Title: The ARK Angels of DX in the Wrestling World War
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the WWE and TNA characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: T
Characters: Shawn, Cameron and Cheyenne Michaels, Amy 'Lita' Dumas Michaels, Hunter Hurst Helmsley, LC Helmsley, Aurora Rose Helmsley, Chyna, Trish and Randy Orton, Melina and Johnny Hennigan, Jeff Jarrett, Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, The Rock, The McCools, various WWE and TNA wrestlers.
Summary: On Monday October 29 2007 Vince McMahon declared war on DX by joining forces with Jeff Jarrett and TNA to launch a wrestling world war but the ARK Angels of DX want their daddies to focus on what's really at stake. NOTE: This story is written in reverse.
Chapter Forty Nine - Classic!
November Thursday 15, IMPACT! Zone, Orlando, FL at 5pm:
Christian and Mr. Kennedy headed to the IMPACT Zone for tonight's live taping and they weren't looking forward to getting embarrassed by Vince's Hitmen again, none of the TNA Originals were but they didn't have a choice. Jeff Jarrett was letting The McMahons run things so all Christian Cage, Mr. Kennedy and The Beautiful People, Rock N' Rave, Torrie and the Machine Guns could do was vent their frustrations to each other.
"Can you believe Vince actually went to North Carolina to sign Ric Flair? He really thinks he owns the wrestling world," Alex Shelley said while Chris Sabin carried Torrie's bags into the studio.
"Guys I can carry my own bags," Torrie complained but the Guns wouldn't hear of it and proceeded to fight over who got to carry Torrie's Luis Vuitton luggage inside.
"You guys are pathetic, you really think fighting over some expensive luggage is gonna get you in bed with Torrie Wilson? It didn't work for me so why should it work for you?" Lance Rock of Rock N' Rave said and Jimmy Rave laughed along with Christy Hemme while The Instant Classics rolled their eyes.
"Get real Guns, this isn't about scoring Torrie this is about getting into the main event now focus!" Mr. Kennedy said drawing the Guns attention away from Torrie and to him and his new Tag partner.
"That's better, we're blonds who the ladies prefer you should hang out with us we'll teach you how to get a Wilson," Cage bragged and Torrie and Christy scoffed.
"A Wilson? What am I, a Chevrolet? You're so rude Christian, I am a human being I have feelings, I'm not some plastic bimbo you can just disrespect and feel no way about it. I've been in the business just as long as you have, that's why Alex and Chris are fighting over who gets to carry my luggage and nobody wants to be with The Instant Classics," Torrie replied and the Guns applauded her response.
"That was hot, can you say that again this time with your top down?" Mr. Kennedy said and Torrie slapped him around the face before storming off offended with Christy, R N'R and the Guns while Mr. Kennedy turned to Christian smiling like a Cheshire cat, "I think she likes me, shame I'm already taken,"
Christian rolled his eyes, "Still with Maria? Get over yourself Kennedy, you're hot but you're not John Cena and until you're the World Champion of a successful wrestling promotion, you'll never get a girl like that," Christian said and Mr. Kennedy frowned.
"Thanks for the encouragement Captain, I so needed another reason to castrate myself tonight when I get home to my ice cold bed," he said sarcastically.
"There's other girls you can get with," Christian said, "Ones that don't have boyfriends that will beat you two ways from Sunday if they see you staring at her again,"
"Oh yeah, like who?" Mr. Kennedy said and Christian patted him on the back re-assuringly.
"Don't worry my friend I know somebody who specializes in these kind of things, you may know him. His name is Adam and he's a bonafide chick magnet, we'll go see him after the taping in Tampa and he'll hook you up," Christian said.
"EDGE? You're asking me to put my faith in a man who committed adultery and slept with his best friend's fiancée at the same-time, in the same year and turned it into a storyline?" Mr. Kennedy said outraged by Christian's suggestion.
"And who is currently with Angelina Love," Christian added.
"Okay call him and tell him Mr. Kennedy needs a little love of his own," Mr. Kennedy said doing a complete 180 at the idea of getting a girl like Angelina Love, "But I don't want a one night stand so no loose women please my Captain,"
Christian frowned, "Oh really? Well forget it then, why don't we check out that church downtown? Maybe there's a nice Christian girl who likes wrestlers we can hook you up with instead," Cage suggested.
"That sounds more like it," Mr. Kennedy said and the Instant Classics turned right into the Beautiful People who didn't have very Beautiful expressions on their faces.
"What did you call me Christian? Did I just hear you refer to me as a loose woman?" Angelina Love asked outraged and Christian gulped walking away from the enraged Beauty Queen of the Ring as she advanced on him, Velvet Sky wasn't too happy with his offensive comment either.
"No, I didn't call you that I just meant Edge tends to be with women who can't say "No" to pre-marital sex but instead say "Yes" to hitting it in his bedroom all night long," Christian replied and Angelina lunged for him and he dove into the building but Velvet tripped him up and he fell flat on his face.
"I love Edge okay? We're in love okay? I don't sleep around, so you better watch your mouth if you wanna stay friends with my future husband you got that Jay?" Angelina Love warned Christian as Velvet pressed her boot down hard on the back of his neck so he was kissing the dirty floor.
"I got it, now one of you walk on my back I got this kink that I just can't reach without bimbo assistance," Christian replied and The Beautiful People kicked him in the ribs hard before marching off to the Knockouts dressing room to trash him while Kennedy helped Christian to his feet.
"You know I was watching that whole thing and I realized I do want to be hooked up with a girl like Angelina Love, so call Edge after the show and we'll go to church later," Mr. Kennedy said while Christian winced in pain.
"Could have really done with a little help from my new Tag team partner just then Ken doll!" he snapped.
"From where I was standing - over there by the bushes, it looked like you were handling things just fine," Mr. Kennedy said sarcastically and Christian chased him into the building with a giant footprint on the back of his t shirt that told the whole locker room that he just got inducted into The Beautiful People's Hall of Shame Class of 2007.
