Chapter 46: ILoveyou

I've noticed in my five years that each Slayer is unique in their abilities. For example, some excel at weaponry, others at hand to hand, and others are excellent trackers. Their talents allow their indescribable spidey senses to tingle when a beastie is hidden over a hundred feet away or they can easily spot tell-tale signs of movement in order to track them.

Right now I wished I had that talent. But nope! Never been good at that and therefore I was mumbling curse words under my breath as I struggled to figure out where Elladan went. Elves are naturals when it comes to blending into nature and I could not see or hear him. My stomach churned uneasily at the memory of that one tear that trickled down his face. Such pain was evident in his being and I felt guilt that I had caused it. Obviously I knew I did not do anything but it was his love for me that caused him pain.

My thoughts were distracting me from finding him but all I could think was if his vision was right. Is it possible his vision was true? Would I leave him? Would I fall in love with someone else?

'No!' I thought swiftly in anger. There is no way that vision could be true. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand my heart and it tells me that, foolish girl that I am, I'm in love with Elladan. Of course, I know I've fallen into madness to love him because I know these mortal/immortal relationships never work out.

"Heh," I said out loud. I thought of Elladan's recent words "Madness is a result of love." 'Well, at least we can be crazy together,' I thought with a grin and continued traipsing through the woods that I thought Elladan may have gone into.

Ooh, spidey alert! A shiver ran up my back as I felt eyes upon me. Slowly, I turned around and saw Elladan sitting cross-legged on the ground looking up at me calmly. "Elladan?" I said softly. He appeared to be meditating and a part of me was reluctant to speak loudly.

"Did you leave Haldir back at camp?" he asked in a too-calm tone. Not the reaction I was expecting at all after his outburst.

I walked over and knelt down next to him "Yes."

"How's his face looking?" Again, his voice was even and he was looking into the distance.

"Small bruise." I tilted my head and tried to see what he was looking at and then turned back to him.

"Are you angry at me?"

I paused. His calm demeanor was throwing me off. Any other time we have an argument we end up screaming and whipping sarcasm around like it was a waffle ball. "Well, I'm not angry. I mean, I'm not exactly pleased that you freaked out and tried to kick my friend's ass…" I shrugged. My heart was begging me to say 'cause how can I be angry when you just declared your love for me?', but I was reluctant.

Elladan still wouldn't meet my eyes and he drew in a long, deep breath. "Do you love Haldir back?"

"Huh?" My face screwed up in puzzlement and then I felt an inner tendril of fire lash out. I stood up because at that moment I couldn't stand to be near him. ¿Cómo podría él creer eso? ¿Él me confía en tan poco?¡Ugh, era así que encojonda no podría incluso pensar! ¡Que guasa!

{How could he believe that? Does he trust me so little? Ugh, I was so mad I couldn't even think! What a moron!}

"Sofia?" said Elladan hesitantly. I whirled around and saw he was standing and was giving me a questioning look. Questioning me! At that look I could feel my anger doubling the amount of adrenaline coursing through my veins and my fingers betrayed that by shaking off the excess energy.

I hated being short. Being a little over five feet made it hard but I straightened my back, squared my shoulders, and looked Elladan straight in the eye. "How on earth can you ask me if I love Haldir back?" I was disgusted with my voice. It sounded unlike me: raspy with underlying pain. My voice gave the illusion of weakness and instinct made me mentally struggle to wrap myself up in a thick coat of anger and ride my emotions out.

His voice hardened; I guess his noble intentions of remaining calm were also quickly evaporating. "How can I not ask that, Sofia? I see a vision where you leave me because you're in love with someone and tonight I see you with a man who has confessed his love for you. What am I to think?"

I stalked towards him and my fingers ached to grab hold of him and shake sense into him. "*Maybe* you should just trust me. You should know that I don't love Haldir and that I would not do that to you. Honestly, how can you trust me so little?"

Eyes flashing he threw his hands heavenward in agitation. "I don't know what to think. My senses picked up on an emotional moment between you two, not to mention I know how much time you spend together. It is not a matter of trust but of practicality. Would you not ask the same question of me if the roles were reversed?"

I had an urge to punch something. But I refrained. (See, I can manage my anger very well!). "Please, Elladan," I hissed. "Don't even try to spin it on me and think of it from your POV."

His long legs made it to me quickly and he grabbed my upper arms. "Please just answer the question," he pleaded.

"Coño, Elladan! Ay Dios, if you would have waited just one jodido moment you would have heard Haldir explain that he loved me like a friend! And that he's not really into females anyways!" I threw my arms up and outward to easily break his hold on me.

I stayed there with my arms crossed as Elladan crumpled to the ground. My heart hurt at the sight of him lowering in defeat but my cloak of anger snuffed out the feeling.

For several minutes there was silent until Elladan's voice broke it. "I am a fool," he sighed.

I was uncertain of what to do and suddenly felt very awkward. At the image of Elladan sitting on the ground my anger dissipated by a warmth of a different sort; love. Sitting behind him I began stroking his hair. He gasped quietly at my touch and leaned into me. "Yes, you are a fool."

A cynical laugh escaped from his throat. "Ah, meleth nín. I love that you are so honest with me."

I kept playing with his hair as we sat there silently thinking. Elves have a hair fetish, odd but true. They prized their hair, rarely gave it away, and when it did fall out they used it as their bow strings because it was so unnaturally strong. One of the first things I learned while spending time with Elladan is that they incorporate hair into courtship. For example, me playing with Elladan's hair was like second base for him. With its length, silky texture, and thickness, I enjoyed playing with it; and the reaction of utter joy with a hint of seduction that it created.

"Do you remember when you thought I was perfect and I told you I wasn't?"

Ah. The day of our reconciliation after the Elrohir debacle. "Yes."

"I told you I was a jealous ellon. I am sorry that you had to witness another irrational moment."

"Well, luckily for you, your rational moments outweigh your irrational so the scales are still tipped in your favor."

Elladan grabbed my arms at the back of his head and spun me around swiftly in front of him. Giving me a searching look, he tenderly caressed my cheek. "I will have to work hard to keep them tipped in my favor then." He sighed. "I apologize for my actions."

I took his hand that was on my cheek and kissed his palm. "I may not have liked it but I am rational enough to understand how confusing that could have been because of your vision."

He shook his head. "Regardless, I should not have reacted that way. Sometimes I fear my jealousy is more greatly rooted in my soul then I would prefer. I know you have heard bits of my family history but all elves descend from several different groups. My family is of Noldor blood and it was my ancestors at the beginning of the world who committed the grave act of kinslayings; the first time elves killed their own kind in battle over overwhelming feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. The blood of my people is at times fiery and hot when our passion kindles us."

As he spoke I studied the way his eyes darted, as if he felt ashamed of his admission. The skin around his eyes was tight with tension and he held his hands in his lap and rubbed them absentmindedly.

"When I hit Haldir I felt the memories of the kinslaying stories rush back to me and I felt ashamed for striking him. But that vision drove me mad." He paused and then proceeded. "You do not love Haldir as more than a friend."

He said it as a statement and I'm sure it was done in hopes of not angering me again. But I knew it was really a question and he required reassurance. "No, I don't in that way. He is just my friend." I took a deep breath and said the next words quickly before my bravery escaped again. "Besides, how can I love him when Iloveyou?" My eyes darted to my lap until I forced myself to look at him again.

His eyes contained hope, but caution as well. A mischievous glint appeared and he asked, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part. What did you say?"

Giving him a dirty look, I almost thought about being quiet just to bug him. Except now that I've said that final, scary, four letter word that terrorized me I thought I could say it again with normalcy.

Honestly, it's amazing what a commitment-phobe I am. The Watchers Council provided free therapy and encouraged it for the Slayers. Of course, almost none of us took them up on that offer because of our internal need to prove we're okay and the thought that only weak people get therapy. But now, after realizing how much I struggle with communication about stupid feelings I think maybe I should check out. Yeah, maybe.

"I… love you." There, that wasn't so hard now was it? And it's actually worth it judging by the look on Elladan's face.

"Gen melon," he said with a beaming smile. "I love you, Sofia." He let out a surprised laugh and shook his head. "I'm honestly surprised you love me, especially after my actions.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Like you said, you're not perfect. And I'm okay with that. Perhaps even relieved a little bit; makes me feel better for dating someone with better hair then me."

We laughed and he ran his hands gently through my hair. It felt absolutely splendiferous as his fingernails trailed along my scalp and slowly worked their way down to my ends. A shiver of pleasure rippled down my back. "Your hair is far more beautiful, meleth."

"See when you say pretty things like that, how can I not love you?" I grinned. "All playing aside, yes. I am not comfortable with your jealousy, so work on that. But, going back to what you said earlier, I think I've known that I've loved you for some time. I just… I just couldn't admit it to myself." I shrugged.

"Then meleth nín, I need you to handle these issues you have that separate us." I raised my shoulders in innocence. He tsked at me. "You must learn to give yourself over. I know you don't like to feel vulnerable and prefer to just give in to anger but that is unhealthy. When you close yourself off like that it makes everything between us harder."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I knew he was right. Coño, I hate that he is right. Can't I just box up my emotions like most people? "I promise I'll try. It's just hard, it's instinct. But as time goes by I'll get better at dealing with things."

"As time goes by?" Elladan's blank face betrayed nothing but I could tell my phrasing meant something.

"Uh… yeah. It'll get easier, eventually."

"Knowing you, that could take a long time."

I felt a bit defensive. What was he trying at?

"Uh, gee, thanks. Yeah, I guess so."

The blank face transformed into one of intense happiness. "Therefore, you plan on being with me for a long time."

My eyes widened. "Um." Did I really just say that? Ohmygod. I laid down on the silky grass and looked upwards to where the stars glinted in between tree branches. Elladan lay propped up on elbow looking at me.

"Sofia Isabella Ramirez."

Ohmygod, my full freaking name. All said in his rich baritone voice that made my toes curl from happiness. A blend of excitement and trepidation coursed through me. Slowly, oh-so slowly, I turned my head to face his. "Yes, Elladan?"

"It is common among my people for our fëa to recognize our counterparts far quicker than, from what you have said, is common in your world." He toyed with one of my curls and wrapped it around his finger. "Sofia, I love you, from your vibrant curls to your fiery spirit. Your fëa sings to mine and I know we are meant to be joined together. Will you be my wife?"

I think my brain shut down. I see Elladan above me. His lips are moving. But the audio doesn't seem to be working. Because if it was then I know I did *not* just hear Elladan ask me to marry him. Nuh uh. No way.

Oh God. He did. He's staring at me, waiting for an answer! Oh puñeta! Okay I love him. Him asking me to marry him has made all warm and tingly and I know I want to say yes. But I don't know if I should. I mean, how to inter-dimensional couples live? After all, I like running water and electricity!

Oh, but I do love Elladan more.

At the same time, it's only been a year since I just got married and widowed. Too soon? Logically I think so. Emotionally… Well those two areas of my psyche are not on the same page. Puñeta. I don't know what to say!

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A/N:

Hmm. What will be her answer? Tune in next time! *mwahahaha*

Holllllerrrrrrrrrrrrr cha girrrrrrl! ;D

¿Cómo podría él creer eso? ¿Él me confía en tan poco?¡Ugh, era así que encojonda no podría incluso pensar! ¡Que guasa!---- {How could he believe that? Does he trust me so little? Ugh, I was so mad I couldn't even think! What a moron!}

jodido- Spanish; fucking

ellon- Elvish; male elf

Meleth- Elvish; love

meleth nín- Elvish; my love

Coño- PR slang; used as an exclamation; 'oh damn/shit'

Puñeta- PR slang; fuck; as in 'oh fuck'