A/N: For those currently wondering, unfortunately, our heroine's Bonds remain unsealed, though properly strengthened. Dorea told Mia back in Chapter 33 that a Soul Bond is sealed through a ritual and both parties need to be all knowing in regards to the Soul Bond (which Sirius currently isn't), willing to openly accept the Soul Bond (which at this point neither of them truly are), and fully loving of their Bond mate (which they are in some serious denial about). So many of you want Mia to change the future, it breaks my heart that I set up the rules the way I did. But there are fics where Hermione goes back and does change the future by altering the past, and I did really want to take my story and do something a little different with it, and this is it. She's trapped, guilty, and unable to do much about it unfortunately. She'll try, oh she'll try. But saving lives wasn't the point of her going back, living her life was.


Chapter Fifty-Three
Silencing Charms


July 30th, 1976

Though Mia swore she did not regret sleeping with him, Sirius could not help but berate himself for hours over the fact that he crossed the line he swore he would never cross without being absolutely certain he could: no sex; that was his rule with Mia.

He had craved her for so long, and she was already there when he woke up from his nightmare, sitting on his mattress, smelling like a rainstorm, and looking like she had the ability to heal not only his external wounds but everything inside of him as well. She was perfection, and it made him angry that he could not be the same for her. Something dark inside of him wanted to take that perfection from her—the something inside of her that made her good, while he was worthless. So, he tried taking it the only way he could, by kissing her rough and hard and putting all of his anger and resentment toward the world into that kiss.

That kiss had triggered something else; the wall he kept around himself to hide his emotions, to keep him strong enough not to touch her, came crumbling down. Like an addict, he was in a frenzy to have as much of her as he possibly could.

It had not been until she touched his head that the reality of what he was doing flooded him. That simple touch had been his absolute undoing; it reminded him of the first time she ever touched him on the Hogwarts Express. They had been eleven, and she gave him affection in ways he had never known before. He had hidden behind his walls then, as well; because, for the first time in his entire life, Sirius Black felt properly cared for. All because of the simplest touch of a bushy-haired girl.

He craved her touch for years and years, and it killed him when she was angry and would not pet him—even more when it became inappropriate to do so because she had started dating Remus.

Sirius was not just addicted to her body and how it stirred him to life the way no other girl's ever could. He was not just addicted to her smell and the way that it felt like it could cleanse the sins right out of him. He was not just addicted to the feel of her, or the sight of her, or the absolutely heavenly taste of her. He was addicted to the way she loved him.

He tossed in his bed, forcing himself to ignore the fact that his sheets smelled like her. He focused on the softest lights peeking through the window, indicating that the sun would rise within the next half hour or so. A new day. He did not want a new day. He wanted the night all over again, wishing he could forget that he had seen that scar on her ribs. What the hell was she hiding? Who hurt her? How could he figure it out so that he could hurt them back?

Tilly appeared with a soft pop. "Young Master Sirius?"

Sirius yelped in surprise and tumbled off the side of his bed, landing on the ground with a loud thunk. His right leg tangled in the sheet, preventing him from getting up without looking like a clumsy prat. He sighed and raised his focus, glancing at the little elf who had the audacity to look amused over his plight. He was not in the mood for any company, let alone the bossy house-elf.

"Tilly, it's a bit early to want to clean my room, isn't it?"

Tilly took in the bed before her, and she grimaced. "After what was done in it a few hours ago, Tilly would like to pull out the good Cleaning Spells. The burning ones."

He stared, gobsmacked. Shit.

"Tilly is coming to tell that Mistress is waiting for Young Master Sirius in the library," she said sweetly, though there was mischief playing across her face.

He could not help but feel like the house-elf was hiding something. He was technically considered her Young Master now, and Sirius was tempted to order her to tell him everything, but the Potters treated their elf kindly, and he knew by watching closely that Tilly responded to direct orders differently than Kreacher or any of the other house-elves he had seen before. For all he knew, if he gave the elf an order, she would smack him in the mouth for giving her attitude.

"What does she want me for?"

Dread filled him. If the house-elf knew that Mia had been in his room that night, who was to say the rest of the manor didn't? He knew that Silencing Charms had been put up, but what if they had not held?

"Not time to be explaining." Tilly reached down and untangled Sirius's leg from the sheets. She pushed him to stand, shoving him toward the door. He was tempted to dig his heels into the floor to delay the inevitable. "Young Master should be up and going. Go, go, go. Tilly will take you."

"All right, you pushy elf!" he grumbled and finally took steps of his own free will when she began shoving her tiny hands against his backside to get him to move faster.

He reached behind, shooing her away from him—which only earned him a hard swat on the arse. He growled in his throat defiantly but ended up just walking faster toward the library in an attempt to evade Tilly.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten that, in his desire to escape the house-elf, he was speeding along toward Dorea Potter—a Black, a Slytherin, and the mother of the girl he'd just shagged.

"Ah, there you are, dear. Good morning." Dorea smiled brightly as he entered the room, which immediately unnerved him.

Growing up, he learned early that it was a flip of the Galleon when it came to the personalities of the House of Black. One side was volatile, hot-tempered, and easy to provoke: Bellatrix, his mother, and—unfortunately—even himself. It was the other side of the coin that was worrisome. Narcissa, Andromeda, and Dorea had perfected the stone wall that hid away their true thoughts—a smile to hide the serpent's fangs.

"Tilly, thank you so much for waking him." Dorea beamed at the little elf and then gestured for Sirius to take a seat, smiling even more brightly when he obeyed without question.

"Young Master Sirius was already awake." Tilly smirked, scrutinising him. "Tilly is surprised."

"As am I, Tilly, as am I," Dorea said to the elf as though Sirius were not in the room. "Especially considering the hour my daughter left his room this morning,"

Sirius bowed his head into his hands, peeking at the witch through the cracks in his fingers as he groaned. Fuck.

"Tilly, will you go and make sure Mia is sleeping well? If James wakes up, let her have a lie in. She's probably very exhausted." Dorea smiled knowingly as her grey eyes finally fell on him.

The house-elf nodded before whispering, "Tilly sees the bond. Stronger."

"Yes, Tilly, it would be, wouldn't it?" Dorea chuckled as the house-elf vanished.

Sirius sat up, needing to speak first so that he felt like he had some sort of control of the situation, which was as far from true as possible. "I'd ask if you wanted me to go pack my bags, but seeing that everything I now own was bought by you—"

"Oh, are you leaving, dear?" Dorea asked as she sipped her tea. She gestured to the extra cup on the tray in front of her, where the pot sat next to a bowl of biscuits.

"I assumed as much," Sirius said nervously, eyeing the tea and treats between them as though there was a very real chance they might have been poisoned.

"Do you have a new place to live?"

"No." Sirius frowned. How could he have been so stupid? Why could he not control himself? He had done so well in the past. Then again, Mia lived with three other girls for the majority of the year, and he roomed with her brother and ex-boyfriend. Now she was literally a few feet from his bedroom door.

"And you expect me to send you out onto the streets? My own blood?" Dorea suddenly dropped her smile, looking offended.

He swallowed, unable to tell if her expressions were real or not.

"Sirius, love." She smiled when she said the term of endearment usually reserved for James or Mia, and Sirius looked away, unable to take it. "I understand that you've had a skewed view of our family with the way your parents raised you, but the House of Black is indeed Most Noble and Ancient. I will not have its true heir—and, in my belief, the one person who might be able the cleanse it—living as a street urchin."

With wide eyes, Sirius looked up at the woman. He had always heard Dorea speak poorly of Walburga and the rest of their family, save for Andromeda whom he knew had visited once or twice with Dorea since she was blasted from the family tapestry. He had assumed the Potter matriarch hated her House, but apparently, she was just as prideful as any other Black, with the exception that she disliked the members and not the House and history themselves.

She thought that he could fix that?

"But, what about what you said . . . about you know," he began, pausing to clear his throat, "Mia and me?"

"That I was aware of your amorous activities with my daughter? Oh, you sweet boy, you really embrace being a Gryffindor, don't you?"

Sirius could not help but feel like he was being insulted.

"Nothing happens in this manor without my knowledge, dear. The moment Mia stepped foot into your bedroom I was made aware."

"And you're not going to . . . ? I don't know . . ."

"Threaten your life for daring to put your filthy hands on my precious baby girl? Hardly." She laughed, uncrossing and recrossing her ankles.

The movement startled him a bit, and he hoped that she was unaware of the way he flinched in response. He doubted it.

"It was Mia in your room, not the other way around, was it not? I doubt very much that my daughter entered your bedroom without knowing that you bedding her was a possibility. There were Silencing Charms thrown up, after all. Hers?" Dorea set her now empty teacup on the tray in front of them before leaning back slightly to relax into the chair, delicate fingers laced together on her lap as she observed him closely.

Sirius nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good girl. Very considerate of her."

He just gaped at the woman. How was she so casual about this? He had expected to be hexed within an inch of his life. Instead, Dorea Potter was smirking at him after outright admitting she knew Mia and Sirius had sex, and that she had known the very moment her daughter had stepped foot into his bedroom. Not only that, she allowed it to happen and was grateful that Mia was thoughtful enough to put up the bloody Silencing Charms?!

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "You're not upset? Mrs Potter, how are you not upset?"

Dorea frowned, an expression of distaste crossing her features. "Am I back to 'Mrs Potter' again? Oh, dear. So formal. As I've told you since you were a boy, you may call me 'Dorea' or even 'Mum' if it pleases you." She laughed softly, a sly sparkle in her eyes. "It's always pleased me, considering how amusing Walburga's face would look should she ever hear that."

Sirius snorted a little at the thought himself, though a month ago, he would have outright laughed. Now, however, thoughts of Walburga only made him angry, bitter, and even sad—though he would never admit it.

"As for my discontent, or lack thereof, you worry for nothing." Dorea waved her hand, shooing away his concerns as if they were pointless. "Though, I can't deny how fun it is to watch a Gryffindor squirm a little under my gaze. You should work on that. I am not the last Slytherin who will attempt to intimidate you."

"I'm not intimidated," Sirius lied defiantly.

"Really? You should be." The mirth was suddenly gone from her eyes, the casual lightness gone from her words. "Not one month living under my roof, and you're having sex with my daughter? In the traditions of pureblood society, you should have written a formal letter of intent before even thinking about beginning a courtship, let alone taking her to your bed."

This was what he had expected.

"Okay, so I'm a little intimidated," he painfully admitted, watching as Dorea's expression changed once again. He was certain the Sorting Hat put him in the right House. There was no way he would have ever kept up with the way Slytherins behaved. "Are you going to ask me what my intentions are with Mia? Isn't that how the speech goes?"

"That is how Charlus's speech will go."

Sirius paled. He had been so worried about facing Dorea that he had not thought about what Mia's father would do. Knowing James, Charlus was certain to have a foul temper that was not easily calmed, especially when it came to his family.

"When he eventually finds out," Dorea added. "However, that won't be for a very long time, I imagine, unless you plan on telling him."

Sirius barely managed to spit out a choked, "No!"

"Good. I wouldn't confide in James, either. Gryffindors are terrible liars and abysmal at harbouring secrets."

"Mia's actually pretty good at it," Sirius said bitterly under his breath as he remembered the look on her face when he asked her about her scar. She had not expected him to find it, which meant that it had been there for a while, and she had no intention of telling him, or maybe anyone, about it. Sirius wondered if Remus had seen it and knew of its origin.

"Yes, but there is a difference between one who has been born into the House of Godric Gryffindor and one who has chosen it, wouldn't you say?" Dorea inquired politely. "Charlus and James, bless them, such sweet little lions. All bravery and nerve, but very reckless and illogical. Do you honestly think my Mia an illogical creature?"

"No." Sirius shook his head.

Reckless, sure. It had been Mia who had threatened Bellatrix to her face. It had been Mia who had stormed into the Forbidden Forest with a plan to take down the craziest and most vicious werewolf known. Illogical? No. If anything, Mia thought absolutely everything through to the last detail, which made him nervous considering what had happened last night.

"She said the Sorting Hat almost put her in Slytherin."

"Or perhaps Ravenclaw, in another life. Mia is a smart girl who understands that within each of us reside the qualities from all four Houses. You, for instance, hold the intelligence of a Ravenclaw, the kindness of a Hufflepuff, the resourcefulness of a Slytherin, but it is your courage and daring that define you as a Gryffindor, Sirius."

While he liked to boast about himself often, he had a difficult time accepting praise when it came in the form of genuine appreciation or observation. "And Mia?"

"Wiser than Rowena Ravenclaw herself, as far as I'm concerned, though I may be just a boastful mother," Dorea said proudly, and Sirius frowned. All Walburga had ever told him was how much of a worthless screw-up he was. "Mia is fair and hardworking as Hufflepuffs are known to be, but she is also cunning and clever, and somehow she has found a beautiful balance between the bravery of a Gryffindor and the self-preservation of a Slytherin. That means she keeps secrets. That means she lies."

"Do you know what she's hiding?" Sirius asked bluntly.

"Of course. I can be very resourceful when I need to be. Can you trust me to tell you that the secrets she keeps are not because of any malice or ill intent she holds for you?"

"I don't care if she has ill intent for me," he said with a growl. "I'm worried about her."

He fidgeted, trying to come up with the right words to explain his concern. Unfortunately, he was never quite good at formulating the right words or timing them appropriately.

"She's got a scar on her ribs from a Dark Curse," he blurted out. "She didn't say it exactly, but I asked, and she didn't deny it. It has something to do with me." He frowned as he remembered the look of pity in her eyes. He had somehow caused her to get hurt, and she felt bad that he knew it.

"Even if that were the case, would that change your feelings for her?"

Sirius stopped to think. Would it change anything? Had it changed anything? "No. It doesn't. Not how I . . ." he tried to clarify, but the words would not come out. "I just want her to be safe."

"Because you feel guilty for putting her in danger."

Sirius nodded sadly. "Yes."

He had seen first-hand how Mia's relationship—whether friends or more—with Remus had essentially put her in danger with not only Fenrir Greyback but Professor Higgs. She had jumped to Remus's defence during that first class, basically putting a target on her back as a werewolf sympathiser. Then, her love for their friend had taken her into that forest. Sure, Sirius and James had been right there beside her, but it only proved that Mia would always come to the rescue. What would happen if one day Death Eaters broke into Hogwarts to come for Sirius? He knew for a fact that Mia would rush to help, throwing herself into danger.

He cleared his throat. "I mean, I don't want her in danger."

"That's because you love her. Knowing that you could be the cause of her pain and suffering causes you pain."

There it was: love. Sirius wanted to flinch at the word, throwing up his walls as Dorea spoke of love so easily—as if it came naturally to her. He could not understand how a member of his own family had first-hand knowledge of the feeling and was able to talk about it so openly.

"Oh, there's more Slytherin in you than you realise, dear. Tell me, Sirius, when you were with my daughter . . . intimately . . ." Sirius finally let his stony exterior break a little under the weight of discomfort that her words caused. "Did you feel something different than when you're intimate with other witches?"

"This conversation should be awkward." Sirius raised a confused brow as he folded his arms across his chest. He would have expected the witch to give him "the talk" any minute now had she not known he was already quite knowledgeable in that area.

Dorea laughed quietly. "We're Blacks, dear; therefore, things that are often considered unacceptable, distressing, or uncomfortable come naturally to us. I personally blame the inbreeding. Now, answer the question."

"No." Sirius exhaled. "Mia was different."

"As though perhaps some invisible cord connected you together?"

Sirius was awestruck at the words. He had felt it, but thought he was just caught up in the moment. Something inside of his chest, like a string had tugged at him, pulling him forward at the same time that Mia had risen up from the bed to meet him. Something strong and pulsating with magic held them tightly together just before they came apart.

"How did you . . . ?" Sirius gaped.

Dorea smiled knowingly. "What do you know of Soul Bonds, Sirius?"


September 1st, 1976

"I had sex with Sirius," Mia blabbed the moment she stepped into the compartment on the Hogwarts Express that usually sat Lily, Alice, Mary, and Frank.

She had been in the back of the train, sitting with the boys for the first half of the ride to Hogwarts. Though she and Sirius had gone on the rest of the summer as though nothing happened, Mia could not help but feel like everything was different, and not just because of the sex. Sirius continued to make jokes and laugh around everyone, but there would be quiet moments when the two would make eye contact across the dinner table, and he would turn away from her. She could see him warring internally with himself.

It had not been until they met up with their friends at King's Cross Station that Sirius showed any genuine expression other than one of conflict.

Mia had seen Remus at a distance and ran into her best friend's open arms, eager and hungry for the hugs that infused her with a sense of calm.

Remus, however, had grinned deviously. Instead of greeting her with a friendly hug, he lifted her up into his arms and hoisted her body over his shoulder, laughing.

She had pretended to fume with embarrassment, but it was always pleasant to see his jovial side; it made it obvious how much of a Marauder he genuinely was.

When Remus had turned to carry her onto the train despite her struggling, her gaze fell upon Sirius, who was smiling softly at his two friends with an expression on his face that looked like relief.

"WHAT?!" Lily screamed, dropping the Advanced Potions book she had been reading to prepare for their sixth-year class. The train took a turn at that exact moment, and the book slid beneath the seats, out of reach. "Oh, fuck."

Mia's eyes widened, and she laughed when Lily gasped and covered her mouth. "You said fuck."

"I did not!" Lily squeaked.

"You did so, you right foul liar."

"You had sex with Sirius!?"

Mia slammed the compartment door behind her, sealing it with a Silencing Charm in the process, glad that Mary, Alice, and Frank had all left to go visit others. "Merlin, do you want everyone to come barging in here? The way you screamed, Jamie probably thinks you're being tortur—" She shook her head as the image of Sirius twitching on her drawing room floor came into her mind, and she winced. "I . . . Sorry, that was in very bad taste."

Lily raised a brow in concern at the sudden change of demeanour, and Mia knew she was putting the puzzle together. Remus had admitted to running into Lily earlier that summer; when she questioned why he was not with his friends, he had accidentally let it slip that Sirius was in St Mungo's. Lily, despite her general dislike of Sirius, had apparently shown concern for his well-being and asked if she could send something to him in hopes of him getting well again. Remus confessed that Sirius was living at Potter Manor and would be for the foreseeable future. Though no one outside the Marauders and Potter family knew the truth of everything that happened that horrible night, it was not too difficult to piece together.

"Forget bad taste," Lily insisted, pulling Mia away from her dark thoughts. "Or maybe speaking of bad taste, how on earth did you find yourself having sex with Sirius Black?!"

"Found it quite pleasant actually," Mia blurted out and then covered her mouth the same way Lily had after swearing.

"Mia!" Lily blushed.

There were moments that Lily reminded Mia of Ginny Weasley, but the innocence of Lily Evans was what set the two gingers apart. Ginny was the very definition of depraved and shameless, and Mia remembered politely asking Ginny and Harry to throw up Silencing Charms the first night after the final battle. She had not wanted to begrudge Harry whatever prize Ginny had been willing to offer for defeating the darkest wizard of all time, but the whole castle had not needed to listen to it!

On the other hand, Lily was as sweet and pure as freshly fallen snow. It was no wonder that she would end up with James, who had not so much as glanced at another girl since Lily had first slapped him all those years ago.

"I can't tell you everything—it's not my place to say—but Sirius moved in with us, and he and I . . . well." She frowned, wondering if she already said too much, but Lily did not react in the slightest which told Mia that her friend already knew something. "He's been having nightmares."

"Like yours?" Lily asked.

Mia paled at the words. "How do you know about those?"

"What? That you put up Silencing Spells, starting our first year?" Lily rolled her eyes in offence as though her very intelligence had been called into question. "Mary and Alice may be oblivious, but my bed is right next to yours. While I'm glad not to be kept awake by snoring, it's a little weird when I can't even hear my roommate breathing. I check on you from time to time. It's always quiet of course, but I can tell something's wrong. You calm down pretty quickly when someone just holds your hand."

Mia felt a warm affection for her friend. "I didn't know . . . I—"

"Don't worry about it. Back to Sirius."

Mia nodded, grateful that Lily had not let her linger on the topic of her own nightmares. "Well, I went in to check on him, and he woke up, quite startled actually." She frowned as she remembered the look of fear and anger on his face. "We talked a bit about us, and how we're pretty much constantly drawn to one another."

"Constantly?" Lily grinned, and Mia raised a brow. Maybe Lily was more like Ginny than she originally thought. "So, this has happened before?"

"What? No." She briefly thought of the fifth-floor corridor after Remus's birthday party. "I mean, not exactly."

"You slept with him before?" Lily stared, astounded.

"No! Just a little . . . snogging and . . . stuff." It was impossible not to see Harry looking back at her through Lily's eyes, and she suddenly felt awkward talking about having sex.

"So, was it your . . . first time?"

Mia could tell by the lowered, shy tone that her friend was interested for more than one reason. "No. I dated Remus for a year."

Lily gasped. "You've shagged Remus and Sirius? Merlin, do they know? Are they going to fight over you?" Her smile faded into a look of absolute panic. "Oh God, what if they start duelling over you in the common room? Remus is a prefect! How am I supposed to handle that?"

Mia chuckled in amusement, remembering when she was just as tightly wound about prefect duties. "How did my love life suddenly become the subject of your prefect record?"

"Love life?" Lily turned and looked back at her with a knowing grin.

Mia scowled. "Shut up, Lils."

"Which one do you love?"

"Both," Mia admitted truthfully.

It was a constant thorn in her side, having feelings for both of the wizards. Knowing the outcome only made it more difficult. She wondered: if she had not known what the future held in store for them all, would she have reacted differently to each of them? Would she have stayed with Remus despite the fact that she was not his mate? She had been the one to bring the subject up, and she wondered if he would have ever told her or if he would have gone on dating her, ignoring the fact that they were not meant to be. She wondered if she would have fought harder for Sirius after that first kiss following Narcissa's wedding. Would they have ended up together without the knowledge that they were already involved in a provoked Soul Bond?

The fact was, she did know the future and could not ignore it.

"I love them differently. I can't be with Sirius. Not right now. It's not time."

"There's a time frame?"

"Yes." Mia sighed. "It's complicated."

"What about you isn't?" Lily laughed. "No offence. So what was it like?"

"What? Shagging?" Mia scoffed. "With which one?"

"Either," Lily admitted with a blush. "Both? Is it awful that I want to know?" Her cheeks turned bright red, and she hid her face in her hands. "Oh, never mind. You don't have to tell me. No, wait, tell me everything."

"Amazing," Mia answered her with a grin. "Each time. Both. Remus is earthy and passionate and . . ." She groaned at the memories that were not nearly as recent as she would have liked them to have been. Remus's run-in with Snape the year before still kept him at a distance from her. "He's sometimes just downright feral. Sirius was . . . painfully delicious. Slow and controlled and—"

"Would you like some ice water?" Lily asked with a smirk. "Perhaps a dip in the Black Lake when we get to Hogwarts to cool your aching loins?"

Mia blanched. "Aching loins? Are you reading Muggle romance novels again?"

"Maybe." Lily blushed and looked away from her as she knelt on the floor to fetch her textbook from beneath the seats. "Not all of us can have two devastatingly handsome wizards chasing after us."

"Nope," Mia answered with a sly grin. "You still only have the one."

"I'm ignoring that," Lily muttered as she stretched her arm beneath the seats.

Mia laughed, glad to know that after everything that had happened last year, she could still joke with her friend about James's undying love for her.

"So, which one is better in bed?" Lily asked, more than likely just trying to change the subject again.

Mia flushed. "Well . . ."