Summary: Laura needs to talk, Bill needs to listen, both need to remember days gone by as they think about the future
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Laura had asked for this, had set the stage for this conversation as soon as she walked through his door. If she had just taken the comfort he was offering and kept quiet, she could be putting her day behind her right now, all the messy, ugly parts.
The parts that would hurt him to hear.
It had seemed so clear as she had driven through the downpour, the windshield wipers a grim metronome setting the tempo of her thoughts. She'd been so sure, when she pulled into his lot and turned off her engine, that tonight, all the words needed to be said.
In this quiet, shabby room, so far away from the city and who she'd been there, silence felt so comfortable. She'd allowed herself a few minutes to imagine this as her space as well as his, imagined she knew all the faces in the pictures on the wall, knew the biker standing watch at the bar.
That brief fantasy had faded with the sound of his footsteps. It was just her and her last secret when he came back into the room. He was so gentle, encouraging her with light touches and calm words. A cool ripple of air touched her bare shoulders and she hugged her knees tighter, fighting off a shiver. The sympathetic look he gave her was more than she could take right now.
"Help me with my hair while we talk?" At his nod, she shifted, turning until she was sitting with her back to him. She didn't think she could take seeing his eyes right now, or the emotions she knew would be playing over his face, but she needed some physical contact, enough to anchor her while she made her way through this.
She handed him the towel, and let herself lean back. Sitting like this with him had always felt so good. She relaxed under his touch as he blotted the water from her hair, his fingers gently working out the tangles. The words came easily at first, her description of the meeting, Jeremiah's warning, the suspicious colonel. Low murmurs of encouragement soothed her, to the point where she wished she could just skip over the next parts.
"I was going to call you…I knew you were waiting to hear from me, but…that's when Adar let me know he wanted to see me." She held back the fear she'd felt, the sinking dread and speculation that had shaken her on the endless escorted walk to Richard's office. As dispassionately as she could, she described the scene with Adar: the photos, the reports, the demands, the accusations.
Most of the accusations.
"I don't think he knew about the investigations I'd been doing, or about your…other activities."
She remembered the stack of papers he hadn't shown her. "Although he may have more that he didn't bring up." She chewed her lip in thought. "If it had been important, though, I think he would have."
If he'd thought he had grounds to accuse me of treason, I wouldn't be here.
Bill's fingers stilled in her hair. "He's going to fire you over, what? Associating with a felon? Having a private life?"
Her shoulders stiffened. She was glad she was facing the cheap paneled wall instead of him.
"He's always had a problem with me knowing you, Bill. He's heard rumors about Outlaw criminal activity for years. Remember Zak's funeral?"
His fingers dropped from her hair and cupped her shoulders with a light touch, his thumbs stroking away the stiffness. "I remember. Did he suspect what we're trying to do? Or is this personal?" He hesitated for a second. "How much does he know about us?"
She turned slightly, glancing at him, then looked away. She had the incongruous thought that his eyes had never looked bluer.
"Besides this morning? He knew the old stuff. That summer, then you being there for me with Dad and the girls..."
"So, he found out you rekindled an old flame with an inappropriate guy. I can see an inquiry, a warning, maybe, but to ask for your resignation, push you into retirement…"
His voice trailed off, and Laura kept her gaze fixed on a knothole in the far wall, shaped like a bulls-eye. She should stop this while she still could. She could still get up, deflect his questions, salvage what they had. They could have a life together, work together, finally be together fully…except for this one, tiny piece of her life. She could stick her affair with Richard in a box, close it up tight, and Bill would never have to know….
It's not like she hadn't done it before. She had a collection of lockboxes in her heart, or did until Bill Adama came back to start opening them. And each opening had felt better, felt a little more true to herself. But this, this one should stay closed.
She was so deep in her thoughts she barely felt it when he slipped his arms around her again, his chest warm against her bare back. His breath ghosted over her ear as he finally spoke.
"Laura, it wasn't just your position as Secretary of Education he asked you to resign, was it?"
Her mind, her careful, analytical mind, was urging her to deny, disarm, deflect his question. But she could feel her heart nudging her towards the precipice she'd been hoping to avoid for months.
Jump, Laura. Trust him to catch you.
She turned in his arms, meeting his eyes, trusting those deep blue waters would buoy her up, get her through this. She wouldn't look down, wouldn't look away. She'd take whatever he gave her.
"No," she said, softly. "No, it wasn't."
A lock of damp hair fell over her eye and he pushed it back with a gentle thumb. His eyes held the love she'd hoped for, and shone with a depth of compassion and empathy she hadn't expected.
There was some pain, too, in those blue eyes, under the understanding.
Had he suspected?
No.
He knew.
She braced herself for what would come next.
"Are you okay?"
Her throat tightened. Of all the questions she'd imagined he would ask if she ever told him about Richard, she hadn't expected this.
Her hands went up to cup his weathered face, fingers tracing over his temples. His full lips held the beginning of a smile, and she knew he was seeing her without any masks, with no secrets between them. It had been easier than she thought. He loved the woman she was…no matter what.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She finally let a smile play around her lips. "Better than okay. I feel…free to be with you, like I always wanted to."
He pulled her to him and touched his lips to her forehead.
"About time."
She luxuriated in the feeling of his lips on her skin, his hands over hers. About time was right. They had been dancing around each other far too long. There were still so many gaps. She felt like she'd learned about all the missing pieces of his life over the past months, and there was still so much she hadn't shared. He hadn't pushed, wasn't pushing now. But he had to have questions.
It was somehow perfect, almost eerily so, that this was the day she'd been able to tell him she loved him.
She turned her back to him, damp hair spilling behind her. He began running his fingers through her hair again, doing that little shaking motion he'd always used back when they were at his place and she'd forgotten her dryer.
"You're taking this better that I'd even hoped, Bill. I know this isn't easy to hear."
His hands stilled again. "I'd wondered. There's been rumors about...you and himfor a long time. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."
Laura bowed her head, vision blurring. "You could have asked. I wouldn't have lied to you."
"I know. I think that's why I didn't ask." Something in his tone made her turn around. His lips had tightened and she realized this wasn't as easy for him as he was making it sound.
"Just so you know, after we...after that weekend, I was never with him like that again."
The relief she read in his eyes was heartbreaking. "You broke it off after that? But I thought today-"
She stopped him with a determined shake of her head. "I didn't break it off, Bill. Maybe I should have, but things started changing so fast, all the things you told me. And he'd been distracted by someone else for months. I figured it'd be best to...just let things be."
There was more disbelief than suspicion in his look. "He just left you alone?" He looked her up and down, over every inch of flesh the towel exposed. "You?"
She finally smiled at that. "I made it easy for him. He was more than ready to accept my excuses. I've known him a long time. I knew what to say to make him leave me alone."
His brow darkened. "I hate the thought of you like that, having to talk your way out of doing something you didn't want to do." He looked away. "I hate the thought there were times when you wanted to."
Here it was. A part of her was relieved.
She took his hand in both of hers. "Bill, look at me."
She waited until he met her eyes.
"I wasn't a helpless victim in all this. There was a time when Richard Adar was...I considered him a friend. A colleague. And then, the day came when that went further than I expected."
She felt her face start to flush, but forced herself to go on. "I'm not proud of what I did, the choices I made then. But as much as I wished things had been different for us, I'm not going to lie about that. I'm done with lies."
There was a sheen to his eyes that looked familiar…more regret than remorse. She nodded without speaking. There was enough to go around. He slowly returned her nod.
"I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I hated every minute I was with Carolanne, either. It wasn't much and it wasn't enough…and it was nothing like I knew it'd be with you. But there were times when I told myself I should just settle for what I had."
Her fingers twisted together with his, gripping tight. "I had that conversation with myself a couple of times. Sometimes I could almost believe it."
He looked thoughtful, the wrinkles around his eyes softening. "I don't know what the future's going to hold, Laura. But whatever happens, I'm grateful for this, however we got here. Whatever it took."
She felt the difference as soon as she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. The last of the barriers had come down. She could feel it in her bones. He got it...he got all of it. HIs arms folded her close and they sat like that for a while, his nose buried in her hair as he took deep breaths.
She was finally with Bill, with no timetables, no deadlines, no schedules to keep.
Outside, the thunder and lightning had stopped, the flashes, the crackling booms over for the night. All that was left was the sound of the rain.
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She finally broke the easy silence. "I wish I could have done more."
The twitch of his arms told her he'd been lost in thought as much as she'd been. "The report? You did more than I would have asked you to do. And you followed instructions when they came. You did great."
"What happens now?"
He sighed, and she wished she hadn't been so quick to bring them back to the real business of the day.
"We take what you gathered, hand it off to people who can come at it from a different angle. I go back to my place in all this."
She raised her head and looked up at him. "And…do I have a place in what you're doing?"
His eyes lit up, crinkles fanning out at the corners as he grinned. "Yeah. As long as you want it, your place is gonna be by my side, like it should've been all along."
Her murky future started to clear, and she and Bill were at the center. This was what her father had tried to prepare for. He had wanted her protected, out of harm's way...he always had. She thought he'd understand why she had decided to stop playing it safe. She was finally where she was supposed to be.
The realization brought a smile as wide as his to her lips. She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep, needy kiss. Her towel slipped down to her waist as she moved against him. When they finally pulled apart, his gaze had turned hot and wanting.
"You look like you did that time in my apartment. Your hair damp and wild, cheeks all flushed…." He grinned again, soft and loving as he slipped his hand up to cup her breast.
His touch, his words took her back to a safer, more innocent time. She let herself go with the feelings the memories stirred. Reality could wait a while longer.
"You remember that?" A flash of heat rolled through her pelvis. She remembered exactly what he was talking about. She'd been nineteen, and they'd been lovers for a few sweet months, but there was one time that stood out above the rest.
"I started thinking about it as soon as I started drying your hair." He lowered his head to drop kisses along her collarbone.
"The broken shower." Laura arched into him, threading her fingers through his hair.
"Mm…and you, bending over the kitchen sink." He nipped at her skin and her flesh pebbled up.
"You were so gentle, it felt like I was getting a massage instead of a shampoo," she teased, running her hand under his shirt to work at one button, then the next.
"The way I remember it, I couldn't stay gentle for long. You kept wiggling back against me…I knew you could feel what that was doing."
She smiled as she pulled his shirt off. She'd known exactly what she was doing, deliberately pushing back against him until she could feel his erection through her denim cut-offs, straining against the fly of his jeans.
"I couldn't believe you waited until you'd rinsed all the soap out of my hair. I could tell you were ready to explode."
"It wasn't easy. Had to think about training drills." Bill bent to pull off his boots, then stood, hands gripping her shoulders while she worked at his belt, then his pants.
"I still love this part," she whispered, pushing his pants down and letting him pulse against her hand through the front of his briefs. "Even with the underwear." She gave him a wicked grin. It felt so good to be able to take all the time she wanted with him.
"I'm supposed to be a respectable—well, sort of respectable—businessman. Can't go commando like I used to." His breath caught as she slid the briefs down his thighs, freeing his cock.
He'd been commando back then, she remembered. He'd been hard and hot and desperate to yank her cut-offs down, while she'd hissed encouragement through gritted teeth, still bent and gripping the edge of the sink. Like she'd done this morning...
That long-ago day, she'd braced herself for a rough-and-tumble frak. She'd barely been able to contain her shock when he pulled her hands free and lifted her up on the counter. He'd kissed her hard, then trailed more kisses down her body, shoving her soaked tank top up to get at her skin. His grip on her thighs had steadied her as she opened her legs wide, wider, biting her lip as his mouth closed over her sensitive nub, then moved to tease the delicate folds below.
So good. It was always so good.
It still is.
She leaned forward and nuzzled the curls at his base, darting her tongue over his skin, tracing the delicate veins.
"Gods, Laura, the way you looked…" His cock jumped against her lips. She slowly drew him in as his hands wound tight in her hair. Steadying herself with her hands on his hips, she slipped off the bed, down to her knees, keeping him deep inside her mouth. The towel fell off, leaving her naked at his feet.
Only him. She had only ever been this completely open, this trusting for him. This…ready to do anything.
Just with Bill.
She sucked along the shaft, drawing her lips over the head, flicking her tongue over the sensitive spot behind. He groaned and his fingers jerked against her scalp.
"Wait, Laura…wait—" He pulled back, breathing hard. His eyes were almost black when he looked down at her.
"I don't have a kitchen sink in here," he said, pulling her up into his arms and laying her on the bed. Now he was kneeling, his palms pushing her thighs apart. "This'll have to do."
Laura had a rejoinder on the tip of her tongue, something about the old days, when he bent his head, mouth lightly sucking and teasing along her swelling folds. All her words flew away in a heartbeat. She lay back, settled her legs over his shoulders, and gave herself over to his touch.
He was gentle for a few moments, easing her into the whirl of sensation he was creating with his lips and tongue. Her hips jerked as he slipped two fingers deep inside in one long thrust that took her breath away. The echo of the morning's frantic frakking made her clench down hard, squeezing him tight, and his guttural moan against her delicate flesh sent sparks flying as she arched against him.
All gentleness burned away as they moved together. Her want and his need collided, igniting a perfect storm of bright sensation.
Laura bit her lip until it hurt, holding back the cries building in her throat. Too many years of keeping quiet in hotel rooms and back offices stifled her voice, reminded her to be cautious, mindful of who might hear through the thin paneled walls.
Glittering blue eyes met hers as he lifted his head. "Don't hold back, Laura. Not with me." He bent again and the flat of his tongue rasped maddeningly over her clit again and again in perfect counterpoint to his curling, thrusting fingers.
He knows. He knows what it's been like.
That thought opened something inside her, releasing her last inhibitions. Locking her ankles behind him, she fisted the covers and gave voice to the relentless waves of pleasure. Thighs trembling against his shoulders, she let herself keen loud, louder…then screamed as a white-hot orgasm ripped through her, strong and sharp as summer lightning.
"Gods, I love you, Laura Roslin."
She smiled lazily and let her legs fall to the bed, moving back to give him room. His face glistened with her juices as he rose above her, his eyes adoring and his erection jutting proud and diamond-hard. He wiped his palm over his face and she grabbed his hand and kissed it, giving it a long, sultry lick before bringing it to her cheek.
"I love you, too, Bill." She felt him stroke the head of his cock over her opening and shuddered with a tremor of after-shock. A sob welled up, deep in her throat, as her eyes filled with tears.
"Baby? What's—" He hesitated, braced over her.
"Shh." She touched her fingers to his lips, stopping his question. "It's just...it's been a long time." She let the sob break. She saw the understanding in his eyes. It had been a lifetime since it was just them making love, nothing and no one hidden in the shadows. The secrets were finally over, all the walls were down. She reached down and guided him into her.
It was different this time. It was primal, claiming, deeper than she imagined it could be. It was like the old days, when inexperience had made them graceless and wild, no skillful moves or practiced touches. Only passion, only love driving them, using their bodies to say "I love you. I want you. I'm yours." Their hips ground together, flexing and arching as they bit and kissed, rough and hard. His eyes burned into hers, incinerating everything that was not them, that was not Bill and Laura.
He feels it, too she thought. She met his gaze with the fire of her own. She felt herself melt into a blissful haze as he buried his face against her neck. His groans grew louder as he drove into her, blazing towards his finish.
A shivering orgasm spiraled through her as she felt him pulse deep inside, her cries joining his. She tightened her legs around him as their cries became shuddering gasps. It was as wild as that first night they'd come back together, but sweeter, richer this time.
All the walls were down, the last secret told.
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