The beam on Sandy's face as Jason injected his insulin without a single prompt the next morning was practically face splitting. Under the disgust he was feeling as his latest injection made its way through his system, Jason couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.

He had hoped that it would all disappear, the guilt that was, after all there was nothing to feel guilty about, he was doing exactly what he was meant to, hell he wasn't even faking his shots anymore, though there was no way he'd be able to get away with that even if he did try it. Ever since getting back, not even twenty four hours ago, Sandy had been checking his blood sugar after every meal and measly shot, to make sure the teen was doing exactly what he was meant to.

Jason knew she felt guilty about it, the expression on her face told him it all, that not being able to trust her own flesh and blood with such a simple and menial task was tearing her apart, but he also knew that she was under strict instructions to do exactly what she was doing by the doctors at the clinic, Jason only prayed that this act would end after a few weeks, because he wasn't sure how much longer he could put up with this whole pretence.

And that was what was causing his guilt, because his family, the people who vowed that they loved him and would do everything they could to help, were once more being mislead by him as Jason pretended that he was recovered. He knew that if they ever realised that he was lying, well their grief would be simply too much for him to handle, would break his heart once more.

Even that wasn't even enough for him to want to take the insulin, because doing it without the knowledge that in a few weeks he was going to stop, was far worse than a little bit of guilt.

Every injection, every antidepressant was like a stab to the heart, as Jason knew he was only damaging his body even more with the necessary medication, he was getting further and further away from the perfection he so dreamed of, but he had to keep the act up, or at least until he had gained everyone's trust back.

Once that was done, he could go back to restricting insulin on the sly, and he would do it better this time. Jason knew what he had to do now to succeed, he'd failed once and he was damned if that was going to happen a second time.

His family thought he was recovered, but Jason wasn't even sure what that word meant anymore, because it surely couldn't mean being the size of a house and deeply miserable, like he was well on his way to being.

That wasn't how you were meant to live life, but then again maybe he was just broken and didn't know any better. It would make sense really, everyone knew just how much of a nutcase he really was, it wouldn't surprise Jason if even his basic concepts of up and down, left and right, right and wrong, weren't fully functional these days, not with the amount of drugs that were pumped into his system at regular intervals.

But maybe he had always been broken and had never noticed before now, maybe that was all he was meant to be, a broken, pathetic excuse for a human, but Jason knew he could prevent that from happening, or at least do his best. He was going to lose all that weight once more, it didn't matter how long he'd have to wait before he could take another stab at bettering himself, as long as he got the chance to do so, and if it was the last thing he ever lived to do, well then maybe his life would have had some meaning to it.

Jason was snapped out of his thoughts by the appearance of Robbie, his twin shooting him a casual smile in his direction before grabbing the bread from the side and making himself some toast. The younger boy's posture seemed relaxed enough, but Jason knew his twin too well and instantly saw through the casual look he was putting on show for everyone watching, Robbie was nervous, and he had a bloody good reason to be too.

Today was the day that Jason was going to return to Hollyoaks High, and he really wasn't looking forward to the prospect, the stares that would no doubt follow him through the whole day was enough to make his skin crawl right then and there, but he knew he had to go. If he hid away in his room, under the covers where no-one could see him, his family would realise he wasn't as recovered as he claimed to be, hell they may begin doubting other parts of his lies and then it'd all begin to unravel, ending him right in that very moment.

Jason knew he had to be strong, pretend that he was ready to face hundreds of curious students, who would all have questions on the tips on their tongues, with no doubt a little bit abuse thrown in for good measure, but he had to put up with it all if he wanted to keep the façade up for that little bit longer.

"You ready to go love?" Sandy asked a few moments later, checking the time and realising that both boys better get on their way if they wanted to arrive at the school on time.

"Think so," Jason nodded, grabbing his bag from the side and re-checking the contents to make sure he had everything he needed. Just like the past six times he'd checked, everything was present, and he shouldered the backpack before taking a steely breath and leaving the house to kickstart his education at Hollyoaks High, Robbie close on his heels as Jason began making his way through the estate. He could do this, he was doing so well and it wasn't going to be ruined by going to school of all things.

As he continued with the walk, Jason kept repeating the same mantra time and time again in his head, ignoring practically every single one of Robbie's attempts to start a conversation, though his twin could see how nervous he was, and stopped trying after a few moments, knowing Jason probably wanted the time for himself, though Robbie made sure to keep his eyes peeled on his brother, hoping that the stresses of school wouldn't trigger him in any sort of way.

He had been doing so well, and Robbie would hate to see Jason fall apart once more, especially if he couldn't prevent it from happening a second time, when he should know the warning signs better, a lot better.

}}}}}}}}

The eyes that followed Jason on every step he took through the school wasn't unexpected in the slightest, though he had been shocked by the fact that it was now reaching third period, and not even a single person had come up to him and asked him about his whereabouts, though he'd quickly put two and two together when he saw Robbie practically threatening a particularly gobby year ten, realising that his twin had probably something to do with the lack of curiosity from his fellow students.

The act was something more heartfelt that Jason had ever thought Robbie possible of, though he'd quickly shook the warm feeling that rose into his chest away, it wasn't like the other boy was doing it for him, no Robbie's actions would have been completely selfish, after all, he wouldn't want people knowing he was related to a complete freak, and well he wouldn't trust Jason to be the one to keep his mouth shut, no he wasn't even good enough for that.

Jason tried not to think too deeply into it though, because even though Robbie would have been no doubt doing it for his own reputation, the privacy that he had managed to keep was a nice thing, and he couldn't help but think that maybe life in school wouldn't be as bad as Jason had originally feared it would be.

The dream that that could actually be true was shattered the moment Jason was paired in a project with Phoebe in his biology class. He hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms with the schoolgirl, and he knew for a fact that Phoebe McQueen was not the sort of person to let things go, really it was just his luck that he'd be paired with her, after all, things could never go right for him.

"Uh hey," he said with a small smile once he'd made his way over to her table, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans and praying that she wouldn't say anything particularly catty or mean, because Jason really doubted he'd be able to cope with it.

As he stood there, wishing the earth would just open up and swallow him right up where he stood, Phoebe raised her eyebrows, giving Jason the impression that he was being judged and he could only hope that it wasn't too harshly.

"So how you been?" Phoebe finally asked, after she motioned for Jason to take a seat, something he gratefully did, because a minute more and his legs probably would have given out due to nerves alone, and Jason really didn't need anymore embarrassment in his life, though he doubted that'd stop something awful from happening to him at one point in the not so distant future.

"Uh, yeah I've been good, you know how it is," he replied with an uneasy smile, not wanting to go any more detail and really hoping that Phoebe wouldn't push it further, because there would be no way he'd share his experiences at an eating disorder clinic with anyone, least of all her.

"Right, well in your massive holiday you better have kept up on biology. This project's like 20% of our final grade and I'm not falling behind because you were too busy sunning it up instead of studying." Jason couldn't help but smile at Phoebe's remark, because although her tone was playing hard at being cold and distant, he couldn't help but notice the tinge of concern that was present, nor the way she covered up Jason's recent absence from school in such a brusque manner.

Jason knew that she got it, or she understood something at least, but he wasn't going to go and ask exactly what she thought had happened to him, he was just glad that there seemed to be another person partly on his side, especially someone as feisty as Phoebe McQueen.

The pair worked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, but as Phoebe was pouring the Benedicts solution into one of their various proteins, she found herself turning to Jason once more, knowing that a comfortable silence could as easily turn awkward if not broken up.

"So you going to Jordan Leevers massive loft party next Friday?"

"Uh no, but I've never talked to the guy," Jason replied easily, not surprised he hadn't received any sort of invite, because not only was he not close to Jordan in any sort of way, but he had also been practically missing for the last month.

"And neither have half of the guest list. The whole of sixth form's been invited as well as ton from the lower years, just ask him for an invite or get Robbie to do it, he's letting a load of people come."

"Robbie?"

"Yeah, he's been invited, Ruby and Holly have too, I thought they'd have said something to you," Phoebe said, looking increasingly uncomfortable with the latest turn of the conversation, realising she may have just got the others into a more than awkward situation.

"No they haven't mentioned, but I'm sure it was just cause it hasn't been brought up."

"Yeah, that's probably it," Phoebe said quickly, though she obviously didn't believe her words, though Jason didn't focus too much on it, instead wondering why neither of his three closest friends hadn't said anything to him about the party.

'They just want to protect me, that's all,' Jason told himself sternly, trying to not let the secrets get to him, though he was struggling slightly at the revelation. 'They don't want me getting stressed out so soon after getting home, want to keep me safe and-'

You keep telling yourself that kid, we both know that's not the reason they kept mum about the whole thing though. They're all acting like the greatest friends to ever grace the earth on the surface, but that's all an act, they don't want you there, don't want to have the local nutcase there when they should be relaxing. You're just going to cramp their style and ruin the night for them all.

Hell Holly was probably going to try and find a new boyfriend, someone better than you. She only got back with you because she feels sorry for you, you know that right? She doesn't love you, she never has and she never will. You're her goodwill act, something to help her sleep at night, but she wished you'd never gotten out of the clinic, you know it's true.

Trying to silence his thoughts, Jason zoned back in what Phoebe was saying, abruptly interrupting her observations on the experiment as he began formulating a new plan where he stood.

"Do you reckon you can score me an invite to this party?" he asked, grinning broadly when Phoebe readily agreed to ask Jordan later that day. It would be interesting to tell the others he was going to be there, see their reactions to the news, and to see them on the night.

After all alcohol did loosen the tongue and Jason was very interested in what his three friends would have to say once they were drunk out of their minds, and to hear just what they had to say about him.

So Jason's got a plan, or at least half of one, but how will it go? I hit 200 reviews last chapter, thank you all for the amazing support, I never dreamed that this story could be so successful, and it means a lot to me!