Chapter Fifty One
After they finished playing cards, Awinita went to take a shower while Rose and Alan stretched out beside one another on their bed. They quietly watched 'Shaun of the Dead' while Rose waited for her to finish.
"Is it me or does the women playing Shaun's mum look exactly like Harriet Jones?" Alan said.
"Yeah, I was thinking that too. She does look a lot like her. Weird, huh?"
She smiled.
"But, then again, you look a lot like Barty Crouch Jr. in the Goblet of Fire movie."
He frowned.
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do, you look just like him."
Alan thought back on the movie and focused on the actor who played Barty Crouch Jr.
"I do not!" he finally said.
"Yes, you do."
"Okay, maybe a little, but just a little."
"I think it's more than a little. I think the Doctor's got more than one clone out there," she muttered.
"Well, I don't think so, but then again, you never know," he said.
They looked over when Awinita stepped out of the bathroom.
"Your turn, dear," he said.
"I'll see ya later…Barty!"
She leaped off the bed and ran to the bathroom when Alan tried to grab her.
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After everyone was through with their showers, Rose took another Darvocet and snuggled beside Alan as she drifted off to sleep. Alan held her protectively and watched 'Spider-Man' with Awinita. He glanced down at Rose who was nearly out, gently pulled the covers up over her shoulder and kissed her head. He murmured goodnight to her and turned his attention back to the movie.
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Rose looked around at the darkened corridor. There were only a few torches lighting the way and the surroundings were unfamiliar to her. Fear gripped her heart and she swallowed hard trying to fight the instinct to turn and run. There was something here, something drawing her, forcing her to walk this unfamiliar hallway. She tried to keep her spirits up and her wits about her as she followed the dimly lit pathway. With each step she wondered what she might find.
She reached the end of the corridor and stepped into a dimly lit room. Only one torch was lit here and its light didn't penetrate very far into the shadows. Rose's heart raced wondering if there was a monster waiting for her in the darkness.
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed something moving and she stepped back quickly, readying herself to fight. She relaxed when the Doctor stepped from the shadows and gave her a sad smile.
"Doctor, what is this place?" she said.
"Shhh, you must be quiet," he said, coming to her.
"Where are we?" Rose whispered.
He touched her cheek.
"Hell," he whispered.
The blood froze in Rose's body and her breath quickened.
"H…hell?" she said.
"Shhh, yes, we're in Hell, all of us, the whole universe, and it's all my fault."
"What…what do you mean?"
He took her hand.
"Come, I'll show you, but you must be quiet for both our sakes."
She nodded and gave his hand a squeeze as she followed him out of the room. With the Doctor at her side, she was not as afraid as she was before but the whole thing still unnerved her. She glanced up at the Doctor's face trying to make out his expression in the torchlight. She could see a profound sadness in his eyes but other than that his expression was neutral. Rose gave his hand a squeeze and her heart soared when he looked at her and just for a second, he smiled before turning his gaze back to the end of the corridor.
Reaching it, the Doctor paused and took her by the shoulders.
"What I'm about to show you won't be pleasant, but you must promise me you'll be quiet, do you promise?"
"I do."
He nodded and took her hand as they walked through a doorway out onto a large balcony. Rose's eyes boggled when she looked down. Beneath them thousands of men stood at attention, their black leather-clad bodies rigid while they stared mindlessly ahead. Rose looked out and saw that they stretched back as far as the eye could see and that they were of all races and species. She looked at the Doctor who was watching her with that same sad look in his eyes.
"The troops," he whispered. "His soldiers. Brainwashed, enslaved and ready and waiting for orders to attack the rest of the universe."
"Whose troops?"
His eyes lowered to the floor.
"The Valeyard's," he murmured.
Rose's heart stopped. She stared at the enslaved soldiers in silent horror.
"He's managed to conquer much of the universe already," the Doctor whispered to her. Thousands of civilizations have been razed into dust, millions have been killed or taken from their homes to serve him and this is only one universe. He won't stop there. He won't ever stop until all of creation kneels at his feet."
He turned his eyes to her.
"And he is me," he said.
"No, I refuse to believe that," she said.
The Doctor swept his arm across the balcony.
"Behold, Rose, my true soul revealed. I take ordinary people and I fashion them into weapons. I am the Destroyer of Worlds."
"No," Rose whispered. "No, this isn't real."
"Oh, it's very real, Rose. Every bit of it. I started with my companions, turning them into murderers, and little by little I moved on to groups of people, then entire civilizations and on and on, never stopping until the whole universe lies in ruins and no one is free. This is my legacy, Rose. This is what I will become. A greater threat than any of my enemies. I will become darkness personified."
"I won't let that happen," Rose said, firmly. "This…all of this will never come true. I won't let it."
The Doctor studied her quietly.
"I can't ask that of you," he finally said.
"I don't care if you ask it of me or not. I won't let you become this Valeyard. This isn't you. You're not evil. Quit listening to nutters like Davros. They don't know you like I do."
The Doctor let out a mirthless laugh.
"How much do you really know about me, Rose? You really think after four years you know me inside and out? I let you see more than any other companion has seen, but that's still only a fraction of the true me. You have so much faith in me, Rose, and I love you for that, but there is another side to me that I've never shown you, that I'm terrified of showing you and this is what will happen when I give it free reign."
"Then don't give it free reign," Rose hissed at him.
The Doctor sighed and bowed his head.
"I'm tired, Rose, I'm so tired and worn out and it's getting harder and harder to fight the good fight. So many things have happened, so much pain and sorrow and madness, I can't bear much more."
"Then I will find a way back to you. I will come and be with you and keep you from the darkness. Alan and I both will."
"Oh God, do you honestly think you or my clone can make that much of a difference, Rose? You are fighting centuries of stored up darkness and anger and hatred. You can't win and neither can he. Just go and be with Alan and be happy. Forget about an old, worn out, Time Lord."
"No!" Rose said, squeezing his hand.
Not knowing what else to do she laid her head against his shoulder blade. The Doctor watched her with quiet devotion.
"You've been a good companion, Rose," he whispered. "You've done so much for me, far more than anyone else has done. But, I can't drag you down with me; I refuse to see you suffer and be destroyed because you have this blind devotion to me. So, I release you now, Rose. I release you so you can finally have a full and happy life. Forget about me, Rose."
"No."
"That's an order!" he said, emphatically. "I will not back down this time. I won't give in to your pleas or your looks or your caresses. I will not risk your safety. Go now and forget me. Shut the door on me and the memories you have of me and be with Alan now. I am a lost cause, Rose and you will not be a casualty. You won't end up like these people down here, not while there's a breath left in my body. Go and stay far away from me and if by chance I do find a way into the other universe, hide! Don't come to me; don't try to convince me to go back to the way I was, hide!"
He turned and embraced her when Rose began to sob.
"You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Rose Tyler, and I hope that I will still have enough sense left to remember what you meant to me when the time comes to embrace this fate. It was always meant to be, Rose. From the time I was a little boy, fate chose this path for me and I'm powerless to stop it. I hope that someone will be strong enough to rise up against me and save me from myself, but that someone won't be you or Alan."
He kissed the tears on her cheek.
"I will always love you, Rose. Deep down in the very deepest corners of my blackened soul, there will still be a small dim flame of love that will never go out. We had a blast traveling together, but not that's at an end. Take our parting at Bad Wolf Bay as a sign that it's time to start a new beginning and end this relationship you had with me."
"No, you can't do this to me."
"I can and I will. You are precious to me and I won't let you become corrupted like everything else. My hearts would break into little pieces if you ended up like me. Please, Rose, just this once, respect my wishes and forget about me."
"No, I can't. I won't. I…"
She gasped when the Doctor suddenly began to fade from view.
"No, I won't let you go, Doctor. I won't forget. I'll find a way to save you! I promise! Come back, Doctor. Please! Come back!"
She screamed when the Doctor faded completely and everything became black. She continued to scream inside her head until it finally woke her up. Her jerking woke Alan and he embraced her.
"Rose, what's wrong?"
He held her close as Rose sobbed into his chest. He looked over and noticed Awinita was asleep.
"Rose, let's go take a walk. I have a feeling you need to talk and what you have to say is for our ears only."
Rose nodded. Alan kissed her and helped her sit up. He glanced at the clock and noticed it was nearly two in the morning. Both of them dressed and once they were finished, they quietly opened the door and stepped out into the cold night air.
