Go Baby Grow
Chapter 55 – T Minus 6
Monday, June 22
The rainy Monday morning sent its oppressive grey clouds inside above Ryder's bed, weighing him down and holding him against the mattress. Fully awake, he stretched his long body and pushed his fingers against the wall behind him. Bogey, no longer able to easily jump onto the bed, lay snoring on the floor within Ryder's reach. Barkley snuggled tightly against her boy, occasionally licking his arm and hand.
On the other side of the closed door, Lucas chased Anna down the hall and attempted to snap a towel on her rear. Ria called out, wanting to play with her siblings but unable to run. She felt left out and had become increasingly frustrated with her impairment during the weekend. For her part, Olivia drug her body down the hall and yawned loudly enough for Ryder to hear from his bed. She growled at Lucas with a drawn out sleepy tone of voice, instructing him to stop harassing their sister. Even though Nolan had not lived across the hall for some time, Ryder could swear he heard the handball bouncing against the ceiling.
For eight years, Ryder had woken up and spotted the Blue Angels poster across the room. Before that, the picture hung above his headboard in Victoria, BC. He wasn't sure how long it had hung in that spot. Searching his memory, Ryder tried to remember the story of when the poster first appeared. He closed his eyes slowly and wondered. Unsure if he was creating the image that flashed in his mind, Ryder saw Blake smiling widely as he hung the poster on the wall. Nolan and Kayla stood nearby. Nolan peeked around Kayla, and Kayla laughed as she grasped his hands together. Blake scooped Ryder up in his strong arms and held him as Ryder took in the scene of the airplanes flying in formation. I'll have to ask Nolan if he remembers that day. Maybe he can shed some light on this.
A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye as Ryder anticipated leaving the following Sunday. He'd miss the Littles and their obnoxious, loud arguments. Thinking back to their younger days, Ryder already missed sweet little Olivia with her 'umm…' and 'well….' speech pattern. He chuckled as he remembered helping Lissa clean up somebody's barf in the hallway while Nolan nearly tossed his cookies. There was the time Anna used all of Olivia's hair products. Nearly a week passed before Amelia was able to normalize Anna's flowing red locks. The house, even his bedroom, was full of happy, bittersweet, and even sad recollections. He wondered if leaving their origin would cause the memories to fade.
I want to leave. I'm so excited to enroll at the Academy, he pondered, but I can't let go of this space. I feel like I'm being torn in two – pulled in both directions. Eager to leave but yearning to stay. Will this bedroom… this house… seem like home when I return at Christmas? Sniffling, Ryder wiped away tears with the back of his hand. He was terrified, enthusiastic, antsy, hopeful, and sad. The teardrops streamed down his cheeks faster than he could catch them.
"Hey, Ry?" Owen stated as he opened the door and popped inside the room.
Ryder's hand quickly covered his face as he ran his thumb under one eye and his forefinger against the other. He sat up and rested a forearm flat against his knees. Sniffling then clearing his throat, he responded with a gravelly voice, "Yeah?"
"I'm… I'm… uh… sorry, Ryder. I didn't mean to interrupt…" Owen sputtered, embarrassed to have encountered his crying son.
Shaking his head and wiping his eyes again, Ryder looked down and away as he whispered, "No problem, Dad. Really."
Tentatively, Owen took a step toward his son and asked with compassion, "What's on your mind?"
"Leaving," Ryder confessed. "I'm ready to start school and take the next step, but I can't imagine leaving this chaotic, insane house." He scratched Barkley begin the ears and hugged her tight. "It's gonna be hard to be away, huh?"
Slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed, Owen set his hand on Ryder's bent knee and nodded. He managed to utter, "Yes. It will be tough." His lower lids collected unfallen tears as he smirked and continued, "But then there will be days when you're so busy or preoccupied that you don't even think about home. Sometimes when the memories hit, you'll be gloomy. Other times, you'll laugh to yourself as you recall some goofy time. You might feel both ways at once."
"That sucks," Ryder deadpanned as he absorbed the possibilities.
"It becomes easier over time," Owen assured his son. "The more you develop a life there and make new memories, the less it hurts."
"Will this be home when I come back at Christmas?" Ryder inquired with hesitation, afraid the answer might devastate him.
"It might," Owen shrugged. "For me, home didn't feel like home until I returned for the second Christmas. The shift strikes different people at different times. Regardless of what it feels like, this space will always be open to you. We won't let go of you easily, Ry."
Chuckling softly, Ryder wiped falling tears and looked at his dad. "Thanks, Dad."
Patting Ryder's arm, Owen pursed his lips and attempted to speak. His voice cracked, "I'm going to miss you."
"Repeat that, please. I'd like to record those words," Ryder smirked.
With a few tears escaping his eyes, Owen lifted his eyebrows slightly and pointed out, "See… that's what I'll miss. None of your siblings are as quick on the comebacks as you are."
"I hope I've made the right choice – enrolling at the Academy. Some days, I kind of worry," Ryder admitted.
"That's normal no matter which road you choose," Owen advised. "And even when you do choose the best road, there will be days you doubt it. For what it's worth, I'm sure you've made the right decision for you." Owen paused before adding with a fatherly insight, "There will be days when you're knocked down a peg and that will really piss you off. Don't let the harsh days be the times you assess your decision."
Ryder nodded and gazed at Barkley. He pondered, "It'll be a long summer, huh?"
"Probably," Owen nodded. "You'll laugh and cry and become angry and feel pressured. Some days, you'll wonder how you'll make it another hour. Other days will fly by with successes and celebrations. Most days will be a mix of both. Part of the process is teaching you how to pull through regardless. You're resilient, Ryder. You'll shine. Your humor will be your greatest ally."
"Or JJ will," Ryder pointed out.
Owen leaned his head toward one shoulder then toward the other, "Maybe. There will be 1000 plus kids going through the summer, Ryder. You may not see her much at all."
"Shit," Ryder groaned. "I hadn't thought of that."
"Sorry," Owen frowned.
"Actually, I'd rather be prepared," Ryder smirked. "Thanks, Dad."
Looking down at his watch, Owen inhaled slowly. "I need to scoot. I originally came in here to remind you to bring Ria to the hospital at 2."
"Right. I'm on it," Ryder nodded.
"Give her an adult ibuprofen about an hour before you leave," Owen requested. "Today's appointment will be a tough one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
From the kitchen in Adam's house, Julie typed out a text, Are you awake?
Yup. Just had a Hallmark moment with Owen. He can be pretty awesome sometimes, Ryder commented.
You're lucky on that score. Don't EVER forget that. If you do, I'll pummel you, she threatened.
With widened eyes, Ryder scoffed and responded, That's what friends are for? Sometimes you scare me, Caldwell.
Sorry… talked to Sam. Ends up my parents – he married her because she was pregnant. They didn't love each other, Julie disclosed.
"F #$..." Ryder exclaimed aloud. JJ…sweetie. Come over. Let's talk.
Can you come here? she requested.
Watching the crew so Mom has a break, he explained.
On my way then, she promised.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
"Here's your water, Mommy," Annabelle smiled as she set a glass down on the coffee table.
"Annabelle, you're a wonderful nurse," Amelia smiled. "Thank you."
Proudly smiling, Anna inquired, "Do you want a snack? Or another pillow?"
Amelia smiled softly and ran her hand over Anna's hair, "I'm great, Babygirl. How about you sit with me? Can you grab a book and read to me?"
"Be right back," Anna announced joyfully as she skipped to the stairs.
While Amelia waited, Julie let herself in and called out, "Hey!"
"Julie!" Amelia responded from the couch as she sat up enough to see the guest. "Come hug me, almost-plebe-girl."
With a soft giggle, Julie proceeded toward Amelia, "Six days until we leave." The two wrapped their arms around one another. The second Julie felt Amelia's embrace, she surprised herself as tears began to fall involuntarily without any sobs or distressed breathing.
"I'm not sure what that's about," Julie explained as she pulled away with a smile and wiped her tears away. "I'm leaking."
"They're called tears. Don't keep them pent up, Julie. Trust them," Amelia advised. "Take it from me – I've learned the hard way."
Julie continued wiping the fast-flowing tears from her cheeks.
"What's up, Pup?" Amelia questioned.
Julie slid down onto the floor and leaned her head on Amelia's shoulder, "I don't want to bring you down with my drama." Amelia wrapped her arm around Julie and pulled her close.
"Please… give me something to focus on," Amelia encouraged.
As she stared out at the lake and wrapped her hands around Amelia's forearm, Julie muttered, "I… I don't even know. Where do I start?" Ryder reached the bottom of the stairs. When he overheard the conversation, he stopped and sat on the bottom stair waiting for a convenient time to interrupt.
"Start with what's weighing most heavily on your mind," Amelia suggested.
Julie sighed, "I really wish I could talk to my mom. I have so many questions."
"There are days I still miss my dad," Amelia disclosed. "On the big days – like when Owen and I were married, when the kids were born, the really big days. Sometimes, I feel it out of the blue on a boring, regular day."
"I get that," Julie nodded.
"If she were here…" Amelia began slowly. "If your mom was sitting with us right now, what would you ask her?"
"I'd ask her why she married my dad," Julie thought aloud. "It was the early 2000s. Women had babies without being married. Single moms weren't unique. If she knew he didn't love her, why did she marry him?"
Amelia's heart sank and she frowned. Although she wondered about the entire story, she stayed focused on soothing Julie. "People make mysterious decisions all the time, Julie," Amelia replied. "She might not have fully understood why she did what she did."
Julie disclosed, "I feel like I've been living a lie my whole life. I'm more confused than sad or angry."
"Say more," Amelia encouraged.
"My brother told me that my dad was about to marry his long-time girlfriend when he found out my mom was pregnant. He and Mom were a fling while he and the girlfriend were taking a break from each other," Julie recited numbly.
Amelia sighed, "Julie… you've only heard one perspective on the story. Maybe you should talk to your dad."
While Julie agreed on one level, the idea of actually talking to Adam was terrifying. Ryder stood and cleared his throat. "My two favorite ladies," he announced as he approached.
"Charmer," Amelia deadpanned.
"Flirt," Julie teased.
"You both love me. Now, knock that off," Ryder kidded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
Evening
After a day of rest, Amelia decided she wanted to attend a meeting. She wasn't feeling desperate or on the brink of using, but she missed the routine of the meeting and the solidarity with other addicts.
As she stood at the back table making herself a cup of chamomile tea. She found herself wondering if anyone thought twice when they saw a pregnant woman at a meeting. Although she was sure she wasn't the first pregnant woman to attend AA, the baby bump felt like a spotlight.
Stepping up from behind, Adam greeted his friend, "Amelia, nice to see you."
"It's been awhile, Adam. How have you been?" she inquired.
Adam grinned, intentionally considering his answer. He peered over Amelia's shoulder and noted that the meeting didn't begin for another five minutes. "Actually, I'm very well. I'm getting married on Friday," he chuckled.
"Wow," Amelia responded. "There's a surprise out of left field. You hold your cards close to your chest – I had no idea you were seeing anyone. Tell me more."
"Tessa Rice, she's a classmate from the Naval Academy," Adam explained. "We dated years ago while we were in school."
"Nothing like a longtime friend," Amelia smirked with a gleam in her eye. "How'd you reconnect?"
Leaning his head to the left, Adam displayed a coy grin and confessed, "I'm not sure we ever disconnected. We moved up the ranks at basically the same speed, and ran in to one another at various events and meetings throughout the years. After my wife passed away, Tessa and I were stationed on opposite sides of the earth. She just retired. She's already moved into the house."
Amelia gazed up at Adam's face, pondering what it meant that they had 'never' disconnected. "Congratulations, Adam," Amelia offered with a hug. "I hope your marriage is everything you dream it will be."
