I could not get up no matter how much I tried. The pain all over my body was so much and I was so out of breath. I could hardly breathe. I looked up as I watch Clarke practically role her way over to a tree. I could tell she was struggling and it took all her strength to sit up. I knew Dax had hit her pretty hard but she was in more pain then I realized. I mustered all that I could and crawled over to her. Leaning myself up against the tree right next to her.
I placed my hand on her knee letting her know that it was okay. The simple touched seemed to relax her a little as she looked back over to me.
"You're okay." She said to me.
We were both so out of breathe that we sat there for a few seconds in silence. I thought about what she had just said. Was I okay. I mean I'm alive but okay. No I'm not okay.
"No, I'm not." I told her.
"My mother… if she knew what I've done, who I am. She raised me to be better to be good." I said.
I did not know why I was telling her these things. I was not one to share my feelings but something was different when it came to Clarke. I could feel her eyes burning into the side of my face but I could not bring myself to look at her.
"Bellamy." She said trying to get my attention.
"All I do is hurt people." I said as I tried with every bone in my body to hold back the tears that wanted to fall.
"I'm a monster." I said as one tear managed to fall down my face.
"Hey, you saved my life today." She said to me finally making me to look at her.
I did not make direct eye contact for longer than a few seconds.
"And you may be a total ass half the time, but I need you." She finished.
I looked away from her but after a few second I took in her words. She needed me. I looked back at her.
"We all need you. None of u would have survived this place if it wasn't for you." She finished.
I could not help but look completely away from her. I did not want her to see the hurt in my eyes. She had been talking about camp. That's what she meant. It was not exactly what I wanted but it still felt good to hear that I was needed.
"You want forgiveness fin, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven okay." She said to me.
I looked back to her.
"But you can't run Bellamy."
I really did not want to hear this rite now so I looked away from her again.
"You have to face it." She told me.
"Like you faced your mom?" I said to her then instantly felt bad about it.
"Your right. I don't want to face my mom. I don't want to face any of it. All I think about every day is how were gonna keep everyone alive." She admitted to me.
I could not believe how much we really where alike. I may not be alone in this after all.
"But we don't have a choice." He told me.
"Jaha will kill me when he comes down." I told her.
"We will figure something out." She told me.
"Can we figure it out later?" I asked her.
I did not wait for her to answer I just leaned back against the tree. Clarke leaned back as well.
"Whenever you're ready." She replied.
