Author's Note: Hello everybody! How's it going? It's another beautiful Sunday for a new chapter of Amnesia :) I had a long weekend because yesterday, I had my high school graduation party so I was eating a lot of food and goofing around with my friends. And today, I had to work from 11-7, which isn't bad, but I'm still very tired. On the bright side, I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out, and it's kinda long too! I'll let ya read as soon as I answer these comments:

Allen Blaster: You're asking the right questions, my man! I did consider making Raven's clothing white, but I decided against it because you know how difficult it is for Raven to be emotionally balanced (that poor thing…) and also the lawsuit is important and you will see how it connects later on in the story! And yes! Someone did put the symbol on Raven's head, but who? And how did they do it? And why? I don't have many chapters left, but I'll have these questions answered soon :) Thanks for reading, Adam! Hope everything is going well with you!

JasonVUK: Yes! Finally! Raven now has Lust, Calm, and Rage again! But her troubles aren't over yet. This chapter will really divulge into Raven's next goal and I'm pretty sure you can guess what it is ;)

Santoramon: You know me… I can get really off-topic sometimes trying to explain something. I'll even be doing it later on in this chapter! XD Thanks again for sticking by me, Santoramon! Please enjoy this next chapter!

Guest: It's good to hear from you too! And thankfully, I speak a little Spanish, so I could get a basic translation out of it XD I'm really happy that you liked the last chapter! It was a fun one to write, and I'm sure you'll like the upcoming chapters too because that's when things will get heated, and I'm excited to write them :) Es una lástima que no tienes vacaciones en el verano, pero por favor disfruta el próximo capítulo y ¡espero que puedo hablar contigo otra vez en el futuro! (I could really use some more practice was Spanish tbh…)

Alright! That's the last of them! Go on and get reading! Thanks again and I hope you enjoy it!

A Previous Summary: Raven suffers a massive headache from Rage and when Beast Boy snaps her out of it, she has an epiphany. Raven is able to explain why Lust and Calm were separated from her and why Rage is separated from her for a different reason. She realizes what she has to do and she asks if Beast Boy would be there with her. Beast Boy isn't easily convinced, thinking that Raven is too hurt to confront her Emoticlones, but he is eventually persuaded. Together, they go to Raven's room and while Beast Boy sits with her, Raven goes into Nevermore alone.

Raven's Emoticlones are advising against Raven's plan, but Raven is determined to find Rage. When Rage appears, Raven apologizes for what Rage had endured for so long and then she begins to experience Rage's anger. It almost incapacitates Raven again, but she uses her other emotions to combat this. Because she is experiencing her emotions and centering her anger, the insignia on Rage's forehead disappears and Rage becomes one with Nevermore. All Beast Boy and Raven could do is embrace each other and quietly rejoice.


Amnesia

Chapter 54: A Lost Identity

Beast Boy and I were so exhausted from last night that we both fell asleep on my bedroom floor. We cuddled together and slept in each other's arms, my cloak becoming a blanket for us to share. We would've slept all day, thankful for the peace we had acquired from interacting with Nevermore, if it weren't for the sound of a frantic alert going off around noon.

I sat up at last and rubbed my amethyst eyes. Beast Boy stirred next to me, but he showed no interest in being summoned for a mission. He only woke up because I had urged him to. He even argued that a mission right now wasn't a good idea, especially since we were still groggy from last night. However, I insisted that we needed to be there for the Titans and I didn't stop bugging him until he finally agreed to come with me.

A few minutes later, everybody was gathered in the Main Ops room for a briefing. Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire were unaware of exactly what happened with Nevermore, but they did suspect something had happened. Starfire was grinning wildly and Cyborg made a comment about Beast Boy and I "hitting the hay" together last night. Even Robin was smirking and no amount of denial or excuses could change their thoughts. Beast Boy and I had to play along, at least until we had the time to tell them…or the time to show them…

In the Main Ops room, Robin used the projector to illustrate the meaning of the alert. Our mission was to fight Overload, who had recently gone on a rampage on the streets of Jump City. He had a personal history with the Titans. His electrical capabilities were limitless and the Titans were intent on stopping him, but Beast Boy was still reluctant about it. He had grabbed my hand and squeezed it, his way of telling me how nervous he was. In all honesty, I was nervous too, but I assured him that I was ready, that I wanted to go on this mission. With Nevermore intact once again, I needed to see just what I was capable of doing.

We took the T-car and made our way into the heart of Jump City at a record-breaking speed. As soon as we neared to the scene of the crime, I was so ambitious that I immediately engaged in combat. Beast Boy reached for me as I phased through the car and took flight. I went straight for Overload, my fists holding spheres of dark energy. I felt like I could do anything. I had a balanced Nevermore on my side, which meant that I had complete control of my powers and fewer influences to distract me. I was more than ready to use this newfound strength to fight him. My mantra seemed to have greater effect than ever and it pleased me to see how powerful I could get by saying the magical words.

I yearned for revenge, the revenge I had wanted for a long time but was unable to attain due to my condition. Now, this dream of making up for my failures was becoming a reality and I was excited to find my peace.

Overload proved to be very difficult to subdue. He was an intelligent being entirely composed of electricity so I couldn't get too close to his sparkling skin without getting shocked. In order to avoid electrocution, I used extensions of my arms to attack him. Overload easily dodged my punches but before he had a chance to return the gesture, the Titans joined the fight.

We became an effective team, stepping in and out of combat when necessary and using combined attacks to create more damage against the villain. Cyborg and Starfire showered him with sonic blasts and starbolts, causing Overload to retreat backwards a few steps. Beast Boy tried morphing into an electric eel and using his own electricity to stun him, but Beast Boy nearly got fried himself. I had to pull him back and shield him from Overload's assaults before it could truly hurt him. Robin's response to this was to throw ice bombs, hoping it would redistribute attention. We immediately noticed how Overload recoiled at this. The explosion of ice had harmed him and he screeched in an octave that would make a dog whine. That's when we remembered his weakness and we all changed our tactics to take down Overload.

Starfire used her alien strength to break open a fire hydrant, causing it to erupt into a massive geyser. The water sizzled off of Overload and he seemed to shrink in size, diminishing his power. Cyborg hooked himself up to another hydrant and aimed his hose at the villain. Beast Boy morphed into an elephant and used his trunk to spray water as well, provoking a horrid response from Overload. But even with Robin throwing more ice bombs, Overload was still alive, still kindled with electricity. If nobody gave him the final blow, he could've easily escaped and heal himself using a nearby power source. I knew I had to help and seeing that a lot of the water was being drained away into the sewer, I got an idea.

I brought my hands to my heart, closed my eyes, and centered my breath. After a huge inhale, I spoke my mantra and I slowly raised my arms. Circular, metal lids, once concealing passageways into the underground tunnels beneath Jump City's streets, popped into the air like bottlecaps. The Titans and Overload all jumped in surprise, but I held my composure. I raised my arms higher, spreading my fingers wide to cover a broader range of motion. Then, with the thrust of my hands, enormous fountains of sewer water sprang from the ground.

The streets were flooded almost instantly, the drains unable to keep up with the demand. While the Titans were able to escape from the cascades of water, Overload wasn't so lucky. With nowhere to run, he dissolved into the murky water until all that remained of him was a short-circuited computer chip. I then ceased my onslaught and allowed the water to seep back into the underground pipes.

This was an important victory for me. It was all the proof the Titans needed to know about what I had done the previous night; it was all the proof I needed to know that it had been successful. I practically cried when the Titans congratulated me. They understood right away that I was different‒expressive, confident, proud‒and I didn't need to explain very much about it. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg were all happy for my victories and I was even happier.

The return of Rage meant so much to not only me, but to the Teen Titans as well. This wasn't a victory for me; it was for the Titans. I now had the strength to be an effective member of the Teen Titans, proving that I could be relied on and trusted as I had been in the past. For once, I didn't feel like a burden to them. I was able to support myself and help the Titans in a way that didn't involve risk or regret. For once, I was a true Teen Titan and I was elated to be recognized as one.

"Glorious!"

"Booyeah! That's what I'm talking about!"

"Stupendous thinking, Friend Raven!"

"Yeah, that was great! I've never seen you do something like that!"

"You were amazing, Rae. I'm so proud of you."

I knew I had done it. My goal on conquering Nevermore was finally achieved, which meant that my Emoticlones were no longer separated from me. Rage, the one who had caused me so much pain and so much strife, was now at peace. She could get along with the others and offer her power, although she wouldn't be easily suppressed. It didn't matter to me because I was just so happy. This goal was of mine was completed and, for a moment, I thought I was done. I thought I could finally move on with my life and start making new memories for myself, but then I remembered that I didn't even have my old memories yet.

My amnesia was still in effect, despite having a healed Nevermore. I still didn't know about the incident, about the man named Slade, about who I was back then during the simpler times as a Teen Titan. I had hoped that ending Rage's seclusion would open my mind to more memories, but that didn't happen. None of them were triggered, almost forgotten, and this needed to be changed. My next goal was to recover the memories from my past life, however, I didn't even know where to begin.

We drove home after the mission and boarded the elevator as a group. The Titans all chatted amongst themselves, suggesting we have yet another celebration, but I was quiet on the ride to the Main Ops room. My mind was elsewhere, contemplating my future words and future actions. I was nervous, actually. Even though I felt much more confident with my demonic abilities, I was still flustered in social interactions and the next conversation I'll have wouldn't be easy to initiate.

As everyone began to file out of the elevator, I hung back and took the liberty of pulling Robin to the side. He was surprised by this but when I asked if I could speak to him privately, he agreed nonetheless. We waited until all the other Titans had disappeared down the hallway before I began.

"What's this about, Raven? Are you feeling okay?"

I took a deep breath and carefully plotted my words. "Robin, I've felt so much better after what I did last night. Being able to suppress Rage is the best feeling in the world and now I don't have to worry about Nevermore. Now I'm not worried about what could happen if I lose my anger. My emotions are in my control and I feel great, but that doesn't mean I feel any better about my amnesia.

"I still don't remember very much of what happened to me. I still don't know about Slade or about the incident or about my life before the amnesia. I have my Emoticlones, but a part of me is still missing! And that's the next thing I want to accomplish. I want my amnesia to be cured for good and I was hoping you could help me."

"Raven," the masked boy said. "I'm so happy for you too, and I get what you're saying, but we've been trying to cure your amnesia for months and it hasn't made much progress. What were you thinking I could do?"

"I can't wait any longer," I told him. "I need to know. I'm not waiting around for my memories to come back because they won't, not unless they're triggered. So I wanted you to help me trigger them by telling me what happened."

"Raven, we've been over this-"

"You'd be doing me a favor! I need this, Robin! I need to know! Yeah, I know how to use my powers. Yeah, I know how to handle Nevermore. But what about my memories? What am I supposed to do about those? I still have my amnesia to worry about and I don't want to be worrying about it anymore. There has to be something I can do to fix it."

"There are! I'm sure we can find something else to do for you."

"We've tried everything! I even got my Emoticlones back, and nothing has changed! We need to try harder if I'll ever get my memories back. We need to trigger them and I know I can remember something if you just tell me what happened!"

"Telling you isn't gonna be easy," Robin said firmly. "For you or for us. We've wanted to tell you‒believe me, we do‒but there's a reason why we didn't and a reason why we won't. What if you can't handle it? What if the truth only disappoints you more?"

"I can take it."

"Raven, if you learned the truth… I don't know. Maybe only then would you agree with me, that you should've figured it out for yourself, but by then it would be too late! You gotta trust me; we don't wanna upset you more."

"What? Is the truth that bad?"

"Maybe it is, but with how much I know, even I don't like to talk about it…"

Robin grew quiet after this. I could understand his reasoning‒nobody ever wants to be the bearer of bad news, but this information only made me more determined for answers. Despite the possibility of regretting this decision, I wanted to know what happened and I had prepared myself for the truth. Whether I had betrayed the Titans like the fabled girl named Terra or was involved in an accident that I was at fault, I would accept the truth and learn to cope with it. I swore to myself that I would. However, Robin wouldn't change his decision either.

The Titans were adamant in refusing to tell me the truth. Robin insisted that it wouldn't be easy, that it would take a toll on everyone's part, so I started thinking of other methods to trigger my memories.

"Starfire told me that once, I was able to freeze time," I said. "Is that true? Can I really do that?"

"Yeah, actually. You can, but I've only seen you do it once. I don't know if it'll help now though."

"So what about time travel? Maybe… Just maybe there's a way I can go back in time, to see everything unravel in front of me again. Do you think that would work?"

"Well, I'm guessing you could go back in time and maybe it could be helpful, but I dunno if you should."

"Why not?"

"For one thing, it is dangerous, Raven. Things could really get messed up if you're spotted. It could change the future in so many ways."

"I know, so that's why I'll be careful! I'll stay hidden, write down what I see, and return to the present when I'm done. That way, everybody could know what really happened!"

"I see what you mean, Raven. Really, I do, but I just don't think this is a good idea. What you'd be doing… It isn't natural…"

I didn't hide my initial reaction very well. Robin could tell that I was very upset by this remark and he quickly explained himself.

"Look, I want what's best for you. Whether it's getting your memories back or not, you tell me what you want and I'll help you with it. We'll all help you. We got your back, remember? So you wanna get your memories back. Alright, I'm all for it, but going back in time to get them won't help you. You need your memories to be triggered again, that way you'll really understand what happened. But going back in time to watch yourself isn't the way to go and neither is us telling you what happened. I'm telling you: we just can't explain it. That's why you need to know what happened because even we don't have the full story."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, we don't know what really happened either! We remember bits and pieces of it, but it's not enough to understand what happened to you, to understand what Slade did to you…"

"So going back in time will help me. You won't even have to say anything. I could do everything on my own!"

"No, Raven. I'm not letting you do that."

"Then why are we giving up a chance to understand everything about the incident, about my amnesia?"

"It's 'cause we care about you!" Robin emphasized. "I'm not letting you ruin yourself when you don't know what you're getting into!"

The masked boy quietly recuperated himself. I looked away as well, hiding the hints of oncoming tears. There was that feeling again; I was hurt by what Robin had said, but I also couldn't help but worry if I was making the right decision. I second-guessed myself about everything. Was this even worth arguing for? Should I keep trying to get my memory back or should I just forget it all? Would that make things better or would it only make it worse?

No, I had told myself. I need to know what happened. I need to know what I've done. It's the only way I'll ever get peace. I've made up my mind: I won't stop looking for my memories until the day I die.

But how? asked a voice from within. Where could your memories be? Are they just deeper in your mind, or are they really gone? What would it take to trigger them? Can they even be triggered?

These thoughts were starting to make me feel sick. I dropped my gaze to the floor, hoping that there was still a chance I could be cured of my amnesia, even when every other entity around me seemed to disagree. Robin watched me and then be beckoned me to follow him.

"Here, lemme take you someplace."

The elevator brought us to a different floor and I was led into a large, darkened chamber. It was seemingly empty, but as we entered, I realized that there were hundreds of display stands scattered throughout the room, creating the exhibit-like environment we would see in a museum. The only sources of light came from these individual presentations, illuminating the objects that were to be presented only to a limited number of eyes. I strolled alongside Robin, marvelling at the objects framed in halos of light. They were all carefully sealed in bullet-proof glass containers but I suspected that it wasn't for their monetary value.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"The Crime Lab," Robin answered. "This is where we do a lot of our research. Everything in this room was either found or taken from a criminal that we've fought. We got weapons and gear and all sorts of different loot that we thought was important, all recovered during our missions. And here… This is the most important part of our collection."

Robin walked over to a lone display centered in the room and I hurried to his side. For a moment, he just stood there, focused at what lay beyond the cube-shaped barrier. He was hesitant at first but then he clicked a hidden button, causing the glass to disappear and unearthing a strange piece of evidence.

Robin reached out and picked up a mask that was made entirely out of metal. It was split down the face, one side being silver and the other being orange, and it had only one eyehole for the wearer's visibility. It didn't take very long for me to recognize this.

"Wait," I said. "I remember this."

"What?"

"I remember this! I've seen this before!"

"You have?"

"Yeah!"

"When?" he prodded me. "How?"

"In my dreams! I've seen it in my dreams and I can prove it. Wait here! I'll be right back!"

Before Robin could stop me, I dashed into a large portal and I was transported into my unlit bedroom. There, I tore through my belongings until I found what I was looking for: my jet-black journal. I returned to the Crime Lab via another portal and I began to skim through its pages, looking for one of the more artistic additions to the collaboration. Prior to him speaking, I didn't notice that Robin had been curiously staring at my journal.

"You have your journal back."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I do."

"I thought it was ruined," he said.

"Yeah, Beast Boy fixed it for me a long time ago and then he gave it back to me as a gift. I forgot that we didn't tell anybody."

"How come?"

I shrugged. "I guess I hadn't really thought about it… Here. This is what I wanted to show you."

The masked Titan leaned in and observed the image I was pointing at. It was one of many pictures because I liked to sketch what I had seen in my dreams. Sometimes visual cues were easier to interpret than literal cues, and an example of this was attempting to describe the Man of Metal. His mask was his most iconic feature and it was one of the first things I had drawn because it was one of the first things I had seen. I wasn't very good at drawing and the sketch wasn't very detailed, but even Robin could realize what it represented.

"This is Slade's mask," Robin whispered bitterly. "It looks exactly like his mask."

"Yeah! See? I have seen this before!" I exclaimed. "Slade was in my dreams!"

"But that doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't?"

"If you dreamt about him, then you should know who he is, right? Do you know who he is, Raven?"

I was bewildered by his question. "Yeah, that's Slade."

"No. Do you know who he is?"

I opened my mouth to speak, hesitated, and then closed it in shame. I shook my head. "No," I said. "Not really. But I've heard his name so many times that it feels like I know him."

"Slade's the one that gave you your amnesia," Robin told me. "Slade's the one that took you down. He captured you and he did something, I don't know what, but he's gonna pay for it. It's all his fault, not yours."

"Why did he capture me?"

"I don't know. It didn't make any sense to us. Nobody expected it, Raven, and why would we? It was so out of the blue. We didn't know what was happening before it was too late, and even now we don't understand what really happened.

"I just don't get it," Robin went on. "You don't remember him but you can recognize him. Does that really mean you know enough to dream about Slade?"

"Maybe, but I've seen him before," I said firmly. "I know I have, and I know that he's the reason why I'm like this, but I just don't remember what happened. Robin, I need to know what happened!"

"And you will. We want to know what happened because we don't understand what happened. We all remember it differently. We all have our own memories of the incident. We all saw it, but not as much as you. That's why getting your memories back is what's important, alright? You need to remember what you saw, not what we saw. This isn't something that can be explained to you. You need to understand it for yourself: you need to remember it. Our story has its holes too. We can fill you in as much as we can, but I'm sure you've seen much more than us. That's the only way we'll ever solve anything."

"Then I'll find a way, Robin. I'll find a way to get my memories back and I won't stop until I do."

"I know you will."

Despite his genuine smile, I could sense the worry in Robin, and he had every right to be worried. Nevermore had been in trouble for a long time, possibly even before I was diagnosed with amnesia. My Emoticlones all suffered some sort of damage and many of them could barely sustain themselves. They could have all disappeared if this was ignored, ruining my powers forever, and I have the Titans to thank for preventing this.

The training and the therapy they've done for me was what saved Nevermore. I wouldn't have learned about this on my own and if I was alone, I never would've been able to diagnose and treat myself as the Titans had done. They understood what must have been happening with my Emoticlones and they helped in the best way that they could, even if it involved a few lies along the way. However, nobody could've guessed how much deeper this problem actually went.

Rage, Lust, and Calm were very different from the other Emoticlones. While they were all weakened by the amnesia, Happy and Wisdom and Brave and everyone else were still a part of me because they were the more basic components of my personality, the primary moods I tend to express throughout the day; anger, sexual desire, and composure were not very common and it became apparent that they were somehow separated from Nevermore.

The Titans didn't know very much about this‒and I can't blame them for that‒so it was up to me to figure this out. Why were they separated in the first place? Was is because of my amnesia? Was it because losing my memories changed my personality? I forgot all about my time as a Teen Titan. I couldn't recall the heroes I've befriended and the villains I've fought, and worst of all, I couldn't remember the closest things I have to a family: the Teen Titans themselves. That's when I became very critical of myself; do memories have an impact on identity?

I lost a majority of my memories, many of them scattered all throughout my brain, and the Titans comment all the time about the little things that changed and also the little things that haven't changed. There was a time when I was very skittish around the Titans. I was so intimidated by them and I refused to let them help me, just like a stubborn child, and I do admit to crying like one too. On the other side, I've also shown a lot more innocence and curiosity to the world. Beast Boy said I never would've admitted he was funny back then, although after my amnesia, I was more open to laughing at his jokes. The Titans say these changes were a little peculiar. They weren't something the "normal" Raven would've done, but this couldn't have been a bad thing, right? I did change over time, but should've it been a concern? Should things go back to the way they were, when I was dull and monotonous and unexpressive, or should they stay the way that they were? I couldn't help but wonder if I should accept these changes or try to change back to the "normal" Raven.

These moods swings were directly derived from Nevermore. Rage was on the loose, Lust and Calm were unable to experience their emotions, and the other Emoticlones were nearly gone as well. This was what made me question myself. Are memories what makes me me? If I hadn't lost my memories, if I wasn't struck with amnesia, would things still be the same? Would I still be the same? Would Rage and Lust and Calm have become separated from me like how they were? Would I have laughed at Beast Boy's jokes and admitted that he was funny? What if I had different memories? What if I learned that everything I knew now was false; would this change me again? Would I become a different person?

What determines identity anyway? Is it my actions, my appearance, my demonic DNA? Was I always born to be like this? Does my DNA determine my personality, my beliefs, and my values, or do my memories and my past experiences determine these? Who would I be without either of these things? Who would I be if I had both of these things?

What about now? What is my identity now? Who am I? Who have I become? Have I always been the same Raven in the past? Will I be the same Raven in the future?

All of these changes had something to do with my amnesia and the incident that caused it, but I still can't figure out an answer to these questions.


Author's Note: Just a quick note in here! When I first started writing this story (about two years ago…), the room I was referring to in this chapter was called the Crime Lab on the wikipedia. I used this term throughout the chapters because I knew it would be referenced again later in the story (when Robin and Raven would meet there to talk about Slade), but for some reason, on the Teen Titans Wiki, it's now called the Evidence Room! Weird… I'm probably gonna change this once I finish Amnesia but I'll leave it like this for now for consistency, and so that people would recognize this :) Sorry if there was confusion!

And remember, I'm open for suggestions, requests, and ideas in your comments for Amnesia! I'm always happy to see reviews and I'm always happy to answer any questions :) Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and I hope to see everybody again soon!