A/N A big fat thank you to everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter. I have ridiculous fun reading the reviews x
Ana POV
"Good morning Ms Steele, Mr Grey." Dr Flynn shakes our hands. Gesturing for me to sit he faces Christian, who seems hesitant to leave.
"Christian?" he asks and I notice he is one of the few people who uses his first name. Christian ignores him and stares and me, worry colouring his features.
We had agreed that I would have this session with Dr Flynn alone. If I want Christian at any future appointments then we can organise that when the time comes. But now looking at Christian, it is obvious he is struggling to leave me here. I stand up and walk around the back of my chair to where he is standing rigidly. Forcing his tight fists to loosen with gentle fingers I look up at him.
"I'll be fine," I whisper. He nods curtly but doesn't say anything.
"Go to work and I will call you once I am home."
He shakes his head, "I'll be in the waiting room."
I sigh, "Christian please, I won't be able to relax knowing you are out there waiting for me, please."
Christian's whole body sags, "what if you need me?"
I am about to tell him I'll be fine again but one look at his face tells me he doesn't want to hear that. "Okay, if I need you I can call you," I turn to face Dr Flynn to see him eyeing us carefully, "right Doctor?"
"Yes, of course," he agrees quickly.
I wrap myself around Christian and snuggle my face into his chest then rest my ear against his rapid heartbeat. Who knew that Christian would have a harder time with me seeing a therapist than I am? His arms encircle me without hesitation and pull me tightly against him. He speaks to Dr Flynn and I can feel the rumble of his words through his chest. "At the first sign of panic you will stop and call me, understand?" he says gruffly.
Dr Flynn nods and opens the door for him to leave, "Ms Steele is in good hands here Christian, we will see you later." Leaning down for a quick kiss Christian reluctantly pulls away from me and mopes out the door.
Once we are both seated I start to feel awkward. Does he expect me to just start blurting stuff out? Is that how this works? What do I tell him? I'm not sure I feel comfortable enough yet to start spilling all the sordid details of my childhood and recent history. I bite my lip and look at my hands now twisted in my lap.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" Dr Flynn interrupts my rising panic.
"Um, n…no thank you, Dr Flynn," I mumble. How does he know I drink tea?
"John, please. Dr Flynn makes me sound like an old fuddy duddy."
Fuddy Duddy? I smile at the term; it must be an English expression. Christian has told me he is from England.
"Okay…John," I smile tentatively, a little more relaxed with his easy going nature. "I prefer Ana," I add shyly.
He grins. "Well then, Ana, I don't think we should get into anything too heavy in our first session. I don't want to scare you off too soon, but I think if we can just go over some points that may be of issue to you right now and we can start from there, okay? And then we can build from there on a session by session basis."
"Like what?" I'm not sure what to say.
"Is anything in your day to day life affecting you, for instance?"
"Well…I do get very nervous around new people," I offer quietly. "And I don't like large crowds of people." I discovered this last bit when I fled to the city after leaving Stephens house. The crush of people in the city terrified me.
John taps at his iPad for a moment. "Alright Ana, that's a good place to start. Can you tell me what, specifically, makes you nervous about meeting new people?"
"Uh, um," I stammer feeling my face flush with embarrassment. "Because I trusted the wrong person," I whisper. "Now I don't trust myself to judge if a stranger means me harm."
"Neither can I, nor can anybody judge if a complete stranger means to do us harm."
My brow furrows. "B..but I should have seen it." I look at him helplessly, "Why did I trust him so easily?"
John sits forward a little, "For me to help you find these answers you are going to have to tell me who it is you trusted and what it is he did to you." I flinch despite his gentle tone. "Also, Christian has told me the basics of how you were homeless when he first met you. We need to discuss how this came about. If you aren't ready to do that today I completely understand. After all, I am a stranger to you as well. Someone new you need to learn to trust."
"I do trust you." His eyebrows rise. Knowing what I have just said directly contradicts what I told him previously I try to explain, "Christian has been coming to you for years. He told me I would be safe here with you."
"And you believed him?" His head tilts to the side as he regards my response.
"Of course," my voice sounds sure for the first time. "Christian would never put me in harm's way." In fact he regularly goes out of his way to prevent it.
"Is Christian the only person you trust so completely?" he asks quietly after tapping away again for a moment at the iPad.
I blow out a breath, "That one's not so easy to answer. There are degrees of trust, I guess. Grace and my Dad are probably the people I feel most comfortable with, besides Christian, and Kate is becoming a good friend. But I do feel comfortable with the rest of his family and I enjoy being in their company. Also, I believe Christian's security team would never do anything to harm me either, especially Sawyer and Taylor. I just don't think I could ever feel as relaxed with any of them as I do with Christian...well maybe my Dad, but it's different."
"That is perfectly normal Ana; most of us choose one person who we can share everything with and hold back certain aspects of ourselves from everyone else in our lives. To have that level of intimacy with the person you love is a good thing."
"It is?" That makes me feel better. I was afraid he would think me too dependent on Christian.
"Of course," he smiles. "Knowing Christian he wouldn't have it any other way."
I smile despite the tension I feel, "you know him well."
We are silent for a few moments and I start to feel awkward again. Is he waiting for me to fill it? My foot starts to tap restlessly.
"I'm pregnant," I blurt out suddenly out of nowhere. "With twins."
"Christian told me. My congratulations," he smiles warmly.
My face reddens, "thank you."
More silence. "Did you want to discuss your pregnancy?" he pushes gently.
Do I? Not particularly. My pregnancy is one of the things in my life that I am truly happy about, I don't see the point in thrashing through Christian's reaction when we have resolved any issues we had and I don't want to taint it by picking at the now healing wounds. I shake my head, "no, everything is fine there. We are both genuinely delighted." I feel like we are in a place where if we have any concerns about pregnancy or parenting we can turn to each other. And I trust Grace with any questions I may have about my health. And of course Christian has his baby books. I smile a little at the thought.
John looks at the clock. "Well Ana, it appears our time is almost up anyway. Shall we agree to meet at the same time next week with a view to start looking into the two issues you have raised today?"
I glance at the clock, surprised that our half hour is over so quickly. Going forward our sessions will be longer but Christian felt that a half hour for my first appointment should be enough. "Okay, yes." I agree but I can't say I'm too excited about the prospect of talking about Jose, or the lingering fears I am left with from my childhood.
"Ana?" I look up at his warm brown eyes. "If you aren't comfortable with talking to me, there are a number of other psychiatrists I can put you in contact with. Sometimes it can take a person a number of tries to find the right fit for them." He says gently.
"No!" I say too loudly, "I mean, I am happy to keep coming here, thank you." I don't like the idea of being alone in a room with a complete stranger. The only reason I can be here is because Christian knows John so well.
"Alright," he sticks out his hand and I shake it. "Until next week then."
To say I'm surprised when I walk out of John's office to see Christian sitting in the waiting room would be a lie. But I scold him lightly anyway. "Are you going to sit out here every week?"
He shrugs and stands up. "Possibly. And stop rolling your eyes."
He hugs me close and kisses me soundly right there in the waiting room. "Christian, people can see us," I say, blushing when he pulls away and bury my hot face in his shirt for a moment. For a fleeting second I want to rip his clothes of and go at it right here on the waiting room floor of his therapists office. I wonder what John would have to say about that?
"Let them look," he mutters and nods a greeting towards the doorway I just came out of. I turn to see John smiling at us and my face heats even more.
He simply smiles and waves us off.
"Why aren't you eating?" Christian asks when he sees me picking at my dinner.
"I am," I protest. I was starving actually but for some reason the sight of the fish on my plate is turning my stomach. I don't say anything as I don't want to offend Gail. Trying a bit I force it down. It's disgusting!
"No, you're not. What's the matter? Do you not feel well?" Christian is instantly on alert.
"Yes…no...it's not like that." I look at his plate to see he is having no problem eating it. "The fish tastes funny."
"It tastes fine to me," he furrows his brow before realisation dawns. "The babies don't like fish," he exclaims and whips the plate out from in front of me.
"Gail," he yells and she comes scurrying into the kitchen, I give her an apologetic smile. She looks at Christian who is throwing the food from my plate into the trash.
"Is there a problem with the food Mr Grey?" she asks worriedly.
"Not at all Gail, Ana has gone off fish I'm afraid. Will you please make her something else?"
"Of course Mr Grey, Ana what would you like?" she asks me politely.
I hop off the stool, "there's no need Gail, I can just throw a sandwich or something together…"
"Absolutely not," Christian interrupts. "A sandwich for dinner is not acceptable. You need a nutritious meal Ana." He scolds. I roll my eyes.
"But it's too late to have Gail cook anything now, and I'm too hungry to wait," I pout.
"I have some of that leftover bolognese Ana dear, I can just heat some for you and put a little pasta on to boil. It won't take more than a fifteen minutes." Gail's suggestion sounds perfect, my mouth waters at the thought.
"That would be great Gail, thank you." I turn to Christian and smile, "I think the babies like Italian food."
"I'll have to remember that," he says happily, his mood instantly better once he knows I am going to eat.
Looking at him smiling I want to jump him right here and make love on the breakfast bar. Oh my, what is happening to me today? Christian turns his attention back to his food which is a good thing because if he could see my heated gaze God knows what would happen.
I get into bed beside Christian and snuggle up to him. He puts his book down and wraps his arms around me. "Tired?" he grins when I yawn.
I turn in his arms and start to kiss his chest slowly. "No," I whisper as I lick his nipple.
"Fuck," Christian grunts when I nip his skin gently. "What has gotten you so hot and bothered?"
"Don't you like it?" I ask as I run my fingers down his back to the top of his firm butt. I don't know what has gotten into me today, having Christian inside of me has dominated most of my thoughts since leaving John's office, but I couldn't act on it as Christian had to go to work afterwards. I'm not the one who usually instigates our lovemaking as Christian always seems to get there first, but I need him right now with a fierceness I can't explain.
Crawling over him I straddle his lap and brazenly rub myself along his quickly thickening erection. Sensing my mood Christian grabs my hips and grinds me against him.
"Feeling a little needy tonight Ms Steele?" he asks as he bucks up against me hitting a spot that makes my head fall back on a moan.
"Yes," I whimper, "all day."
"You were thinking about my cock inside you all day?"
"Yesss," My response becomes a hiss as his fingers find my clitoris and start to play with me there.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You were aaaagh, you were too busy."
"I am never too busy for you," Christian growls as he holds my hips aloft and plunges into me.
"Oh my God," I almost scream as I fall forward onto his chest.
Christian wraps his arms around my back and holds me firmly against him as I move back and forth on him. Being on top like this feels amazing. He hits me in a spot that always makes me come quickly, I am almost squealing as I feel him rubbing over that spot now, over and over.
I freeze when I suddenly feel one of Christian's fingers at my anus. He has never done this before.
"Sssh," he soothes me as he runs his finger around the tight entrance. Slowly he starts to thrust again as he plays me with his finger, slick from my juices.
I cry out, startled as along with a deep plunge of his hips he pushes his thick finger into me just a little. The feeling is overwhelming…in a good way. A sheen of sweat mists my entire body.
"Do you want me to stop," Christian pants against my ear and starts to pull his finger out again.
"No," I whimper. "Don't stop."
On his next slow thrust he inches his thick finger further inside me. The feeling of fullness is so intense I can't help the cry of pure pleasure that comes from me.
My face is still buried in Christian's neck, my lips pressed to his sweat dampened skin as his harsh breaths blow against my ear. My whole body is pressed against his as he undulates and moves easily under my weight. My knees are tucked up tightly under me against Christians sides and my arms are wrapped under his and grip his shoulder blades.
In this position I cling to him helplessly as he pleasures my body completely.
When I come it is with an intensity I have never felt before. My body clamps down hard and squeezes rhythmically against both Christians penis and his finger, the feeling so overwhelming my mouth is open wide in a silent scream. Deep inside I am aware of a thick wash of heat as Christian comes inside me, pulling me almost painfully tightly against him. The feeling is wonderful.
Both sticky with sweat and...other things, we decide to have a shower. Christian washes me gently from head to toe taking time to massage my scalp when he washes my hair. I return the favour and soon we are dried and snuggled together back in bed.
I'm sure we will discuss this new aspect that occurred in our lovemaking tonight. Christian is all about talking things out and not letting me feel awkward about what happens between us, especially when it comes to sex. He wants me to always be comfortable with him. But right now I am exhausted beyond belief, noticing this Christian has obviously chosen to let me get some much needed sleep.
As I drift off though, I wonder if Christian knows any other...kinky stuff he could show me.
A/N Hmm I wonder indeed! Thank you to mrsvixter who suggested in a review that I add a little dirty Christian into my story. Although this will never be a BDSM story I think that Christian isn't Christian without a little kink. Also thanks to everyone for their suggestions, I will try to add in as many as will fit into my storyline.
Please review and let me know if you approve of kinky Christian xxx
