Sorry about the wait on this chapter. I was a little stuck and then my imagination kind of went crazy;) In any case, here you go. As always, I appreciate the support. Thanks for reading :)
xxxxx
"Hey Callen, how was your appointment?" Deeks asked as Callen came through the front door and into the living room. "Everything okay?"
Callen nodded. "Yeah. Everything's good." He sat on the chair across from where Deeks was sitting, unsure of what to do with himself. He thought about calling Gibbs, but it was relatively early on the east coast and Gibbs would be at work. He was going to wait until that night to call him. He felt restless and bored. "What are you guys up to today?"
"Nothing," Deeks said with a shrug. "Why? Do you want to go someplace?"
"No…I was just wondering…You need any help with anything around here?"
Deeks thought about that and slowly shook his head. "Sorry, Callen. I can't really think of anything. If I do, I'll be sure to let you know."
Callen nodded. "Thanks."
"Hi Callen," Kensi said, coming into the living room and sitting next to Deeks on the sofa. "Everything okay with you? What did the doctor say?"
"Not much," Callen said with a shrug. "Just to make sure I do breathing exercises and I need to see him again in a week."
"Have you been doing them?" Kensi asked.
"Sometimes," Callen said.
"Yeah, they kind of suck, especially if they hurt," Deeks said. "I guess they're a necessary evil though."
"Yeah, I need to get with the program, I guess," Callen said. "If I don't, I'm never going to get back to work."
"I'm eager to get back too," Kensi said. "Even if I can't be in the field."
Deeks looked from Kensi to Callen with an amused look on his face. "You guys need to learn to relax," he said. "Look at all we've been through the past few weeks. I mean, I admit I'd love to be out surfing, but I'm not obsessively thinking about work because I can't be.
"I'm not obsessively thinking of work," Callen denied what Deeks had said. "But I admit, I want to go back. You'll all be back there next week and I'll be having to spill my guts to some shrink."
Kensi looked at him sympathetically. "It won't be that bad…"
Callen stared back at her. "Really, Kens? You want to take my place?"
"Well, no," Kensi admitted with a faint smile. "But it's not like I haven't had to do it before. All of us have at one time or another."
Callen sighed. He had talked to Nate and other shrinks for psych evals in the past, but this was the first time he actually believed he needed to do it. He'd always just told them what he figured they wanted to hear before. Now he didn't even know how he was going to handle it. He had a feeling that trying to sidestep everything wasn't going to work for him this time. Wishing and hoping his nightmares and fear of the darkness away certainly wasn't helping.
Deeks thoughtfully eyed Callen and then got up off the sofa. "Come on, we're getting out of here,"
"To do what?" asked Kensi.
"To go where?" asked Callen.
"You'll see," Deeks said, grinning at them.
"I think I'm going to just stay here," Callen said, feeling very much like a third wheel. "You two go and have fun."
"No way, Callen," Kensi protested. "If you're not going, I'm not either."
"You are both coming," Deeks said. "I'm not taking no for an answer."
"Come on, Deeks," Callen said. "I just got back from being out."
"Really?" Deeks asked. "You call going to the doctor's being out? You really need to get a life, Callen."
"We got lunch too."
"Sorry, that doesn't count. You need to do anything or are you ready to go now?" Deeks asked, looking at his reluctant girlfriend and friend.
Callen looked across at Kensi who grabbed her crutches and got to her feet. "Fine," she said with a sigh. Callen stayed put in his chair.
"We're not leaving without you," Deeks said, staring at the other man.
"He does mean that," Kensi said. "He'll just persistently nag you until he gets his way."
"What if I'm just super tired and not feeling up to going out?"
"Are you?" Deeks asked.
Callen thought about fibbing and saying he was too tired to go out, but he wasn't and in any case, he was sick of being thought of as an invalid. "No." He finally stood up and stared at Deeks. "I'm ready."
"Great, let's get moving," Deeks said with a grin.
xxxxx
"I need to make a stop," Deeks said as he pulled into the parking lot of a local drugstore.
"What are you getting, a pack of gum or a comb or something?" Callen asked.
"Not exactly," Deeks turned his head toward Callen who was seated in the back and grinned. "Either of you want anything? Callen, you're kind of grouchy. You need some candy to eat in the car?"
"You're hilarious, Deeks," Callen said. "I don't need anything."
"I'm good," Kensi stated.
"Okay, I shouldn't be long. Try not to talk about me too much." Deeks then got out of the car and closed the door.
"Sometimes I wonder about him," Callen said, watching through the window as Deeks entered the store.
"Sometimes I do too," Kensi admitted with a giggle, "but he's just so cute."
"I'll take your word on that," Callen said, smirking. He couldn't say cute was in his vocabulary of words to describe Deeks.
After about 10 minutes or so, they spotted Deeks exiting the store, carrying a large box. "What the heck does he have?" Kensi asked.
Callen squinted and eventually could make out the words on the box. "It's a wheelchair."
Kensi rolled her eyes. "Oh you've got to be kidding me." She rolled down her window and called out to Deeks as he approached the car. "Deeks, return that! I don't need it."
"Too much walking where we're going for you to have to use crutches, Kens. Besides, I can donate it somewhere when you're done with it. I'll find someone who really needs it and give it to them."
Kensi sighed but knew enough to try to argue with Deeks when he was like this. He put the box in the back of the car and tossed Callen a pack of M&Ms. "Here, I think your blood sugar may be low." He then gave a pack to Kensi too.
"Ha ha," Callen said, but he found himself unable to resist the multi-colored candies once they were in his possession and he began nibbling them as Deeks started up the car once again.
xxxxx
"The M&Ms calmed junior down nicely," Deeks whispered to Kensi as he drove.
"You do know that junior isn't deaf, don't you Deeks," Callen asked from the back seat. "Or did you forget there's not a piece of soundproof glass between us."
"Of course not," Deeks said, smiling. "Just making sure you were paying attention. But in any case, it doesn't matter, because we're here."
Both Callen and Kensi looked out their windows. "Santa Monica Pier?" asked Callen. "Really?"
"Yes, really, my little friend. You're going to have fun in spite of yourself," Deeks said. He drove around in search of a parking spot and managed to find a good one. He then got out of the car and reached into the back seat for the box containing the transport wheelchair and began to open it.
"Deeks? You do realize that it only has small wheels." Kensi had gotten out of the car and was watching as he pulled it out of the box and began to unfold it. "You're going to have to push me around."
"And that will be purely a pleasure," Deeks said, grinning at Kensi. "A labor of love."
Kensi began to laugh which turned into her familiar snort and Callen couldn't help but laugh too, caught up in the absurdity of the whole thing. "Do you need help with that?" he asked, watching Deeks.
Deeks shook his head. "I've got it. It mostly just needs to be unfolded, not really much assembly." He got it ready to move relatively quickly and pushed it over to Kensi. "Your chariot awaits."
Kensi smiled as she sat down in the wheelchair and twisted her head upwards to look at Deeks. "This really was very sweet of you."
"You know I'd do anything for you, Fern," he said softly, leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead. "But come on, let's go explore and have some fun."
xxxxx
The trio spent the next couple of hours playing arcade games, exploring shops filled with all kinds of unique memorabilia, eating ice cream cones and Kensi and Deeks even managed to persuade a reluctant Callen to ride the Carousel with them. Finally, they decided to head out. "Oh Deeks, the ferris wheel," Kensi gave him a pleading look. "I love the ferris wheel."
"You know I can't resist you anything when you look at me that way," Deeks said. "Come on, Callen, one more stop and we'll finally be out of here."
Callen followed them along contently. He was actually glad he had come. Kensi and Deeks had a carefree way about them that was contagious and for a while he had been able to put some of his problems temporarily out of his mind. That was, at least until they reached the ferris wheel.
"Hey Callen, you going to come with us?" Deeks asked, turning to look at the other man who was lagging behind them. He was staring at the ferris wheel with a look of what Deeks would have thought was fear in his eyes, if he didn't know better.
"What?" Callen looked at Deeks and shook his head. "Uh…no. You guys go ahead. I'll wait over there on the bench." Without waiting for a response from Deeks, Callen turned away from them and walked over to the bench, leaving Kensi and Deeks looking after him.
"That was kind of weird," Deeks said as he pushed Kensi's wheelchair to take their place in the line to ride the ferris wheel.
"It wasn't that weird," Kensi said. "Do you really think Callen is a ride guy, Deeks?"
"I don't know…" Deeks said. "It was just the look in his eyes. It was like he was scared…"
"I doubt Callen is scared of a ferris wheel," Kensi said. "I don't think he's afraid of heights. I've never seen any evidence of that, have you?"
"No…" Deeks said after a brief hesitation, "but I don't know, Kensi…I still think that there's something up with him…something wasn't quite right…"
xxxxx
Callen's heart was beating like crazy as he made his way over to the empty bench and slumped down on it. He leaned forward and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. Long forgotten memories were suddenly flashing into his mind. He took some deep breaths and tried to clear his head, but the images were becoming more vivid now and he couldn't seem to stop them.
It had happened when he was six years old. He had been living with the Murphy family for about two weeks, give or take. Brenda Murphy had been a sweet, but timid woman. She had been very loving towards Callen, taking him places, giving him treats. Her husband, Donald, had been an entirely different story, but he had worked a lot and fortunately wasn't around all that much. That day, Brenda had taken him and his foster sister, Jenny, who was a couple years older than him, to the local fair. They had gone there on the bus and Donald was to pick them up after he had finished work for the day. At first, he had a blast. Brenda had allowed him to eat countless treats, a hot dog, cotton candy, ice cream, popcorn. He couldn't remember ever doing anything like that before. It had all been perfect, until the ferris wheel. When it first started, he'd been amazed as they rode in the cart and he looked down on all the people, feeling like an astronaut or a pilot. He had sat in the middle and felt quite safe, not thinking it was scary at all. That was until the wheel had stopped suddenly and they had been at the very top. Even then, Jenny had told jokes and made him giggle and he still hadn't been afraid, not until Brenda had started to panic.
"Oh my God…Oh my God…we're all going to die. We're going to die," Brenda said as tears started to roll down her cheeks.
"We…we're not really going to die, are we?" Callen had asked, looking up at her with his big blue eyes.
"Of course we're not," Jenny said, taking his hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "Everything is going to be okay. Don't be scared."
"I'm not scared," he had stated bravely.
"Why don't you help us!" Brenda screamed and when she did so, some of the children in other carts below them started to cry and finally Callen did too. "We're all going to die!"
Of course, they hadn't died, but by the time the problem was fixed, it was almost an hour later and even Jenny was a little worse for wear when they finally were back on solid ground. Donald Murphy, who had been waiting for a half hour, was in no mood for excuses, no matter how good they were. All he wanted was to get home to a hot meal and a cold beer. It didn't help that they were now in rush hour traffic, which on a Friday afternoon, was even worse than usual.
"Don't know what you were doing up there on that fool wheel anyhow," Donald barked at his wife. "You're an idiot."
"You're an idiot," Callen piped up from the back seat.
"What did you say?" Donald asked, glaring at the child through the rear view mirror. "You better watch yourself, you little shit."
"Callen, don't," Jenny whispered to him. "You're going to get in trouble."
"I don't feel good," Callen said. "I need to get out of the car. I think I'm going to throw up."
"You better not!" Donald yelled at him. "I can't pull over anywhere. Damn you, Brenda, taking these snot-nosed brats to the fair. I oughta wallop you."
"Please, Donald…" Brenda said, starting to cry.
"You're a mean man!" Callen shouted. "You're not supposed to make girls cry."
"No?! Well I'm sure as hell going to make you cry when I get you back in the house," Donald said, enraged at the gall of the boy.
Callen narrowed his eyes and stuck out his lower lip, but he didn't say anything until his stomach started churning once again. "Brenda? I really am going to be sick," he called out to her.
"Oh honey, try not to," Brenda said as she glanced nervously at her husband. 'We're almost home, sweetie."
"I…I don't know how to hold it in," Callen said and then he couldn't. He threw up all over the back of Donald's seat and all over the carpeting.
"You little bastard!" Donald screamed. "You're going to be so sorry you did that! You'll be so damn sorry, you'll wish you'd never been born! Just you wait till we get home. Just you wait!"
Callen came back into the present, pretty shaken by this long forgotten memory. He looked up at the ferris wheel and could see Kensi and Deeks. They looked so happy and in love. He couldn't help but envy them. They waved down at him and he halfheartedly waved back at them. He thought about his memories again and tried to remember what had happened after they had arrived home that day. No matter how hard he tried though, he couldn't recall anything else. It was all just a giant blank. Just another thing that showed him how truly screwed up he really was. He couldn't help but wonder if he was ever going to be able to go back to work…
