In the last two years, I've never taken this long to update. I'm sorry for that. It's not going to be a regular thing. You never need to be shy about checking in. Send me a PM or find me on Tumblr. I never mind hearing for folks, but when you're posting reviews as a guest, I can't really respond to give you timing (you know who you are :))
I posted a short for the month of April - "Nocturnal Omissions" - go check it out.
Without further ado... well... one thing: thanks BK2U for pushing me to make the story the best I can and for Milner for cheer-leading me through it.
Tobias roused Tris just before sunrise. He fought the grogginess from the pill, but needed her to be awake in case he couldn't stave off the desire to go back to sleep. He kissed up her arm to her shoulder, and then to her cheek. She shrugged her shoulders and winced before her eyes fluttered awake.
"We gotta get back to Dauntless on the first train," he mumbled into her arm.
She pinched her eyes shut. "Mmm… five more minutes."
His hand massaged her back, playing with the straps that crossed it and the little blue bows. "I know you want a shower." He dragged his nose up her arm and kissed her shoulder again.
"Ugh… you sure we have to get the first train?" She buried her face into the pillow.
"You don't want to see Amar mad. This demonstration day thing has already gone bad enough."
Tris rolled onto her back and eased her arm up, rotating her shoulder. She used her right hand to loosen her muscles; her teeth bit down, holding her lip to a quiver rather than admit to the pain.
Tobias had other things to keep his attention. He ran his palm up her stomach to her breast, playing with her to watch the whole cup jiggle. She batted his hand and pushed herself up. If Tris didn't care so much about Caleb's impression of their relationship, Tobias would have followed her into the shower. But he stayed behind, dozing while he waited for her to finish.
He snored during the fast intake at the start of each inhalation. In her towel, she crawled next to him to watch the giant black tattoo expand and contract across his back. Tris ran her fingers up his spine from one faction to the next until she touched the flames at the base of his neck. Water dripped off the tips of her hair, and she blew goosebumps across his flesh. His muscles rippled when he moved, contracting hard and solid when he shifted, then fluctuating back to buttery soft when he relaxed.
"You said up, so come on, up!" She tapped her fingers into him and tickled the soft skin up his side.
He flinched away and turned under her; she almost lost her balance. Tobias steadied her, and rolled her down onto the mattress. He buried his nose into her neck, giving Tris a turn to squirm and want. Her hands pushed at his hips. His hands gripped the sheets under her rather than pulling on the towel. She expected his lips to find hers, but she didn't anticipate the weight their kiss put into the air. Tris let her mind wander to the promises they had made, and the heady connection between them intensified. She put her thumbs under the waistband of his shorts, cutting off his lips. He sighed and smiled, kissing her cheek and back to her ear before resting his forehead on the mattress above her shoulder. She couldn't get the band down very far with his shoulders against her collarbones.
"Don't say it," she begged, before he had more than the "T" from her name off his tongue. "Just be with me. Stay with me right here." She kissed his neck and turned her face to place her lips against his earlobe. "I love you."
Beep! Beep! Beep! He groaned and she sighed, letting out a little chuckle as his watch chirped under her left shoulder.
Tobias's arms burned and his back protested. His calves ached, both from the demonstrations and the flights of stairs he logged while carrying her boxes. He paused and waited for Layton and Sari to jog past him up to the top floor with a stack of flyers in hand.
Layton slowed and exaggerated each step. His smile turned smug as he smacked a flyer face down on top of the box, leaning down. "Stay informed, Four," he chuckled.
Four held in his groan and rolled his eyes while he braced through the extra force on his arms. He hoped Layton ended up in his next drill class after initiation. He counted down the doors in the hallway from five, four, three, two, one, and finally to hers. He refused to set the box down and balanced it on one arm, pinning it against the wall to free his hand. He managed the doorknob and pushed into the apartment.
Christina was making comments about the layout from Tris's bedroom doorway. Her hands departed from her hips to motion at the options and snapped back just as fast. "What about putting your desk in the living room? I won't mind, and it gets better light later in the day."
"It's fine. I have a lamp. My desk was in my room at my old place."
Tobias cleared his throat; Christina jumped aside. The flyer fluttered off and into the hall behind him. He lowered the box almost all the way to the floor before he let it slip with a thud. He shook his arms out and stretched his back before flopping over on the edge of the mattress. Tris blushed. Having a boy on her bed was one of those private things she never thought would be on display for her roommate.
Christina averted her eyes to be polite, and turned to retrieve the flyer which had landed in the bathroom. She glared at the front door, wide open to the outer hallway. "Were you born in a barn? What kind of Amity manners is this?" she mumbled off and away.
Tris sat on the edge of her mattress next to his legs and indulged by putting her hand on his thigh. He maneuvered in lazy wiggles behind her.
"Whoa, this is a faction bulletin!" Christina called.
Tris's hand snapped back to her lap just when Tobias had twisted enough to get his fingers on her lower back. She blushed harder.
Christina scanned the sheet. "Oh, wow. They are changing everything."
Tobias sat up straight. "Like what? What are they changing?"
"Job reassignments, starting today. Everyone has two days to get to their immediate super—"
Tobias launched up and snatched the bulletin.
"Yeah, sure. Read for yourself," Christina deadpanned, crossing her arms.
"Holy shit, they did it. I can't believe they did it." He skimmed and then doubled back to read every word.
"What did they do, exactly?" Tris slid back to get out of the way of his pacing pattern.
"Able-bodied members have to patrol and have to do fence rotations. Those with injuries will be matched with jobs that suit their capabilities," Christina summarized.
"Is that all? That makes sense." Tris watched Tobias's eyes shuffle across the page word by word and line by line, his hand pinching at his lower lip.
"You know they get a discount in the commissary? If you got a job in there, Tris, I would totally transfer credits for some of the dresses they have on clearance."
"I didn't think they'd actually do it. Ranks are at the foundation of the structure in Dauntless." Tobias ignored Christina and looked at Tris. But that didn't stop her from interjecting.
"And first-ranks don't patrol or go to the fence, right?" Christina smirked, raising her eyebrow. He didn't answer.
"I gotta see if Lauren will pull me onto her patrol squad with Zeke."
"Doubtful. She's already fully staffed." After the look he gave her, Christina decided not to add to the conversation. She side-stepped the box in the hall and retreated to her room.
The agenda for the first week of initiation still needed to be agreed upon. It sounded like an easy task: each option included both appropriate and thorough ways to start training kids, and departures from Dauntless traditions. But of course, pettier things held up the final decision. Fiona held a grudge against Scout over an earlier decision, and Harrison didn't want to be accused of favoritism towards Four and Amar. The other two leaders — Maggie and Heath — had to be asked to come and break the tension and force a decision. Four anticipated the meeting would be an all-night session and started rehearsing his arguments for his preferences, rather than think about his pending reassignment.
The bulletin had been stapled, taped, or otherwise posted every six feet all along the walls. He couldn't help but stiffen with immediate unease as he recalled a very similar sign from almost a year prior.
"This isn't right. It doesn't feel right," he mumbled to Tris, passing two other members suspiciously eyeing the bulletins.
"What? You think we'll get in trouble with Dauntless?"
"No, no. Last year, they put the same signs up and then they shot us up with mind control. This just feels… wrong."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah, really. They looked exactly like this. So either something really wrong is happening, or they are being really stupid."
"I bet it's a template. Just a generic sign. Besides, it's been up all day. If they were passing out injections, the faction would have revolted already." Tris pulled him forward.
The Pit teemed with patrol squads and stern-looking members holding the notice in one hand and shoulder holsters in the other. No one would be going to their meetings unarmed.
Tobias peeked around the corner at the line outside Harrison's door; Scout didn't have a line. Tris took a deep breath and moved to enter. Tobias pulled her back.
"Come on. I'll get mine over with, and then maybe you'll be in with Harrison when I get out," Tris reasoned.
"I'll come with you."
"Tobias, it's okay. If something was wrong, we'd know by now," she assured and disappeared into Scout's office.
Tobias joined a few other members of Harrison's maintenance team and folded his arms, watching Scout's door.
"You hear about Mud-Bucket?" Kaden mused, ready to pass on gossip.
"No, what happened to Michelle?" Four always insisted on using her real name.
"She got pulled off of maintenance entirely. She's been reassigned to patrol one hundred percent."
"What? Patrol? No! That doesn't make any sense." The adrenaline started to kick in. Yenna looked sour when she came out of Harrison's office. In the back of his mind, he knew anyone at Erudite could be brought in to manage the security system. If their best welder, Michelle, was headed to patrol, he was headed to patrol.
Harrison stepped out to see the line, caught Four's eye, and pointed at him. "You're next."
"But I've been here for an hour," Kaden protested, and two others started to speak.
Four hesitated to jump over his fellow maintenance members. "I can wait. It's no big deal. It's just keeping me from that initiation meeting."
"Four, now." Harrison rolled his eyes and pointed into the room. He shut the door and stayed next to it, glancing out through the blinds for a moment.
"So… patrols?" Four wanted to get to the sting, like pulling off a band-aid.
Harrison turned and sighed, relaxing his shoulders and cracking his neck. "Just… can we pretend for like three minutes that the other person isn't here? I need just three minutes of silence." He rubbed his temples and took his seat on the other side of the desk.
"Sir?"
"Please, Four? It's been a shitty day."
"Yeah, okay." Four slouched into the seat and tapped out his anxieties on his thigh.
Harrison didn't take his head out of his hands or open his eyes. He worked small circles into the sides of his head and took deep breaths. When he did shift, Four's stomach had worked its way up into his chest.
"Okay, so… You're gonna tell the rest of the crew that you got quarterly rotations at the fence and a hundred hours of patrol a month."
Four groaned and smeared his face with his palms.
"What you're actually gonna get is fifty hours of patrol and two rotations at the fence. You'll be on the regular maintenance rotation about thirty percent of the time, and the rest you'll be supporting the security system."
Four blinked and processed, then filtered down a dozen questions to his main concern. "You're saying I'm still going to work the computers?"
"Well, yeah. Who else is gonna do it? Those fucking Noses Johanna keeps pushing at us? As if that's every gonna happen."
"And initiation?"
"Yeah, yeah, initiation. But not drills. Lauren is gonna have to pull it together and do drills. It's the only way I could get her off fence rotation. I'm not going to send her back up there no matter what she says about being better."
Four knew he shouldn't be telling him about Lauren, but at the same time, he appreciated that Harrison also looked after her.
"But the fence?"
"For fuck's sake. It's two trips a year. Get over yourself and just be happy it's not four. Now get out of here and look pissed off like it's completely unfair and not at all out of line with what other people are getting, okay?" Harrison's eyebrow went up in warning.
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Four started for the door.
"And can you bring me some coffee for the meeting in thirty minutes? I know you're not support, but I can't find those lazy shits."
"Yeah, no problem." Four started to open the door and then repeated with a bit of sarcasm and an emphasis on the formality, "Yes, sir! No problem, sir! Thank you, sir!" and slammed the door behind him. Kaden leaned back and gave him space, but didn't ask any questions.
Tris stood down the hall, separate from the crew. She stayed silent, offering him a small smile instead. Her arms uncurled from around her waist to take his offered hand. Tobias didn't like her posture and he worried about her new assignment. He waited until the elevator door closed before he inquired.
"Oh, no. It was already factored in when I took my position. Scout had me run some photocopies for her." She kept her voice soft and didn't meet his eyes.
"You okay? You look… upset." He chose the word carefully.
"I'm fine. Just… don't worry about it. It's just already been a long day." She shrugged and gave him a fake smile.
"You can tell me. It's just us. Is it your shoulder? We can stop by the infirmary if you need to."
"Yeah, let's do that. So, what're your new assignments? Sounded pretty bad." She took the easy out, rather than explain what his friends said to her while she waited. She didn't want to affect his work relationships.
"It sucks, but Harrison cut me some slack. If anyone asks, I have a hundred hours of patrol and four turns at the fence a year. But what he actually gave me was fifty hours and two trips."
"Really? Wow. That's… why?"
"The security system. He doesn't want to hand it over to Erudite, and no one else really likes to do the maintenance on it. It's sort of my thing."
"Oh, cool. So I guess that wasn't really that bad, right?"
"Still, the fence," he groaned.
"Yeah, well, just twice. You free now, though?"
"No, I still have the initiation meeting. But Harrison asked me to get him some coffee before it starts, so if I'm late, I'll just blame it on the line in the dining hall." Four took her hand and squeezed it.
"Dauntless taking odds at 2:3, Candor at 6:1, Erudite at 3:2, Amity at 15:1 and factionless at 5:2," Zeke yammered at a group while he collected their bets.
"But how many Erudite are there?" one of the girls asked.
"Seven Erudite, five Candor, two Amity, and ten factionless — it's a big year. And we got twenty Dauntless," he rattled.
"Why the hell is factionless 5:2, there's no data," she responded.
"Guess we can tell where you transferred from. 3:2, for your home team, Nose. You gonna bet or not?" Zeke started to move on, but she caught him and placed her wager.
Tris contemplated placing her own bet with all the different bookies shouting odds and statistics, and the resulting calamity of members arguing over who would fall into the net first. But she kept her meager credits to herself. She half wondered if someone had won big money, and how much, on her.
She smiled at Four, giving him a slight wave when she caught his eye; he nodded from his position next to Amar by the net. The freshly shaved sides of his head reflected the light from above, and the shadows played off his face. With his razor-backed mohawk, he looked mean. The post in his ear and the haircut would have put Tris off a year prior, but she liked that he had a fierce public persona. It made the vulnerable, shy moments with him more special.
Red. A streak of red plummeted without a peep from the ceiling into the net. Red, and female. The room fell silent when she coughed out the air in her lungs on impact. Four helped her out of the net, setting her on wobbly feet.
"What's your name?" The sound of his voice took Tris back, like watching a memory, only with a darker, taller, and more confident girl.
People all around Tris started to elbow and crane their necks. Half murmured factionless, the other half corrected them. Tris could tell she was Amity by the way she wore her hair: tucked under a scarf and bound in tufts in the back. If the others were paying attention, the way her red pants matched her top should have given her away.
"Jess..ica. Jessie. Er, Jess." She looked startled to see all the faces staring back at her.
"First jumper, Jess!"
The crowd cheered, and Four prodded her further out of the way, turning to look back up at the silhouette on the roof. Amar used a mirror to flash up a light that meant the net was clear and another body came down.
The crowd dwindled after the first jumper, but others still stayed to clap and stamp their feet. Rafael managed to summon enough courage to jump in the middle of the group. Lauren bounced on her toes when he slid — slightly pale — out of the net. When Harrison came down, almost everyone departed at once. Tris lingered to watch, fascinated to see the introductions from the other side.
Four paced in front of the group, introducing himself. No one commented about his name. No one said a peep, not even the Dauntless-born who had some idea of his reputation. Amar took his turn explaining the rules of initiation. Tris remembered those anxious, exciting moments, vicariously reliving them through her examination of each and every body in front of her.
"You will be divided by gender for stage one: combat training. You will train separately to avoid any early injuries, but both sexes will be assessed together in a final ranking tournament. The Dauntless-born initiates are responsible for bringing transfers up to speed as much as any instructor, so pay attention and participate. You are being assessed on all fronts.
"Stage two, you will face your fears and learn to overcome them. It is an entire stage dedicated to psychological endurance. It will test your fortitude and your ability to train your mind as well as your body. Stage three is one test, one opportunity to show off all that you learned in stage two.
"You will be assessed. You will be ranked. You will get hurt. And, if you work hard, you will succeed.
"At any time, you can choose to leave this faction and return to your faction of origin. If you are from Dauntless, you can apply for housing here in Dauntless as part of the factionless who assist us in our daily existence. You can also complete applications for a different faction, if you so desire, for a later initiation cycle. No one will be asked to leave. No one will be forced to leave. But your choices will determine your place in the city and your place within this faction." Amar gave a curt nod. Tris felt like even she needed it repeated, and saw the kids exchange confused glances, but none of them spoke up.
"Boys with Amar. Girls with me," Four announced and turned abruptly.
"Part of me is going to miss it," Lauren mused, surprising Tris with her proximity.
"Why is Four training the girls?"
"I don't know, they thought splitting the genders might help with stage one performance. Fewer injuries early on, but with opportunity later to challenge and kick some male egos down the drain."
"But, why is Four training girls? Why isn't Amar?"
"Why was Four training transfers? We drew straws. Don't worry about it. It's probably because Rafael knows him too well. I know he hammered him for hours the other day about keeping his mouth shut. Or only sharing scary shit," Lauren laughed, leading the way back towards the Pit.
"So why aren't you training this year?"
"I still have my own shit to work on. But first things first, I need breakfast. You coming?"
The agreed upon initiation schedule promised to be just as grueling as the year before. Four hoped the new leadership would require less of them without the ulterior motive of hunting Divergents; however, they wanted more. All of them were concerned about the factionless and the Erudite. The whole faction was skeptical and anxious about traitors. The transfers would be under additional scrutiny.
Four's schedule started by waking up to train at four-thirty. He met Amar for breakfast at six so they could organize and prepare, or sit in silence. Then they set up whatever they needed and met the initiates in the training room at eight. They spent an hour and a half on conditioning drills: running, push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, planks that lasted minutes, and some weight training. Following that, they squeezed in an hour or so of some sort of skills exercises like the firing range or punching bags.
Per the requirements of the leadership, Four ate both lunch and dinner with the initiates assigned to him. The first days were to keep them together, answer pressing questions, and to learn more about them. It took effort on his part to keep them from thinking his subtle interactions meant they could speak to him like a friend or an equal. A few days in, after they got their first hints of ranks and suspected they were being watched, they started to self-monitor their conversations. Still, even in week two, he had to interject the hardline of faction politics.
After lunch, he preferred lectures or lighter skills sessions like first-aid and faction structure to let his own stomach settle before fights or combat exercises. But Amar liked to dive in, and with one group yelling, punching, and fighting, and another sitting and not listening, Four had to switch it up. He and Amar trained some things together after that. They dismissed the groups at six. Between six and dinner, he and Amar could clean up and compare notes on their respective groups and prepare for the long night of leadership discussions.
Around eight, the leadership met to discuss four of the initiates in a constant and alphabetical rotation. Review sessions seemed incapable of ending before midnight. A couple times, with the Erudite kids, they went even later. Leadership insisted on an update regarding the sub-groups within the genders, and then action plans for how to split them up and get them to better integrate. Four hated every minute.
Dragging his feet and rubbing his eyes as he exited the conference room, he didn't have the energy to inflict himself on Tris. Besides, almost all of Dauntless maintained an eight to six schedule — Tris probably went to sleep around eleven. He missed her starting on day one, and ached more each day without her. He fell asleep thinking and then dreaming about sneaking up to her room. Fighting off the desire became harder and harder, and only a shot of liquor could subdue it.
Either Tris or his friends always made a point of finding him and telling him where they'd all be that evening, just in case. Tris slipped notes inside the folders she passed off to him and Amar in the morning. Zeke whispered in his ear at lunch. Lauren faked flirtatious offers over the heads of the initiates, and when they all looked at Four for his response, slid notes to Rafael. They'd done the same thing the year before — well, without the flirting. And just like the year before, he'd watch the clock through the evening meeting hoping for an early release before giving in to disappointment when the hand kept moving and the discussions didn't slow.
On the tenth day of initiation, they had a reprieve. Everything clicked into place and the conversations with leadership went fast and smoothly. He and Amar exchanged a relieved glance on their way out of the conference room and into the elevator at just nine-thirty.
"What time tomorrow?" Four prompted out of courtesy; he already knew the answer.
"Usual. You gonna find the party?" Amar asked; he'd seen the note in the folders that morning.
"Yep. I'm going to now, as long as they're where they said they'd be. You wanna come?"
"Naw, George should still be up. He tries to wakes up to talk for a bit most nights, but it still feels like I haven't seen him."
"I hear ya," he yawned as he finished.
"Tell you what, I'll take both groups tomorrow morning. I'll get them out for a run for a couple hours if you'll take them the next morning. That way you can get some personal time tonight and I can tomorrow. Sound good?"
"Yeah, real good," he blushed.
"How is Tris handling all this? Her job and stuff?"
"Don't know. I haven't seen her. Just what we can when she brings the folders down."
"What? You need to try harder. This is a tricky time for her, you know. George says she's gotten quiet. She sounds lonely."
"Yeah, well, we don't live together and she's in bed before any of these meetings get out. It's hard. I'll do better this next week, if we can keep getting out early like today."
"Even if we don't, you gotta do better. She didn't join Dauntless to study first-aid and photocopy reports. She joined for you."
"I'll do better," he placated. He wanted to avoid a fight.
Four slipped into Lauren's apartment just before ten. Six faces all turned and cheered in recognition. Despite being tired and exhausted, he joined in with a muted call.
Tris immediately set her cards down and sprinted to the door, wrapping her arms around his middle. He rested his cheek on her head and held her, careful not to squeeze her shoulder. He slid his hands down her arms, pushing them apart. Her scent swirled in his nostrils, and spoke to the wants he'd suppressed for days. He pulled her back to him for a gentle but eager kiss. Zeke and Shauna launched a chorus of catcalls. His lips locked, pulled, then hunted down her neck when Tris shrank away.
"Tobias, your friends…" Tris murmured and pushed off of him, her coy smile and pink cheeks begging him to carry her off.
"You want in?" Zeke asked, preparing to split the beans spread out between all the players.
Tobias glanced from Tris to Zeke and back. She fought a grin and returned to her seat at the table.
Zeke pushed twenty beans from his pile off towards the center. Shauna started counting from hers.
Tobias waved them off. "No, I'll just watch. My head's mush."
He looked around for another chair and did a double take: Christina and Anxo were seated on the couch, engrossed in a quiet, intense conversation, their hands on each other's knees. He looked at Tris, small and perched on the edge of her chair with plenty of space behind her and a ready excuse to be close— even in front of his friends. He slid gracefully behind her, holding on to her waist while she situated herself.
Lauren clapped her hand over her eyes. "Eww, the Stiffs are practically procreating in my kitchen! Make them stop!"
Four flicked one of Tris's beans at her.
"Hey, I can't afford to go throwing beans all over!" Tris chastised.
"So, how's Raf doing?" Lauren wiggled forward on her chair. Her knee bounced and shook the table.
"Alright."
"Details?" she insisted.
"I'm training the girls, so I don't have the daily. But Amar said he was doing good when we talked about him yesterday. He looks pretty bruised, though. So I'm not certain how good."
Lauren glared at him. "Really? You're his best friend and you haven't even checked up on him?"
Four stiffened. He never really considered his role in Rafael's life. Sure, Zeke claimed him as his brother, and Lauren as her best friend, and he'd used those terms for each of them before. Rafael was a good friend, a very good friend, but he'd never stopped to consider how Rafael thought of him.
"It's week two, Lauren. We're looking at the transfers a bit more than the Dauntless, and no, we don't consider him a transfer. He's doing fine."
"When do you start ranking?" Tris asked. She folded her hand so she could concentrate on their conversation.
"I've got my list, Amar has his. But in a couple days we'll start combining and jostle everyone around kind of on a gut feel." He watched the cards in her hand and the opening bets around her.
"What about that Amity girl?" Zeke asked.
"What about her?" Four stopped Tris from folding her low two pair.
"She's the one that signed up for the competition, right? First jumper? She must have some balls," Lauren added, raising the bet.
Tris again tried to fold, but Four pushed beans forward instead. Lauren folded, Zeke followed, and Tris claimed the pile. Four leaned back and pushed his thumbs gently into her lower back. She closed her eyes and sighed. The sound knocked him out of reality and into a fantasy.
"Four?" Lauren snapped her fingers.
"What?" He shook himself out of a daze.
"The Amity girl?"
"Jess, right. She's tenacious. Tries hard. Not sure if she's smart or not, but she's fitting in okay. Some of the Dauntless-born don't seem to like her, though."
"Is that something you worry about? People getting along?" Tris had three tens and immediately raised the bet.
"Sort of. We look for cooperative behaviors since we're all supposed to be able to work as a unit. It's definitely something factored in," Lauren answered for him.
"And yet, Peter," Tris stated.
"Well, last year was different." Four sighed heavily on her shoulder and checked his watch, telling the table, "You know, I should get to bed soon. I was just checking in." And then quieter, just in her ear, "You want to come with me?"
She folded her cards.
"Oooh, the Stiffs are loose tonight! Sitting is the new foreplay!" Lauren teased immediately.
"Shut it, Lauren." Four rolled his eyes, his hand on Tris's hips herding her towards the door. He didn't even finish tying his shoes — he tucked the laces instead.
She pushed his door shut and kicked off her shoes. He almost lost his balance when she collided with him, pushing him eagerly back. He held her tight, too tight for her shoulder. She fought the pain for a moment and had to nudge him back with a reminder. He toned down how much he used his hands, letting them rest on her arms instead of roaming over her body. His warm and slightly chapped lips snagged against her neck and sent shivers down her spine. He mistook her shudder for a flinch.
"You okay?"
"Yeah." She pulled his lips back to hers and started walking them both, one step at a time, through his apartment.
She nearly tripped on her own feet; the stumble took her away from him and he paused, took a big breath, and shrugged. Curiously, he stepped away from her and got a glass of water. Tris arched an eyebrow and waited. He started some small talk about her job.
"Things going okay?"
"Sure. I guess." She pulled up his shirt and put her hands on his stomach.
"What have you been doing?"
"Like, watching and stuff. I'm just trying to learn." She spread her hands up under the fabric to his chest and then around to his back.
"And your shoulder? What's the status with that?"
Tris pursed her lips together and took a calming breath. "It's fine. Not as sore, better range of motion. I might start some exercises next week if the doctors say I can." She pushed his shirt up, finally getting him to set his glass down and kiss her while she pushed him towards his bed again. She took her hands off of him for one second to scratch an itch and push the hair off her face, and he started another string of questions.
"What kind of time are you getting in the medical center?"
"I don't know, it's been one day out of four so far." She pushed him down and sat on his lap.
"Is that really enough to learn anything?"
"It is what it is," she shrugged.
He hugged her, smelling her hair and revisiting the fantasies her scent had started earlier. Tris laid her head against his collarbone, reluctantly reaching the conclusion that he still didn't want to touch her like that.
He half whispered, "Can we?"
She leaned back and examined his face; he stammered trying to think of an apology to backtrack.
"Well, yeah. What do you think I've been trying to get to?" she exclaimed.
"Oh… oh. I…" He grinned and blushed. "I didn't want you to think this was just a booty call."
"I miss you, in every way. But if you're ready to... Well, we can talk after." She pulled his shirt up and over his head.
"Tell me what you want, and you've got it." He scraped his nose along her jaw up to her earlobe.
"Well, stop stopping. And, to cover the bases: I'll tell you if you hurt me, I'll be okay for most stuff even if it's tender, and I didn't expect to see you so I didn't bring a condom."
"I got one."
She removed her own shirt when he didn't move fast enough. "Good. Now get started, however you wanna do it."
"I like what we've done in the past," he assured her.
"Well, you could you be a little less… cautious. I like it at the end, when you just do what you want, it's…." 'hot' or 'sexy' or 'amazing' floated between her lips, but her embarrassment stopped each in turn. She turned beet red with her admission. She distracted herself with his buckle, then pulled his belt and loosened it.
"You sure?" he checked one last time. She nodded. "Okay, but if you tell me to stop—"
"We'll do something different," she confirmed for him, his button popping apart between her fingers. She slid down onto her knees before he could stop her. Her lips teasing his tip and then the skin around his shaft before sliding down him.
It crossed his mind to stop her, that he really want to bury himself deep inside her. But a palpable nagging for a release had him gripping onto the edge of his bed for support instead. He could feel her laughing around him, the vibration adding more than the distraction of the sound. Her fingers dug into his hamstring, and if he were standing, he would have collapsed. The sensations overwhelmed him. He remembered to warn her in time for her to prepare, and watched through squinted eyes as she covered him for every spurt. He caught his breath, ignoring her quick stumble to the sink, and flopped down onto the mattress.
Tris looked at him, her lip pulled between her teeth. "So, you didn't want to?"
"Oh, we're gonna. But how could I stop that? And I'll probably last longer now."
He pulled her onto his lap, kissed her, held her. He fought off the wave of sleepiness that begged him to roll over and sleep, and instead lifted her up and set her down on her back. He pressed her into the mattress underneath him and pulled on the button of her jeans, slowly inching them off her with kisses down her right leg. His shorts landed next to her clothes. His lips followed his hands across her skin, until she pushed his stubbly face away from her more ticklish parts. He sat up between her knees, his hands already traveling along her thigh. Tris looked unsure, her hand pushed against his stomach.
"I don't tell you enough how beautiful you are to me," he apologized, his hand running down her side to her hip. "I have been thinking about you all week like a craving." He paused; he wouldn't skip the last step in undressing her without pausing, at least not yet. Even if she denied it, her fears hovered below the surface, or at least she couldn't convince him that they'd been vanquished. He waited for her response.
"Oh," she laughed when she realized the meaning behind his glance, "Come on, Tobias. I said less caution." Tris pushed her panties down her hips, blushing harder when his eyes followed. Then his fingers curled around her waistband and finished stripping her.
"You said however I want it, and I like it when you get naked for me," he teased, tickling her side with the light flick of his tongue.
Tris knew what would came next. She wiggled her hips and thought about demanding him to proceed faster, but the feel of his lips against her skin, working their way down was a treasure in itself. When he finally slid his thumb against her, the frustrating buildup became all the more worthwhile. His actions seemed endless, bringing her close then subsiding in intensity, then ramping her back up again. He read her moans and her breathing like a map, carefully maneuvering around her climax, teasing her, trying to get her to beg him for release to tell him exactly what she needed.
"Please?" she finally moaned, her hands in his hair, pressing him.
"What do you want?" He let his thumb swirl in place of his tongue and paused to watch the desperation on her face.
"You."
"Me?" He slowed his motion.
"Yeah, you. Please?"
He shrugged his shoulders and smirked, sliding over her clit again. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Please, Tobias."
"Please, what?"
Tris mumbled something he knew to be "Make me come."
"What's that?" he teased. He liked how she got tongue-tied yet still tried to say what she wanted. But her restraint meant he had work to do.
She mumbled again.
Tobias pressed firmly and moved a millimeter a second. Tris grabbed the sheets with both hands. Her back arched.
"You want to take a break?" He fixated on the jitter of her hips and the outline of her abs straining with tension.
"No! I want you inside me. Now. Right now," she exclaimed, her hand wrapping around his wrist.
What she said wasn't particularly dirty. It wasn't even profane. But something about her demanding it — wanting him inside of her immediately — sent him into overdrive. Tobias quickly worked his way up her body, stopping for a moment to pucker his lips around her nipple. He followed the pull of her arms up, even with her, then pushed inside of her.
She pushed back on his thigh with her foot, shocked as he stretched her. He'd always insisted on a condom before, and she wasn't quite expecting his response.
She'd fantasized about him doing exactly what he did, about him wanting her enough to overlook her past, to trust her with his fears. When she'd said it, she'd expected him to swat at a box in his side table or find a packet in his dresser. The thought was wiped from her mind, replaced by the enthusiastic rutting of his hips against hers. The way he grabbed her legs just under her knees and pushed them up situated him in exactly the right spot. She gasped and gripped him, losing conscious thought as she fell into his rhythm. He shifted and put her legs over his shoulders, pulling her hips and clutching her around the stomach, vigorously driving into her. He let out a grunt, slowing to long strokes, mouth slack and hips jerking to a stop.
He slumped over her, his hands pressing on either side of her hips and kissed her slowly, deeply, until Tris felt him shrink inside her and slip out, leaving a trail of fluid sliding down her skin. Tobias's eyes drew open, registering his actions.
"Shit," he breathed out. "I um... whoa."
"It's okay. I have the implant, remember? It's okay," she reassured quickly, holding her breath for his response.
He gave an exaggerated nod, fighting the panicked beat of his heart with the logic. He laid down next to her, his hand finding hers and giving her an assuring squeeze.
"Would you mind if I showered before I go?" Tris asked, the sloppy feeling making her nose curl.
"You're going? But you didn't come, did you?"
"I'm okay, I know I can't sleep here. I've taken too much time already." The apologetic tone wasn't lost on him.
"Amar's taking the first two hours tomorrow morning. Not that I want to be up much longer, but that's plenty of time, and if you're here you can make sure I get up," he offered, running his hand down her arm, taking her hand to lead her across the room.
"Oh, really? Wow, that's nice of him."
"I'm taking the first two hours the day after so he and George can have extra time, too. It's sucked not seeing you." The vibration of excitement that being allowed to sleep over gave her pushed a smile across her lips, even though she wanted to play cool.
He followed her into the bathroom, pulling a towel out of the cupboard and starting the shower, oblivious to her falling face. She froze and blanched as drips worked their way down her leg. He didn't even notice as he ushered her into the small stall in front of him.
From some of Christina's stories, Tris expected him to be pushing her up the wall and hearing his neighbor bang against the other side in protest. But he gently rolled the soap in his hands and applied it to her back, her sides. He dabbed her nose with suds and started asking her more about her days without him.
"So, how is the med training coming if you only get a few days?"
"I guess it's easy enough. Janice is very patient, which is good because I have a lot of questions. And since I don't have a set schedule, she's not covering anything complicated."
"And how is the leadership stuff?"
"Horrible," Tris sighed.
"How so?"
She filled him in on the menial tasks and touched on the overheard conversation about her being a traitor.
"Who was it?" Tobias's face lost all humor.
"I… I didn't see. I didn't go around the corner."
"Where was it?"
"Uh, outside the leadership hallway."
"So, men, women? How many of them? What time?"
"Don't," Tris sighed. Tobias's eyebrows pressed her to answer. "Don't go looking it up on the cameras. It doesn't matter who it is. It was just one conversation. If they ever bring it up to me, I can take care of myself."
"All you have to do is give me names and I can make sure it never happens again."
"I know. I will if I need to," she assured him, patting his chest and turning off the water.
After his reaction, she spared him the gossip that she earned her ranking one night at a time; she didn't want to ruin their night together. He swallowed a pill on the way back to bed and then fought the effects, trying to fit in a slew of questions.
"You just keep doing what you should. Beat them by being the best Dauntless there ever was," he offered, his hand slowing in its repetitive motion to a stop on her hip.
"How am I supposed to do that? I can't be just Dauntless." She only got a soft snore and a sinking feeling in response. She figured it would be weeks before they got another night together.
The five minute walk felt like five miles, but a good, honest and cleansing five miles. He paused before knocking and checked the note Tris left under his door. He tried the doorknob, hoping to enter unnoticed. The knob turned freely, unlocked and waiting for him just like her note said. His boots sounded heavy in the silence of the apartment. A lamp illuminated the room from behind the arm chair. A finger ran along the edge of a page and he could hear the paper rustle as it was turned.
"She's in bed already," Christina commented from the chair.
"Sorry it's late."
"Don't apologize for that. Apologize for waiting five days to show back up."
"Seriously?" he grumbled.
"You booty call her back to your place and then radio silence? Shitty move, Four. She's been moping ever since."
He didn't have the patience for much more of her abuse. "You ever consider keeping your mouth shut?"
"I thought we agreed you wouldn't fuck things up. And you're sort of fucking things up. She didn't even want to bother you. I had to drag her to your place to leave that note. That's pretty fucked up."
That statement caught him off guard. He wanted to know more about it, but not from Christina, so he bit his tongue.
Tris's room was pitch black, and only her even breaths tampered with the silence. Every movement — his boots scraping debris into the floorboards, his hand on the grain of the wood of the door, the latch rolling against the strike plate and the final click that held the door shut, his breath and the sound of the movements of his tongue — seemed loud enough to wake the dead. He never intended on staying, but he also never wanted her to feel ignored.
Tobias eased down on a chair and made his peace with making some noise. He pulled off one boot, then the other. Without anything to sleep in, he wondered how she'd feel if he stripped all the way down and if it would be worse if he stayed clothed. She'd probably want him to be comfortable. He pulled off his pants, folded them and set them on the chair, then his shirt. He was debating about his tank top when she coughed. His eyes adjusted and he could see the whites of her eyes.
"You're awake?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"How long have you been awake?"
"I didn't realize it took you fifteen minutes to take your pants off."
"I didn't… I didn't bring anything." He broke down and laughed, kneeling on the side of the bed. "Oh, God. Am I really gonna do this?"
"Do what?"
"I don't have enough time to take a pill. Not even a small dose. But I mean..." He looked worried.
Tris scrambled up onto her knees and kissed him. "You want to stay?"
"Yeah. Of course I want to stay. Why wouldn't I want to stay?" Telling her the truth wouldn't make her feel better.
"You made another arrangement with Amar?"
"Nope. I still gotta be up for the morning run. But I needed to see you. I miss you. And I got your note, I'm sorry I haven't been around."
"It's okay. You're busy."
"I know. But still, I need to make a better effort."
"I didn't want to guilt you."
"I want to be here. I just needed a little nudge."
He kissed her. Her fingers traced down the side seams of his tank top to the hem and pulled it up. Tobias was too tired to be patient; he quickly — although still carefully — removed her pajamas and started to encourage her on top.
"Wait." Tris pushed back off of him.
"Wait?" He didn't mean to sound whiny.
"Sit on the edge."
"It's late. I don't want to rush... But… I mean, it's late. I have to wake up early."
He complained even though he followed her directions. He assumed she wanted more foreplay and expected her to start moving down. And while he loved it when she did that, he also knew he'd have to coax her to completion when all he'd want to do is sleep. Tris slipped her leg over him and put her knees by his hips.
"I don't think this'll take too long. I just want to try something different. We don't have to do it the same two ways all the time. There's other positions." He could see her white teeth biting down on her lip. She ran her hands down his stomach, gripped him, and stroked.
"Okay, different can be good. As long as you're okay with this." Tris laughed at him, but didn't stop with her motions. She started to shift; he held her shoulders so he could get her attention. "Condom?"
"Still? But… we already… Did you read the pamphlet I got you?"
He pushed her hair away from her face. "Tris, please, one fear at a time, okay? I brought one, in my pants pocket."
"It's like six hundred words, if that. I'm completely covered," she scolded, but tossed him his pants anyways. She crossed her arms and let out an impatient huff while she waited for him to roll it on. Anything to apply more pressure about his coming to terms with her choice in contraception.
It took a few awkward, anxious seconds for her to lift and maneuver, then slide down fast and tight around him. She squirmed, feeling the stretch she'd been craving. His lips moved against her shoulder. His hands were on her back, her legs, able to touch her anywhere he wanted. Their coupling was deep and intense, and his mind fluttered between concentration and giving in. She stifled her moans against his neck, one after the other, until the vibrations broke his resolve. He warned her and she sped up, urging him and then he was done. They held each other up with their arms wrapped around each other's backs.
"I liked that." Tris kissed his chin, then rubbed her nose into his throat and hugged him tight.
Tobias heaved a heavy sigh, and rubbed her back. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Tris started to get up, but he held her tighter. She relaxed into the closeness, but he didn't. "Are you okay?"
"I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
"You didn't. I liked it."
"No… uh… I mean, tonight."
"You won't." She traced his jaw to his neck and the back of his head. Her fingers played in the shaggy strip of hair and scraped against his scalp. He squeezed her tighter and rested his chin on her shoulder. "When do you have to get up?"
"I meet Amar at six. I've been training in the morning, but I'll skip tomorrow and sleep in a little." He paused, glanced at his pants on the chair, and voiced an alternative idea. "You know, maybe I should just take the couch."
"If you're gonna sleep here, you're sleeping here. We're gonna face this together and it's going to be fine." She moved on to a different topic, closing the book on their discussion. "You should let me clean up your head before you go."
"No, it's okay for a few more days." Four finally let her loose.
"You're looking shaggy. I'll get up with you and shave it." He nodded, but didn't look happy.
Tris settled down on the mattress, careful to lay on her right side. Four waited for her to finish getting comfortable then laid down behind her. He tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach and focused on the smell of her hair. Every time he started to doze off, she'd twitch or shift.
He planted his lips on her neck. "Are you comfortable?"
"No," Tris laughed.
"Okay…"
"Switch sides."
"What?"
"Switch sides. I can't lie on my left." Four maneuvered around, over, and then back under the light blanket. Tris pushed him down on his back and laid her head on his shoulder.
He laughed at the force she applied to mold him into the exact position she wanted. "Comfortable?"
"Better," she sighed, and settled in.
Tris smirked when her alarm went off at seven and she was alone in bed. "Stubborn," she muttered, casting the covers aside and grabbing the condom wrapper that got left behind. She wondered if she should expect him to show up every Friday, but decided that was too much to hope for. However, they were halfway through stage one, and he might have more time during stage two.
When warm arms pushed her out of the center of her mattress the next night, she assumed she'd dreamt it. But he left her a note on her nightstand confirming he'd been there. And he did it again the night after that, and again, and again until she came to expect it.
Whatever fear he had of hurting her, she could only smile thinking he'd overcome it. Even if she wasn't always awake to talk to him, knowing he'd been there night after night made her feel special and important.
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