I don't know for how long we sit in that position, but I have finally stopped crying and my mouth ceased to tell him that I am sorry. He didn't say anything to stop me after some failed attempts, he just listened to me and soothed my hair and my back with light movements, keeping me close to him. After those almost silent, long minutes in which I reaccustomed myself with the safe sensation of his arms around me and his fingers passing through my hair, I find the courage to tilt my head, detaching my cheek from his chest, wishing that I would have stayed there longer, and look for his eyes. And I find them there, looking back at me, those warm chocolate pools that I so much missed these days. When our eyes meet, he smiles lightly and brings his palms up to cup my cheeks and wipes away the remnants of my tears, in the process making some more distance between us and I already start missing the warmth of his embrace.
"How come you're here?" he asks, seeming still surprised.
"I um…" I make myself busy for a second by straightening a stack of papers on his desk. "I want to ask you two things. Is that okay?" he nods slowly, confusion filling his eyes. "I won't mind no matter your answers." especially on my second question.
And now he frowns, then scratches the back of his head. I must be really confusing to him right now. "Okay. Go ahead. Ask me."
Okay. Here we go. First thing. I already know the answer to this question but I came here with it in my mind and I decide to ask him anyway. I want to look him in the eyes once more as he is assuring me of that. "Would you do such a thing to me? Would you go to another woman?"
He sighs. "Rose… I already told you so many times that I didn't do anything with that Nina."
"I know that." and his eyes widen a little in surprise at my answer. "I was talking about it in general. Maybe… I don't know... " I shrug and scratch the inner side of my arm. "Maybe there are some things that I miss-"
His response comes right away, stopping me from finishing my sentence. "No, Rose. Never." Then he smiles and takes my hand into his, walking his thumb across my palm. "Why would I want to do that when all I need was right here next to me? When you were next to me?" I nod and just by hearing this thing, my trust in him grows. Now it feels weird for me to even think that I couldn't see this truth in his eyes a long time ago. That I believed he could go behind my back. "What else do you want to ask me?" he distracts me from studying him.
Yes, right. The second question. This one makes a little knot form at the back of my throat. Because one of the answers would be so hard to swallow. But I still have to ask. "Do you... still love me?"
He lets go of my hand and in a second I get to the verge of crying. Shit! What if he is going to say no? His face gets a little darker. He looks like he would say no. And his tone a little harsher. "What kind of question is this, Roza?" Fuck. My question upset him.
I shrug. I just want to hear the answer from him. "I want to know if after what happened… after what I did… if you…" and I stop when I see him shaking his head, smiling lightly.
"Oh, Rose. You're so silly at times. How could you think that…" he sighs. He brings his hand up to caress my cheek. "Of course I still love you. I told you that this thing won't ever change. And I do love you more and more every single day." Good, I think. That's all I ever needed to know. And maybe like this, things aren't lost forever. He still cares for me. Maybe I still have a chance to make things right. "But why are you asking me all these things?"
"Because…" I smile. "Because I have realized that I trust you, Dimitri. And-"
"You do?" he asks and I can even hear the disbelief in his voice. Hell, I wouldn't believe myself either in this moment, considering my previous strenuousness in not believing him.
I nod right away. "No more doubting you. I believe you with what you said. All of it."
His expression fills with surprise, then he looks at me suspiciously. "How come?"
"Well…" I take in a deep breath and let it all out. "These past two weeks, I thought about what happened all the time. And I realized that I was too fast to judge you, Dimitri. That morning, I came home to see my worst fear coming true. And I was horrified by that image. Back then, it hurt me into the deepest corners of my heart seeing you in that position. I won't lie with that. Seeing you in bed with that woman… it was horrible." his expression fills with anguish and I hurry to reassure him. "But it's okay now. Really. I know it wasn't anything more than a charade. A staged thing that I was supposed to see and believe. And I believed it." I say laughing bitterly at my stupidity. "But until I could see that, that image haunted me all these past days. I thought about what happened every single day. All I could think about was that morning and everything that followed. I was simply obsessed with it. I just… couldn't get that image out of my head. And that day when you came to see me, everything you would tell me, that moment was still all I could think of, everything I was seeing before my eyes. That image became my only truth. I didn't want to listen to anything else. But maybe that wasn't the truth... that realization has struck me later. So late. Because as the days passed, I let the things you told me to creep in and little by little, they brought some light to my mind. It all made sense. I just wasn't able to see it right away." I look for his hand and take it into mine. "And I am ready to believe that you didn't do such a thing. No. I said it wrong. I do believe you didn't do it. Because deep inside, I can feel that I would make the biggest mistake from my life if I would not trust you with this. If I would leave you. Because I know so well that the Dimitri I know wouldn't do such a thing. I always knew, but my mind was clouded. But now, I know for sure that you wouldn't do such a thing." and he is just looking at me, not saying anything. And I can't bear this silence of his. I don't know what he is thinking about. This one time, I can't read him. And I fear what he might say. But I just wish for him to say something. To scold me, to tell me that I have been so stupid, to be angry with me, but to say something. Anything. But he doesn't. Instead, I speak some more, trying to get a reaction from him. "I refused to listen to you and even when I eventually listened to you, I didn't believe a single thing you told me. I was so dragged up into thinking all those bad things and everything you told me I took as a lie. But then, I spent these past two weeks asking myself why. Why would you do all these things."
And at this, he finally speaks, after his squeeze on my hand stops me from speaking. "Rose." and he gives me a look that says 'come on; I thought you said you trust me.'. But he didn't let me finish. "There would never be a thing that would make me do such a thing to you. There's nothing about you that could make me do such a thing. You're perfect to me."
I smile, shaking my head. "Come on. Don't be so good to me. I know I am full of flaws, Dimitri. I am difficult. Like really difficult. And really stubborn. I don't know how you could put up with my shit for so long, really now."
He smiles lightly and places some strands of mine behind my ear. "Hey. I knew what I was getting myself into. You even warned me. But I wouldn't change you for the world."
"Yeah...Thanks." is all I find proper to say because I feel like crying, but I do my best not to. He keeps on saying all these loving things, he has kept on saying them to me, despite all the bad things I said to him. He's saying all the right things. And in this moment, from my point of view, all I manage to say doesn't seem to be enough. I want to say so much more. But I don't know how to say it all so fast. I would probably start babbling soon if I don't burst into tears again. "But... I wasn't speaking about that thing. I was talking about a reason for the other things."
He lifts his eyebrows. "What other things?"
"All the good things. Maybe you don't get what I am trying to say but I swear in my head it all makes sense. I just don't know how to express it right now."
We both smile, then he nods understandingly. "I think I get what you are talking about."
"You do?"
"Yes, I do." yeah, he always gets me, no matter how cryptically I get. "And I will tell you why."
"Why what?"
"Why I did those." I tilt my head some more, waiting for his response, even though I already know it. I have already got my response a long time ago. "Because I love you, Roza, that's why." And silence follows his response, time in which I scratch my brain for something to say. It seems that all I wanted to say vanished from my brain. "So…" he says avoiding my eyes for a second. "You just believe me without any proof?" he continues with that inquiry.
"I don't care if there is no proof. I don't need any proof, I have realized it. You, being right here in front of me, looking me in the eyes and answering me those two questions is everything I need to know. Everything I need to know to trust you. Last time we saw each other, you told me that I could believe you with what you told me. And I told you that that would be a hard thing for me to do." He nods, a sad expression getting across his features for a second. "Well, looking at you now, that doesn't seem as hard, Dimitri. And I came here to tell you that. To tell you that I trust you." I shrug. "I don't know...Maybe it is too late. Maybe this time you will be the one who won't believe me. Maybe you don't believe that I trust you. But at least I want you to know that I do. I really do. So, yes. The answer to your question is that I do trust you. I trust you in spite of the fact that there is no proof. I don't need a single proof." He is watching me again, silence filling the space between us, and I swear I have no idea what thought are passing through his head right now. He is again undecipherable. Gosh! This is way harder than I thought. But I still need to mend things up, no matter how hard it is. "Look. I know you have all the reasons in the world to be upset with me. I told you the meanest words. I...I wanted to hurt you." I come to a conclusion. "I wanted it so bad, Dimitri. And I did it because…" I look down. I don't think I have a reason. I don't know what to tell him. There is no answer to be given to this thing. But he comes with the completion for me.
"Because you were hurting too." I nod. He is right. I was so absorbed by my hate when I said all those words and I now hate myself for saying them.
"Yes, that's true. But I was cruel. I brought out all these things up. All those things from your past. I was unfair with that thing. But still, I got out the worst of you. I pictured you as this… I described you as the worst person ever walking the earth." I laugh weakly. "But the truth is that you are nothing like that. Not at all. I have seen you on so many occasions being so good to others, so good to me, so how could I believe you are the worst? So, yeah. I was foolish and I am sorry for that. For all of it."
"So, just like that? You changed your mind all of a sudden?"
I nod lightly, getting where he is trying to get. And of course, he is right. What changed all of a sudden, right? On the spur of the moment, I have come around and hurried here saying all these things to him. But nothing changed. I am just able to see things more clearly now, that's all.
"I have been nothing but unfair to you. And I understand if you feel reticent about this. You have all the rights to do so. To be upset too. Because...even when I was pretending to hate you, you just took it all. And you weren't guilty. You knew that, even though I was thinking otherwise. But still, you didn't say anything and took it all. All my words, all my actions. That made me think about a lot of things too. If you would have been guilty and caught in the act, you could have just moved on. But no. You came to me. And despite how bad I acted, you didn't leave. That made me think especially about how much wrong I did to you. Of how much I refused to see the truth. The fact that you didn't give up on me when I was long trying to give up on you showed me how wrong I was to judge you so hastily."
"And you came here to tell me this. I get it that…" But he is saying it like he is expecting me to tell him something else, something to convince him all the way. There is a but coming from him next, I can feel it. And I don't let him say it.
"I won't say that I came here to give you a chance or anything like that. Because, first of all, that would mean I am being contradictory. That would mean that I believe you did something and that there is something for me to forgive you for. But I already told you that I trust you when you're telling me that nothing happened. I trust you completely with that, just to be clear." even though I think I said that for so many times already. But I just need him to know that. "Instead, I came here to ask you for a second chance." He frowns confused at my words. "A second chance for us. No. For me. A chance for me. Look." I pass my palms across my face trying to get a hold of myself and make myself be coherent all the way. This is not the time to start talking shit. "I doubted you when I should have trusted you. I simply believed everything else and everyone else around me except you, and I spent all my days denying what you have told me and trying to get you out as the bad guy. But the bad guy was me. And I want to make things right."
"But will your decision stay the same? What if after another couple of days you decide that you can't really get past it?" And I didn't expect this question to come from him. But he has all the reasons to ask it. He has a point after all. I already drastically changed my mind once. If someone would have asked me a couple of days ago if I would be here today, I would have laughed to their face and probably would have called them crazy. But now, here I am. So, as he tried to say it, what could stop me from changing my mind again? "I mean, there's no proof." he says shrugging.
I hold on to my tears as best as I can. "I don't care about any proof. And my mind won't change Dimitri. Not again. I know the truth now. I am seeing it clearly. And I want to… I wish you would give me a chance to fix this. To show you that I trust you completely. To make it up to you for everything I said and done. I am now the one asking you to trust me back with this. There is nothing that could guarantee you that I won't change my mind. But I want you to know that I won't do that. Even though it may seem hypocritical for me to do so, to ask you to trust me, no? How can I expect you to do a thing that took me so long to do, no?" He passes a hand through his hair, looking at me like he has no idea what to say to me. Hell, I don't think I would know what to say to myself either if I would be him. I am asking for quite much here. And I get it is hard for him to make a decision right away. After all, I broke his trust by not giving him not even a single chance at first and by refusing to listen to him. "I… I um… I will let you think about it. I don't want your answer right away. I won't push you to do a thing you don't feel like doing now. I can't expect you to trust me right away."
"Roza... " he shakes his head. "You got it wrong. I wasn't trying to-"
"No. Really, Dimitri." I say smiling, even though I am so close to breaking in tears. But I don't want to do that at all. I don't want to push him by seeing me cry. I want his decision to be made completely uninfluenced by anything. And he has the right to think about it. "It's fine. Really. I get it. I understand completely. You have all the reasons to doubt me. I would doubt myself too. And you are right to do so." And in hastily moves I lean over the desk, grab the first pen I find and write down my number on a piece of paper and take his hand into mine, put the paper in it and enclose his fist, getting to feel his warm skin on mine once more this night. "Can you at least... promise me that you'll call me when you make your mind? No matter the answer. I'll… I'll wait for as long as it takes you to decide…" I say lastly, my voice cracking, and I know I can't sit around to wait for his answer if indeed he has one right away. I break contact with him and rush out the door as fast as I possibly can.
I think he called after me but I couldn't stay there for longer. I simply couldn't. I know it was a cowardly thing for me to do, running away like that. Maybe I should have stayed there and face the truth. To gather all my courage and take it all, everything that he would have said to me, good or no matter how bad. That would have been the right thing to do. But if he had an answer for me right away, I don't think I could have been able to hear it. Because I am expecting for him not to want me anymore. I don't know, but I have this bad feeling at the bottom of my stomach that is telling me that there really exists this possibility, of him telling me that he doesn't want to see me ever again, despite all the things he has reassured me of. And not because he might want to pay me back. No, he's too good of a man to do that. But because I did him so much wrong. Even when you still love somebody you might still tell them to go away if they are bad for you, no? And what if I am bad for him? And if that is the truth, I wouldn't have been able to take it today. I don't think I will ever be able to take it. But when he will call me, I will be as ready as I'll ever be. I'll have to face this thing then, no matter what.
I hastily get out of my former office as well and choose the stairs, feeling all of a sudden the urge to move my body and I descend a couple of storeys, until my feet start hurting from all my running away and I need to stop to catch my breath. My heart is beating like crazy and I need to take a seat in order to get a hold of myself, in order not to fall down from my now uneasy feet. I sit down on the stairs and the moment I feel the cold material under me, the moment I feel myself on steady ground, I start crying. I pull my knees up to my chin, round my arms on them and let it all out. And I silently cry in that cold, empty place until I am completely dry.
Gosh, what if it was all too late? What if I fucked things up beyond repair? What if now when I trust him, he decides he cannot trust me back? What if I lose him forever?
DPOV begins
What I have done may have seemed a selfish thing, I know that. But it wasn't easy at all for me not to respond to her in any way at her request, and God, I so wished to just take her into my embrace and tell her that everything is alright. I may have seemed cold to her, I don't know what she thought about my questions. But I didn't do it for me only. I wasn't trying to hurt her in any way. I would never do such a thing on purpose. I know that she thinks I doubt her now, but in reality, I don't. I trusted every word she said to me and I swear I can't be happier that she trusts me. That she found it in her heart to listen to what I have told her and decided to trust me. I didn't expect what happened tonight to actually happen. I thought I lost her this time when she decided to leave town. But as always, she does unexpected things. And her coming here tonight and telling me all these things surely was unexpected.
But the only reason I did all this thing earlier is because I really need to know if she is sure about what she is thinking, of everything that she said, now that she changed her mind about what happened that morning. I am sure of it, of everything I have told her tonight. And I want her to be sure too of what she really feels before we do anything else. So for now, I decided it would be best to let her go, to go and think about it some more. Because I need her to be sure of it. She needs to go and really think about it as she seems to have made a pretty quick decision. She is really good at making these kinds of things. A few hours ago she was leaving and a few moments ago she was in here. And I don't want her to rush into things and then regret it later, to change her mind again. I won't be able to take it if she comes back and then decides to leave again. It would be cruel. It would be the worst thing ever to lose her all over again. So all she needs is a little more time that I am ready to give her. I waited for two weeks. A little more won't hurt anybody, right?
DPOV ends
I cried so much it made me sick to my stomach. Again these past days. So I rushed down the stairs and got into the bathroom downstairs to puke. And I guess this thing should be my cue to head back to that little room I live into now. I feel like total shit and maybe some sleep will manage to make me feel somewhat better. Or at least some laying down at least.
As I get out the bathroom door I take my phone out and look at what time it is. And I discover that I have spent the past fifteen minutes crying on those stairs. Nice, Rose. You'll get so fucking dehydrated these days. I just hope I won't end into the hospital because of that shit. And I check on my messages too and I see that Lissa has sent me some photos from her honeymoon about two hours ago. Aw, she and Christian are so cu-
And I bump into someone. I drop my phone in an instant and let out a scream and the one I have bumped into does the same. And so I find out that I have bumped into a man. I take a step back and analyze the person in front of me. And I see that it is the night guard, the man I first saw when I got into the building. I analyze him for a couple of seconds and see that he is quite old. He must be at least sixty.
When he sees me too, he takes his palm over his heart and lets out a relieved sigh. "Good God, girl! I thought you were some ghost roaming around the building."
Oh shit. So this means I made quite some noise around here, no? "I am sorry." I say and glue a weird smile on my lips.
"It's okay." he says bending down and picking up my phone, then hands it to me. "I just thought that you already left."
"Um...no. I was just…umm." I shrug. How can I tell him that I was crying my lungs out just on the staircase? But anyway, he may have heard me as he thought I was some ghost.
He analyzes me into the little time of silence that falls between us. "Was it that bad?" his voice gets softer.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Your fight." and at this, I frown. "If I am not being too inquirious, of course. Was it that bad?"
"What? No. We didn't fight. We…" I look around the hallway for a second. I don't even know what that was, but for sure that wasn't a fight. "We talked…"
He gives me a small smile. "You know… if it makes you feel a little better, his face wasn't quite different from yours when he left this place. Of course, he hadn't been crying, but still." oh, so it is still visible that I have been crying.
"Well, I don't think that is making me feel better, but thanks anyway." he seems to have good intentions.
"Would sharing it make you feel better?"
"What? Why?"
He shrugs. "Sometimes, talking with someone might make things better."
"But why would you want to listen to my problems?"
He shrugs once more. "I am an old man. I like listening to stories. Plus, I don't get much company around here at night."
"I really don't want to bother you…"
He frowns. "Come on. There is a broken vending machine into the cafeteria and we can grab some snacks from there." he winks accomplice. "Are you in?"
And smiling, I nod, telling myself why the hell not? I don't have anyone to speak to about this thing now either. And if he is so willing to listen, who knows? Maybe he'll be able to give me some advice.
"You're Rose, no? I am not mixing these things up, no?" he asks me on our way to the cafeteria.
"I am but ho- oh. You have seen me in the magazines, no?"
"What? No. I don't have the time to read all that bullshit."
"Then how do you know?"
He smiles. "One of your friends around here told me about you. And when I saw you coming in, I guessed you came here to see him." oh, isn't he a well informed old man?
And I smile too. "It was Syd, no?"
"Yeah, that little walking encyclopedia did it." he says and we both chuckle. I think I am getting to like this man.
And actually speaking with this man makes things feel a little better. He's a really good listener and lets me tell him everything that happened so that he could understand everything and I spent quite some time with him eating cookies and getting things off my chest. It feels good to get an opinion from a person that wasn't involved in this thing.
"And...I acted like I didn't know him at all. I couldn't stay sane. I just let everyone influence me. I have let myself played by her. Again." and I laugh bitterly.
"Hey. Don't be so harsh on yourself. You couldn't have known all that really happened before you came home."
"Yes, but I could have trusted him right away, no? I should have known that there was something wrong about that thing."
"Well, Rose. Sometimes we let ourselves driven by the things we see and ignore everything else. Our brains are pretty good at playing with us, even though they are the ones supposed to be the rational ones. But it is a good thing that you eventually saw past that. That is a start. It's a good thing."
"Yeah? But what if it is too late?"
He shakes his head. "It is never too late for anything, listen to me. That thing is just bullshit. People just say that because they are too afraid of owning their mistakes. But in fact, no matter how much time passes, all you have to do is to have the courage to acknowledge your mistakes and take responsibility for them."
"And then what?"
"And then you look for a way in which you can repair things."
"But what if some things cannot be repaired?"
"Hey." He places his palm over mine into a soothing gesture, just like a grandparent would do. I really like this man. He manages to make the torment in my head to slow down. I am glad I decided to remain here with him. "Listen to me, Rose. When there's love, everything can be repaired."
"You think so?"
He smiles. "I know for sure." And his words give me so much hope. Maybe not everything is lost. Now all I have to do is to wait for Dimitri's call.
"So, this means that you think that he-"
"Rose. One thing I know for sure. That Belikov is a good man and that he has a good heart. And not only from what you have told me, but from what I have seen ever since I work here. And I know one more thing. That he loves you. And you love him too, no?"
"Yes, I do. So much."
"That's good. That's all you need for you both to find a way to see this through."
And after we exhaust the subject, we spend some more minutes into a comforting silence.
"Now, you'd better head home. I bet you are tired."
I nod, even though I don't really feel like going to sleep. I get up from my chair and so does he. "It felt nice speaking with you. It really helped. You were right about that."
"Well, if you ever need any advice, you know where to find me. I'll be glad to help in any way."
"Thanks." And I can't help it, I just feel like doing this. I round my arms around him, giving him a big, tight hug and he laughs as he wraps his hands around me too.
And as I am supposed to walk home, I don't feel like really getting to that empty place, to be all by myself for the rest of the night. So I just head to a place nearby that I know. After five minutes of walking, I make my way into an almost empty bar, a bar I frequented on so many occasions with Dimitri, the bar we have been to together the night before things started to go down. I get to the bar and take a seat.
"Hey there. What's your poison tonight? What cocktail do you want to try tonight?" it's the guy who owns the place and served us so many times.
"Nah, no cocktail for me tonight." I can't seem to be wanting any alcohol lately. Only its smell makes my intestines twirl. "Just bring me some OJ. Do you have any?" he nods slowly, probably thinking at my unusual request. But I honestly don't give a damn right now. "A big glass, please."
He brings me what I ordered and then remains for some more seconds in front of me, watching me.
"What happened?" is there something on my face or what?
"I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what happened that night…"
"Oh. Don't mention it. It's alright. We're dealing with it. And it's not like you have any fault."
"Yeah, right." he says nodding, passes a hand through his hair like he would want to tell me something more, but eventually leaves. Okay, that was somehow weird the fact that he felt the need to say that he is sorry about that thing. But if a part of it happened into his bar, that doesn't mean that-
"Hey. Can I ask you something?" I call after him as an idea comes to my mind.
"Yeah, sure. Shoot."
"You made Dimitri's drinks that night, no?"
He blinks a couple of times before responding to me. "Yes, I did."
"And you were here as he drank them, no?"
"Well, I was around… It's not like I was watching him the whole time, you know? I have had plenty of other customers that night."
"Yeah, of course." it would have been weird if he would have stalked each of Dimitri's actions. "I just wanted to ask if, by any chance, you saw that red-headed woman put something into his drink?"
His face goes blank for a second. "No, God, no. I hope that such a horrible thing didn't happen in my bar." well, it happened. If he wasn't around to see it, that's too bad. I could have had a witness against Nina and Tasha this way. But well, shit happens. "So, is that what you think happened? That that girl drugged him?"
I nod, stirring into my drink. "Well, mostly, yes."
"What about…I mean, what if…" and I throw him an ugly glance, not letting him finish that sentence in which he would have called Dimitri a cheater. He lifts his palms up into a defending gesture. "Okay, then. What do I really know about that anyway? It's your problem to deal with." and he takes a second to process things. "Wow. What a bitch. She fucking drugged him." and he exhales hard, being probably annoyed. Well, he has some reasons to be.
"But if you would have seen something, you would have warned him, no?"
"What kind of question is that?" he says seeming really offended. And well, maybe I took it a little too far now. "Of course I would have told him. I wouldn't have allowed for someone to get drugged into my bar. Ever. This right here is supposed to be a safe place."
"Yeah, sure."
"But is that what you really think that happened?" he insists with that question, and it feels like he wants me to think otherwise. Or he really wants to believe that it didn't happen in here, right under his nose and he wasn't able to see it.
But oh, I don't think that. I know it for sure. But I don't tell him this, I don't want to make him feel bad some more. Instead, I shrug and wave my hand around. "Don't really know. I was just thinking about stuff."
And as I happily fill my body with the vitamins in my second glass of juice, someone comes and sits right next to me at the bar, but I don't bother with her presence.
"Hey there, Theo." she gets her flirty tone on immediately. Oh, someone's obviously looking for some tonight, I can feel it. And I must admit that she doesn't have a bad taste in men. Our bartender looks quite alright. Okay, I am obviously diminishing his attractiveness. If I wouldn't have already had my heart taken a long time ago, I might have considered him hot and I would have done the same thing as the woman next to me is doing right now, trying to get his attention.
But Theo doesn't seem to care at all about the woman next to me. Like at all. He comes in front of us, a bored expression on his face and I could swear that he is doing it on purpose, trying to seem as uninterested as possible. If I study him well, he might look mad. But what do I know about how flirting works nowadays? Maybe acting like you're not interested at all actually does its thing. But the thing is that he has flirted with every woman that has come around the bar for the past hour. Except her.
So I get curious. I need to see why he is acting like this. Is she that unattractive? But as I look at her, I get confused. She looks really good, way better than the other women he has flirted with tonight. She is tall, has big green eyes, her brown short cut hair is styled into nice waves and she is dressed really nicely, the clothing doing justice to her lean body. So what is wrong with her then? But of course, I cannot ask this. So I just resume to sip on my drink and sneakily eavesdrop to their conversation. But there is nothing interesting going around. When she sees that she is ignored, her lips curl in displease, orders a drink and announces him that she'll shortly come back for it because she is heading outside for a smoke.
And as I am still trying to find a reason why he ignored her, I think about how she looks some more. And as I do that, her features seem familiar to me all of a sudden. And I realize that I know this woman from somewhere. But I can't pinpoint exactly the moment in which I have seen her before. So I pay for my drinks and head outside looking for her. I can't wait for her to come back. I need to see her once more right away. I need to know right now from where I know her, as my brain is sending me signals that she would be someone important.
It doesn't take me much to spot her, as her golden blouse makes her stand out from the crowd. I make my way through all the smokers and as I get closer to her, my brain gives me the answer to the question: Where do I know her from?
And the answer is that she has been here that night. She is the woman Nina was with that night. I didn't pay her much attention then, but the image of her face has stuck with me.
"Hey." I say as I reach her. She stops with her cigarette in between her lips, analyzes me, then nods. "Look. It may seem weird that I have come to you all of a sudden, but I know you."
"No, you don't. I am quite good at remembering people and I don't remember you."
"Well, maybe you don't. But I remember you. You are Nina's friend."
Her jaw drops for a second. Ha! I was right. "I don't know any Nina." she says obviously distressed. She throws her cigarette on the ground and wants to walk away, but I stop her by getting in her way.
"Hey, don't you think you would make our lives easier if you'd just stop denying that thing with Nina? I am not looking for any troubles. I just want some answers. Simple."
"Okay, honey. First, I don't know any Nina." fine, maybe that woman's name isn't Nina. But they sure knew each other very well. "Second, I need you to get out of my way." she says taking a step back. "And third, you are crazy. I really don't know what you are talking about."
And one thing I hate is being called crazy. So if she already established this, why wouldn't I act like a crazy person then? Just to give her a reason to call me like that. I catch her by her arm and hold her tight, my fingers digging into her flesh, and I pull her closer to me so that she would be able to hear me better. "Look, honey. I tried to do things in a friendly manner. But I am not here to play games with you. I am so fucking sick of doing that." I have been played for too long now and I am done with that.
"If you don't let go of me now, I'll start screaming."
"Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Do that, please. What would that help you with? I'll come with an excuse that you have been sleeping with my man and maybe some of the women around here might join me. Is it really worth it?" I say and tighten my hold on her arm, bluffing all the way. I really don't know what would happen if she would start screaming.
"What do you want from me?" she says almost as a whine and I let go of her hand now that I got what I needed. It was easier than I expected, really.
"I just want to know two things. First, I want to know where she is hiding. Where is Nina or whatever her name is? I want to have a talk with your friend. And second, I want to know what was your role in all of this. What part did you play in this?"
And her facade breaks. She is shaking her head strongly and from her voice I can sense that she is on the verge of crying. "Look. I can't tell you anything. I… She would kill me if I'd do that. Hell, she would end me even if she would know that I ever was near you, that you have recognized me. I can't afford to be near you, Rose. I am sorry but I can't tell you anything." and she hastily leaves, taking me by surprise, her long legs moving way too fast for me to be able to catch up with her, and she leaves me behind and very confused. What is she talking about? What is she so afraid of? What could Tasha be able to do to her? Hell, this thing is just getting shadier with each passing day, isn't it?
"Please excuse my language but there is no other way on which I can properly say this." he says and turns his attention back to me. "But, Rose, are you out of your fucking mind? What in the name of God were you thinking when you have gone there and did that shit? No, in fact, why the hell weren't you thinking at all? What came over you all of a sudden?"
