Chapter 50 – The Other Side of My Coin

EPOV

She was finally Mrs Cullen and she was finally all mine!

My brain just couldn't seem to process how monumental that really was because for the first five minutes that we stood in that hotel room I couldn't do anything. Not t thing. I was rooted to the spot unable to do anything other than hold her.

I inhaled into her hair and tried, desperately, to man up. "I love you too," I told her as I slowly lowered my lips to hers.

The whole day had been perfect. She was divine and the service had been reverent and quick. Our families had behaved and my brothers had kept their teasing and ribald joking to a minimum. The children had been fantastic and I'd actually had a great time at the reception. We'd had a nice meal, spoken with everyone, danced and cut the cake.

There was an awkward moment when a cousin of mine said he was looking forward to me removing the garter from my 'delicious' new wife's thigh and unfortunately he decided to make a passing comment about Bella's perfection on the outside matching the perfection that would be between her legs. I winced at his words but took it as the throw away comment it was meant to be, but Emmett stiffened and reacted as predicted. He pulled him from his seat by his collar and demanded he explain exactly what he was implying about his newest sister. The poor guy just about peed himself and stuttered when his reply finally came. He was only kidding around, which I knew right from the start, and said that it was always his favourite part of any wedding – the garter removal - and he just wanted the chance to elbow some of the other guys out of the way when I tossed the garment over my shoulder.

Emmett, in his own charming yet slightly disturbing overprotective Neanderthal way, put him to rights about why we weren't going to be observing that particular tradition then dropped him back into his seat and stormed off to find Bella. To the cousin's credit he apologised to me profusely, stuttering that he'd had no idea about any of Bella's 'issues'. I waved him away and told him not to worry about it but for the rest of the evening he kept a close eye on Emmett's proximity to his table.

Bella looked surprised when Emmett sidled up to her and demanded to know if she was alright, out of the blue and at least for her for no apparent reason, but she recovered quickly and actually kissed Emmett's cheek before returning to her conversation with Angela and Ben Cheney. She'd had no idea about the cousin's comment of course, and once Emmett had assured himself that she was fine he went back to his table, and his wife, as if nothing had happened.

Nothing and nobody would get close to his new sister and for a split second I wondered if in his own mind that included me. He knew we'd not consummated our relationship yet and I wondered, not for the first time, if it bothered him that we more than likely would tonight. Knowing how he felt about Jasper knocking Alice up left me wondering whether the big guy was having similarly dark thoughts about me wanting to have Bella. He probably did even, though I was his brother.

I'd watched Bella closely during the reception and she was doing well in such a large crowd. She kept a very careful watch on both children and I could see that she was also eyeing the exits as well as keeping myself and my dad in her periphery. I found myself wondering if dad would be at all helpful in the event of an 'incident' that might involve fists being thrown. Hell, he'd changed so much in the past four months I figured that under what was left of his staid, immaculately tailored exterior might just lie a lion willing to do anything to protect his cubs.

I could see that it took a conscious effort for Bella not to back herself into a corner to protect herself and marvelled at her progress to date. She still had weekly sessions with Kerry and had met with Pat twice just his week to make sure she was ready and able to go through with all this. They'd both given her the thumbs up and she'd announced to me proudly only three days ago that Kerry didn't want to see her again for another month. I myself didn't have an appointment with her for the next three months.

Almost gone was the panicked and terrified girl who'd woken up battered and bruised in the hospital that day. Instead I saw a mildly confident, happy woman enjoying the company of the women who'd come to celebrate our wedding with us. She was still very wary of men she didn't know and whilst I tried to be by her side whenever one of them approached her to offer their congratulations – or to simply be introduced to her – I couldn't always be there. But my family could, and were. Without prompting or being asked they were there.

Twice Jasper had inserted himself into the introductions and had stood beside her, his hand protectively at the small of her back, as she'd met some friend of the family or a distant relative. I'd seen Emmett do it too though his technique was less subtle. My brother would approach whomever it was that was making his way towards my wife and accost him before he got too near her. He'd whisper for a moment and then he'd skip to Bella's side. He'd whisper to her too, she'd smile up at him and they'd wait for the unknown male to approach. He didn't put his hand at her back as Jasper did but he did stand right beside her, as in almost touching her upper arm with his massive bicep as she was introduced. As soon as the conversation was done he'd go back to whatever it was he'd been doing beforehand. It looked well thought out and orchestrated and yet it was also sweet and endearing. The big guy could hover with the best of them when it came to Bella and for once Rosie didn't seem to be jealous. Rather she watched as Emmett did his thing, a slight smile on her lips. When he returned to her she kissed him sweetly on the cheek and they resumed their previous interactions. To me it looked as though she was proud of him rather than irritated at his over the top protective streak where Bella was concerned.

My father hovered near her too. Not ostentatiously, but I noticed all the same. The CEO of the hospital and his wife were in attendance and normally my parents would be sure to keep them entertained, but not tonight. They sat at a table with some of dad's colleagues and looked to be having an okay time. My mother was invariably within whatever circle Bella was in and my father made sure to be speaking with whichever guests were close to where the two of them stood. Now and then he'd look over to wherever I was but he didn't nod, or wink, or give me any indication what exactly it was he was searching for. Maybe he was just keeping tabs on us all?

The reception had ticked along nicely thanks to Alice's meticulous organisation and I made sure to find her and thank her profusely, making sure she knew how appreciative we both were. She actually cried when I thanked her and hugged me hard. She told me that she'd known all along that Bella and I were destined to be together and how happy she was that her best friends – Bella and I – had finally found each other. I agreed totally and told her so, eliciting another round of sobs and more hugging.

The only thing that hadn't gone to plan, despite Alice's expert party planning, was my cousin Tanya. Actually that's not true. I hadn't been lying when I'd told Bella that Tanya would make a play for me. So it had gone exactly to that plan, it was just that the plan was all Tanya's, not Alice's. Tanya always made a fool of herself and by extension a fool of me, no matter the circumstance. She'd done it at a cousins sons christening and she'd even done it at our grandmother's funeral! We were distant cousins and I'd never felt anything for her other than that creeping feeling you get when someone crosses the fine line between flirting and stalking, but she never let that worry her, ever. If I didn't know better I'd guess that she was related to Silvia, but I knew for a fact she wasn't. They jut happened to share the same lack of moral compass and exactly the same lack of regret for their actions.

I knew that at some point during the evening she would sidle up to me and pinch me on the ass. She always did. I'd asked her not to a hundred times and had even insisted she didn't on a few more, but Tanya never let that stop her and my wedding day was no different.

She sought me out after the meal, before the dancing, and slid to my side like she always did. She used the excuse of asking me to keep a dance spare for her and then, as predicted, she pinched my ass, hard. I barked out my surprise at her audacity and prepared myself for what might be Bella's reaction. She was right beside me and had seen Tanya do it and my reaction to it.

Bella surprised us both by just giggling but it wasn't Bella's reaction I should've been preparing myself for because Joshua had been sitting on my mother's knee, right behind where I stood with Bella and Tanya, and he'd obviously seen the whole thing because he leapt off mom's knee and ran right to us.

He stood, with hands on his hips and an adorable scowl on his face, and gave Tanya what for!

"Don't you touch my daddy's bottom!" he yelled right at her. "He is married to momma Bella now so you have to go and find your own daddy to get married up to," he said far too seriously for such a little boy. He looked over his shoulder and must have found Angus because he nodded to his best friend and then turned back to us.

The comments stunk of Emmett and Rosie's opinion and I couldn't help but laugh at both his posture and the indignation he showed on his face.

Of course our son would decide to call me daddy for the first time on our wedding day, to make it all that much more special. I'd scooped him up and hugged and kissed him till he'd begged me to let him go. He ran right to his mother and she too scooped him up into her arms. I watched as she praised him for being such a good boy as he kissed her lightly on her cheek before asking if he could go and swat moths with Angus.

Bella turned to Tanya and with the sweetest, most innocent smile she could muster whispered her thoughts. "I think our son has a point Tanya. He's all married up now so you might need to go and find someone of your own." With that she turned on her heel and stalked over to Angela's table and inserted herself into the conversation expertly, leaving Tanya gaping like a goldfish and me laughing my ass off.

Everything had been perfect and now here we were. Alone. Married and finally alone. And I was nervous.

Internally I was kicking myself for being apprehensive because this was Bella. The same Bella I'd known nearly all my life and who I'd wanted this with for almost as long. She was my wife and we'd been sleeping together – actually sleeping – for four months now so I shouldn't be embarrassed or nervous now that I was finally going to make her mine.

But I was.

I let her go and went to the bags to distract myself from not having thought too much about what we should do now that we were finally alone, and married. I opened the overnight bag and pulled her toiletries case from inside it. I put it on the bed and came back to where she stood and handed her the note from Alice and the garment bag that had been inside the overnight bag. "You go first baby," I nodded towards the bathroom.

She got up onto her toes and kissed me softly on the lips and then she all but ran into the bathroom. She didn't seem nervous at all. Damn. I had to get my shit together.

I shucked my shoes and pulled the tie off from around my neck. I hung my tux jacket over the back of the chair and took the silver vest off and put it with it. I put my cufflinks into the outside pocket of my overnight bag and tugged my shirt out of my pants. My belt joined my cufflinks in the bag and my shirt joined my jacket on the back of the chair. I tried to be methodical to use up some of the nervous energy I had but it didn't work, I just looked like an anal retentive git. And the whole rig moral hadn't even eaten up five minutes!

I took a moment to study the ring my wife had put on my finger today. It was incredible. The black stone was amazing and I loved it. I knew there would be engraving inside it but I didn't want to take it off to read it. if I was honest with myself I knew that I could go my whole life not ever seeing the writing because I knew that it belonged on my finger and I never wanted to take it off. I'd ask Bella about it once we were away on our trip.

I could hear the shower running and knew she'd be a while. There were so many pins in her hair it was going to take a while to get them all out and all the product washed from her hair.

Waiting for her would be a double edged sword. On one hand I was about to get everything I'd every hoped to have, on the other I was fucking terrified of letting her down. I'd gone so long wanting this that now that I had it I was terrified to fuck it up.

Couple that with the knowledge that she might not be able to do this at all and you've got the makings of one very nervous groom. Kerry had walked me through what to do and what to say if Bella became upset or unable to continue and I think I had a good handle on how to comfort her, but it would still be an awful thing to have to go through on your wedding night. For both of us.

I knew there was a note from my sister in my bag too so I took it and lay back on the bed to read it.

Dear big brother,

Congratulations to you and your new wife. I know you'll be very happy together.

There is non-alcoholic bubbly in the mini bar and nice glasses on the counter. The lighter for the candles is on the mantle and your iPod is in your bag as requested.

Don't forget that check-out is at midday and your plane leaves at two.

Have a great time and if you make it out of your hotel room at all send us a text or a postcard and let us know you're both still alive.

I love you both,

Alice

Xxx

I had to laugh at her. She was such a control freak but she'd given us a beautiful wedding, even though I paid for it all. She'd take the credit and I could live with that. It really had been wonderful.

Seeing Bella so happy had been worth every cent and more.

I lit every candle Alice had left for me and set them on any surface available. I dimmed the overhead lights and then I set the two glasses out on the table with the bottle between them. I seated my iPod in the alarm clock docking station and set it to play the right playlist and then hit pause. It would be ready when I was.

The water in the shower switched off and I was treated to a few agonising minutes of listening to her move about in the bathroom before she emerged in a floor length white stain robe and a huge smile on her face.

"Your turn baby," she giggled as she came towards the gigantic bed.

I pulled her to me and kissed her freshly washed cheek before scooping up my own toiletries bag and the sleep pants I hoped I wouldn't be wearing too long.

The water was hot and welcome and I let it wash away as much of my anxiety as I could. I washed my hair and shaved again even though it had only been hours since I had the last time. But I wanted everything to be perfect for us and that picture didn't include beard rash for Bella!

I scrubbed my entire body and fought the chuckle as I compared this cleaning routine to the one I performed daily at the clinic. I didn't want tonight to be clinical at all. I wanted it to be hot and sweaty and needy and probably too fast. But I wanted it to be real.

Emmett had suggested rubbing one out in the shower before going to bed and at the time I'd thought it a good idea. But now, now that I was finally here I thought about it again and decided not to. It was okay that it was going to be quick. I wanted her to know that I couldn't control myself when she's near me. I want her to know that she overwhelms me. There was time enough for dragging it out later, when we were more secure and our need better controlled.

I dried my hair and tried to tame it but failed, as I usually did. I slipped into plain black boxers and my sleep pants and threw everything else back into my wet pack. I took a deep breath and went back out into the room.

I was surprised to hear and see that she was on the phone.

"Kiss them both goodnight for us won't you? And please call us if anything goes wrong. And don't forget that Elizabeth has juice in between feeds now. Yes, alright, I will. Bye." She hung up and sighed as her shoulders slumped. She missed them already.

I threw my bag down on the floor beside the bed and went to sit beside her. I took her hand in mine and drew her fingers to my lips. "We don't have to go. We can just check out of here tomorrow morning and go home to them."

She sighed and squeezed my hand. "We could, and I'll go along with that if you can tell me it's what you really want."

She had me and I think she knew it. It wasn't what I wanted and I had assumed, again, that it was what she wanted me to want. "I don't want to go home unless we have to. I want this time with you," I tell her.

"I want this time with you too," she whispers.

It's a simple statement with about a billion hidden meanings.

Neither of us knows how to do this part. It's awkward and I'm nervous and she's shaking. I didn't want it to be this way, I wanted it to feel natural and not like something we had to do. Like it was something that was expected of us simply because we wore rings and had a certificate. It shouldn't be like that. It should be something you wanted to do with your husband or wife to celebrate the commitment you've made to one another, not a chore and definitely not a right. Never a right. Bella had lived with the results of a husband who expected his rights to be fulfilled and I was determined never to make it that way for her, even if it meant we never had sex.

"Come," I tell her and tug her to her feet. I bring her with me over to the table and pour her a glass of 'wine'. We both know it's got no alcohol in it and that it's all for show. The whole wedding had been dry, much to Silvia's disgust. But it was the right thing to do. Drunk, loud and obnoxious relatives were not something I wanted Bella to have to put up with on her wedding day. I want her to be relaxed and happy and content. I want this night to flow and I don't want her to do anything she's still not ready to do, even if I am. I pick up my now full glass and tip it towards hers. "To the new Mrs Cullen."

She giggles at my toast and sips the drink. Unfortunately taking the drink only cleared the nervous tension in the room for about ten seconds and we were now, once again, staring at the elephant in the room in silence.

BPOV

Arrgh. This was all going wrong.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be easy and carefree. The air was supposed to crackle with sexual tension and I was supposed to be confident and sexy. Instead I was nervous and worried and I felt tired and anxious.

Alice' note had made me smile. She'd packed me a very nice negligee that for once wasn't too racy. It was white with tiny blue flowers embroidered on the lacy neckline and at its hem. It had a matching robe and I did feel a tiny bit sexy when I thought of the underwear I had on under the robe, but Edward was nervous and trembling and we sucked at this!

Alice had warned me that it might be this way if we managed to wait until we were married. She suggested I just prepare for bed the same way I normally would and go through my usual routine and try to forget that it was my wedding night. At first I'd been angry at the suggestion. I didn't want to forget that it was my wedding night at all. I wanted to celebrate finally being Mrs Edward Cullen. But after talking with Alice and Rosie about it a bit more I came to see the genius in their suggestion.

If it was any other ordinary evening I'd shower, dress for bed and slip between the sheets. Edward would shower, change and join me. We'd kiss for a while and we'd touch a little bit and then Edward would pull away and insist we should stop.

There was no longer any reason for us to stop so the girls had suggested I just treat the beginning of the evening like any other. Shower, check. Dressed for bed, check.

I moved to the side of the monstrous bed and pulled the covers back. I let the robe fall off my shoulders and I left it where it pooled on the floor. I was so nervous I doubted whether I could make my fingers still enough to grasp it anyway. I put the extra pillow onto Edward's side of the bed knowing he always wanted another, and then I slid into the bed like I normally would, check.

I took a deep breath as Edward moved to his side. This was it I kept telling myself. There was no reason for either of us to stop now. I wanted him and he wanted me and we were finally going to get exactly what we'd wanted all along.

I'd satisfied myself that medically there was no reason we couldn't do this and Ben has assured me that it wouldn't hurt me at all. Kerry had talked with me about what to expect emotionally and also about how to handle any anxiety issues I might face when the time came. I wasn't feeling very confident and I certainly had no idea if I could instigate anything if Edward chickened out, but I did want this.

He kept his sleep pants on, just like he would at home, and then slid between the sheets too. He moved to the centre of the bed, like he would at home, and reached for me.

I met him halfway and positioned myself in his arms. His kiss was warm and wet and just like it was at home.

EPOV

As I kissed her I mentally reminded myself to thank my brothers for the suggestion of just going through our normal nightly 'getting ready for bed' routine. It had worked!

I knew that this could end at any time and I knew that my reaction to that would matter for a long time. So I tried very hard not to get too carried away as we kissed.

Holding her in my arms was enough but of course I wanted more. But I was smart enough to know that that decision was hers to make. It was her who would lead us through this. Or not.

I let her lips go for just a second and reminded her to lead. She nodded and threaded her hands back into my hair and pulled my mouth back to hers. I had her answer. She'd lead us.

As the kiss deepened she began to move closer to me, shifting her body so that we touched from lips to toes. She was so warm and the slippery satin feel of her gown slid along my skin like it was a liquid.

Our tongues met between our parted lips and I felt her fingers tug at my hair. I groaned into her mouth and let her pull me harder to her. I so wanted to dig my fingers into her shoulders or her waist and let her know that I wanted her, but I was ever mindful not to be too rough with her.

Desire was one thing; any display of aggression would doom this in a heartbeat.

And so she led us.

The kiss turned from exploring and loving to lust filled and desperate so fast. It happened so quickly I was powerless to define when it had changed. She bit my bottom lip and took one hand from my hair and put it at my chest. As her nails raked across my nipple I hissed my pleasure into her mouth. With her hand anchoring my lips to hers there was no way for me to break the kiss and move elsewhere so I let myself get lost in the taste of her.

She snaked her free hand down my chest and circled my navel with her tiny fingers. Jolts of electricity flooded my body as her hand slid across my hip and to the small of my back.

She broke the kiss when she was ready and I steeled myself to hear her say it was either too much or we'd gone far enough for now. But she didn't. Instead she floored me with her raspy, whispered assertion.

"I want you, my perfect husband," she groaned into my parted lips.

I took my chance where I saw it and instead of kissing her lips I moved my mouth across her cheek and shifted so that I had access to her ear and throat. She couldn't tolerate kisses on her cheek too much yet, the nerve damage had been extensive, so I moved past it as quickly as I could without it seeming like I was ignoring it.

I wet the shell of her ear with my tongue and then suckled her lobe between my lips. "I want you too, my beautiful wife," I told her as I began to trail wet kisses down her throat and into the hollow where her shoulder met her neck. "I want you so much, I love you so much," I told her between kisses.

BPOV

When his lips met my shoulder I stilled for only a second and waited for the pain I expected to come. The wound had long since healed but he'd never touched me there before and so I waited. But there was nothing other than the soft, gentle caress of his lips as he moved across the scar tissue.

"So beautiful," he murmured when I didn't flinch.

I wound my hand back into his hair and lay back to enjoy his busy lips. He increased the pressure of each kiss as he moved further and further away from the scar. By the time he'd moved across my shoulder and across the swell of my breast I was a shaking mess. I wanted this. I wanted this to be everything we'd ever dreamed of. I wanted it to complete us as a couple. I wanted to be able to finally show him love. He wanted me to lead and I understood that, I knew that he was frightened of hurting me or upsetting me but I couldn't take the lead. Not this time. Not now.

I needed him to control this; I needed him to control us. I had no words to tell him what I wanted and I couldn't show him either because I was too caught up in the flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me as he touched me.

"Love me, Edward," I begged as he kissed closer and closer to my breast.

"Tell me its okay," he begged in reply.

I didn't want to have to tell him it was okay that my husband was touching my breast but knew he had to hear it before he'd go on. He was frightened of my responses and I knew he needed to know that what he was doing was something I could handle. I swallowed hard and let the words come. "It's okay," I whispered.

He sighed against the top of my breast and brought his hand up between us. I stilled and waited for his first touch. When it came I let the pleasure overtake my apprehension. I could do this. I wanted to do this. He'd ask nothing of me I wasn't prepared to give. He'd told me that so often these past months and I hoped I was finally ready to believe it wholly.

Very gently he cupped me, his thumb made slow circles across the rise of my flesh, far enough away from my nipple to let me know that he was mindful. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and steadied myself. He'd never touched this breast before. He'd never kissed it or traced it with his fingers and apart from washing it carefully neither had I.

This was a test. For me and for him. I had expected him to start with the other and work up to this, but this was a test. If I couldn't handle this we'd go no further and we both knew it. Letting him see it and touch the damaged flesh was a monumental step for us both. I hated the way it looked but had no recollection of how it should feel under his gentle, loving caress.

The nipple was still tender but it wasn't painful anymore. We both knew what a big step this was and he was verycareful. He slid the tiny strap of my nightgown down my arm and exposed my breast fully. He began away from the nipple itself and his lips and tongue felt like the touch of a feather as he kissed and caressed the flesh that wasn't ugly. He moved slowly, achingly slowly, from the outside of my breast towards the nipple. He gave me ample time to pull away or tell him to stop and when I didn't he opened his mouth and kissed the nipple in its entirety.

"Ohhh," I sighed as his mouth closed over it.

He immediately drew away and had I been brave enough to look down I knew I'd find his concerned eyes focussing directly on mine. I couldn't say it; I couldn't tell him it was okay so I did the next best thing. I curved my hand around the nape of his neck and pulled ever so slightly.

He covered the nipple with his mouth once again and this time I felt the soft, gentle lick of his tongue as he tasted me for the first time.

I hadn't expected it to be pleasurable and was startled when it was. Carlisle had told me that I'd one day feel it this way again but I'd never let myself believe it. I knew the other nipple was still sensitive to touch but this was a pleasant surprise.

Edward waited and I pulled his neck again, giving him the go ahead to continue. When he did he kissed me softly and once again drew his tongue across the now peaked bud.

"Ohhh," I whispered again.

EPOV

I needed to know if 'ohhh' was a good thing or a bad thing but didn't know how to ask. We'd never been very verbal. Up until tonight we'd had a sleeping baby in the next room and my parents over head so there hadn't really been much chance to be truly ourselves.

Her hand tightened on my neck once again and I took this as the signal to keep going. If it hurt I knew she'd ask me, or tell me, to stop. But she did neither so I suckled her gently once again.

This time she arched her back and pressed herself to me even harder and I had my answer. I splayed my fingers underneath her breast and let them travel to the curve of her hip. I licked and sucked as gently as I could while my hand dug into the flesh of her torso. Again her hips bucked upwards towards me and I knew that she was okay.

I wanted to rid her of the gown but didn't want to break the embrace to do it so I bunched the material in my fist as I gripped her. I tried to keep my touches gentle, to show her how careful I could be with her, to let her know that even as I loved her I knew that she'd only ever been used for sex, not shown love and tenderness.

I raised myself from her carefully, placing one last gentle kiss on her breast before I left the confines of the embrace fully. She fell onto her back and lay before me in all her glory.

I settled myself beside her, half lying half kneeling, and ran my hand up her leg beginning at the ankle. She writhed and giggled a little as my tickling touch moved higher.

Her skin was so smooth and so soft. The soft satin of the gown rode up as my hand travelled higher and when it was bunched at her hip I allowed myself a quick look down. She had beautiful white lacy panties on and I could see her dark curls beneath them as she lay perfectly still before me.

I think I groaned when she arched her back and let me pull the gown up higher. With it beneath her breasts she sat up slightly and let me drag it off her body. I threw it beside the bed and let it join the matching robe.

"So beautiful baby," I cooed and lowered my lips to her other breast. This one I was well acquainted with and I wasted no time reintroducing my tongue to it. She moaned and arched her back as I nipped at the soft flesh. She whispered my name and fisted my hair as I stroked her with my tongue. "I love you so much," I mumble against her now slick flesh.

I leaned on one hand but let the other make its way across her perfectly flat stomach. Her fingers clutched my hair tighter as I circled her navel with my fingertips. The hollows of her hips called to me so I trailed kisses from her breast to the jut of her hipbone. Each kiss made her stiffen then sigh. Each movement upwards of her hips told me she was alright.

The smell of her arousal told me she wanted me as I wanted her.

I kissed each hip and let my hand wander the length of her right leg. I knew where each of her burn scars was and I was careful to steer clear of them as I moved. I didn't want her thinking about them so I made sure I went nowhere near them, trying to distract her from any self conscious thoughts and only concentrate on the pleasure I tried to give her. Each time I made the trek from knee to upper thigh I went a little higher until she was a squirming, writhing mess beneath me.

I settled a hand either side of her hips and let my thumbs hook into the elastic of her panties and then I stilled. I released my lips from the soft flesh of her belly and looked up at her gorgeous face. "May I?" I asked.

She seemed to think on it for a second before she answered. "Please," she whispered hoarsely.

I'd touched her here but never seen her here. She'd never been truly naked before me. This was completely new for both of us and I knew that she could pull away or stop this at any time. I'd do my best to comfort her and not let her see how disappointed I was if it came to it, but right in this second I could hardly contain my joy at what she was allowing me.

I slid her panties down her thighs and she lifted her legs to allow me to take them from her completely. I tried to keep my eyes on hers but lost the battle within seconds. I wanted to see her. I wanted her to be comfortable with me seeing her like this but knew she was more than likely going to be self conscious this first time.

With half a second to take in the beauty of her sex I moved myself back up the bed and lay beside her again. I waited for her to roll towards me and when she did I claimed her mouth with mine.

BPOV

I may have felt exposed and anxious but I craved his touch too. The warring sensations and emotions were overwhelming as his tongue slid against mine.

I was aware that I was completely naked and he was clothed but as his hand settled between my thighs I just didn't care. All I could think of was the ache between my legs and how he held the key to easing it.

"Touch me, please," I begged breathlessly against his lips.

I was ashamed and self conscious of the burns on my thighs and anxious to know how I was going to react to his touch but when it came it was beyond my expectations.

Esme, and Alice and Rosie at different times, had described for me the difference between being touched and needing to be touched by your husband and up until this very second it had all just been theoretical. But now, now that his fingers were stroking me I knew what they had meant.

This was desire in its purest form and it swept over me like my blush normally did. I knew I was wet because I could feel it as I'd pressed my thighs together while he suckled at my breast.

I never got wet with Jake because I didn't want to have sex with him. But with Edward I knew that I was drenched and ready for him. This wasn't going to be sex. This wasn't going to be a right that Edward expected to get from me as my husband. This was love. This was making love. An expression of what we already felt for each other, a physical confirmation of it.

I wasn't frightened and I wasn't worried that I wasn't going to enjoy this. I knew now, now that his fingers had found my bundle of nerves, that this was what I'd waited my whole life to feel. I'd waited my whole life for him.

"Yesss," I moaned as he caressed me gently between thumb and forefinger. "Yesss," I hissed as he spread my wetness to the apex of my sex. "Yesss, more," I begged as he dipped the tip of his finger inside me for the very first time.

He was panting against my throat. His breath was warm and wet as he exhaled against my superheated skin. "Oh god, Bella," he moaned as I bucked my hips to meet his hand. "Tell me," he pled.

I had no idea what he needed to hear from me but I had no intention of telling him to stop. Not now that I could feel the clawing need for release beginning inside me. He pressed the heel of his hand against me and pushed his finger further into me at the same time as I felt his lips against my throat.

I clutched at his hair, his back, and his shoulders and writhed against his hand unashamedly. I wanted this. I needed this. I craved this man.

"Tell me," he moaned again.

"Yesss," I managed to squeak as more of his finger disappeared inside me. "I love you, I want you," I told him and hoped it was what he needed to hear from me.

Apparently it was because as soon as the words had left my lips he used his upper chest to push me onto my back. He held himself on one elbow and withdrew his finger from me only to slide two back in as I was about to protest.

I closed my eyes and savoured the fullness of the feeling. There was no pain and no ache. There was no fear and no self loathing. There was only Edward's beautifully long fingers giving me pleasure and I loved it.

He was kissing me again then. Deeply and fully as his fingers moved in and out of me, heightening the tension I could feel building in the pit of my stomach. I cried out with pleasure when his thumb brushed against my clit and he swallowed my sounds with his kiss as my release built.

He pulled his lips from mine and stared me down. I could see the question in his eyes as he gazed at me. He was waiting for me to say stop, that it was too much, but he was wrong. I didn't want to stop now and it wasn't too much, it wasn't enough!

"I want this," I growled into his lips as I pulled his mouth back to mine.

His answering groan was inhuman. I could feel it reverberate through his body.

My release was right there. I felt as though if I reached out with my pinkie finger I could grab it, that's how close it was. It had been such a long time since I'd felt the stirring inside me that it shocked me that it was happening at all. Even if I couldn't find it, couldn't follow it to completion, it would've been enough for it to still be possible for me. I'd long ago given up the idea of feeling this ever again. And yet there it was, seemingly taunting me to reach out and take it.

Dark thoughts took over my brain as I strained to achieve this goal. Was it okay to want this? Did I deserve this? Was having an orgasm alright and what would he think of me if I took what he was giving? Was it right to seek out the pleasure I could feel my body craving?

EPOV

I wanted this too, so very much. I wanted her and I wanted this but I needed her to tell me that she was alright.

I didn't want to break the embrace, or stop any kind of build up she was managing to make, but I needed to know what was going on inside her brain. Her eyes had clouded over moments ago and I knew that she was thinking about what her release would mean for her and for us.

She was worried but wanted it none the less. I understood that. For so long her pleasure was denied her and then she when it was demanded of her she'd be punished for enjoying it.

I loved the feel of her, her satiny walls clenched down on my fingers and her lips on mine as I gave her pleasure. But I could never truly be sure that the grimace on her face was her striving for release or whether it was tension and fear.

"Tell me it's good," I begged her in a hoarse whisper as I tore my lips from hers. "Tell me you want this, like this," I implored her. "It's okay to want to feel good baby, I want you to feel good."

I didn't slow and nor did I fully withdraw my fingers but I wanted her to know that I'd stop if she couldn't verbalise what she was feeling right now.

She was staring at me with concentration and anguish that I had to stop. I let my fingers still though I didn't withdraw them. She had to be the one. This had to come from her. If she wanted this she had to tell me, I'd not take it from her and I'd not force her to climax, ever. If she wanted it she had to take it from me.

She clutched at my back with her nails and bucked her hips up to meet my hand as she finally cried out her demands. "Soooo good," she cried. "Please don't stop, don't stop," she begged. I restarted my movements, making them slower, more pronounced, drawing out the entry and withdrawal of my fingers, increasing the pressure of my thumb on her clit. "So close, I'm so close," she whimpered into my lips. "Need you, a little more, need..." she trailed off.

I wanted her to have her release like this just in case she couldn't achieve it with me inside her, or we had to stop before we got that far, but it wasn't easy to give it to her. She was holding onto something. Either fear or nerves or something was getting in the way of her freeing herself enough to let go.

She'd been punished for this before. She'd been beaten for wanting it and beaten for not reaching it. Everything she knew about sex was tied up with punishment and I wanted to erase that from her mind forever.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and kissed her hard. I straightened my fingers and extended them as far as they could go and then I curved them upwards, seeking that special spot I knew would make her moan deliciously. When she did I began to whisper to her softly.

"I love you baby, I want this with you, only you, only ever you," I told her. "I want you to let go for me, show me you like it when I touch you this way," I implored her, letting her know it was okay to let go because I wanted her to. "It's normal to want this baby, its okay to get there," I told her.

"I can't," she almost choked on the words as I finally found the soft, smooth spot deep inside her. She arched her back and cried out against my shoulder as I stroked that one spot harder.

"Let me give you this Bella, take it from me, it's for you, only for your pleasure. Take it, reach out and take it Bella. My wife. My only love," I implored her as I increased the speed that I stroked her.

I lowered my lips to the curve of her throat again and kissed her hard. She clutched at my back and shoulders and I knew from the tension in her body that she was right there, perched on the edge of the precipice and too scared to take the final leap.

"I want to wait for you, we'll fall together," she rasped out between gritted teeth.

It was either a diversionary tactic or she truly didn't want this without me.

"Don't wait for me, let me give you this first," I told her. I held her at the small of her back and helped her arch into my hand harder as she fought the battle inside her brain. Now that I knew why she was holding back I was even more determined to give this to her now. She wasn't afraid, she wasn't worried that I would deprive her or punish if she did, she was just being selfless. I'd never last long enough inside her to get her there; it had to be now, like this. "Bella, baby, you have to cum for me. I need you to cum for me. Give it to me, it's mine and I want it," I told her.

I tried so hard to keep the desperation out of my voice, to make it sound like a request and not a demand, but I don't think I did very well. I took a deep breath in and suckled the soft flesh of her throat into my mouth. I curved my fingers upwards again and stroked her sweet spot. I pressed the heel of my hand against her clit and pulled her harder to me with the hand at her back. I wanted it. It was mine and I wanted it now.

She drew in a huge breath and I felt the first clench of her inner walls on my fingers and smiled around the flesh I had in my mouth. That's it baby, I thought, give it up for me.

She shuddered from head to toe and a kittenish whimper escaped her lips as it overtook her. "Edward, Edward," she crowed as she rode the wave. I stilled my hand and let her throat go. I held her to me as she writhed and shivered for me.

For me. I'd made my wife cum!

"I love you baby," I whispered into her hair as I laid her back down onto the bed. I kissed the juncture between her breasts and let her catch her breath. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were flushed. She panted heavily and slowly, ever so slowly, a wide smile playing itself out on her lips.

"I love you too," she whispered and pulled my mouth back to hers.

Apparently we weren't done.

BPOV

It was perfect. He was perfect.

Just the right mix of forceful and patient. Loving and tender and just perfect.

He wanted to give me my orgasm in case he let me down. I understood that. It had been such a long time for him and I'd denied him his release so often that I understood how hard it was going to be for him to contain himself once we were truly joined together. I loved him more – if it was possible – for thinking of me before thinking of himself.

I relaxed into his kiss and held him gently around his back and shoulders as we lay on the bed. With that orgasm I felt all the tension and worry seep from me as the wave had swept me under. I was able to let go of all the darkness inside me and I opened myself up to the light that was Edward. He'd given me pleasure without thought for himself and I knew instinctually that if we were to stop now, right now, and not go any further he wouldn't complain or argue. He was selfless. He wanted to make me happy, give me pleasure, not take pleasure in me for himself.

He had been careful not to hold me down, or hover over me in a menacing way, but I wanted to feel him on top of me now. I trusted him. I knew he wouldn't ever hurt me.

When he next withdrew is lips from mine I told him so. "I want you now Edward. I want to feel you inside me now."

He moaned into my throat and kissed me once more before drawing himself up onto his elbows and staring down at me. "Are you sure?" he asked for the hundredth time.

I let my smile come. "I'm sooo sure baby," I giggled.

His smile matched mine. "You need to tell me if you want me to stop. Promise me you'll tell me," he begged.

"I will. I promise I will."

He moved away to the side of the bed and took his sleep pants and boxer shorts off. I ogled the curve of his backside as he stood at the side of the bed. I'd never seen him naked and couldn't wait to feel comfortable enough for me to be able to look and touch and taste him for myself. He reached for the bedside table and I heard the unmistakable sound of a foil packet being ripped open, then smelled the horrible smell of latex.

He turned to face me then. He took my breath away. He was so beautiful. Muscular without being muscle bound. Slim without being scrawny. A light sprinkling of gold hair covered his thighs and his belly and lower, towards his very prominent erection. I licked my lips in anticipation and he chuckled low and rumbling in his chest.

He returned to the centre of the bed and took me back into his arms. He kissed me softly at the corner of my lips then let me go. Adorably he turned his back to me and rolled the condom on. I didn't want to use it but couldn't bring myself to say so, so I let him do it. there was all the time in the world for us, I knew that now, so there would be time enough for me to feel his skin against mine in the years to come.

I went into his arms willingly. He kissed me a little harder than normal and I held onto him tighter than I ever had.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"I am. I'm sure Edward. I want this, I want you, I've always wanted you," I told him truthfully.

"I love you Isabella," he said seriously as he positioned himself between my legs. He held my gaze as he moved. "I've loved you my whole life. I've wanted you my whole life," he whispered reverently.

"Show me," I whispered in return and watched as he closed his eyes and took in a long, deep gulp of air.

He settled his face beside mine and whispered his love into my ear as he placed himself at my entrance. I had no thought of saying no. There were no doubts. There was nothing but love and lust and desire to feel my husband inside me.

I wrapped my arms around him and threaded my hands into his hair. I too took in a deep breath and as he pushed slowly into me I let it out over my lips.

There was no pain, no ache, just the thrilling feeling of being full. He stretched me gently, easing his way into me slowly, which only increased my desire. He waited, probably for me to say stop, and then he pushed himself into me fully.

I couldn't help the whimper I let out and hoped he knew it was in pleasure and not in pain. He balked for a second then withdrew ever so slightly. I moaned, louder this time, as he pressed back into me and this time his moan matched mine.

I used my fingers to pull him so that I could kiss him and when his tongue slid across mine he groaned into my waiting mouth.

His pace was agonisingly slow at first. I knew he was waiting for my reaction but I didn't know how to let him know what I wanted without words and there was no way I could verbalise what I wanted, not yet.

Now that my fear had dissipated I selfishly wanted him to stroke me faster, harder, and deeper. But I knew that it wasn't for me that he was taking his time. It was for him. He wanted it to be good for me too.

I let his lips go and pulled him so that his ear was beside my mouth. "I love you and I want this. Love me Edward, love me," I whispered, hoping it was what he needed from me.

It must have been what he'd been waiting to hear because as soon as the words left my lips he thrust into me fully. I cried out at the pleasure of being filled so shockingly and wrapped my legs around his waist. He hovered over me then, his eyes searching my face for my reaction as he pulled out and shoved back in.

"God, Bella...you feel so good...so right...I love you," he told me over and over as he began to pick up his pace.

I shifted slightly under him and tilted my pelvis so he went deeper with each stroke. With each inward thrust he hit me right where I needed him to and I felt the now familiar stirrings of heat begin again inside me.

I clawed at his back and shoulders and clung to him like a limpet. "Yes, there..." I told him when he got up further onto his knees and pushed into me fully. "There..." I rasped selfishly.

I could feel the heat spreading itself outwards from my belly. It raced up to my chest and down to my toes so fast it felt like I was being consumed by it. Each stroke brought me closer and closer to that illusive sensation I was seeking. With each plunge I felt myself getting higher and higher, light began to dance behind my eyes and my breathing sped as his did.

"Can you..." he asked, never slowing his pace. "Can you go with me?" he whimpered as he lost himself in the moment. He sounded so unsure of himself, so unsure of me, but I knew what he needed to hear to bring us to completion together.

"Take me with you; yes...there...love you..." I whimpered against his cheek as the rush of heat enveloped me again.

I shook and shuddered beneath him, loving every single second of the euphoria he was giving me. He pressed harder into me twice more then cursed and shuddered himself. I stared into his eyes as he released into me, a look of pure bliss flashed across his face and then his beautiful crooked smile broke free across his lips. "I love you," he murmured against my cheek as he lowered himself to the bed.

EPOV

It was quick and desperate and hurried and fucking perfect!

She was perfection personified. She was nervous and I was nervous and we were just, incredibly, perfect.

I pulled the horrid condom off and flung it to the floor beside the bed then pulled her into my arms and held her tight. I kissed her hair over and over and stroked her back and shoulder.

I didn't know what to say or how to act now. I didn't really think we'd get this far tonight so I'd never let myself wonder about how we'd be after.

"Are you alright?" I asked after a long silence.

She kissed my throat and giggled. "I'm better than alright. Are you okay?"

"Better than okay," I chuckled. "How do you feel?"

She stretched a little and sighed once. "Out of practise," she laughed. "That was amazing. I never knew it could be...I mean, I hoped, but I never knew."

I kissed her hair again. "Me either."

"Was it, um, I mean, did you, well..." she mumbled.

I had no idea what she needed to hear so I told her everything I could think of to make her understand what I was feeling.

"Bella, you have to know, that was the most amazing thing I've ever done, or felt. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you and I never want to feel that way with anyone other than you ever again. I love you, all of you. I love the way you feel, the way you smell. I love the noises you make and the way you tell me I'm doing something you like. I love that you could, you know, 'get there' for me and you have no idea how very much I want to do it all over again."

She giggled then stilled. "It's only midnight," she whispered.

It may only have been midnight when we found completion in each other but it was nearer to four before either of us even thought about sleep. Our second time, after a shower each and a little sustenance in the form of a couple of overpriced soda's and a pair of granola bars from the minibar, was just as mind blowing as the first. Less anxious and a whole lot more confident. Still respectful and slow and just as desperate as the first time I gave and received pleasure from my beautiful wife.

At six she woke me with her hand and it was seven before we managed to get ourselves out of the bed for the first time since getting into it the night before. It took longer for us to find our release, having done it so thoroughly during the night, but that only served me better in the end. I had more time to explore her beautiful body and she began to relax a little more and even verbalise what she wanted from me a little more. There was no sex talk, rather she let me know with little whimpers and whispers that what I was doing was good for her.

We had both been a little nervous and self conscious during our breakfast but that was forgotten as we began to speak about the wedding and the children. We both got what we wanted that morning. Our first breakfast as husband and wife was spent reading the early edition of the newspaper over sweet tea and a full hot breakfast that had been pre-ordered thoughtfully by Alice.

When our meal was done I went to sit on the edge of the bed and asked for my wife to join me. She slid into my lap and I kissed her long and hard. I wanted her again and when I slid my hand under her robe and flicked my thumb over her nipple her adorable moan told me she wanted me again too.

I felt like a teenager again. As though she was my very first, well, everything. I couldn't get enough of her and even though I worried that she'd be getting sore she never once mentioned such a thing and we'd enjoyed each other thoroughly by the time I finally slumped back on the pillows exhausted. Giddy but exhausted.

Bella took the first shower and even though I desperately wanted to join her I let her be. I'd talked to Ben about my concerns for her health and in his capacity as a gynaecologist he told me that I was right to be concerned. The type of tear she'd sustained – coupled with the massive infection – may cause her some discomfort if our activities were prolonged or had too often the first few days. He suggested extra synthetic lubricant and a day or so's rest, if it could be managed he'd said with raised eyebrows, while we were away on our trip. He also suggested warm salt baths and plain cotton underwear. I didn't feel as though I could talk to her just yet about those sorts of things but I'd packed lubricant and my self control and had to hope that nature would be kind to her for the rest.

She took a long time in the bathroom and I was beginning to get worried when she'd come out of the room looking staggeringly beautiful in a pair of skinny jeans and a dark blue jersey. Nothing Alice could have picked for her would've even come close to the way the goddess who came out of that bathroom looked.

Quite apart from her attire I noticed the happiness on her face and in her eyes. She wasn't upset, worried or concerned. She just looked happy.

I went to her then and folded her into my arms. I kissed my beautiful wife good morning and went into the bathroom myself.

She was packed and sipping tea when I came back out and she'd never looked more gorgeous to me. Relaxed, happy and content. It's all I could ever hope for her to be.

We decided to call home and check on the children and thank the family once again for such a magnificent wedding. We were relieved to hear that both children had slept well and had been collected by my mother without incident and were now, once again, back in their own home. Joshua was playing happily in our living room with the tub of Lego bricks and Elizabeth was lying in the sunshine on a rug on the floor beside him. Mom had sounded happy and wished us well for the trip. We rang off with the promise to call once we were settled in our hotel.

It was a very tired Mr and Mrs Cullen that presented themselves at the check in counter at the United Airlines desk that afternoon.

Bella still didn't know exactly where we were going but the jig was up the minute the baggage check in girl asked for our tickets.

"Las Vegas?" Bella asked sceptically.

I nodded but said nothing else. I knew what she was thinking. Crowds, bright lights, fast pace and a thousand too many clichés, but she was wrong. Dead wrong and I couldn't wait to prove it to her.

We checked our baggage and accepted our boarding passes and made our way silently to gate number 14. We had twenty minutes until our flight boarded but I figured I'd need all that, and probably more, to convince her that this would be alright.

I settled us into two seats in the departure lounge waiting area and as soon as she was sitting comfortably I took both her hands in mine. "I promise that everything you are dreading won't happen," I chuckled. "I know you hate crowds and I know you hate the idea of Vegas but you have to trust me, trust that the family knows you too, please?"

She still looked uneasy but she nodded at me wanly.

I didn't want to spoil the surprise for her so I kept my mouth shut about where we were actually going and where we were going to be staying. I wanted to see the look on her face when she saw it for the first time.

I'd had exactly the same reservations she was having now when my mother had turned up with the tickets at the clinic. I'd pictured probably pretty much was she was picturing now. Thousands of people rushing from here to there. Noise and dirt and being shoved aside by tourists from all over the world. No peace and quiet and not a moment alone. She was probably picturing some massive, gaudy casino hotel and the two of us racing from one awful tourist trap to another. But I was wrong and so was she; she just didn't know it yet.

BPOV

At Port Angeles airport we boarded a plane for SeaTac and at SeaTac we changed planes for one that was to take us to Las Vegas.

I was nervous and a little shocked that we'd been given a trip to Vegas as a honeymoon but was so very pleased to finally be alone with my new husband that I just couldn't find it within myself to argue with him about the details.

If we ended up in some horrible casino hotel along with a thousand international tourists I'd deal, but that's not what I wanted.

I had hoped for something quiet, remote maybe, isolated would've been better. I'd imagined all sorts of things but the bright and noisy streets of Las Vegas hadn't entered into my dreams at all.

I tried not to be ungrateful. I tried not to panic.

I looked across to Edward whose brow was creased with worry and had his lips pursed into a slight grimace.

I reached for his hand and pulled it into my lap. I leaned over and whispered into his ear. "I trust you, and thank you."

He smiled then and I knew that whatever he had planned, whatever the family had planned for us, would be alright.

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed me softly.

"I did promise you that by the end of the year I'd mark some things off that list of yours. I do believe that flying was one of them," he smirked adorably.


A/N: Thank you for reading.

This was a joy to write. It came so easily and even though Bella's nerves and fear played a big part in their eventual - and long time coming - connection, I thought it was right that she overcame it quickly. They'd waited long enough for each other and they both deserved for it to go well.

Now, onto the honeymoon. I wonder what the family, and Edward, have planned for her!

I'd like to send good wished to my friend Julie who is laid up in respite recovering from recent surgery. I hope you are back on your feet soon (tee hee) as we miss you at classes so much. All love and luck to you my friend.

Please review.