Meep. I got a new laptop today, but I still have to transfer over my story files.

:/

I do not own Naruto.

Enjoy my lovelies.


I sighed boredly as I lounged in the living room with a few of the others. Cielo was in his room, packing and tending to his ninja weapons because he, Sanaa, and Tiburon would be leaving soon to meet up with Sasuke to go on a mission for Pein.

I wasn't at all happy about it, but what say did I have?

That's right. None.

Sanaa was laying on one of the other couches, using Hidan as a pillow while her legs rested in Sasori's lap. Said Jashinist was petting her hair while Sasori busied himself with reading a jutsu scroll. If I remembered correctly Sable and Ash were either playing or napping together either in the training grounds, Cielo's room, my room, or the kitchen.

Tiburon was pretty much napping on top of Kisame's back. Kisame was sleeping, his quiet snoring resonating from his massive person. Itachi was petting my hair as I rested my head on his lap and Kakuzu dealt with my feet on his lap like a pro. Kathryn and Deidara were cuddling in the recliner.

"Sigh again, and I'll kill you."

I glared at Sasori. "Fuck you."

"An excellent comeback, Alice." Sasori said with an eye roll.

"I could have just said 'your face'. That's insulting enough." I countered. "If I did that though, you wouldn't be able to come back with anything better though."

He looked at me. "I'm sure I could think of something."

"You thinking is preposterous enough." I scoffed.

"I'm impressed you can pronounce preposterous." Sasori retorted smoothly.

Kakuzu sighed. "Here they go."

"I'm impressed you know what impressed means." I stated.

"People use it often when they talk about me." Sasori said smugly.

"Yeah, because they're impressed that a redheaded moronic bitch like you is able to breathe and walk at the same time without choking on his own spit or hurting himself." I spat.

Sasori smirked. "That was a good one."

I smiled. "I know." I adjusted my position on the couch before swearing loudly.

Everybody jumped at my outburst and Tiburon and Kisame bolted awake.

"Alice?" Itachi asked, looking down at me with concern. "What happened?"

"Back." I hissed. "Need drugs… a-sap."

"I will be back in a second." Itachi promised. He eased out from beneath me and shot to our room. When he returned he signaled Deidara to distract Kathryn while he prepared my injection and shot me up with it. He put my things away and resumed his position as being my pillow.

I sighed after a time when the drugs began to kick and closed my eyes. "Much better."

"Are you alright?" Sasori asked.

"I think so." I mused. Everything returned to normal and people resumed their business. I had been about to fall into nap mode, when suddenly I noticed something was off. I was far too amused by the quiet. I had to fight to keep myself from giggling.

I frowned for a minute before looking at Itachi. "Just how much of my serum did you give me?"

"The full syringe." He stated. "Was I not supposed to?"

"Well, I'll either die from drug overdose, or we'll all relive Sasori's worst nightmare." I stated. I laughed. "I personally hope Sasori has to suffer."

Kathryn clapped excitedly while Sasori groaned. "Yay! Giggly Alice!"

I shivered. "Cold chill." A second later, I started giggling.

Sasori face-palmed. "Fuck my life."

Third Person!

Kathryn bounced with anticipation of Dei's lap as Alice's giggling turned into laughter. "I'm so excited."

Sasori shot the blonde a look. "Don't encourage her."

Alice stopped laughing suddenly and frowned at the ceiling. "Hey." When she got no response she repeated herself. "Hey!"

"What, bitch?" Hidan asked.

She cocked her head to the side. "Why does everything seem so… big?"

"What?" Kakuzu asked.

Alice tilted her head towards Kakuzu and she grinned at him. "Why hello there. What's cookin', Good-lookin'?"

Kakuzu gave her a deadpan stare. Deidara and Kathryn snorted with laughter. Tiburon and Sanaa both looked amused but confused. Kisame was fighting laughter, Itachi looked bored, and Sasori looked like he wanted to break something.

"Come here often?" She asked.

He nodded slowly.

Her grin widened. "Could you…. Show me around?"

"Why did you emphasize that part?" Sasori demanded.

"Dunno." She admitted. She prodded Kakuzu with her toes. "You're pretty."

He looked disturbed.

"Your caramel colored skin is lovely and your hair is gorgeous." Alice confessed. "I'm not entirely sure why you haven't been good and raped yet."

"That might have to do with the fact that he's a fucking bastard and covered in stitches." Hidan snapped.

Alice glared at Hidan. "He's sensitive, leave him alone. His stitches are fucking beautiful. And he isn't a bastard. Kakuzu has is a beautiful sole who only cares for others."

Kakuzu mouthed sensitive with utter confusion.

"If by others, you mean money, then yes." Kisame nodded.

Alice sat up suddenly. She paused for a second and grabbed her head. "Head rush." A second later though, she continued pushing herself into a sit up position. She reached out and grabbed Kakuzu. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rubbed her face against his, purring. "So pretty."

Kakuzu patted her head uncertainly. "Thank you?"

She beamed at him. "You're welcome!"

"Mom, what the hell are you on?" Tibby asked.

Alice's head slowly turned to face Tiburon and she gave him a crazed look. "Shh… I'm listening to the heartbeats. It's like a love song."

"Someone knock her out." Sasori ordered.

"No, (un)!" Deidara and Kathryn protested.

Alice, having found something else to target, kissed Kakuzu's cheek and crept along the couch over to Itachi. She stopped literally a center from his face, a creepy smile on hers. "Why hello there, weasel butt."

Itachi raised his eyebrow while Deidara buried his face into Kathryn's shoulder to smother his laughter. Itachi recovered after a moment and stroked Alice's cheek. "Hi."

She smiled at his attention and caressed his face with a little too much enthusiasm and both of her hands. "You're cute."

"Thank you." He stated.

"Like really cute." Alice stressed. "Like fucking cuter than puppies playing together."

Kathryn tapped her chin. "I dunno… puppies are pretty adorable."

Alice glared at her. "Hush." He grabbed Itachi's face and turned it forcefully so he was facing Kathryn. "Do you not see this perfection? Don't speak as if he isn't the most beautiful thing on the planet." She paused and reached behind her to pet Kakuzu. "You're still stunning, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu face-palmed while Sasori pulled at his hair.

Alice turned her face back to Itachi and she gave him a devilish grin. "We should make more babies."

"We already have two." Itachi pointed out. "Cielo and Tiburon."

"I want a girl." Alice stressed. "So I can raise her to make the lives of men hell."

Sasori glared at Alice. "You're already doing that."

Alice winked at him. "Don't worry. I'm making my way over to you, cutie."

He blanched.

"Okay, what happened to Mom?" Tibby demanded.

Alice looked at him like she had just noticed him and she climbed across the couches over to him without touching the floor. She snatched him off the couch and pulled him into her lap. "My baby. My handsome little shark baby." She nuzzled his face and pet him affectionately.

Tibby shivered. "This is weird. Get her off of me and fix her."

"I second Tiburon's notion." Sasori announced.

Sanaa giggled. "I love Icy like this! She's so funny!"

"I know!" Kathryn chirped.

"I agree, yeah." Deidara chuckled. "Uh oh. She's found Kisame un."

Sure enough Alice was basically wrapped around Kisame, telling him how much she loved him and how cute he was and essentially making Kisame feel like the most loved person in the world.

Not that he didn't deserve it.

Kisame is a fucking sweetheart.

"Who drugged Alice?"

They all looked around to see Cielo had joined them and he looked deeply disturbed by Alice's behavior. She was now nomming on Kisame's nose affectionately, claiming that was how sharks shared affection.

Kisame didn't have the heart to tell her she was an idiot.

Alice heard Cielo's voice and she snapped her head around to stare at him. "Baby."

Cielo took a cautious step back.

Alice leapt over the couch and lunged at Cielo before hugging him. "Mine."

"Yours." Cielo acceded, trying to keep from being maimed.

She seemed to accept his statement because she didn't attack him. She just hugged him and pet him like he was a cute little animal.

"Alice, leave the kid alone." Sasori sighed when Cielo began to look around for help.

Alice hissed at him and pulled Cielo away from Sasori. "My Cielo! Keep your hands off!"

Cielo whimpered.

Itachi sighed. "Alice, will you share Cielo with me?"

Alice looked at him. "Of course I will, my love!" She grabbed Cielo and dragged him over to Itachi. She pushed Cielo in his lap. "There you go."

"Thank you." Itachi said calmly. He waited for her to round on Kathryn before letting Cielo up.

Kathryn smiled as Alice crept over to her. She stopped inches from Kathryn before pressing her forehead to Kathryn's and staring at her with literally three centimeters between their eyes. Alice's face slowly broke out into a grin to match Kathryn's before she licked the side of Kathryn's face.

Kathryn laughed. "Hi Alice."

She pulled Kathryn off of Deidara before sitting on the couch and holding her closely. "My Kitty."

"My Momma." Kathryn replied, hugging her back.

Alice seemed content.

"I love giggly Alice." Kathryn announced.

They hugged for a moment before Alice made a noise of disgust and pushed Kathryn off. "Too much love. Get off!"

Kathryn laughed and got off, watching her yank Deidara's hair from where she sat. Deidara glared at her and stuck his tongue out at her. She smiled at his glare and wiggled her eyebrows. "So, how's Kat in the sack?"

Hidan spit out his drink while Kisame started laughing. Itachi face-palmed and Sasori sighed dramatically.

Deidara hesitated. "Fantastic?"

"That must be because she's so flexible." Alice nodded. "I bet Itachi's better." She looked at Itachi and sighed dreamily. "Those muscles…"

Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose while Tiburon and Cielo gagged.

"I didn't need to know, yeah." Deidara said with distaste.

"Hey man, you asked." Alice said dismissively.

Deidara looked confused.

Alice decided she had enough of Deidara so she wiggled her fingers in farewell and slunk across the living room to Sanaa. She pounced on Sanaa and hugged her. "Mine too." She glared at Sasori. "Not yours."

Sasori tried his best to ignore her.

Sanaa hugged Alice back and they spent a moment showering each other with compliments before Alice noticed the look Hidan was giving her.

Alice pushed Sanaa away before climbing in Hidan's lap. She pet his cheek for a minute before smirking at him. "You're pretty too."

Hidan grinned at her. "S'right, bitch."

She covered his mouth. "Don't speak. Your annoying voice is going to ruin your beauty."

Kakuzu laughed while Hidan glared.

Alice grabbed Hidan's head and pulled it around with her so she could look at Itachi. "What do you think, babe? Think he'd spice up the bedroom?"

Itachi just put his head on the back of the couch and prayed that Alice recover from her kookiness soon.

"What?" She whined. "Kisame did."

All of occupants of the room looked at Kisame. He just shook his head. "I have no idea what's she's talking about."

She winked at him and gave him a thumbs up. "I get it! I'll keep it on the DL, Kisa."

Kisame just grinned and shook his head.

Alice slowly turned her head to face Sasori. "Your turn Loofa~!"

Sasori paled.

Alice crawled over to him along the couch and hugged him. "Ya know what? You're my favorite puppet of them all." She pet his head. "Seriously. My favorite."

Sasori was fighting so hard not to kill her.

"Did you know that sharks have two penises?" Alice asked him. She winked at Kisame. "And people wonder why I love Kisame so much…"

Tiburon, Cielo, and Sanaa all covered their ears.

"Alice… get off of me." Sasori pleaded. "I can't take the stupidity."

"You shouldn't insult yourself like that, Sasori." Alice stated, slurring his name. She froze and looked at the door. "I need Leaders…" She held out her arms. "Someone take me to Pein! Now!"

"Itachi, please… sober up your wife." Kakuzu sighed. "I've had enough."

Alice cocked her head to the side when Itachi walked over to her and took her hands in his. "What are you doing, Itachi?"

"We're going somewhere other than here." Itachi told her. He picked her up bridal style.

Alice allowed him to carry her before something caught her attention. "Wait! We need Hidan if we're going to clean!" She waved at Hidan. "Come on, Hidan! I can tape your mouth shut, it's okay."

"Alice." Itachi scolded.

"Okay, fine." She huffed. "Kakuzu, Kisame, let's go. I need muscles."

"Itachi!" Sasori groaned. "Get her out of here!"

Itachi sighed and carried a complaining Alice out of the living room.

Kathryn smiled when she was gone. "That never gets old."

First Person Alice!

The next day, after apologizing to everyone about seriously creeping them all out, I made a huge breakfast as a second apology.

I looked at Kakuzu. "You know, I'm sorry for being so creepy, but I meant every word I said."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "So you do think I'm a sensitive, beautiful soul who only cares for others?"

I blinked. "I said that?"

"Yep." Kakuzu nodded.

"Itachi didn't tell me about that part…" I mused… "Well, I do think you're beautiful and you're nice when you want to be… So I guess I mean part of that…"

Kakuzu nodded. "Good to know you're not that insane."

I smiled. "Love you too, buddy."

I dished out my third round apologies before spending some time pissing Sasori off. When I was finished messing with him and busied myself with cleaning the kitchen up. I had just finished when Itachi appeared behind me and kissed the base of my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Hi." I greeted, looking back at him. "What brings you here?"

He nuzzled my cheek. "Pein is sending Kisame and I on a mission."

I frowned. "How long?"

"At least three days." He confessed. "We leave just before nightfall."

I ran my hand through my hair. "Alright." I kissed his lips lightly. "Promise me you'll be careful."

"I always am." Itachi stated. He kissed me. "I promise I will be." He stroked my cheek. "Will you be alright? The boys will be gone too. They left this morning, but they should be home in a few days…"

I shrugged. "I'll manage."

Itachi rubbed his nose against mine. "I'm sorry."

I hugged him. "Just hurry."

He nodded. "I will."

The time for Itachi's departure came all too soon and I hated watching him leave because I now had no one to assure me my sons were coming home, and I had no one to fill the gap made when Itachi was gone.

I felt… empty.

When Tibby and Cielo were there and Itachi was gone, I could rely on them to hold me together. When Tibby and Cielo were gone, Itachi was always there to ease my nerves and promise me Tiburon and Cielo were going to come home. And if, by chance, Itachi was gone without Kisame, Kisame was always there too. Without them… I was alone.

First Person Kathryn!

"Why does it always look so depressing here when that bastard Uchiha leaves?" Hidan asked, elbowing me.

I glanced at him. "Because he leaves Alice behind and Alice can't function without him being here with her."
"The boys are gone too." Danna pointed out, frowning at Alice who was staring out the door. "This will be… difficult."

"Fuck. I forgot the kids were gone." Hidan swore. "This hasn't happened before, has it?"

"No." Danna said, shaking his head. "I can guarantee you it will not happen again if Itachi does not like the state of his wife when he returns."

Alice turned and glanced at us. "You guys know I can hear you, right?"

We all paled a little.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going… to do something."

"Ice Bitch, make me food." Hidan ordered.

Alice glanced at him. "Eat leftovers." She patted her leg and Ash and Sable hurried after her.

I pouted. "We need to distract her."

"How, un?" Dei asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know." I hurried after Alice and grabbed her hand. "No Momma. You're not secluding yourself right now. Come on. Spend time with us and keep your mind off the others."

Alice ran a hand through her hair. "Fine." She allowed me to drag her to the kitchen and she sat at the table when I ordered her to.

"Will you help me make a cake?" I asked.

She stared at the table. "You, Deidara, and Hidan are the only ones left in the base that like cake. Konan doesn't like the texture and Kakuzu only really eats ice cream and cookies. Pein only likes sweets if they're completely drenched in chocolate."

"Okay, then we'll make cookies." I announced. "Chocolate cookies."

She shrugged. "Whatever."

I pouted. "Momma… Try?"

"Sweets wasn't the best idea." She pointed out.

I winced, remembering that Itachi and Tiburon were the biggest sweet fanatics of them all. "Yeah… So…"

"Make cookies." She stated. "I'll help. I just don't feel like moving so bring me the shit."

"No." I stated. "You need to get up. And smile."

She stared at me. "Kathryn."

"Momma." I said firmly, narrowing my eyes at her and putting my hands on my hips. "Up."

She sighed and dragged herself up from the table to stand beside me at the counter. Robotically, she began making the batter for the cookies. I helped her, trying to memorize how she moved and what she did because Alice made the best cookies ever.

All too soon, we had made cookie dough and were currently putting pieces of the dough onto the pan to put in the oven.

Just as we finished up one tray, Hidan walked in. He scooped up some cookie dough with his finger before eating it. He nodded, pleased with the taste, before patting our heads. "Good work, bitches."

Alice feigned enthusiasm poorly while I beamed at him.

I skipped over to the table and sat down, preparing to wait for the cookies. Alice copied me and sat down across from me, her head instantly falling onto her hand. Hidan sat in his usual seat after getting himself something to drink and he frowned at Alice.

She remained oblivious to his glare as she traced patterns on the table.

I sighed and Hidan and I exchanged a look.

Alice wasn't functional without her husband, kids, and shark.

I pulled out my phone and opened up a text message. "You guys need to hurry."

A few moments later, I was answered.

What makes you say that? It's Kisame, by the way.

"Alice is pretty much dying right now."

What is she doing?

"She's literally just sitting here and rotting into the table. It's kind of depressing and scary."

Itachi said not to let her sleep alone. She always has night terrors when the boys are gone and since we're gone, she's bound to pretty much snap.

"How are we supposed to keep her from sleeping alone? She doesn't do sleepovers anymore."

Well, I suggest Hidan keeping her company, but don't tell Itachi. He just said to make sure she doesn't sleep alone. He doesn't care how you do it.

I showed Hidan the messages and he nodded, glancing at me. I sent back a quick "K" before hopping over to the oven when it beeped.

"Done, Momma." I chimed.

She didn't respond.

Hidan slammed his hand on the table. "Ice!"

Alice jumped and looked around. "What?"

He glared. "You're fucking pathetic."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Excuse me for missing my husband and worrying over the wellbeing of my sons."

"No, I won't." He snapped. "Tibby and Cielo are fucking fine, bitch and you've been separated from Itachi for much longer than three fucking days before. Get over it."

"Do you want to die?" She asked. "Because I might just kill you."

"Bring it, you whiny bitch." Hidan challenged.

Alice got to her feet and grabbed the knife off the counter. "Hold still."

Hidan got to his feet and took off out of the room. Alice gave chase.

"Hey! No running with knives!" I yelled.

"What's going on?" Danna asked as he entered the room.

"Hidan pissed Alice off to distract her. She's chasing after him with a knife." I explained.

Sasori sighed. "I am not responsible for any injuries or any damages." He looked at Kakuzu as he entered the room. "The money to pay for repairs is coming out of your partner's ass, not mine."

Kakuzu shrugged and stole a cookie. "Fair enough." He patted my head. "Good cookies, kid."

"Momma helped me make them." I informed him.

"I can tell." He grunted.

We managed to occupy Alice for the rest of the night, and Hidan stayed with her. According to him, she had night terrors but they were small ones that went away when he held her and talked to her.

Day one went down with little difficulty.

Day two, however, was worse.

Alice did pretty much nothing other than sit on the couch with Sable and Ash and mope. We tried to get her to do stuff, but she would barely move enough to spare us glances, let alone get up. According to Hidan, she didn't sleep at all that night. Instead, she stayed up all night reading.

When day three finally came around, Alice didn't even get out of bed until the kids came home. When they did, Alice didn't let Tibby or Cielo out of her sight and Tibby was less willing to leave her alone. He stayed at her side the entire time. Her panicky movements had stopped now that she was able to stop worrying about Tibby and Cielo and her night terrors didn't come, but Tibby and Cielo had to stay with her because otherwise she couldn't sleep.

Four days after Itachi and Kisame left, they came back.

Itachi walked into the living room where most of us, besides Alice, Tibby, and Cielo, were hanging out. He cocked his head to the side. "Where's Alice?"

"Bedroom." Hidan grunted.

I glanced at him. "She's not doing too good, Itachi."

Itachi frowned and left the room immediately.

Third Person!

Itachi traveled to his bedroom where he saw Alice lying on the mattress with Tiburon and Cielo on either side of her. Tiburon was hugging her tightly while Cielo played with her hair gently. Itachi sighed when he saw the fatigue and stress in Alice's face.

"Alice."

Alice's eyes opened and they landed on Itachi almost instantly. He walked over to her and extracted her from Tiburon before lifting her off of the bed. He sat down a second later and settled her in his lap. Alice latched onto him, burying her face into his shoulder.

"You lied." He pointed out. "You said you would be okay."

She tightened her grip on him. "I didn't expect it to hurt so badly."

"I told you I would be home soon." Itachi told her.

"Four days is not soon." She whispered. "Not for me."

Itachi sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Alice muttered. "I'm just pathetic."

Tiburon sat up and he frown at his father. "We're not leaving her alone anymore. I don't care if I have to reject missions."

Cielo glanced at Tiburon. "I agree with Tiburon.

"It is not that simple, boys." Itachi stated.

"How are we going to keep her safe if both of us are gone on missions?" Tiburon demanded. "Screw missions. Mom is more important. You should have seen her when we got home, Dad."

Itachi closed his eyes and buried his face into Alice's shoulder. He held her for a time before sighing and kissing the side of her head. "So be it. I will talk with Leader."

Alice smiled and kissed Itachi's cheek. "You guys are far too good to me."

Cielo scoffed but didn't comment, preferring to pet Ash silently as he spent some alone time with his new adopted family.

Even if they were incredibly strange.


I hate this chapter. But, timeskip comes soon. So get ready.

Fun Fact:My new laptop is amazing~

Answer: Sexy guys, humor, story lines, awesome abilities, relationships, and fucking violence. Not in that order though, lol.

QotC: Fuck, I dunno... When does everyone go back to school? If you're out of school, lucky you.

Meh.