Chapter 5: Shadow Self (Daily Life 4)
Ding dong, ding dong!
"Goooood morning, everyone! Here's hoping you all recharged your batteries! I know I did! Oh, and for those of you fans of nothing happening. We got a whole lot of nothing planned for you guys! Now get ready for the most Despair inducing thing I've ever done, 8 hours of lounge music! Have fun!" Monokuma announced, the screen cutting to black as the speakers started playing light jazz.
Akira got up and got herself dressed before leaving her dorm room, trying her best to ignore the light jazz playing as she saw Yukiji step out of his room. "Morning, Yukiji. So… guess it's lounge music day…" Akira said with an awkward chuckling, Yukiji nodding and rubbing his eye.
"I don't this is working the way Monokuma planned. It's just making me sleepy…" Yukiji said, yawning lightly before walking off towards the stairs, Akira following after him. The two were the last to arrive at the dining hall, getting a look at the seatings. Kenji, Haru and Naoki were chatting it up at Kenji's usual table, it was nice to see a smile on his face again. Shiro sat alone, lost in his own thoughts, writing his name with his uninjured hand on a piece of paper multiple times. Airi was in a corner of the room, looking away from everyone with a stony look on her face. Finally, Setsuki was sitting a table, waving Akira and Yukiji over.
"KiKi! Yukes! Saved you a table!" she said, Akira smiling and walking over, sitting across from Setsuki. Yukiji sat next to Akira as MonoKatering brought bagels with jam, butter and cream cheese. Beside the dishes was a small assortment of butter knives, along with pitchers of apple juice and coffee. Akira, without missing a beat, poured herself a cup of coffee.
"Well, now it feels like I'm in a coffee house, doesn't it?" Akira joked, getting a few laughs from the table.
"Well, there isn't a newspaper to read with your coffee." Setsuki said, sipping a glass of apple juice before her eyes shot wide. "No, Monokuma's gonna do a gag with a newspaper. Goddamn it, please don't-"
"MONOKUMA TIMES HAS ARRIVED!" Monokuma shouted, arms raised to ceiling as wrapped newspapers suddenly rained down onto Akira's table. Akira scrambled to get her coffee safe from the falling newspapers. She sighed, grabbing a paper and undoing the rubber band to check the headlines.
Not much happening at school! Akira's Hat: Where did it go? Shiro: Still doing a thing. Kenji: Still sucks, more on page A7 Mondays are now Light Jazz Mondays. Sports Section! Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports. Sports. Touchdown Monokuma. Screw the Chiba Marines!
"The real question is, how long do you think it took for me to make this?" Monokuma asked back. "Ahhh-hahahaha~"
"Why do even have this?! Was this just in case somebody said newspaper?!" Akira asked, flabbergasted.
"I got bored. I have a lot of gags like this saved up, you underestimate my ability to confuse you guys." Monokuma explained.
"This seems like a waste of time and resources." Yukiji said, pulling a rolled paper out of his hair.
"Everything in life is a waste of time and resources! It's why there's always a crossword section." Monokuma said, Akira flipping through the paper and finding a crossword section.
"Oh my God, there is…" Akira said, dropping her head onto the table.
"My stupid gags have layers, Akira. Don't underestimate me!" Monokuma warned. "Puhuhuhuhu~!"
Monokuma then vanished, leaving the dining hall.
"I… I can't even… are the bagels safe?" Akira asked.
"I managed to save a few." Setsuki said, tossing one to Akira. "They're not bad. You should try some." She said with a mouth full of bagel. Akira nodded, burying the bagel in her hand in cream cheese before chowing down.
"That's a lot of cream cheese, Akira. Do you even taste the bagel anymore?" Yukiji asked.
"No, but at this point I don't even care. I just need something to stop this smooth jazz from pissing me off." Akira muttered, clenching her fist until the knuckles were white.
"Do you not like smooth jazz?" Setsuki asked.
"No, I don't like the idea of Monokuma making me listen to smooth jazz for eight hours. It's like.. A smooth jazz made entirely of spite." Akira said.
"...I don't think you got enough sleep, Akira." Yukiji said, worried.
"I dunno, Yukiji. I just need something to clear my head." Akira said, taking another bite of bagel, cream cheese sticking to the roof of her mouth.
Breakfast soon finished, Akira and Yukiji staying behind to clean up all the newspapers, throwing them in the proper recycling bin.
"Alright, that's done!" Akira said, dusting off her hands. "So, what should we do today?"
"Well, I was kind of hoping we could play some chess. It's been a while and it might get our minds off the music." Yukiji offered, Akira nodding and smiling.
"Sure, your lab?" she asked, Yukiji nodding and leading the way to the labs. It was raining on the grounds, Akira and Yukiji grabbing coats off the rack by the door as they ran out. They would stop along the path as Yukiji would jump into any puddle he saw, creating a splash. The two would soon make it to the labs, Akira covering her ears from the lounge music as Yukiji grabbing his keycard and opening the door to the brightly-lit lab.
"Ah, man. I forgot how bright it was in this place…" Akira said, shielding her eyes slightly. "How do you handle being in here?" she asked as Yukiji opened up his Monopouch, taking out coins and getting himself some KitKats and a bottle of milk.
"The bright lights help me stay awake." Yukiji said, setting the KitKats down and getting the chess board set up. Akira sat on the opposite side of the board. "So, best out of five?" he asked.
"Sure." Akira said as the two played. Akira found it hard to concentrate over the constant light jazz playing, losing soundly in the first round. "Good job, Yukiji."
"Thanks, you did your best. Don't worry, the music's making it hard to think for me too." he said reassuringly, Akira smiling.
"Thanks, Yukiji." she replied. The next two games went about the same with Yukiji winning. "Well, that's three." Akira said, offering a hand. Yukiji absentmindedly shook it.
"...Something wrong, Yukiji?" Akira asked, getting a soft sigh from the Ultimate Chessmaster.
"Well, I was kind of thinking about Akami and Miho…" Yukiji said, looking down.
"...Oh." Akira said. "I know, I still miss them too…" she said, putting a hand on Yukiji's shoulder.
"You know, I didn't really feel much until breakfast." Yukiji said letting out a sniffle. "I guess it's because I had been trying to, I don't know, shut it out to try and get through this…"
"But then I sat and ate breakfast with you and Setsuki and it really hit me then. They're gone. I always kind of thought they weren't ever going to die. Sitting and eating with all of you, it just felt like how things should be. But without them, everything just felt… wrong. You, Akami, Miho… you guys felt kind of like family to me…" Yukiji said, eyes reddening as tears began to flood his eyes. "It's why I hated seeing Akami so angry at me… seeing you and Miho fight... it felt like I was gonna lose family… and… and now…" he said, curling up into his chair and crying.
Akira got up and hugged Yukiji, feeling the sting of tears. "Yukiji…"
"And… the thing that makes me angry is they can't even come back. They're just… They're dead. And now when I sit at that table, I just… I just want them there with us, but they can't! They can't sit there and eat breakfast with us! What did I do, Akira?! What did I do to deserve losing my friends like this?!" Yukiji asked, voice cracking as he wrapped his arms around Akira.
"It's why I understand how Kenji feels. I can't really do anything to fix this, and I understand why he would be angry about it. Cuz… I could tell you anything you wanted to hear, but I knew it would never help. We're just people, we can't bring anyone back." Akira said, holding Yukiji tighter.
"I… I wanna go home, Akira…" Yukiji said between sobs.
"I...I'm working on it. That's all I can do. And… Try and keep the rest of us alive until I do." Akira said, patting Yukiji on the head with one hand. "I'll get you out of here, Yukiji. I promise…" she said comfortingly. It would be several minutes before Yukiji finally let go.
"Feeling better?" Akira asked as Yukiji rubbed his eyes against his sleeve.
"Yeah… thanks, Akira. I needed that." he said with a small smile. He grabbed a KitKat from his table, opening it before looking at it for a bit. "...Here, you can have this." He said, snapping along one of the lines of the KitKat to give her half of it. Akira smiled, feeling a warmth in her heart as she took her half.
"Thanks, Yukiji. Things might be tense, but we're getting to the endgame. I feel like we might have a chance to get out of here." Akira said in a reassuring tone.
Yukiji nodded and took a bite of KitKat. "Let's hope Shiro's plan works."
"Yeah. Anyway, I think I'm gonna go see how everyone's doing. I'll seeya at dinner, alright?" Akira said as she got up to leave. Yukiji waved her goodbye, Akira waving back. She pulled out her Monopad and checked to see that Airi was in her lab, walking over to the door and knocking on it. "Airi? You in?"
She waited before getting a response. "Yes." Airi said, muffled slightly by the door.
"You doing alright?" Akira asked, getting no response to that. "You mind if I come in?" she asked, hearing footsteps heading to the door. Airi soon opened it, stepping aside for Akira to step in. Akira took slow steps into Airi's lab, having a quick look around. The lab was a sterile room, walls covered with different pieces of recording and surveillance equipment and empty filing cabinets and shelves full of chemicals. Airi sat at the desk in a swivel chair, looking over a folder with papers.
"Whoa… you ever use anything in this room?" Akira asked.
"I kept a few notes in the cabinet of the students when I finally got access to the lab. I had already been writing notes on you guys to know who I could trust or depend on… I'd change the notes after every trial." Airi explained, looking at the same papers over and over again. Akira walked over to her, looking at the folder, seeing "Watanabe, Y" written on the tab.
"You remember how we all woke up in lockers?" Airi asked, Akira nodding.
"Yeah, I got locked in mine and Kenji had to bust me out. Why do you ask?" Akira asked.
"...When I got out of that locker, the first person I had met was Yukata. He was panicking and praying to his dead grandfather. I thought he was going to be utterly useless to the situation as I understood it and his weird requests to play a children's card game with him did not make that thought go away. I didn't know why he wanted to ask so much until it was too late…" Airi began, looking again at the files.
"Too… late?" Akira asked.
"I tried to keep my distance from you guys, not wanting to get attached so I could focus on figuring out who sent me into this school, and if the other students here were my enemies or not. I thought it would mean if a murder happened, it wouldn't affect me if I didn't become too close to you, I thought it would be easy… but I guess as much as I tried, I'm still human. I got attached to you guys and I still tried to not let all the murder and death get to me…" Airi said, shutting her eyes and looking away from Akira, spinning the chair so the back faced Akira.
"Any time I was alone, I'd tell myself that you were all just strangers, that it didn't matter to me if you died. I tried to maintain this image of the cold, detached Ultimate Spy, aloof to the rest of you… it hurt, because I got to know you guys better, but I tried to keep that pain hidden. I tried to stay away from the dangerous situations because I didn't want to be involved emotionally. But… Maybe if I was involved, Yukata wouldn't have killed Hana. I could've been there when he needed help, seen what I missed because I kept others out..." Airi said, tightening the grip on her hands.
"I thought… I thought being quiet was just how you worked, Airi." Akira admitted.
"That's what I wanted you guys to think… I was raised as a tool, so my opinions just made my missions harder for me. But… I don't think I'm anyone's tool right now, but I still acted like it, and did nothing but make things more difficult. Remember what I said about Yukata asking me to play games? I wasn't sure why he wanted to do that. Why would he want to duel some stranger he met in such… sinister circumstances?"
"Well, maybe he was just trying to make the best of a bad situation…" Akira suggested. Airi sighed and nodded.
"That's the thing about Yukata. He… He used his games as a way to make friends with others, and connect with them because he wasn't the best at conversation. It was his way of opening himself up to other people. And given that I was closing myself off, I was left unsure of how to see him but as a distraction from whatever my job was. I only got that when I accepted to play with him that it was his way of expressing his friendship. But… When he needed someone, and Kenji couldn't help… He felt like he had no one else."
"He had someone… he had someone, goddamnit! He had me." Airi growled out in disgust with herself. "But… Of all the times I decided to try and stay out of things, it was one of the only times I could help! He was alone, and I could have saved him and Hana from the fate they had. I just drove things to the edge with my indifference, I made things dire to the point he felt like it was the only thing he could do!" Airi shouted, tears starting to form in her eyes, pulling her sleeve up to bite it from frustration. "I… I'm a fuckup, Akira. I'm sorry I couldn't do more, it's even put me in the crosshairs of suspicion a few times when I couldn't explain why I would just… disappear without telling anyone." Airi said, looking away from the police cadet.
"Airi…" Akira said, grabbing the chair and spinning it so they were face to face. "You're not a fuckup. Our situation was one none of us could have predicted and even if you and Yukata were inseparable, there's no guarantee that you would've been able to stop him. Our friendships were being tested in that bunker and even me and Kenji exploded at each other. And Yukata didn't want to kill us all until he watched that Despair Tape. You don't have to shoulder everyone's burdens on your own, and you can't stop something you never even predicted to begin with." Akira said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I just… wish I could go back. Back to when I came out of that locker and just said yes to that card game. Go back and make friends with one of you before it all went to hell. I could've helped Emi and Kenji catch the Mastermind. I could've learned people's secrets and shut down the whole Monokuma Theater. I could've stayed watch over Yukata and kept Shiro from going near Akami. But I just kept sitting back and letting all this happen…" Airi said, sinking into the chair.
"There's always something we want to go back and change about our lives. Something we wished we did or didn't do. Every morning I wake up thinking about when I drove that car into my middle school and wanting to take that back. But I don't dwell on it because if I didn't, I probably wouldn't have changed who I was. I wouldn't be the Ultimate Police Cadet if it weren't for that accident. Hell, I don't know where I would be if it weren't for the accident. But what's important is who I could've been and I what I should've done then, it's who I am and I what do now." Akira said, Airi looking up at her with a weak smile.
"We can't change who we were, but we can use who we were to make who we are even better…" Akira said, Airi chuckling.
"I see why Miho always called you a dork…" Airi said with a laugh, Akira laughing in response.
"Shut up."Akira said with a smile. Airi got up from her chair, putting Yukata's papers back into the folder. "Just, spend more time with us if you really want to make up for how you were before. There's always a seat open at our table." Akira offered, Airi fighting back the tears as she put the folder back in the file cabinet.
"Thanks, Akira. I'll join you guys at dinner tonight." Airi said, smiling in full. Akira smiled back, her face soon changing to a frown as she looked down at the floor, brow furrowed. "Akira? What's wrong?" Airi asked, noticing the sudden change.
"It just hit me, you weren't here at Future Crest when everything first down, right?" Akira asked, the Ultimate Spy nodding. "So, how did you have a lab like the rest of us?" Akira asked as a follow-up question, Airi's eyes going wide with a mix of comprehension and concern. Without another word, Airi began to sift through the papers in her lab to research.
"Tha-… I feel like that's a massive issue that needs to be resolved. Excuse me, Akira. I need to turn this lab inside out to look for clues." Airi said, grabbing everything her eyes could see, tossing surveillance equipment to the floor. She grabbed a drawer from the filing cabinet, lifting it up and dumping the contents onto the desk.
"Did you want my he-" Akira offered, Airi cutting her off.
"No offense to you, but I work faster by myself. I'll talk to you when I find something." she said, eyes darting from paper to paper and toward every corner of the lab for possible hidden Monokumas. "I'll still see you at dinner, but I gotta- I just gotta know where this lab came from!"
"Alright… good luck. Hope you find something…" Akira said, walking out of the lab.
