperor's return meant. "Yes, I know he's coming," she said placidly. "You told me so last week, and since you were apparently the only one to know it, I imagine you have it all sorted out already. And before you ask, no, I'm not leaving tonight or even tomorrow, but I'll book passage to Kashyyyk as soon as you have your travel dates."

Thrawn sighed. "There is no point in telling you that I will have very little time for us as long as the Emperor is on-planet, is there?"

"Nope. I'll take whatever time you have for me." Another sigh from him attracted a furious glare. "Stop that right now," she snapped. "It's the last time we're having this conversation. We sealed our lifebond now and we're supposed to be entering a happy period of our lives together, not to be discussing every day how we should be apart sooner rather than later as if we were on the run."

"We are very nearly on the run, Ayoo'sha. This is what you fail to understand."

There was a long silence. "Then this was not the right time to have a baby," Ayesha finally said. "Or maybe there is no right time for us to have a baby at all."

Thrawn took a step back as if stung. "Do you truly regret that we are having this child?"

"No," she replied. "But if the Lifeform is going to have the sort of childhood I did, I will regret it forever."

Her tone had turned to deep grief and sorrow and her eyes were clouded with tears. "Ayoo'sha, listen to me," Thrawn said firmly. "You are letting your fear of the past rule your life. Our child will be safe, healthy and happy. This is what I am working towards and this is what we will achieve. There are only some temporary issues that I need to sort out, but very soon we will not need to concern ourselves with them anymore and we will be a perfectly normal family."

There was a silence. "I know you mean this when you say it," she mumbled. "But... maybe I was wrong, maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe I just talked myself into it... I thought that if we could have a child, we could be a normal family now, or as normal as it gets when we need to leave behind all our friends and our lives and the place where we made our home."

Thrawn pulled her in a tight hug. "I understand that these are major changes that you find difficult to come to terms with," he said soothingly. "Let me propose an intermediate solution. You will stay here but you will remain at home for the duration of the Emperor's stay on Coruscant. Once he is gone again, we will have a few days to spend together before we both travel out. Would this be acceptable to you?" She nodded. "But you will never leave this apartment during those two weeks, do you understand?"

"I understand and I promise," she whispered.

He lifted her face up with a finger under the chin and gave his best approximation of a warm smile. "Then I suggest that we take advantage of this last day to collect Tam from the nursery and spend the afternoon with him. I am certain that he will miss his namegiver, and he needs to be told that you will be thinking of him, wherever you are."

Ayesha hardly saw Thrawn at all after the Emperor's arrival on-planet. He was spending his days and a good chunk of his nights in the Palace once more, and she mostly heard about him on the HoloNet news channels, where journalists and commentators explained at great length how, in a remarkable display of patience and clemency, His Majesty was actually taking the time to hear from all the parties concerned in the Thrawn-Tigellinus dispute rather than mete out punishment on the spot. The tone of these reports was so fawning and unctuous that she soon gave up on listening at all, and she decided to start putting things away in her workshop instead. However, her bouts of morning sickness, which had mostly subsided by that point, were becoming more frequent once more, and she was often tempted to call a medical assistant or even to go to the hospital. However, the sensation of nausea always vanished as soon as she walked to the comm desk, and she assumed that she needed to rest. She ended up spending most of her time in bed, staring absent-mindedly at the lizard-like creatures that were chewing on the leaves of Uncle Quin's ugly trees and trying to imagine what her life would be once she and Thrawn were safe with their child on the remote planet of the Wild Space where he had made his base. She was usually asleep when Thrawn came home, but he found her a few times wide awake and speaking aloud to her belly, making plans for the future, and even on those nights where she didn't emerge from her drowsiness as he slipped under the covers, she felt his hand over her womb and huddled in his warmth before slumbering again.

The end of the year drew near and Ayesha was beginning to wonder if Thrawn's plan was taking longer than expected, when he came home one night and, instead of curling up at her side like he always did so as not to wake her up, he entwined himself around her and planted a passionate kiss on her lips. His hands were insistent and demanding as they had been in earlier days of their relationship, and she let herself go with the flow, enjoying the moment of intimacy to the fullest as if the world around them did not exist. Only when, sweat-soaked and panting, Thrawn finally rolled to her side, she reached to increase the neuro-lamp setting to maximum and look at him. "It's over, isn't it?" she asked.

"It is," Thrawn replied. "Tomorrow morning, the Emperor will be leaving to the Deep Core, after a short public ceremony where he will announce that I and my posse of alien-loving supporters are exiled to the Unknown Regions with no hope of return."

Her curiosity turned to bewilderment until she caught the hint of a satisfied smile on his face. "Is this what you wanted? You wanted the Emperor to exile you to the Unknown Regions?" He remained silent, as if expecting her to answer herself. "You conspired with the Emperor to be exiled," she said slowly. "You convinced him that it was in his best interest to make your project in the Unknown Regions appear like a form of exile. Now you have the Grand Admirals off your back and you have a legitimate reason to leave Coruscant forever." He nodded approvingly. "But why did you need to hide this from me, if the Emperor already knew it?"

For the first time in months, Thrawn laughed openly as he pulled her close again. "You are incurably curious, Ayoo'sha. All I will tell you for now is that there are things that even the Emperor does not know. Now let us sleep. I am certain that you will greatly enjoy watching the holostream of the ceremony tomorrow morning, and I cannot be late for my last appearance in court, can I?"

Ayesha stayed in bed until late the next morning, but she was up in time to watch the live broadcast of the Emperor's brief address to the citizens of the Empire before he departed for the Deep Core. Thrawn arrived home bearing an appropriately contrite expression for one who has fallen in disgrace, but he beamed at her as soon as Corporal Prashat flew away and plopped himself at her side on the couch to watch the Lambda-class shuttle take off from the landing platform of the Imperial Palace. "The Admonitor will be leaving to the Unknown Regions on New Year Fete at dawn," he said as soon as she switched off the holoprojector. "I suggest that we book your passage to Kashyyyk now, and then we can plan what to do with the five days we have ahead of us. Parck will take care of all necessary preparations for me, and I am henceforth at my lifemate's full disposal."

Ayesha's last week on Coruscant went by in a flurry of activity and bliss. They spent lazy mornings in bed before getting up and scouring the market for baby clothes and other youngling gear, and Thrawn encouraged her to purchase clothes for herself – "the Nirauan Fashion Concourse offers only limited possibilities," he said with a chuckle. They usually had a late lunch at Flo's and returned home to sort out their possessions. They collected their little troupe of friends from the Plebeian Exhibition in the evenings – if Kal and Onion, who followed Imperial politics more closely than the others, were surprised to see Thrawn in such a carefree mood, they didn't show it – and went out to dinner, avoiding the more upscale places in favour of small, alien-run restaurants where the food was exquisite and exotic and where other Navy officers wouldn't be caught dead. They even paid a final visit to the Centre – "my morning sickness is completely gone now," Ayesha said, "Simon won't like it, but I think we should go and see them anyway because Force knows when we'll be on planet next time" and attended the premiere of the Rodian play on which Tashi had been working on New Year's Eve. The actors' performance garnered a standing ovation, and Tashi's sets attracted so many compliments that she turned almost as red as her mohawk until Thrawn could steer her out of the foyer and into the speeder. "Let's go to Gort's," Ayesha suggested. "They make the best sulyet on Coruscant."

Lamtee rolled his eyes. "Pregnant women and their cravings," he muttered. "Cheeka, the Yaam sector is thousands of kilometres away. Let's go to Old Zeltros, nice and easy, because it's already late and the Capt' and you are travelling tomorrow."

The evening dragged on longer than they had expected, and Thrawn was able to catch only a few hours of sleep before Prashat came to collect him in the morning. "It is time to wake up," he murmured to Ayesha. "Yes, already," he chuckled when she groaned. "Your transport is leaving in three hours, and you do want to give your lifemate a proper send-off, don't you?"

Prashat looked away discreetly as Ayesha accompanied Thrawn to the door and kissed him deeply, oblivious to the presence of the young corporal. "Vermel will come for you in no more than three months," Thrawn reminded her. "I am counting on your father and brother to take holographs of the Lifeform's growth and to feed you appropriately in the meantime."

Ayesha laughed. "Don't worry about that. If Ada' Yakooboo has his way, I'll be the size of a fat bantha next time you see me. Now go before I change my mind and jump into that speeder with you."

She watched the Navy speeder fly away and made herself a strong cup of caf before she set about sorting out the last of what needed to be sorted out. She put the sheets and bed covers in the sonic cleaner and launched it on the shortest cycle, then emptied the refrigeration unit and took a long shower. Her laundry was ready by the time she came out and she folded it away. She programmed the housekeeping droid to water the Olbio trees and dust the apartment every few days, slipped on her travel clothes and commed the transport company for a speeder cab to the spaceport. She brought her travel bag to the door and was checking that all the lights were switched off when a shuttle with Imperial insignia manoeuvred on the landing pad. Her smile faltered when she saw cloaked Royal Guards step out and amble to the open transparisteel panel. "Ayesha Eskari," a voice said from under the red hood. "His Majesty the Emperor is requesting your presence."