Disclaimer- I don't own anything, yada, yada, yada.
Summary- James has always been in love with Lily, and Lily has always though that James was a bigheaded toe rag. It is there last year at Hogwarts, and James knows that it is now or never to finally get Lily. James even has the advantage of being head boy and Lily being head girl. Well we all know that he gets her in the end…but here is how he did it.
Chapter 55- The Whole Story
James went into a fit. A million thoughts went through his mind as he saw Lily pop out of sight.
Where did she go? Is she going home? Is she going to her friends? What if she's going somewhere I don't know? How am I going to get her back? How am I going to apologize? Oh Merlin! How am I going to explain everything to her? Wait. Wait. I just have to get her back first. Where could she have gone?
James paced around his front yard, thinking of the places Lily could have gone. He knew that she would be mad at him, but he had to make sure that she was back at his house and safe from all of the attacks.
He took a deep breath, and made a mental list of all the places Lily could have gone.
Lily arrived in front of her house, and knocked on the door. Her mother answered the door, and immediately smothered Lily with a hug.
"Oh Lily! It's so good to see you! We've missed you so much. How are you?" Mrs. Evans said.
Lily felt very guilty for not visiting her parents as much as she should have.
"I'm alright mum." Lily said. Then a thought just hit her. 'How could I be so stupid? This is the first place James is going to come and look for me. Great. Well I guess I'll go off to Kendall's.'
"Come in!" Mrs. Evans said, pulling Lily inside.
Lily went into her house, and put down her bag.
"How are things with er…Moldyvort? Is that it?"
Lily almost laughed at her mother's mistake, but realized whom she was talking about.
"Well not so good actually." Lily said. "I really shouldn't be here…but you see…James and I had a bit of a spat…and I needed to get away for a bit." Lily said, rushing.
"Oh dear. What happened?"
Lily pondered a moment, and then spoke.
"It's fine. Don't worry. But I really need to talk to Kendall right now…if James comes by…don't tell him I'm there. Please? Just tell him I'm okay."
Mrs. Evans eyed her suspiciously.
"Really mum, I'm fine. I'll be back later for my things." Lily assured her mother.
Mrs. Evans sighed. "Alright. But please have the next visit more then a few minutes? We miss you."
Lily smiled, and hugged her mother. "Alright." She said. "And if James comes by, please don't tell him I'm at Kendall's. Just tell him I'm safe."
"Lily, I really don't like the sounds of that." Mrs. Evans said sternly.
"Mum I'm fine, I promise." Lily assured her mother.
There was then a crack and a pop from outside. Lily saw from out the window a figure a little ways down her block that resembled James. She couldn't look at him right now.
Lily turned to her mother. "Please mum." She said.
She then gave her a hug, and apparated.
Mrs. Evans stood there, slightly confused, and then there was a loud knock on the door.
She opened it to find a very distraught looking James, and suddenly realized the reason for her daughters sudden fleeing.
"Hello Mrs. Evans. Is Lily here?" James said in a rushed, out of breath tone.
"I'm sorry dear, you just missed her." Mrs. Evans said, trusting her daughters' words.
James let out a frustrated grunt.
"Did she say where she was going?" James asked hopefully.
"She did…but I have been given orders not to tell you where." Mrs. Evans said regretfully.
James cranked his neck back, and put his hands behind his head. He then looked back down at Mrs. Evans.
"Could you please tell me? I really need to talk to her." He begged.
Mrs. Evans sighed. "As much as I would like to tell you James, I have never been given a reason not to trust my daughter, and she has made it apparent that she doesn't want you to know where she is."
James looked as though he was going to have a breakdown.
"She has however told me to assure you that she is safe." Mrs. Evans said.
James looked at her hopefully. "She said that? You are sure? You are sure that she's safe?"
"Yes, she made sure for me to tell you that." Mrs. Evans said.
"Mrs. Evans, if she comes back here, can you tell her that I'm sorry? And that I'll be waiting for her at my house, where she is guaranteed to be safe?"
"I will make sure of it." Mrs. Evans said.
"Thanks so much Mrs. Evans." James said. Mrs. Evans smiled, and James turned away from her house.
Just before Lily's mom shut the door, James turned back to her, to add one more thing.
"And tell her that I love her. Tell her that I really love her." James said.
Lily knocked on Kendall's door, hoping that she was back from wherever she was with Remus.
Kendall came to the door, slightly flustered, and opened it. When she saw the look on Lily's face, she immediately became concerned.
"Lily what's wrong?" She asked.
"Can I talk to you?" Lily asked.
"Sure come in…Remus is here…can he…?"
"Can I talk to you alone? He doesn't have to leave or anything…just for a few minutes? I can't stay long anyway."
"Of course…come in."
Lily entered Kendall's house, and saw Remus coming into the room.
Lily gave a quick, small smile, and ran up the stairs.
"Just give me a few minutes." Kendall said to Remus. "She seems really upset."
Remus nodded. "Take your time. I'll wait down here."
Kendall smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, before following Lily up the stairs.
Lily flopped down on Kendall's bed, and Kendall came to sit down next to Lily.
"What's wrong Lils?" Kendall asked.
Lily then explained the whole story to Kendall.
Kendall looked at Lily, and then finally spoke.
"I don't think you should be that hard on him." Kendall said.
"What!"
"Lily, you guys weren't even going out." Kendall reasoned.
"Kendall, James had, as you know due to public announcements, liked me since 1st year, and he has been asking me out since 5th year. He swears that he has loved me since then. It just really hurts that he obviously didn't, if he went off and slept with some bimbo."
"Well…" Kendall said, searching for the right words, but Lily cut her off.
"I guess it just hurts the most that he lied to me. I mean he told me that he loved me since then, which he obviously didn't, and that he is stupid enough to go off with one of Hogwarts' sluts." Lily said.
"I guess I can see that." Kendall said. "But Lily, you know that he loves you, so why should it matter?"
"It's just…I just…feel so dirty…like he's already slept with…" Lily trailed off, not wanting to say anything more.
"Ah…so you two have…"
Lily nodded, sheepishly.
Kendall sort of looked away, with a smile playing on her lips.
"Have you?" Lily said loudly, switching the spotlight to Kendall.
"Well…I…let's not change the subject…we are supposed to be talking about you and James."
Lily gave a satisfied smile, knowing that Kendall didn't want to admit it.
"Alright, alright." Lily said, satisfied with Kendall's nonverbal answer.
"I think you should talk to him." Kendall said.
"I can't Kendall…I can't." Lily said.
"Why not?"
"I can't even look at him." Lily said.
Kendall sighed. "Well at least let him know you are okay." She said. "He must be having a fit!"
"He is…I went to my house before I came here…and I left cause I saw him coming…"
"Lily Evans!" Kendall said. "How could you do that! He is probably going out of his mind!"
Just then there was a knock on the door, and Remus' voice came from behind it.
"Can I come in?" He asked.
"Yeah, come in." Kendall said.
Remus entered the room.
"Um…Sirius just owled me…he said that James is going crazy…looking for Lily…" Remus said, looking at Lily. "He wants to know if we know where she is."
Kendall shot her a 'I told you so' look.
"You don't." Lily said.
Remus looked confused.
"I'm going to my house to get my things, and then I will go back to his house." Lily said. "He will probably be searching everywhere. It will give me some time alone."
Remus looked confused. "Did I miss something?" He asked.
"You think?" Kendall said, not in a mean, but rather obvious tone.
"Did you guys have a fight?" Remus asked.
"You could say that." Lily said, standing up. "Thanks Kendall. Don't worry, I'll talk to him eventually. Thanks."
She then said goodbye, and left, apparating to her house.
Lily arrived once again at her house and knocked on the door. Her mother came and greeted her.
"Sorry mum, I only came by to get my things, I promise I'll stop by again soon…as an actual visit." Lily said.
Mrs. Evans sighed. "Oh alright. But honey…James stopped by after…right after…you left."
Lily grabbed her bag, not looking at her mother.
"He asked me to tell you that…he is very sorry…he wants you to come back to his house…and that he love you very much." Mrs. Evans said.
Lily turned to look at her mother. "I am going back there mum. I can't stomach to talk to him yet, but in the bigger picture, it is safer for me there." Lily said.
"Dear, what did you have a fight about? He seems so sorry, and you can tell that he loves you, so what could have possibly gotten you so frantic?" Mrs. Evans asked.
Lily took a deep breath, not about to share the details of her personal life to her mother.
"Well mum…let's just say that the past is catching up…and I need some time to handle some facts…and get them straight." Lily said.
Mrs. Evans gave her daughter a hug. "Lily, whatever it may be that you're upset about…just take a deep breath and talk to him about it…he seems to be falling apart without you, and although it is hard to say it, I know that you two really love each other, and more importantly, I know he is crazy about you. Talk to him, alright?"
"I will." Lily said. "Just give me some time."
"Alright dear." Mrs. Evans said. "Be careful."
Lily then apparated back to the Potter Estate.
Lily opened the door, and crept upstairs. She was almost to her room, but then Sirius came walking out of his.
"Bloody hell Evans!" Sirius yelled.
Busted.
"Do you know how bloody crazy James has been going looking for you?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, actually, I do." Lily said.
"And you are back here because…?"
"I figured it was the last place he'd look for me. And I need some time to myself…before I can actually talk to him." Lily said.
"Lily, you know that it was my fault, not James', so don't be mad at him." Sirius said.
Lily was in shock; that was the first time Lily could actually remember Sirius calling her 'Lily'.
"True, it is your fault, but now I know…so I can't be completely mad at you. You are always doing stupid things…no offense." Lily said.
"None taken." Sirius said. "But you should really talk to him."
"Once I have the stomach to look at him, then I'll think about talking to him." Lily said.
Sirius sighed, seeing he would get nowhere.
"Please don't tell him I'm here." Lily said.
"You can't just expect me to not tell him you are here, when he's been searching high and low looking for you." Sirius said.
"Yes I can." Lily said. "Listen, I promise I'll talk to him. I just can't do it yet. Just tell him that I am perfectly safe."
Sirius let out a frustrated noise. "Oh fine! Fine, fine, fine." He said.
"Thanks." She said.
"Yeah…no problem." Sirius said regretfully…knowing James would have it in for him.
Lily headed to her room, and passed James room right before she go to her own. She took a look, and saw his messy room and bed, getting a sick feeling, thinking of James being with someone else.
She went inside her room, and threw herself down on her bed.
An even sicker feeling came to her.
Is this how James felt every time I was going out with someone else?
Lily dismissed the thought, trying not to think anything about it.
A while later, Lily heard James come up the stairs, and knock on Sirius' door.
"Did you get an owl back from Moony?" He asked.
"Nope." Sirius said, truthfully. "Don't worry mate, she's fine, I promise, don't stress out, she needs some time alone right now."
"Oh? And how would you know? This is all your bloody fault you know." James said.
"Yeah…but just trust me…she's safe." Sirius said.
"That's what her mum said too! But no one will tell me where she is!" James said.
He then paused…and turned back to Sirius.
"Have you seen her?" He asked.
"Uh. Yes." Sirius said.
Lily wanted to throttle him. She was stationed very near her door, so she could hear every word.
"Bloody hell! When? Where? Do you know where she is?"
"Prongs, chill out mate, she's fine. She just wants to be alone right now, so just take a deep breath. She will talk to you when she's ready!"
James let out a frustrated noise, and kicked the wall.
"Padfoot! Just please! Tell me where she is! I need to talk to her! I need her to know how much I love her! I know that I screwed up before! But, I need her to know that I love her, I need to tell her I'm sorry!" James yelled.
Lily opened her door, to find James' back facing her, and Sirius acknowledge her presence.
"You just did mate." Sirius said, and then went into his room, closing the door.
James looked slightly puzzled, and then turned around to see Lily standing in the doorway with tears running down her face.
James stood there very shocked…Lily was right in his house being the last place he would look for her.
"Bloody hell Lily…" James said barely above a whisper.
He was about to have a rampage about looking all over for her, but he knew that he had more important things to say then that.
"Lily I'm so sorry…"
"I know…I heard." Lily said.
James realized that it would be pretty hard for someone not to hear his recent yelling.
"Listen Lily…I know that you probably don't want to talk to me right now…but I really am sorry…and I really wish you didn't have to find out that way."
"Me too." Lily said.
"It's just…"
"You know…I guess I always knew. I just didn't want to believe it…so I convinced myself that it wasn't." Lily said, cutting him off.
"Lily…" James said, taking a step closer to her. "…you know how much I love and care about you…you even said so this morning."
"I know." Lily said. "It just hurts that you lied all those years."
"What? You mean about not telling you…"
"No. I mean about saying you loved me and then going off with some other girl." Lily said.
"It's not like you were giving me the time of day, you obviously didn't feel the same way back." James said.
"So you go off with someone else? You're not supposed to do that with someone unless you really care about them! Jeez James…I thought you used to be low…but never that low! I guess the players of Hogwarts really did have a meaning behind it after all!"
"Lily! I know I was stupid! I know that I did stupid things in my past! But my past isn't what's happening now! This is what's happening now! I don't think you should judge me on something that happened in 5th year!"
"You were 15?" Lily asked.
James hit himself on his forehead. "Actually I was 16. It was the end of the year." James explained in a small voice.
"Oh ho! Big difference!" Lily said. She then gasped. "Do you mean at the end of the year… after owls…right after you were torturing Snape?"
Why does she have to be so smart? "Yes." James said.
"Oh, I can't believe you! Did you even like me all those years? Or were you just asking me out to annoy me?" Lily asked.
"Merlin Lily! I have loved you since the first time I ever saw you! Since the first time I saw you on the Hogwarts Express! I just didn't realize it until then! And for goodness sake, you know that I love you now!"
"Then why'd you do it then!"
"Because…!" James stressed. "I was stupid and immature!" James explained. "I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like you anymore! I was trying to move on because you wouldn't talk to me, or look at me, or speak to me in any way, the only thing you would do was hex me!"
"Because you hexed me first!"
"LILY! It doesn't matter! We never got along until 7th year! It's a known fact! We have to deal with it! I have made my great share of mistakes! I admit to it! Can you suck up your pride and forgive me! I can't take it back! All I can do is say I'm sorry!" James yelled.
Lily was a bit taken back. She then stood up straight. "I know." She said. "But put yourself in my position. What if you found out that I had slept with someone else?"
James eyes widened at the thought. "You didn't, did you?"
"See! You see!" Lily said. "And no, I haven't!"
James let out a breath of relief. "Yeah, I see."
"You were the first and only, James. I just wish I could have been the same for you." Lily said.
"But Lily, you mean so much more to me then that. It is like you are my first and only, because that wasn't the real me, this is. That was the stupid, arrogant, immature me. Not the real me. You mean so much to me, and you just…I mean…you are…I love you so much."
Lily sighed. "Just let me be alone for a little bit, okay?"
"Sure." James said. "Just…are we…do you forgive me?"
Lily pondered a bit. "Well I guess I have no choice." She said. "But I still need some time alone."
"Alright." James said. "Thanks."
Lily nodded, and turned to her room, closing the door behind her.
Sirius came walking out of his room, after he heard the volume coming from the hallway decrease.
"Any luck mate?"
"Some." James replied.
Sirius nodded. "Good."
"And just for the record…you're an idiot…and I really don't understand why I always forgive you."
"Well, I won't argue with that. I really am sorry Prongs."
"Yeah, yeah. I still am right pissed at you, but just keep my personal life out of your conversations…alright?"
"Sure thing mate." Sirius said. "Just give it time…when you two are back in snog-fest-land, I am sure she'll say yes."
"If I ever get the bloody chance to ask her…without screwing up first."
(A/N: You guys are awseome! Over 60 reviews in the past two chapters! WHOOOO! Keep 'em coming! And I'll keep the chapters coming! Hope you enjoyed! Review!)
