-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-Chapter 47: Disturbing creature -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
-Shizuo´s point of view.-
Blinking the doctor averted his gaze from the now fixed shoulder and back to the blond´s eyes.
"That's... random," he spoke, pretty surprised, or rather, simply caught off guard by the question. Knowing Shizuo´s simple nature he was a bit confused what he was supposed to respond. "Uhm, what do you wanna know about it exactly?" he tried adjusting his glasses as he straightened himself.
Hand reaching to the back of his neck the blond rubbed it for a moment obviously just as much at a loss for words as Shinra was.
"I just saw stuff like that on the news and wondered why the heck people even do that sort of thing," he mumbled unsure how to go about this without telling the brunette too much. He knew Shinra wasn't stupid. Dense maybe, but not stupid.
"Hmmmm," the doctor hummed, "well. That´s a difficult question, you know," the doctor started, not exactly knowing what the blond longed to hear there. "First of, it depends on the person. Sometimes it's an impulsive action caused by immediate stressors like a break-up or a job loss, things that eventually would get better with time." Shinra explained, figuring that it were probably these kind of people the news reported about. People jumping down from the top of a buildings roof because their love left them and things like that, yeah the media sure loved to bathe in the gruesome glory of being the first to inform the public about these tragic incidents while casually switching to the weather forecast a second later.
" A… stressor?" Shizuo repeated snapping the brunette out of his thoughts.
"Ah, they experience something bad and can't cope with it basically," he rephrased, figuring that Shizuo wasn't going to understand if he just used his usual doctric way of speaking.
Thinking the blond repeated the sentence inside his head. Experiencing something Izaya couldn't cope with?
…
He doubted that was what it was about.
That… wasn't exactly what Izaya was. It hadn't been on impulse. Sure, Shizuo could never know for sure what was going on on Izaya's mind, but from what he had told Shizuo Izaya was afraid of doing something to himself.
Which basically meant he didn't actually want to die right?
… then it wasn't an impulsive reaction to anything right?
"And what if it's not impulsive? If the person thought a lot about it?" he questioned further, casugin the doctor to tilt his head with a soft frown.
"Like uhm, someone doesn't want to die but still thinks about killing himself," the blond tried, carefully trying to avoid mentioning anything that could possibly hint to Izaya.
"You mean what if the thought of killing itself doesn't go away, right?" Shinra summed up, making the blond nod in response.
"Yeah, I think."
Again a hum resounded and for a moment the blond really thought he could see those gears grind inside Shinra´s head.
"That's even more complicated actually," Shinra mumbled while trying to think of a suitable answer. After all it wasn't everyday that Shizuo was this interested in a medicinic topic.
He didn't know what this was about, but if it was Shizuo asking then there had to be some kind of reason to it, even if Shinra didn't know what it was.
"Sometimes people consider suicide because life seems void of meaning, people tend to question why they are even living and or the entire purpose of their existence," he mumbled, remembering having read one or two books about that- being no psychologist he hadn't really dived into that kind of topic all that much. It was but a rough knowledge on the topic that he could offer here.
"Social isolation would be another thing to keep having recurring thoughts of suicide."
That caused the blond to blink-
"... being lonely can make you think about commiting suicide?"
"Not necessarily it's usually a matter of combined factors. But don't underestimate the need for human belonging. It's so strong that some people are willing to join gangs and or humiliate themselves just to be in a relationship with another person."
Somehow Shizuo suddenly felt like there was a hole deep down in the pit of his stomach.
The times where Izaya taunted him, made him chase him through Ikebukuro were re emerging from his memories.
How often Izaya got hurt and still came back. Shizuo had always thought Izaya had a screw loose or was just a masochist but now he felt as though the flea had been chasing him for an entirely different reason.
Was he just trying to be less lonely? It made him feel sick to the stomach because that would mean Izaya had been reaching out for him for so many years and he never noticed
Sure Izaya had pulled some pretty shitty actions, but seeing how the flea acted how he kept shoving him away how he said he couldn't treat him any better than he did himself-
With all this smartness of his did he really have this much of a problem to connect with others?
"Suicide is not death in itself for a depressed person, Shizuo. It's the wish to escape the suffering of emotional pain."
Shinra tried, seeing already that the blond was having troubles to understand what he had meant with his words. Or maybe it was just that Shizuo couldn't emphasize? Whatever it was something about what the brunette had said seemed ot irk the blond.
"It's like they are being tortured and just beg for it to stop," if this weren't such a bitter and heavy topic Shinra might as well have been proud of his own little metaphor, "The problem is they don't know how."
"Do you know that?" Adjusting his glasses the doctor blinked.
"What?"
"How to stop the pain," Shizuo repeated, hoping, really, really hoping that maybe SHinra knew a thing or two that he could use to help Izaya with. Something, he would really take any kind of hint.
but sadly he was merely shaking his head.
"I wish I did, there is no universal way to treat this Shizuo," he explained but the words were nothing but a disappointment to Shizuo´s ears.
"... I see." So basically he was about as smart as before he asked Shinra…. no maybe not. At least he had understood one more part about Izaya. He had already thought so, the first time when he was researching in Izaya's apartment in all those books he possessed. The apartment seemed so cold and lonely. At that point he didn't know just how much the surroundings matched its owner.
"Does it make more sense to you now?" Shinra asked, that grin plastered on his face again as Shizuo shook his head.
"Not really."
"Good~" was the only word that left Shinra´s lips though as he got up from his chair.
ha, of course. Understanding what the doctor had been talking about would probably prove a certain degree of consternation.
"That's a very vast topic you know, I didn't even study that section of medicine. It's rare for you to be interested in other people," Shinra went on and for a second Shizuo felt a feeling of guilt attack his senses- snapping his head up he looked at the brunette, wondered if maybe he had connected the dots-
But a sudden shadow of black dashing into the room was ending the conversation quite abruptly.
One hand was typing on the PDA while the other was petting, or rather trying to pet the hissing cat that was being lifted by her dark shadows to avoid getting scratched all over.
(Shinra can we really not keep the cat?)
"Celty dear… " the doctor sighed, a sneeze already ripping from his nose once again as he looked at the evil creature causing his suffering.
Casting a glance to the side Shizuo could spot the flea, still sitting on the couch.
he was leaning back looking up at the ceiling.
A few steps were taken and the blond was already in the brunette´s living room again and next to the flea.
"Let's go home," a bit startled the raven looked up, not having heard the blond walk over.
"Fixed again already?," he questioned while pointing at that arm of his.
Moving it up and down, left and right a soft smile spread over Shizuo´s lips as he nodded reassuring.
"Yeah it just popped out or something." The screeching cry of help from a certain black furred cat was to be heard all of a sudden as the said animal dashed away from the headless dullahan and right into Izaya's lap.
Frowning the raven looked at the unwelcome guest before throwing Shizuo a glance.
"... and this creature?"
"We are taking it with us of course." Sighing the raven looked at the growling ball of fluff. Reminded him of Shizu-chan in a way.
"Feared so." not much more time passed until they left Shinra´s house- for a few more minutes Shinra had to explain to Celty what exactly an allergy was and no that he couldn't just get rid of it.
And for a few more minutes Shizuo tried to lure the kitten heather form one of Shinra's shelves as it had covered and hid beneath it in fear of Celty.
Of course it immediately came heather when Izaya called the little shit.
Frowning at the fluffy creature that had all too nicely snuggled up in his arms he sighed.
"What am I supposed to do with this thing?" They were walking down the streets, almost back at his apartment actually.
"That's not a thing, it's a cat," Shizuo snorted- to be honest, watching the raven getting this annoyed by something as simple as a cat was somewhat funny to see.
"I can see that thank you." Especially since the kitten seems to love the flea for some reason.
"Really now, I already decided to keep you, but now this?" Izaya sighed while throwing Shizuo one of his good old teasing glances.
"Keep me? You made it sound like I'm a dog or something," the blond snorted not finding any reason to get mad over his teases this time around.
"That's what you said~"
Purring loudly both their attention was drawn towards the cat, snuggling and cuddling and-
"It seems to like you," Shizuo snorted while Izaya pinched the area right behind the kitten's neck to pry it off his neck.
"Sadly that feeling is not reciprocated little fellow," he groaned, looked right at that innocent pet´s face too- but instead of being offended the creature merely rubbed its nose against the raven's cheek.
"Ew," was the only reaction izaya was willing to give as he shoved it towards the blond.
"There you take it," he announced and despite Shizuo actually not being that opposed to take the cat the little fellow seemed to have its own opinion there as it instantly hissed at the blond.
"I don't know if you noticed," the blond snorted, "but it hates my guts." 1850
Hmmm.
Frowning and giving off the best glare he could manage Izaya glowered at the animal.
"Being a picky little shit aren't ya?" he sneered at the purring ball of fur. He was receiving nothing but more purrs and an enthusiastic nya~! though.
Silence covered the two again. The cold air of Shinjuku was breezing through the street. Not many people were wandering around and the two of them were almost entirely alone.
Looking left and right the blond spotted various shops, food restaurants and even a bakery.
Bakeries had really been something he had always loved, but right now, remembering the last time he had seen a bakery it had a bitter taste to it.
Sure there was no alley opposite of this one and no bleeding Izaya in it either, but the picture was still something that was going to stay with him for a while.
"Ne Shizu-chan," the raven suddenly started, averting the blond´s attention.
"Hm?" The raven´s tone of voice had changed. Softly but perceptibly. He was speaking lower, as if to make sure no one else would be hearing him despite nobody hanging around them this close in the first place.
The only people running around were doing their very best to avoid the two legends of Ikebukuro.
"Before, you said … I looked afraid," the raven repeated, recalling the answer to his question. "To have Shinra know about me that is."
He seemed… nervous? No that wasn't quite the term to describe Izaya with. Restless perhaps. Something about it was obviously irking him.
"Yeah, so?" Shizuo asked wondering what the raven was going on about.
"Don't you think it's weird?" he questioned, and somehow there was again that masked smile on his face, that expression that seemed as though Izaya was just joking around despite saying things that were obviously no laughing matter.
It was a mask of discomfort that much Shizuo had learned.
"I have been thinking about it myself you know," Izaya continued speaking, "Shinra is a doctor, that guy being a quack and all could still know a thing or two on how to help me and yet-"
"Izaya, he isn't just a doctor." Twisting his head the raven looked at the blond his eyes seeming confused by the blond´s interruption. After all Shinra was a doctor, he was pretty sure of that and Shizu-chan knew that too, after all it had been Shinra who had been patching them up since high school and-
"He is your friend."
…
...oh.
So that's why. A bitter smile spread across his lips as he shrugged.
"I dunno if you can really describe us as frien-"
"He is." Shizuo didn't really want to interrupt the raven all the time, if anything he really appreciated that the fla was talking to him freely like this, and yet he was obviously getting onto the wrong track of thoughts here. "You know that as much as I do," he continued, hoping that the raven would realize that he was marching on the wrong path here.
Staying silent for a moment the raven merely looked at the cat. Seeming like he was in thoughts- like he truly considered what Shizuo had said.
"Hm, I'm surprised you think so, with all the things he said you could guess the opposite actually," he mumbled softly.
"Just how you always say the opposite of what you want?" Pausing the raven blinked. He looked at the blond as he registered the words again.
The opposite of what he wanted?
"... I do?" he said though the statement sounded more like a question than a confirmation.
Smiling softly the blond nodded.
"Sometimes, yeah, you didn't notice?" It was an honest question, one of surprise actually. it was somewhat odd that the flea didn't even know what he was doing, and yet it was reassuring to realize he had learned this much about the louse.
"Wah I´m getting scared, Shizu-chan is starting to know me better than I know myself," the raven snorted, seemingly having had the exact same thought as he rubbed his neck awkwardly.
It was… good.
This right now, seeing Izaya somewhat flustered and surprised- or rather, seeing Izaya care enough to actually be affected by what he was saying… it was nice. Nice to know he wasn't as indifferent anymore about the things happening around him as he used to.
"Ahh, now get this thing off me or I will really murder it!" The raven suddenly announced and before the blond knew it he found the fluffy killing machine throw right into his face.
Scratching and hissing the cat did not in the slightest intend to let the blond go unscathed it seemed as he tried to pry the devilish creature off his body and the freaking long claws out of his skin.
But even though the walking meat grinder was trying to kill him, Shizuo couldn't really care any less as the beautiful sound of Izaya's laughter reached his ears, watching the fortissimo of Ikebukuro fight against a baby cat.
to be continued~
Now this was a really…. light chapter xD Starting with serious explanations and conversations of course, but hey look at da kitty scratching Shizuo´s face xDDD
I´m sowy I took so long to update, stuff was getting- ah whelp who cares? xD Fact is everything is taken care off mostly and now I will be updating way more frequently again~! xD
With that being said the next chapter is gonna be out on 29th January 2018~! I know that's not exactly soon, but gimme a break people I have my last 5 exams for this semester squished in between the last two january weeks x'D
Next chapter is gonna be quite the nice piece to read too hoho C:
See you~! xD
PS.: I have been thinking of starting a little doodle drawing sketch shit thing on my instagram account, (in February) so if ya wanna check that out (again in february lol there is still time till then xD)
thefeather_shirohimesstories
that's my name on there xD
-copy pastes a link cuz who knows if you will find me that way:
thefeather_shirohimesstories/
Well then see ya next chapter xD
Guest 2: xD whelp the arm is fixed, izaya is happy, Shizuo too and the cat... well it ahtes Shizuo but apart from that what a beautiful day x'D lol you are like Shizu-chan then x'D drawing the hate of cats xD Yeah I think so too, if celty knew what was going on she would help C. and not judge C: if she kenw that is C': Yep, Shizu-chan was actually acting pretty decent there, trying to get professional help- at a point I was wondering whether to preach into this section or not- I mean studying psychology and all I do know more things about this than the average person i guess, but I think it´s too little yet to actually write something like therapy sessions between Shinra and izaya without fucking anything up or stuff so i stuck with him not knowing again C: Lol I was chickening out on walking on that kinda thin ice x'D Although by now I actually gained a bit more confidence in that regard, but the story has already been outlined and i don´t wanna change the plot again so meh xDDDD
