Chapter 45. Choices

AN: Short update. Thanks you to Shakespira for her encouragement and reviews, and to Nithu, my terrific beta. Thank you to those that have set alerts and favs for this story as well.

Bioware owns all, probably including my soul. -.^


When Morrigan reached the study, Siobhan, back to the door, was staring at a portrait. Morrigan softly closed the door. Siobhan didn't turn around as she addressed Morrigan. "You've known the whole time you've been with us, what is required to kill an Archdemon?"

"I have."

Siobhan still faced the painting. "You knew what Flemeth wanted you to do?"

"I did."

"Yet, you kept your secret, even though you knew what we were facing?"

"I did."

Siobhan turned towards Morrigan, her eyes filled with sorrow. "You marched with us throughout Ferelden trying to secure these Maker-forsaken treaties. You fought with us, spilled blood with us, and healed our wounds, while all the time you knew what we would have to face in the end?"

"I did."

Weary, Siobhan sat across from Morrigan. "Why was I unable to win your trust? What didn't I do or say that held you back?"

Morrigan had no way to describe the emotions she was feeling. " 'Twas not my lack of trust that stilled my tongue."

"Then what was it?"

"I was raised to believe that to trust is to be weak, and I vowed to never be weak. Then I met you. You gave trust easily. At first, I thought your trusting nature was your biggest weakness. Then I found that it to be one of your strengths. You are strong yet vulnerable, trusting yet cautious. When you expressed your trust in me, that you considered me a friend, I did not know how to feel. I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

Morrigan simply looked into Siobhan's eyes. "Afraid of what having a friend would mean."

"I take it, that changed?"

Morrigan nodded. "It changed when you sent me to Ostagar. Adler took Gareth aside and told him I was a witch of the wilds. Gareth did not know me at all, yet he gave me his trust because you gave me yours."

Siobhan smiled. "It seems sort of a round-a-bout way to come at it, but I'm glad you did. "

"Siobhan, I do not want you to die."

"What makes you think I will?"

"Now who is withholding the truth?"

Siobhan's eyes were downcast. "Yes, I cannot risk Alistair taking the final blow, he needs to rebuild the Wardens."

"Nonsense. What is the real reason?"

"I owe it Cailan to save his brother's life. Just as Cailan saved Alistair's and mine, by not letting us face the horde at Ostagar."

"You cannot sacrifice yourself. My way keeps you safe."

Siobhan stood up. "Your way brings forth a child with the soul of an old god. Now, the hour grows late and I have a baby that needs feeding. Good night, Morrigan."

Watching Siobhan leave the room, Morrigan clenched her hands into fists. Curse you Andraste, for all the lies your Chantry has spewed.

"Tch, Tch, my dear witch, surely you are not going to give up that easily?"

"Assassin! How much of that did you hear?"

Zevran brushed a spec of dust off of his shoulder. "As much as I needed to. We should figure out how to save Siobhan from herself, yes?"


After feeding Bryce, Siobhan watched him sleep in his cradle. The realization of the path that lay before her was overwhelming. It took every ounce of her being not to scream and cry. Having thought Gareth was dead, then finding him again, carrying and giving birth to their son, the thought of leaving them was heartbreaking. Yet, if the Archdemon were not killed, everyone would die anyway. If her sacrifice was needed to preserve the very lives she loved the most, than that is what she would do.

Gareth woke up when she came into the room, he stayed silent; content to watch her feed Bryce and put him to sleep. Suddenly, he felt his heart lurch; he knew Siobhan's body language as intimately as he knew his own. The way she stood at the cradle watching Bryce, spoke of something tragically wrong.

Slipping out of bed, he pulled her into his arms. "Cariad, what is troubling you so?"

Siobhan couldn't speak; she just collapsed into his arms and sobbed. Gareth was shocked at the violence of her tears; he picked her up and carried her to the bed. She held onto him as if he was a lifeline, and they laid in bed a tangle of arms and legs as Siobhan continued to sob.

"Shhhh, Cariad, shhhh. What has gotten you into this state?"

Siobhan's sobs had turned into soft hiccups, as she tried to calm down enough to speak. "Gareth, I…I…it's Warden b…business."

"Is it about the Joining?"

"Not directly. Gareth, I can…not tell you warden s…secrets."

Gareth knew Siobhan would not divulge the information. He tried a different tact. "I know the Joining can be fatal."

Siobhan looked at him wide-eyed. "How…"

"I read between the lines the last time I spoke to Alistair."

Gareth watched Siobhan's reaction carefully. No, it isn't her fear of dying during the joining.

He tried to piece together all the various bits of information he had heard since Ostagar. Udell's father being a Grey Warden, Morrigan and Alistair's rather contentious after-dinner meeting with Siobhan. Alistair's cryptic answer to whether or not the joining could be fatal. What exactly did Alistair say…oh yes, he said he needed 'to make sure nothing can interfere with Siobhan's ability to gather the forces we need to defeat the Archdemon'.

"Cariad, is this about gathering the forces and killing the Archdemon?"

Siobhan desperately tried to contain her emotions, but they were so raw, so strong, she just couldn't help herself, the sobs started afresh.

Gareth held her close as she sobbed. Fear clutched at his heart. "Cariad, whatever it is, please, I beg you, don't decide how the future will go, before it happens. I cannot live without you."

Siobhan heard the pain and need in Gareth's voice; she knew what he was asking. She pulled back and looked at him. "What if I have no choice?"

"There is always a choice."

"But what if I don't see one."

"You have companions, a husband, and a Second. Use our combined wisdom and find choices."

How he managed it, Siobhan didn't know, but without actually knowing what it was that upset her, he had said the exact right things to give her hope.

"You are an amazing man, my husband."

"And you are extraordinary, my wife."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly.


Alistair could not sleep, so he went to the larder to find a late night snack. On the way he saw Zevran speaking with Morrigan. Alistair shuddered. I would have thought the assassin had more taste.

Zevran heard his approach and without turning, laughed. "You are many things, my handsome warden, stealthy is not one of them."

"I didn't mean to interrupt your…whatever it is I'm interrupting…Just ignore me."

Zevran turned and beckoned Alistair. "Actually, your timing is very good."

"You needed rescuing?"

Zevran laughed. "Afraid I might fall under the spell of this lovely witch?"

Alistair blushed. "It's not really any of my business."

"Ah, dear Warden, it is very much your business. Come, we three need to speak."

Zevran looked at Morrigan and Alistair, he could not tell which of the two was the most uncomfortable. Smiling and shaking his head, he led them into the study.