Author's Note: No lie, the Victoria's Secret in our mall is directly across from the Baskin Robins. I often sit and eat ice-cream and watch embarrassed boyfriends wait outside. It's soothing to me.

Seto, unfortunately, is not embarrassed by much. Persevere, Alexis!

(I literally wrote this for the Victoria's Secret joke.)


Woman

Seto was ashamed to admit that the first time he noticed his daughter had grown breasts, he screamed, "Those aren't allowed yet!"

Luckily, Alexis had found it amusing more than insulting, and Joey had laughed so hard he cried and fell off the couch.

"What aren't allowed?" Atticus asked, wandering into the living room. He looked at his father, wearing a jacket and about to put on shoes, and then at his sister, who was dressed to impress. "Are you going somewhere? Can I come?"

"Sure ya can," Joey replied, smiling at him. "It'll be good practice for when ya wanna surprise your girlfriend!"

Atticus frowned at him. "What."

Seto sputtered. "What girlfriend?!"

"I don't have a girlfriend, Dad."

"JOEY STOP CONFUSING ME."

Joey rolled his eyes a little and mumbled, "Ya might be askin' the impossible because it's so easy t' confuse ya." When the older man growled in frustration, he rolled his eyes again, much more conspicuously. "Fine. I'm sorry. Put on your jacket."

Seto frowned. "But you said I didn't get to come shopping with you today."

"It'll be a learning experience for everybody!" the blond replied cheerfully. He paused, then added, "Except for me. I've already learned this stuff."

"What stuff? Where are we going?!" Atticus asked, alarmed.

Alexis grinned at him smugly. "Papa's taking me bra shopping!"

Atticus shrieked. He would have been embarrassed about it, had his father not also screamed at the same time.

Joey frowned at them both. "They're just tits. Oh my God."

"Papa, call them boobs. 'Tits' is derogatory," Alexis told him primly.

The blond huffed. "You've clearly never talked t' Mai about your boobs then, kiddo. That's all she calls them." He paused, thoughtful, before he shrugged. "That, and 'rack.' We both grew up kinda trashy."

"Papa!" Alexis exclaimed, offended. "That's rude!"

He raised an eyebrow. "…Do you even know where I grew up?"

Seto began toward the doorway. "I've just remembered an important meeting I need to attend—"

"Get your coat!" the blond barked, glaring at him.

Seto's shoulders sagged in defeat. "Okay."

Joey watched him to make sure he didn't make a break for it. Seto needed to learn these things instead of just tossing their kids his credit card and letting them run wild.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Ew, what is this?!" Seto exclaimed, turning to look around the large store. He pointed at the section that was clearly for men—right next to the section for children, and—

"It's called a department store," Joey sighed, rolling his eyes.

"We could have taken her to the best boutiques in town and you've brought us to a department store?!"

The blond turned to give him a glare. "These ladies don't work on commission so they're less likely to up-sell, especially if it's for her first bras."

Seto huffed. "I don't even know that means."

"You're hopeless," Joey sighed, rolling his eyes, before placing a comforting hand on his daughter's back and leading her toward the lingerie section.

Alexis wrinkled her nose. "Papa, these are all bras for old peo—Polka dots!" She reached out to grab a polka dotted bra only to yelp when the blond shoved her past them. "Papa noooo!"

"We're gonna get ya fitted before ya go around grabbin' bras," Joey said, ushering her to the register. He smiled at the lady behind the register. "Hi—" He peeked at her nametag. "—Jessica. We're here to get our daughter fitted for a bra. First time!"

Jessica brightened up immediately. "Oh, exciting! I haven't actually been trained in fitting bras, but if you'll just wait a moment while I go grab Kiki, she'll be glad to help!" She smiled at Alexis sweetly. "I'm so glad you've got a dad that notices! I was too afraid to ask my dad about it and wore two shirts all the time until one of my neighbors noticed and took me shopping!"

"Yeah, I didn't even think I needed one until Papa told me we were going shopping," Alexis replied, blushing a little.

Atticus blinked at her. "Seriously? I noticed they were there weeks ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Joey hissed, glaring at him.

The younger boy frowned. "How was I supposed to bring that up? 'Hey, Papa, Lexi got boobs, should probably do something about that?'"

"That is exactly what you should have said!"

Seto held up a particularly large bra and frowned. "Would breasts this large not cause back problems?"

"Oh my God put that down!" Joey exclaimed, swiping it out of his hands and shoving it back onto the rack. "Go sit down on the couch!" He pointed at his son sternly. "Go sit with your dad!"

Atticus rolled his eyes and grabbed his dad's arm to drag him over to the couch, as Seto seemed more interested in the extra-large cup sizes and women's health.

Alexis had thought that there was no way she could be embarrassed by her family, a girl living with three males, but she'd just been proved wrong. "Is it too late to go home?"

"Come on, hon'," Jessica sighed, rolling her eyes. "We'll get you started in a fitting room. Away from your dad and brother."

Joey huffed, offended. "At least I brought her in!"

Jessica glanced at the two brunets on the couch, then looked back at the blond and smiled. "Yeah, sir, you did. Good job. Do you want me to tell Kiki to keep an eye on prices, or—"

"I care more about my daughter's posture than how much her bra costs!" Seto barked.

Jessica watched the long-suffering expression slowly cross the blond man's face and suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for him.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Daddy look at my boobs!"

Seto frowned at his phone. "I feel like that's going to lead to a visit from children's services."

"No Daddy look!" Alexis whined, stomping her foot. "I'm wearing a shirt!"

"They're very nice, honey," Joey told her kindly. "That's a great bra."

Seto looked up and immediately balked. "You can't get that one!"

Alexis scowled. "Why not?!"

The older man drew himself up as tall as he could on the couch. "I will not have you going about in public with those!"

Joey hid his face in his hands and sighed. "Oh my God."

"Daddy, that is so rude!" the blonde exclaimed, appalled. "Are you trying to make me ashamed of my body?!"

"I'm trying to keep you from using those for the power of evil! Do you realize how many boys at school will do anything you want when they realize you have decent cleavage!?" Seto hissed, glaring at her. "Give them a chance! Some of them are just beginning to realize what their dicks are for!"

Joey pulled his jacket to cover his head and sighed again.

"I thought my posture was important!"

"Your posture could still be excellent in a sweater."

"Atticus," Joey sighed, reaching out to take his hand. "Come on. We're gonna go get some ice-cream while your dad loses a fight to your sister."

Atticus frowned. "Why does Dad do this to himself?"

"He's so stubborn that he doesn't realize he brings them on himself. It's okay; he'll go back to telling her she has a very nice shirt on next week."

The younger boy sighed, lifting a hand to rub his temple lightly. "I really don't understand Dad sometimes…"

.-.-.-.-.-.

Seto narrowed his eyes at the sign in front of him. "I don't know who Victoria is, but she certainly isn't very good at keeping a secret."

Alexis rolled her eyes and turned to shove her Nordstrom's bag into his hands. "I just wanna get a few more bras and maybe some panties. You can wait out here!"

"No, they'll need my signature on the credit card," Seto reasoned, and began to follow her into the store.

"Daddy wait outside," she hissed, eyes wild. "Wait until I come and get you!"

Seto gave her a look that clearly showed just how unimpressed he was. "I'll wait by the registers. Ooh, lip-gloss." He wandered over to the plastic bins full of lip-gloss and lotion.

Alexis flailed a little in frustration but eventually walked over to the drawers of bras to find the ones in her size.

"I think Dad's the only one that could wander into Victoria's Secret and not bat an eye," Atticus mumbled around a mouthful of cookies-'n'-cream. "You married a weirdo, Papa."

"Yeah, I did," Joey replied fondly. "It's a good thing he's cute enough t' make up for it." He jumped as his phone began to vibrate and hurriedly answered it. "Hello?"

"They have vanilla lip-gloss. Would your sister want one?"

"…I am literally lookin' at you right now."

"Really?" Seto turned, saw him, and waved. "Hi. But would your sister want a vanilla lip-gloss?"

"Sure," Joey said, smiling. "Knock yourself out, hon'."

Seto waved again before turning back to the lip-gloss.

Joey turned back to his ice-cream, because it was easier to eat dessert than it was to understand his husband sometimes.