CH 54
Time Out Of Mind
It was a warm and tender Christmas evening at the Levin household as Fiona and Leopold Levin played on the living room floor with their two little boys aged three and one. They had married right after leaving school and were the glowing example of wholesome, happy family life.
"Levin!" Both parents jumped at the obnoxious drunken voice coming from the fire. "Leviiiiiin, where the hell are you?" They both looked into the fireplace to see Igor's face in the coals.
"Idiot!" Fiona huffed as she gathered up her littlest and took her oldest by the hand to lead them out of the room away from such an unsavory character.
Igor watched her go with the Levin children then turned to his friend who had pulled a chair closer to the fire. "She never liked me," he grumbled.
"Not true," Levin said lightly. "Not true at all. She used to like you very much. I'm not sure I like you that much myself these days."
"Mmmmm, so you're deserting me too eh?" His boyhood friend's tone saddened Igor for Levin was the last vestige of his youth that was not tarnished.
"You deserted me years ago," Levin said bitterly. "You deserted everyone for that lot of troublemakers, and for what?"
Igor growled, "I don't want to discuss politics."
"We'll you obviously want something. I haven't heard from you in years and now here you are sticking your pissed face in my fire on Christmas. What's on your mind? You sound sort of..."
"I saw Natalia," Igor confessed quickly for he could not wait any longer to talk to someone about this and Levin was the only one who would understand.
Levin chuckled. "Oh, really? And how did it go? No wait, let me guess, not well."
"She looked stunning," he mused, recalling the lovely curve of her face and the pinkish hue of her cheeks in the cold weather. "By the wrath of Rasputin her body was...ahh...what I wouldn't give to shag her again."
"Charming. I hope you had the good sense to keep that bit to yourself." Levin remarked flatly. "So, did you mend things? Get if all sorted out and tidied up, did you?"
Igor sighed, unphased by Levin's sarcasm. "Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?"
Levin pointedly eyed his friend's face in the fire." Yes, I think it is."
"I wish things were different." Igor barely heard Levin's answer so lost was he in his own thoughts.
"We'll you've no scruples murder someone for a time turner and go back and fix it," Levin spat sarcastically now pacing angrily in front of the fire.
Igor smirked. "Rather amoral."
"We'll that's you."
"Not really."
"No? I disagree." Levin crouched in front of the fire to be eyeball to fiery eyeball with his former friend. "You walked out on your family and friends without a thought because of some adolescent narcissistic fit."
Igor became indignant. He'd come here for sympathy and understanding but was receiving nothing but abuse. "Narcissistic?"
"You didn't care about your parents or your brothers and sisters or even me, and you sure as hell didn't care about Nat. Did you ever even wonder what happened to her?"
"Of course I..."
"No you didn't," Levin interrupted him. "You turned her out cold after you promised to take care of her and in a strange country with no prospects and too late to register for school. I thought in a few weeks once the shock wore off you'd come around and at least make sure she was all right but you never did. You're an unchivalrous, self-absorbed bastard!"
Igor tried to speak but only sputtered.
"And then you joined those lying philistines. You recruit children for the devil! You hurt and torture innocents."
"That's a lie." Igor roared so loud several coals popped out of the fire.
"Listen to yourself. You've told yourself so many lies you don't even know what the truth is." Levin stayed on the offensive. "How much do you drink every day?"
"Aye, don't YOU start with me." Igor rolled his eyes.
"Better yet, how much heroin are you doing? Or how many witches have you..."
"None of that matters."
"You're right it doesn't." Levin leaned in close to the fire. "Because no matter how much liquor you consume, or drugs you ingest or witches you ball, you cannot escape the filthy reality you've become."
The coals were motionless as Levin's cutting words sunk in. Levin stood to leave the room but he turned back to deliver his warning. "This conversation is over and if you ever come near me or my family again I'll summon the aurors or cut you down myself and not think twice about it. Your lot will destroy our peaceful way of life for my children and I won't stand for it."
"So I've lost you too?" Igor called after him.
"No, you threw me away," Levin grumbled over his shoulder as he trudged up the stairs to check on his family. He composed himself before he peeked into the boy's room to find them sleeping peacefully. He knew they would go down quickly after a busy Christmas with both his and Fiona's family. Then he went into the bedroom to find Fiona, lovely as ever, changing into her nightgown. He caught a brief glimpse of the back of her, all perfect flesh except for the skimpy silk knickers covering her bum. He sighed, grateful for the beauty and peace that graced his life. While he and Igor had fun in their youth, he couldn't live the way his former friend lived. Family life with Fiona was the only way for him.
"Everything all right?" She asked, coming over to kiss him sweetly.
"Yes, darling, he won't bother us again." He rubbed her arms back and forth, enjoying the feel of her skin.
"I'm sorry. He was like a brother to you at one time. What did he want?"
"A shoulder to cry on. He ran into Nat."
"Oh?"
"Apparently it didn't go well."
"Not surprising."
"He sounded obsessed with her. I'm worried for her safety."
"I don't think Igor would ever hurt her. He was so in love with her."
"Yes, but now he's a junkie and quite unpredictable. I hope she's all right."
Several weeks later an unlikely assembly was gathered in the study of the Lestrange castle waiting for the arrival of the Dark Lord and a few more of his select followers. Rodolphus was drinking heavily and attempting to force liquor on them all. Something bothersome was affecting his mood tonight, though he was tight lipped about his problems this evening, preferring to regal them all with tales of his swashbuckling adventures in a local brothel.
"So when I got there, they said, 'Our apologies, Mr. Lestrange, but your regular witch is occupied. However our newest witch is quite lovely and will be more than accommodating.' Why you should have seen this little whelp; skinny, timid little waif, no tits to speak of. Well I told them I wasn't there to test drive new equipment. Yes, that place is going downhill if you ask me."
"We didn't," Severus drawled in a surly manner, which elicited a chuckle from Lucius. Neither of them were imbibing with the other two men, Severus merely letting his full untouched glass sit before him while Lucius poured his succession of drinks into a nearby potted mandrake. The liquor was producing and amusing result as the leaves were beginning to sway and hiccups could be heard from within the soil.
Rodolphus was oblivious to the barb and ranted on, "I mean we should all be getting a higher standard of ass these days, Death Eater grade ass, and here she is showing me some girl that I wouldn't shag with a muggle dick. Don't take my word for it. Ask Karkaroff. She was pitiful excuse for a professional don't you agree?"
Igor had enthusiastically accompanied him on the night in question but now was uninterested in the conversation, perpetually distracted by his Christmas visit to Natalia and her pointed request. "I found her quite lovely actually," he mused unwilling to disparage the poor thing who was disadvantaged enough in such a horrendous situation.
"Well, you have no standards," Rodolphus barked and took a long swallow of his drink.
Severus rolled his eyes at Karkaroff and decided to harass him for lack of a better occupation. "How many witches have you been with Karkaroff?" That remark drew everyone's attention and they all cocked their ears and watched him in eager anticipation of the answer.
Igor was taken aback by the question. He'd never stopped to think about it. It could be dozens, or it could be hundreds. No, surely not hundreds. That sounded bad. But it was certainly more than dozens. Well over a hundred or perhaps two hundred was more accurate. However he chose not to share this. He began to run some calculations on the over/under; two to three a week maybe one out of five or ten were repeats. His mind processed and calculated while he made facial expressions that outwardly displayed his figuring. Severus grew tired to waiting for the answer to what was a rhetorical question anyway.
"Hmph, that's what I thought. And other than Natalia, do you even remember their names?"
A haze seemed to descend over Igor, random names and faces none matching. What did their names matter? It was like asking Voldemort to name individual muggle victims.
His silence was enough to turn Severus' pent up sexual frustration into anger. "Disgusting! Don't you people get tired of it all? At some point after ejaculation does it cease to be enough?"
"No," all three retorted in unison and then laughed loudly at themselves. Even Igor chuckled wistfully.
"Well it's not enough for me," Severus frowned, finally taking a sip of the liquor. "I want more."
Lucius seemed to snap out of his laughter and suddenly turned serious himself. "Oh, Severus, what's the point? Nothing lasts. I had more once you know. I threw it away with both hands in favor of vanity."
It was Igor's turn to smirk for he knew the love to which Lucius was referring. "How tragic and undeserved I'm sure," he slurred sarcastically.
Lucius stepped towards Igor who was slouched in a large chair with his long legs dangling over the side. "But why do I tell you this? You've done the same thing. Do you ever wonder what could have been?"
Igor swung his legs round and stood immediately, towering over Lucius. "I don't dwell in the past," he snarled.
"No? I wish I could say that. It's the only place I was truly happy."
"You two sods bore me." Igor walked over to the bar to join Rodolphus, however the pop of apparations interrupted them and they were soon joined by Voldemort and Bella Lestrange. Igor was immediately aware of the reason for Rodolphus' bender. Bella gazed adoringly at the Dark Lord and he was now eyeing her back in an openly lecherous manner. His stomach turned in the face of such brazen adultery flouted in the face of them all. There was nothing Rodolphus could do about it. He had to stand there and take it. Igor glanced briefly at Lucius who caught his eye briefly before he looked away.
"I've called this meeting with all of you to discuss a matter that has interested me for some time." His voice was cool and smooth with just the hint of a rasp. His hair was thinning and slicked back away from his face adding an oily quality to is already waxy, chemical appearance. He sat in the chair that Igor had previously occupied. Bella perched possessively on the arm of the chair and put a hand on his shoulder. Igor looked at Rodolphus, whose hand was already shaking. Igor patted it once to get his attention and then shook his head no almost imperceptibly.
"I have intelligence that Natalia Smith, proprietor of The Three Broomsticks is harboring fugitives."
Both Igor and Lucius went white at the mention of Natalia's name by the Dark Lord. Severus' face however betrayed nothing, and as usual, he was cool in his response. "Fugitives, my lord?"
"Infants, children, I'm unsure of who they are but I will be finding out. Lucius," he turned to his platinum minion.
"My Lord?" His voice did not quiver but his lack of color betrayed him.
"You once had a…relationship with Ms. Smith. I want you to arrange a meeting between us. I wish to discuss her latest venture."
Try as he might and though he knew it was foolhardy to intervene, Igor could not let that slide. And against his better judgment, he spoke. "Forgive me, my lord, but Natalia loathes Lucius. I think perhaps she would respond better if I spoke with her."
"Ah yes," Voldemort smiled as much to his amusement, as this unfolded precisely the way he'd planned. "I'd forgotten you were once engaged to her. So many years have passed."
Bella cackled until her Lord looked disapprovingly at her and she clammed up immediately.
Severus rolled his eyes and interrupted. "My Lord, neither of these men have spoken to Natalia in years. I remain particularly close friends with her and I'm certain she will be more cooperative if I act as your emissary. She trusts me. She loathes these two hooligans despite what they may be fantasizing."
Voldemort considered the request of his most trusted follower. "Interesting dynamic and one I will enjoy seeing play out. Very well, Severus, make it so. Arrange the meeting and we will pay Miss Smith a visit. I remember her as well…fondly"
A chill ran down Igor's spine at the way Voldemort said 'fondly'.
After Severus met with Natalia to arrange the meeting for later that night she was a flurry of panicked activity. On her friend's advice she did not move the children. At this point Voldemort was not angry, merely curious and would want to see the entire arrangement. To move them would be seen as an act of defiance or subterfuge for which she might be severely punished. She did however give Roberta, the nanny, the night off and cast a light sleeping spell over all the children to ensure they would not wake up. Then she closed the pub early and began to prepare for Severus to arrive with Lord Voldemort. With a wave of her wand she had the mops gliding across the floor and feather dusters flitting about the furniture. She went into the kitchen and prepared a few trays of meats and cheeses that she could retrieve quickly should he request food. It would be best to keep him fed if need be for hunger was reflected poorly in most people's dispositions. The bar was stocked plentifully as always and soon she had nothing to do but wait. At precisely midnight they arrived.
Severus pushed open the door with a thud and entered first, purposefully striding in with robes streaming behind him. "Natalia," he nodded in her direction and she rose to go welcome her guests.
The Dark Lord entered next and she shuddered as she remembered the last time she'd seen him on that fateful night at the World Cup that changed her life. He still possessed that same waxy complexion and carried himself with an arrogant royal air. His dark hair had receded quite a bit since then and he now slicked it straight back. He glanced around the establishment frowning but nodding in apparent approval. Then his gaze descended upon Natalia.
"Miss Smith, its been some time since our last meeting. I believe the years have been good to you."
Natalia noticed two more hooded forms entering as she curtsied to Lord Voldemort, thugs no doubt present in case she had reinforcements herself. "Good evening, my Lord. How lovely to see you again, I'm so flattered that you remember our last meeting." Years in Slytherin house ensured such gracious statements could be regurgitated without thinking when the need arose.
"I believe you are quite unforgettable. At least that's the consensus in this room. I'm sure you remember my friend Lucius Malfoy," he gestured to one of the forms. Natalia's palms began to perspire as she smiled meekly at Lucius. She was actually relieved to see him for she knew he would go to great lengths to help her if the situation warranted it. Lucius returned her gaze but looked uncomfortable.
"And my friend, Igor Karkaroff." He stepped to one side revealing the other form that was now removing his hood. Igor looked at her stone faced and as much as she loved him, she considered this a complication for his behavior was erratic of late. She could tell from the glaze over his eyes that he was yet again high as a hippogriff. She nodded curtly in his direction and her manner elicited a snicker from her guest of honor.
"Sadly, I know both of them, but thought my meeting was with you and Severus. Do these gentlemen serve a purpose or are they purely ornamental?"
The Dark Lord snickered once again. Natalia looked over at Severus who was glaring at her and she immediately had the feeling that she should not have been so cheeky. She was desperate to change the subject. "Would any of you like some refreshment?"
"A kind offer but one that is not necessary. While the hospitality of the establishment is well known I have not come to partake of your libations. No, my dear, I have come to see where your loyalties lie."
Natalia thought it sounded like a very unpleasant test was about to unfold. "I have no loyalty to a cause. Never been much of a joiner."
"I would like to see these urchins under your care. Where are they?"
"They are upstairs, my Lord. If you will all follow me."
Voldemort raised a hand to stop the others. "I will accompany you but my associates will remain here."
Natalia did not like the idea but had no choice but to comply. "As you wish. This way, my Lord." She showed him upstairs and into the room where the children were sleeping. Her hands were perspiring so much when she reached the door she struggled to open it. Voldemort waived his wand and the door opened with ease.
"Thank you, my Lord," she mumbled nervously
He walked from crib to crib appraising the contents as she looked on in terror. "What about these children? Why would a successful witch such as yourself take up with these indigent creatures?"
"Are you familiar with the Stockwell orphanage?"
"Stockwell?"
"Yes, It's in north London."
"Yes. Yes indeed I do. I spent time there as a boy myself. Muggle orphanage, miserable place."
"Yes, it was quite bleak."
"I know how I wound up there. What about these?"
"Their backgrounds are not confirmed but I have suspicious. Your band of merry men have some undisciplined characters running about spilling their seed into all the willing and half the unwilling. They certainly wouldn't take care of them and they are too powerful to blackmail. That's just one theory but regardless, what else is to be done with them? I couldn't leave them in the care of muggles. They are magical but I do not know their lineage. I've taken them in because the orphanage is, as you I'm sure know, unequipped to handle our kind. I don't think these children should be made to feel different or inferior, when in fact they are rare and exquisite treasures, to be nurtured in our world. I don't want them to be made to feel like a freak as I was." She paused and could tell by his fascinated expression that she was on the right track. "It would be an abomination to have these magical children under the influence of inferiors." As distasteful as those words were, they were necessary.
"So you bring them here to keep them away from muggle influence."
"Yes, my Lord," Natalia cringed, knowing she was going to hell every time she forced herself to call him Lord even if it was in the name of self-preservation.
"Hmmmm, I like that. I myself grew contemptuous with those creatures in my youth. They cannot possibly understand our world." He stepped closer to her. "And what of your lineage, Miss Smith? Do you know who your parents were?"
"No sir." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.
"How do I know that your background is acceptable to me?"
"I have a certificate obtained through a blood test. It was necessary for the business." For one she was grateful for Lucius' meddling.
"Really? And where is this dubious certificate?"
"Safely tucked away in Gringotts. I can get it for you tomorrow."
"Why bother?" He approached her and wove his skinny fingers through her hair on each side of her head."
She gulped in fear, he eyes wide and lips trembling.
"Legilimens," he hissed and entered her mind. She was able to block him initially and he seemed to retreat a bit. She relaxed for a moment but then he pushed his way through and saw everything he wanted. He saw the night Lucius attacked her, gratuitously replayed though he was already a witness, Igor angrily rejecting her, and saw Lucius presenting her with the forged certificate though he saw nothing to reveal that it was forged. Finally he removed his hands, having seen enough, leaving her gasping. "You've led quite a life in your young years."
"Yes sir" she looked down assuming a submissive posture for he was surely in control and she was helpless to defy him.
"I'll allow it. Only because it furthers our race and doesn't interfere with my plans." He walked out the door and quickly down the stairs. She barely had time to collect herself before she went scrambling after her.
"Malfoy, you are to make a one hundred thousand galleon donation to Miss Smith's purse so she may properly care for these indigents. Severus, come. We have another stop to make. Igor, Lucius...enjoy your evening with this lovely young woman." Voldemort snickered on his way out the door followed by Severus.
The remaining three all breathed a sigh of relief. Natalia groaned as she exhaled out a massive amount of worry with her breath. "I normally don't indulge but I need a drink like you would not believe." Natalia rambled as she closed her eyes, so relieved for Voldemort to be gone she was a little more lucid than usual. "We're a rather motley crew but I'll invite you both to join me."
Fleeting thoughts of a threesome came to Lucius' mind but that would be a hopeless plan and in the event he ever had another opportunity with Natalia, he would not share. No, this would be a fruitless effort so he would have to settle for annoying Igor." I will settle for a cup of tea. Do you still have that lovely blend you so graciously prepared for me not long ago?"
Natalia glared at him. If he had any sense he would leave instead of stirring up trouble. She sneaked a sidelong glance at Igor and saw that Lucuis' remark was having the desired effect on him for he was glaring murderously at his flaxen rival. "Yes, Lucius," she hissed, obviously patronizing him which only bolstered his glee.
"What can I offer you, Igor?"
The sound of his name gently crossing her lips pulled him back from the brink of pouncing on Lucius. Her voice, when not raised in anger toward him as it had been in recent weeks soothed his soul and he felt his muscles start to relax. Not wanting to be any trouble he tried to be as agreeable as possible. "Please don't go to any trouble. Whatever you're having is fine." He smiled snappily at her, feeling awkward after his last few disastrous encounters. To have an argument in front of Lucius would be intolerable.
"I have exquisite Russian vodka that's been through this distillation process five times. It's smooth as silk and quite refreshing with a twist of lemon." The gushing tone of her voice told him she was desperately trying to appear worldly and perhaps wealthy. In the face of all this she was still trying to prove she could rise above her humble beginnings. He could still read her like a book.
"Wheat or grain?" He played along, gazing dreamily at her.
She smiled, "Wheat. Will you join me?"
"Dah," he nodded, the promise of fine vodka pulling his heritage to the surface.
Natalia waved her wand and hastily conjured a cup of tea for Lucius which landed with a shaky clatter in front of him, causing him to flinch. She then took down two of the best rocks glasses and filled them to the top with large chunks of ice then she levitated the ornate glass bottle that looked like some kind of chiseled ice down from the top shelf. She held it up for him to see, obviously proud of the quality. "Have you tried this before?"
Igor, who had an entire case at home knew exactly how precious this vodka was, fetching very high prices. Of course his entire supply was stolen directly from the distributor so he sacrificed nothing for it. He did however remember to mind his manners and not steal her thunder. "No, but I have heard wonderful things about it."
Lucius snickered loudly and they both shot him nasty looks for different reasons. Lucius knew full well that Igor served that at his house, but also knew that if he was foolhardy enough to out Igor that it would be to his detriment.
Natalia poured the liquor into the glasses, squeezed a bit of lemon juice into them and dropped the fruit into the glass. She handed one to Igor who raised the glass to her with a twinkle in his eye. "Shall we toast? To your health."
"And yours as well." He clinked his glass against hers and they both took gratefully long swallows, the welcome reward after a harrowing evening. "Mmm, that's wonderful. I think that is the crispest vodka I have ever tasted, and I have tasted many."
"Thank you. I acquired it last year on a buying trip to Norway. It was quite scarce. Apparently there had been some sort of theft that depleted his supply. So I really had to bargain with the distributor to let it leave the country."
"Really?" Igor let her go on, enjoying talking about a benign subject that would not get him in to trouble.
"Mother of Merlin," Lucius rolled his eyes to the ceiling and clanked his girlish little teacup into its saucer.
"Did you say something, Malfoy?" Igor turned a cold hard gaze on Malfoy, daring him to comment for he was itching for a fight and to best him in front of Natalia would be sweetly satisfying.
Lucius ignored Igor and turned his attentions to Natalia. Her eyes were dancing despite such a trying evening and sadly he knew that he was not the reason. Though time and tribulations had passed between she and Karkaroff, the electricity between them was palpable. Loathing to be at a disadvantage, he decided to bow out gracefully. If left to his own devices Igor would certainly say the wrong thing, do something stupid or even better be unable to refrain from hitting the dragon. He was his own worst enemy and Lucius best asset.
"Sadly I must leave this party early as I have another engagement. Natalia shall I just transfer funds to the usual account?" His words were well chosen once again for Igor narrowed his eyes and a vein became visible on his temple. Lucius had to fight not to laugh in his face. It was terribly simplistic.
"Yes, Lucius, that will be fine." Natalia once again adopted a patronizing tone. "When should I expect it?"
"First thing tomorrow morning."
"That will be helpful, thank you."
"Thank the benevolent Dark Lord," he proclaimed rather dubiously.
Natalia let that ridiculous remark pass without comment and tried to hurry him in his way. "I'll see you out. She took his arm and gently guided him to the door. Purely for effect, he rubbed her hand lightly and whispered in her ear. "I don't think I should leave you alone with such a dangerous character. Are you sure you don't need my protection."
"I think you've made enough mischief for one evening," she hissed.
He laughed loudly. "All right then. The money will be in tomorrow. Call me if you need anything else. And I do mean anything."
Natalia grimaced and opened the door. "Thank you, Lucius. Good night." She swept her arm in the direction of the street to give him the hint.
"Good night. And be careful."
Finally she was able to shut the world out and be alone with Igor who seemed to be in decent spirits. However when she turned around Igor looked like a man to be reckoned with. His eyes blazed and his jaw was tight. "The usual account?" It was less of a question than an accusation.
Natalia did not respond except to roll her eyes and sit down on the barstool beside him. She reached for her glass and took another swallow in preparation for what would surely be a testy conversation.
"So am I safe in assuming that you're now officially his mistress?"
She slammed her glass on the table and snarled at him. I'm not his mistress!"
Igor moved his face closer to hers as he tended to do when needling the truth out of someone. "Then why is he giving you money before tonight and exactly how much?"
Natalia looked down into her drink. "Not that I owe you an explanation, but he is a bit of a business mentor and he helps me from time to time, not often but occasionally."
"I thought you were into this women's lib thing." He gestured roundabout with his wrist which mocked the movement. "You've always been self-sufficient. Why would you take his help, or are you still blackmailing him?"
She scowled at him producing a hard line in her forehead. "Pleasant conversation is impossible with you isn't it? You're always picking a fight. "
"I happen to enjoy getting to the heart of the matter." He grinned and cocked his head to one side, enjoying being on offense for a change. "Don't skewer me just because you can't handle it."
"Oh I can handle anything you throw my way, Karkaroff. This is a pillow fight compared to some of the hell you've put me through." She smiled flatly.
Pillow fight? His mind wandered to the thought of them batting each other with feathered tufts while in the altogether. The very thought of such a reference demonstrated her cruelty. Even in the middle of this terse exchange he found himself wanting her to the point of pain. She was yet another addiction he could not kick. "You don't need him, Natalia."
She ignored him and swirled the ice around in her nearly empty glass.
"You know you don't need him, Kitten." He brushed a little wisp of dark hair behind her ear and felt her tremble under his touch. This only served to embolden his agenda. "Trust me you don't want to be indebted to these people. They will call the favor one day and the price will be dear. He's on the hook for this donation but after that refuse his help."
"Lucius is very powerful. He's been helpful to me in recent years. I need his protection."
Igor became exasperated and roughly put his hands on her smooth cheeks turning her face to meet his gaze. "Your protection is not his job."
"He's the only protector I have." Her voice waivered, betraying the truth in her heart yet again.
"You have me." His impetuous words hung in the air for a moment and he was fearful of saying any more lest he tip the delicate balance a disfavorable manner. Her large almond shaped eyes gazed lovingly at him and she blinked several times, her chest beginning to heave as her breathing quickened. The fact that he could still have that effect on her only heightened his desire.
"Igor," she put her hands on his.
"My Kitten," he sighed while slowly pulling her face to his for a long overdue kiss.
"Igor stop." She pulled his hands down.
"It's okay," he whispered still moving towards her lips and quite unable to stop. "I'll take care of you."
But she pulled her face away. "You can't take care of me, Igor. You can't even take care of yourself."
His countenance turned to stone for he was horrified that at the moment when he was finally able to swallow a large and painful lump of his cherished pride and humble himself before her that she would chose to point out a flaw. That was just like her to mock his sincerity. He'd forgotten that he wasn't the only one afraid of getting to the truth, and how thorny it was to be on the receiving end of such probing.
He turned away, but now it was she who gently cupped his face in her hands. "Darling, I'm worried about you."
"You worry too much." He knew where this was headed; in the opposite direction of where he was trying to go.
"I don't want to but I care about you. Igor, when was the last time you spoke to your family?"
He groaned, frustrated yet again. "A few years ago." He did not tell her that the last time he was home his father caught him using black dragon in his bedroom with a local prostitute and told him to leave and never return until he could be respectful of their house.
"And Levin, he was your best friend. When was the last time you saw him? He's married to Fiona now I hear and they have two little boys. Have you even seen them?"
"Levin and I grew apart." His friend had also ordered him never to darken his door again after Igor stuck his nose in their fire raging drunk not so long ago. Igor was still smarting from his friend's rejection.
"What about your other friends from school? What about Oblonksy?"
Igor knew better than to get anywhere near his former Headmaster Oblonsky when under the influence. "I have new friends now."
"But your old friends are cutting you out of their lives and I'm concerned that these new friends aren't your true friends."
He shrugged, "I have fun with them."
"Fun, wonderful but do they look after you? Are they concerned about your health?"
His lip curled up in annoyance. "My health is fine. "
"How much weight have you lost? My guess is a good thirty pounds since you left school and you didn't have it to lose."
"I'm exercising," he sneered.
"Doing what? When was the last time you were on a broom? You cheeks are gaunt; I notice it under your beard. Your arms are thin and full of track marks. Your veins will collapse at some point. If you keep going the way you are."
"I am not discussing this again." Igor waved his hand as if he was shushing a child.
"You don't have to discuss it, just listen. Igor, I'm terrified for you. If an overdose doesn't kill you eventually, then your body will just start shutting down. Not to mention a myriad of other potential catastrophes that could happen when you're wasted, particularly around the company you keep. The Dark Lord is dangerous enough when one is sober."
"You know no one else bothers me about this. You're the only one who thinks it's a problem." He didn't take Levin's or Sandy's opinion into account.
"No one else loves you as much as I love you."
He froze, though his heart was burning. Could this be true? Before his mind could take it all in, she kissed him softly, just grazing his lips before resting her head against his. He pulled her gently against him taking refuge in this moment that he barely knew he sought.
"Igor, I can help you," she said softly against his chest. "St. Mungo's has a program. We can go there right now."
"Don't be naive, Kitten, can't just walk into St. Mungo's with this mark on my arm." He stroked her back and nearly cried when he smelled lavender again.
"There are other resources. I know people in the werewolf community that can help. They don't go to St. Mungo's for obvious reasons."
"The Dark Lord is not a friend to them and I don't trust them either. I wouldn't take their help."
"Then we'll find another way."
He shook her firmly trying to bring her back to reality. "Stop trying to change me."
"I am not trying to change you. You changed yourself from the man I knew. I just want to help you return to your true self."
"Damn it, Natalia! You said you love me. Can't you just accept me as I am?"
Tearfully, she shook her head no.
It was his worst case scenario, to be unlovable by the one he most desired. He could not be what she wanted him to be. Why couldn't she just accept him as he was? He thought that what love was supposed to be, but then perhaps she didn't love him enough. In resignation, he pulled her close to him again and gazed into her eyes. Then he kissed her gently and walked out the door.
He mindlessly apparated to his balcony and by some miracle of fate did not spilch himself. He stared up at the stars, not wanting to go back into his empty abode when he had been so close to connecting with her again. An epiphany descended upon him and he was petrified knowing what he must do. Woefully, he walked back into his elaborately appointed penthouse and was greeted by his house elf Sandy.
"I'm glad to see you home early, Master. Can I get you something from de kitchen?"
"No," Igor said solemnly. "Come with me. I need your help."
She shuffled after him into his bedroom. He removed his coat and threw it over a chair but not before removing a pot of Black Dragon and throwing it on the bed. Then he went into the bathroom and brought out two more pots and tossed it next to the others. He then went to his closet and pulled two more half empty jars out of other pockets, also tossing them on the pile. "Accio, Black Dragon." Four more small packets flew to his hand from various spots about the room and they were also added to the pile. Then he turned his attention to Sandy.
"Have you been hiding any of my stash?"
Sandy's cheeks reddened slightly.
"It's all right. You're not in trouble. I should thank you. Just tell me are there any more packets in this house?"
"No sir. I flush dem in de loo." Sandy looked up at him in a quizzical manner.
"Humph! Well, you're lucky I didn't catch you but now I'm glad you did." Igor cast his wand over his pile of personal pollution. "Evanesco." He managed to murmur the spell despite the fear that tried to hold the words in his chest. The pots of Black Dragon vanished and dread gripped him quickly and more powerfully than he expected, but he knew what he must do. "Sandy, listen to me."
Sandy drew closer to him but cautiously for his demeanor was grave and she found it a strange sight on her normally jovial master.
"Ward the doors. Let no one in. If anyone comes or sends a message tell them I am out and you don't know where I am. I'm going to get sick, very sick. I may beg you to find me some Black Dragon. No matter what, don't let me have it and don't let me out. I may say some terrible things to you and I'll apologize in advance for that. I don't know how long this may go on. Some people say three days, some people say ten. I've never tried this before so I can't prepare you. I'm sorry this may frighten you, but it's the only way."
She took his hand with her bony fingers and patted the back of it. "We'll be fine. Des is for de best. You make a wise decision. Get in de bed and try to sleep. You may not feel well enough to sleep later."
"Yes. Good idea."
Sandy shuffled out of the room and Igor took a seat on the bed. He was terrified of the sickness that he knew was about to befall him. He went to his nightstand and took out a picture of he and Natalia that was taken in St. Petersburg a few days before their lives imploded. He was reclined on the grass along a river bank; young, smiling and happy. Natalia was cuddled beside him in the warm summer sun tracing the contours of his face with the soft end of a sprig of wheat. He smiled as it tickled him and she leaned over and kissed his nose. He stared at the picture, watching the scene repeat itself over and over. Surely the hope of her was the only thing that could summon the courage deep within him that he would need to get through the next few days. He'd made a mess of his life, straying far from his true self through addictions, women, and loyalty to the Dark Lord that for the first time he was beginning to question. But today he would begin his journey home.
