February 2001
As soon as the group rang in 2001, Chandler began disappearing more and more and that February, Phoebe's thirty third birthday, he had vanished completely. They had planned a dinner for Phoebe. Rachel was going to be late because she was going to Tag's twenty fifth birthday first but no one knew where Chandler was. All calls to him went unanswered and soon Joey and Ross were driving around the city in Monica's Porsche which had been a gift from Jack Geller.
"Can you drive faster?" Joey asked.
"I'm obeying the speed limits."
"You know what?" Joey said as looked out the window, "I think I'm at my limit. I mean, he had to have been hiding the drugs and he's lying to us and...I've had enough."
"Rachel said that Chandler is drinking in his office."
"Great, fuck. I don't give a shit."
"Joe."
"No, no, this is bullshit. His life is not that bad. Okay, what makes his shit worse than everyone else's? Quit the whining and grow a pair. I've seen some bad shit. I watched people get their brains blown out in front of me and you don't see me crying about it. I've worked my ass off and yeah, maybe I'm not where I'd like to be career wise and maybe I'm not the smartest guy in the room but give me a fucking break. He has no idea how I saved his ass? Should've just let-"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Joe."
"Can't tell you. Haven't you had enough? If he's been lying, this is your sister he's lying to…he's already screwed over one of my sisters. Now he's screwed over yours."
"I have had enough," Ross said, "but I can't….I can't just turn my back on him. A lot of people have."
"People have turned their back on me. Look, this is my brother but I can't….I'm done. I'm no longer his friend. I don't give a shit if he overdoses and dies. I buried Shane, I'll bury him."
Ross remained quiet as Joey continued. He knew Joey was angry so he just let him talk. Chandler was nowhere to be found and soon Ross decided to return to the apartment. They walked in and Monica was staring at them, worried with the phone up to her ear. Phoebe was sitting on the couch and they were a little stunned to see Rachel there as well.
"Did you find him?" Rachel asked.
"No. No...we drove everywhere. We went to his office, he's not there...we checked hospitals-" Ross said.
"Maybe we should call the cops?" Joey asked.
"Mon did that already. Because he's a grown male and hasn't been missing for twenty four hours yet...there's nothing we can do," Rachel said.
Ross looked over at his sister as she turned back to the phone, "Well, screw you too," Monica yelled into the phone as she hung up. "He's not at Beth Israel Hospital. Where he is?"
Ross walked towards Monica as she began to cry. He hugged her tightly as she grabbed Ross' shirt.
"I can't….I can't...I...no more, just no more…."
"We'll figure this out," Ross said as Monica took a deep breath and stepped back. Ross noticed Joey now sitting with Rachel and Phoebe and the two girls were gently comforting him.
Monica kept looking at the phone and Ross stood quietly. They had been through this twice and it never got easier. Ross was drained and he wanted to say more but before he could say something, as if on cue, Chandler walked through the door grinning as if nothing was wrong.
"Hey, guys what's up? What's wrong? Who died?" Chandler asked. He was clutching his briefcase. The scene seemed to be playing in slow motion as Joey got up and walked towards Chandler. He very methodically lifted his fist and punched Chandler in the face before walking out the door. Ross was stunned. Joey really had never been violent with any of them. Chandler fell back, dropping the briefcase to the ground as he grabbed his nose.
"What the fuck was that about?" Chandler asked.
"I'll be right back," Phoebe said, getting up and walking out of the apartment. Chandler looked over at Monica who was still staring at him. She lifted up the phone, ready to throw it at him. Ross kept watching everyone. Rachel still remained frozen on the couch, staring at Chandler. Everything just seemed off. He felt like he was watching a movie.
"Monica," Chandler started.
"No, no...no, no more...no, I can't...I can't do this Chandler. I can't," Monica said as tears began streaming down her face. Ross watched as his sister took her engagement ring off her finger and threw it at Chandler. It fell to the floor, making a faint clanging sound.
"Monica, listen to me-"
"Where the hell were you?" Monica asked, shaking.
"I was...I was out," he sputtered.
"Fuck you," Monica said as she began to charge towards him, Ross grabbed Monica's arms. He wasn't going to let her hit him. His sister though was surprisingly strong.
"Monica, wait..." Chandler said.
"No, no...this is over Chandler. I'm done. I'm not marrying an addict. I'm not...I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to do this. Let go, Ross," Monica said.
"You can't hit him," Ross said.
"I won't...let me go. I can't...I have worked so hard. I have done so much, I cannot do anymore. I've lost fifteen pounds. I can't...you're killing me, Chandler. You're actually killing me. I thought...I thought you were dead. I can't...the wedding is off. I can't do this, I can't," Monica cried as she wrestled free from Ross' grip and stormed into her room, slamming it shut behind her. Ross looked at Rachel who was sitting in silence. Ross let out a sigh.
"When are you going to grow up?" Ross asked.
"Ross," Chandler said.
"No...no...what the fuck? Joey and I drove around the entire city looking for you. Monica called hospitals, she called the police. Eight hours dude, eight hours you go missing...without a call. Why do you want to die so badly and why are you forcing us to watch you die?" Ross asked, his voice monotone.
"You know what...I'm done too. I can't...I'm gonna go check on Joey and Phoebe," Rachel said as she stood up.
"Rachel," Chandler said.
"I've had enough. I can't do anymore. I can't...you were wanted here tonight. It's Phoebe's birthday and you were nowhere. I don't care where you were, really. Just that you weren't here. You seem so intent on pushing us all away...for what? I haven't a clue but congratulations, you did. You pushed us away," Rachel said as she walked out, slamming the door shut.
Chandler was frozen as he slowly picked the ring up off the floor and sat at the table. Ross sat next to him, it was taking every ounce of him not strangle his friend.
"How long?" Ross asked.
"How long what?" Chandler asked.
"Have you been off the wagon? How long have you been lying to us?" Ross asked.
"I fell off the wagon February or April of last year."
"Okay, then when you said you would stop drinking when you got engaged. Was that a lie?" Ross asked.
"Yeah."
"So you've been lying to us for nine months?" Ross asked, not letting on what Rachel had told him months earlier. Rachel had been right though, the drugs were in his office and he had been drinking there, hiding it from the rest of them.
"Yeah."
"Why do you hate us so much? What did we do?" Ross asked.
"I don't hate any of you."
"Sure seems like it. We've all worked hard to prove to you that we like you. Rachel kicked her own uncle out of her birthday party because she was so upset about what he did to you. Phoebe thinks the world of you. Joey considers you his brother-"
"I think you two are closer now, right?" Chandler asked. Ross found that to be a dumb comment, pointless.
"No..I'm not...but look, okay, this is...this isn't you screwing around with Lizzie or Janice or Kathy...this is my sister. You're fucking around with my sister this time so here's the thing...get your act together or get the hell out of here."
Ross kept staring at him, trying so hard to gauge Chandler's emotions. He was just so tired and wished for something he could say to make things better but he had run out of things. Monica soon opened the door and peered at them.
"Ross, can Chandler stay with you?" Monica asked.
"Monica," Chandler said, standing up.
"No, it's over. I want you out of my life. The wedding is off. I cannot...you wanna go kill yourself, go for it. You're doing a fantastic job, but I refuse to let you bring me down with you," Monica said.
"No, no...Mon," Chandler said walking towards her. Her face was bright red as she was shaking, "can we...please let's-"
"How long have you been boozing and doing drugs? Do not lie to me. I am not in the mood."
"Over a year," Chandler said.
"So you didn't quit after we got engaged?" Monica asked.
"No."
"Get out. Just go...get the fuck out," Monica said.
"No, please listen to me...Monica...you can't...I want you," Chandler said, his voice choking up.
"Where were you tonight?" Monica asked.
"I-I had...gone out drinking with Gandalf," Chandler said.
"Was your phone working?" Monica asked.
"Yes," Chandler said.
"So you got all our calls?" Monica asked.
"Yeah."
"Hmmm...screw you," Monica said, as she turned on her heel and walked back in the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Chandler began pounding on the door. Everything was spiraling now, he had never seen Monica this hysterical and Chandler was equally upset.
"Please, Monica...open up. I...I won't..."
"You wanna come over or-" Ross said.
"I'm not leaving Ross," Chandler said, not turning to face him. "I'm not leaving. I'm not letting this end. It can't end. I'm staying until she talks to me. I'm not letting this end. Monica, please...talk to me."
"Chandler-" Ross said.
"Get out of here, Ross," Chandler said. "I'm not...I don't wanna ruin this. I-I-I can't-"
He finally turned to look at Ross who was still staring at him, concern on his face. There was something about Chandler that seemed a little bit different than the other times. He wondered if his friend was afraid.
"Where are the drugs?" Ross asked.
"What?" Chandler asked.
"They're not here. We all looked. Where are you keeping them."
"My office."
"Okay."
"I screwed everything up."
"You did. Come on, man...you're going to be thirty two years old. Haven't you had enough?" Ross asked.
Chandler walked back to the table and sat down. He looked at Ross and Ross was taken aback by the look in Chandler's eye. Chandler looked terrified.
"Do you want to come over?" Ross asked.
"No. I'm gonna fix this."
"How?"
"I don't know. I just wish...please stick with me. Please, I'm gonna fix this. I can't lose you guys and you've been there for everything Ross and I can't...I mean, I lost Lizzie...I lied to her a lot."
"You did and I'm not leaving."
"Thanks. Why...you know Thanksgiving? When my parents got divorced, my dad never said goodbye. I saw him leave the next day and he didn't say goodbye and then Shane in the locker room and Rick and...and I never...I learned...I can't trust anyone. People either fuck you over or wanna fuck you and I don't...when I met you and-and Monica...and Lizzie and all of you, I don't know how to deal with that-with people wanting me around. I just...I don't know."
"I'm not saying goodbye, because I'm not leaving but you've gotta make this easier, man. I'm sorry that you've been through some of this stuff. It sucks but college was so much fun with you and I am so happy that we're still friends."
"Me too. I like that you care so much."
Ross couldn't leave as Chandler remained seated. They really did not speak and Ross stayed as long as he could but he wasn't in the mood to go home. Soon, he got tired and retreated to Joey and Rachel's apartment. He peered into Rachel's room and she wasn't there so he went to Joey's room where he noticed Phoebe, Joey and Rachel all asleep on Joey's bed. He walked over to their couch and sat down, slowly falling asleep. He had had enough.
He was woken up the next morning with Rachel shaking him. He was a little confused as he sat up and she sat next to him.
"I didn't want to go home….I slept on your couch. You slept in Joey's room?" Ross asked.
"I fell asleep on his bed. How was it after I left?" Rachel asked.
"Bad. How was Tag's birthday?"
"We broke up and he quit."
"That's a bad birthday."
"Yeah….what do we do now?" Rachel asked.
"I don't know," Ross said.
Rachel rested her head on his shoulder. He gently kissed her head and she reached down for his hand.
"You've been a good friend," Rachel said.
"I can't do this anymore. I give up. I can't….I'm done. I don't have the energy," Ross said. He had promised Chandler he'd stick around but he wasn't really sure he'd be able to keep that promise.
"I understand," Rachel said.
"Hey, you slept here last night?" Joey asked as he walked out of his room and looked at them. He walked towards them and plopped down next to Rachel.
"Yep. How's your hand?" Ross asked.
"It's fine. Never thought I'd punch Chandler in the face. He's my brother and I-I just-how much more-"
"Guys, you need to hold on," Rachel said, quietly.
"Rach," Joey said.
"No, you two are his boys. Phoebe and I will take care of Monica, but he needs you two. The drugs are in office. Clean him out or something. I'm not ready to give up on him and….and I know you guys aren't either. Ross, you've known him for thirteen years. You went to college with him and….and you even admitted to me there were fun times and Joe, I know you look at Chandler like he's a brother. I know you both love him. Think of….could you imagine really not having him in our lives? No Chandler jokes? I'd miss those. He does have a heart. Joey, he paid your rent for six years. No one would do that. You would have been kicked out of any other apartment. You know that."
"Yeah, it's true," Joey said.
"And Ross, you've said that you had friends in college because of him. I know we're all tired, but I'm not ready to give up yet. Let's go next door and talk to them. Ross, they've dealt with our drama. It's time to deal with theirs," Rachel said, standing up and turning towards the two boys. She held out her hands and pulled them both up. The three walked across the hall and opened the door as Phoebe was making coffee.
"Good morning," Phoebe said.
"They still in there?" Rachel asked, motioning towards Monica and Chandler's room.
"Yeah and they got back together," Phoebe said.
"Really?" Rachel asked.
"How are you doing, Pheebs?" Ross asked as they sat around the table. Phoebe began to pour them coffee and soon they were all gathered around the table.
"Not good. Tired. Very tired."
"Phoebe, you can't give up either. Come on, none of us can," Rachel said.
"Why not? Why can't we? I don't want to watch him die and he seems really intent on having us watch him... and I refuse. I adore him too much to watch this. I mean, you had Brian and Joey, you had your friend Shane-"
"I didn't know Brian was on anything," Rachel said. "But if I had, I wouldn't have….I don't….Chandler's different than Brian, but I don't want to give up yet. Come on. Pheebs, you've said it yourself that no one makes you laugh harder than him and well…I mean, can you imagine a world where he doesn't make you laugh like that?"
"He needs to get better fast. If he doesn't clean up this time….I just-"
"I know, Pheebs."
Rachel, Joey, Phoebe and Ross sat quietly around the table and drinking coffee. They kept staring at Monica and Chandler's closed door. Joey got up and walked towards Monica and Chandler's closed door and lifted his fist up before suddenly stopping. He turned back towards the group and walked back to them, this time grinning.
"They're having sex," Joey said.
Rachel and Phoebe looked at him as he took a sip of his coffee. Both girls immediately got up and walked towards the door before turning back and sitting down at the table. Ross felt quite disgusted by the whole thing.
"Make up sex," Phoebe grinned.
"Can we not?" Ross asked.
"What happened last night?" Rachel asked.
"Maybe we should go to your apartment," Ross said, cringing.
"Chandler melted down. I've never seen him cry like that. Mon hadn't either, apparently," Phoebe said.
"Can we please leave?" Ross asked.
"We're not opening the door. Let them make up and don't be such a wutz," Rachel said.
"I'm not….it's just gross," Ross said.
Rachel laughed and shook her head, "Chandler melted down?"
"Yeah...and he was really concerned that Joey no longer wanted to be his friend," Phoebe said, "you'll still be his friend, right Joe?"
"Always."
When Monica and Chandler finally emerged from their bedroom, they seemed almost calm. Chandler seemed worn out.
"Hello, guys," Monica said.
"We were gonna get you two but we thought you were busy," Phoebe said.
"What were you two doing?" Joey asked.
"Please don't ask that while I'm here," Ross said.
"Hey, can I talk to you guys," Chandler said as he walked to the table and sat down, pulling Monica with him. "I'm...I'm going to an outpatient rehab thing. I have some issues that I-I don't how to fix and I-I need help 'cause I don't know how to do this on my own and...well okay...I didn't stop drinking or doing drugs after Monica and I got engaged. I fell off the wagon over a year ago and I lied to all of you and...I'm really...I'm sorry. I know I've fucked up. I'm gonna go talk to someone and figure out how to be happy."
Ross kept staring at him. Something about his words seemed real this time. Chandler really was getting help? He believed Chandler, maybe this would be the last time. He wanted to say something when he noticed Chandler starting to smile and he knew his friend well enough to know what was next.
"So...anyone wanna grab a drink and celebrate?" Chandler asked, grinning slightly. Of course Chandler would make a joke, not that he'd expect anything different.
"Really?" Monica asked, smacking him upside the head.
"Too much serious in twenty four hours. I'd rather make you guys laugh," Chandler said.
"You've never done that before, why start now?" Joey asked.
"Funny...hey, can you guys come with me today?" Chandler asked.
"Where?" Ross asked.
"I wanna introduce you to Sophie. I'm not sure how much time she has left and the one thing she wanted was for me to...for me to have people that would want me. That would be my friends...my family and I wanna show her you guys," Chandler said.
"I liked Sophie. I'll go," Rachel said and the others agreed as Monica walked towards the counter to get some breakfast for herself and Chandler.
"Thanks...'cause she's kinda of the reason I fell off the wagon. Not her personally but I let her down and she was like my mom growing up and I...I wanna show her all of you. She'll be happy," Chandler said.
"Wait, before we go...Bing...do we need to go to your office?" Ross asked.
"Oh, yeah...that's where you've been hiding the drugs, right?" Joey asked.
"Alright, we can stop at my office and Joey can punch me in the face again," Chandler said.
"No worries man, it was a one time thing," Joey said.
"Are we cool?" Chandler asked.
"Always," Joey said.
"I don't wanna go to Chandler's office," Monica said as she brought two mugs of coffee to the table, handing one to him. "I don't wanna see what's there...I...it's...it'll just make me upset."
"It's alright, Mon. We got it," Joey said.
"Yeah, we'll clean him out," Ross said.
It was awkward the breakfast. It was strange and there was still tension lingering in the air. They had been through so much in the last twenty four hours that they were all just exhausted.
Walking into Chandler's darkened office, Chandler turned on the light and tossed Joey the keys to a cabinet. He sat in his chair as Joey and Ross opened to the cabinet to see bottles of liquor and pills stacked in there.
"Wow..." Joey said.
"Yeah," Chandler said.
"You really did fall off the wagon," Ross said.
"I did...hey, before you guys throw everything out. Thank you...and I'm...just thanks," Chandler said.
"Let's dump this stuff," Joey said giving him a smile as he began throwing stuff out. It almost turned into a game. They threw his stuff away and made sure there was nothing left in his office. When they were finished, they looked at Chandler who had said nothing throughout the purge.
"Thanks, guys," Chandler said.
"Are you really gonna do rehab and go to meetings?" Ross asked.
"Yes. I am. I have to. I can't do this to you guys. I can't do this to Monica. You guys deserve better and I'm gonna be better and I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for lying to you guys and I'm sorry for...not showing how much I appreciate both of you. I'm done."
"Good," Ross said.
"Let's go," Chandler said as they walked out of the office and met up with Monica, Rachel and Phoebe at the hospital to see Sophie. Chandler's old housekeeper looked fragile and thin. He didn't know Sophie very well but he knew what he meant to Chandler and to Rachel, but probably more to Chandler.
The withdrawals hit Chandler hard and he spent a lot of time in the bathroom. They had decided to do what they did best, have a movie night. Joey went in to get Chandler and help him out into the living room, Joey was practically holding him up as he shuffled towards Monica.
"So...what do you wanna watch first?" Ross asked.
"What?" Chandler asked.
"Pick a movie," Ross said.
"I wanna watch The Hot Dog Movie," Phoebe said.
"No, no...Spaceballs. The Hot Dog Movie must die," Rachel said.
The girls made way for Chandler as he lay down on the couch. Monica covered him with a blanket.
"So Chandler...why do you want?" Ross asked.
"I don't care...anything you guys want. I'm just glad you're here," Chandler said.
"Hot Dog movie," Phoebe grinned.
Ross grabbed a movie and popped it into the VCR. He noticed as Chandler began shaking a little.
"You feeling okay baby?" Monica asked as she stroked his leg.
He nodded as he closed his eyes, while clutching the pillow, "yeah...I just enjoy you guys a lot." Monica leaned down to kiss him as the movie began.
"I hate this part," Rachel said, curling up next to Ross as he sat by her. He knew she was referring to the withdrawals.
"Me too."
"You think he'll be okay this time?" Rachel asked, whispering.
"Yeah, I do. I really do," He whispered back.
He truly believed that for the first time, everything would be okay. Yes, there would be withdrawals and those as always be rough but he just thought things would be different.
