56. Sooner rather than later

"There you are. We wondered where you've gone."

I flinched as Harry rounded the bookshelf. Sighing, I shut the book I pretended to read and slumped heavily against the back of my chair. Luckily, there were only a handful of students who still came to the library. There was no need anymore; everybody would leave Hogwarts in two days.

"I wanted to be alone." I muttered but Harry heard it anyway. I bit the inside of my cheek and stared firmly at the advanced potions book in front of me. For now, I had managed quite well to keep my distance. But it merely added to my general exhaustion. Harry dropped himself on the chair next to mine and rested his elbows on the table. Bright green eyes burned in the side of my head.

Keep your distance… Sooner rather than later!

Absentminded, my eyes wandered over the old book cover. I couldn't do anything else. Whilst my fatigue during this year had come from the lack of sleep and burning forearm; I had almost slept as much as usual the last days. I dreamt of the terrible night over and over again – and never woke up. I had to endure the return of my father repeatedly.

It were my emotions that tormented me the most. Guilt, grief and desperation numbed my whole being. I felt so old and as if my life's purpose had vanished into thin air. Everything was difficult; getting out of bed, meals in the great hall, classes, filling my day with anything useful. To my utter relief, I felt less haunted when I didn't see Draco, Severus or any of my friends. Not even with Harry I could be honest. He didn't know about my connection with certain Slytherins – and most certainly wouldn't agree either.

"I know what you're doing, Arya." His voice was almost too quiet to hear. A thick lump formed in my throat. "I won't say I understand what you're going through because I don't… Have you spoken to anyone about… well… it?"

"No… and neither will you." I cleared my throat. Slowly, I raised my legs and hugged them closely to my chest. Then I rested my chin on my knees.

"I gave my word after all… But if you keep staying in that… depressive… state… I'll break it." Harry glanced awkwardly at his hands. It surprised me a little how steady his voice sounded nonetheless.

"What do you expect me to do, Harry? Jump around and enjoy my life?" I scoffed and hissed lowly to myself. Harry didn't seem offended with my sarcastic tone. Instead, he sighed and run a hand through his messy hair.

"I don't expect anything… Just making sure you're not running riot… You're my friend after all." The one advantage I enjoyed with Harry was that he knew about my curse. I didn't need to feel guilty…

"The boy-who-lived… befriended with his enemy's daughter." The corner of my lips twitched in a small smile when I turned my head. "Strange pair we are…"

Harry groaned but cracked a smile as well. "True… if you think of it that way… I honestly couldn't care less though." Suddenly, his face darkened and I frowned half-heartedly. "By the way, the same night… Well, Fudge was there and refused to believe me or Dumbledore. He even accused him of fighting the Ministry. Snape tried to convince him by revealing his dark mark. You should've seen how Fudge recoiled when he saw it." A hard, absentminded look made me shudder anxiously. "Dumbledore gave him a task… Snape, I mean. He didn't say anything about it… but I've never seen Snape so… I don't know… human. He looked exhausted and almost ill… What do you think was it that he did on Dumbledore's order? And why… why is he so convinced that Snape's truly on our side? Sirius said that no Death Eater ever stops being one… How can you be so sure? I mean what did he do to convince you?"

I tensed in my chair. My heart pounded against my ribcage; I could even feel it with my legs. Dumbledore gave him a task? … Voldemort… No, no it can't be! Not even Dumbledore's so cruel to send him back. Severus would never agree! I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. I forced my body to relax; my terrible thoughts slowed. Severus will never go back! … Bloody hell, Arya. Mum was like a sister to him; a sister that Voldemort killed… He hates him more than anything else! …And Dumbledore may be many things but no monster…! Despite everything, he protects Severus… Severus is safe!

"I… I…" Frustrated, I played with my fingers. I felt Harry's intense stare before I saw it. "He helped me many times… I know, he always acts as if he's annoyed when he has to fix me, but… I don't know, Harry." I blew out my cheeks and sighed loudly. My voice turned soft and quiet. "He's the only one who understands me… I… I can talk to you, Hermione and Ron and I know you care about me. It's just that… You don't know what it's like to be related to a monster. You don't know… how… terrible he really is; the extent of evil inside him… … Snape does… When we fought Quirrel or my father's diary… everyone wanted an explanation what we were thinking about going after them… save Snape. While Dumbledore and McGonagall try to understand our reasons, Snape actually understands me."

Harry clenched his jaw and turned his head. Green eyes glittered strangely. I gulped and chewed my bottom lip. On one hand, I wished for Harry to leave for good now; on the other hand, the thought of losing my best friend stung painfully.

"Have you…" Harry cleared his throat nervously. "Have you ever considered that Snape's only helping you to get on Voldemort's good side?"

Cold enwrapped my heart. My insides turned to ice, feeling heavy in my stomach. "I knew right from the beginning that something was off with Moody… Crouch… whatever… Professor Snape is not like him! Has never been and never will, Harry… I know you hate him, but just because he dislikes you doesn't mean that he's a bad person… …I trust him… with my life."

"But he was a Death Eater!" Harry exclaimed irritated. "He was on Voldemort's side, Arya. How can you not see him for what he is?"

"People can change! … And just because I wish Riddle death more than anything else, doesn't mean that I'm cold-hearted. I believe in second chances. Unlike my father, I believe in emotions; in the power of remorse. Everyone does mistakes… People… change… Harry!"

"Then what was it that made you hate him so much in our first year? You despised him and never missed a chance to remind him. What the hell changed? Why are you defending him now?"

I blew out my cheeks in annoyance and groaned lowly. Harry pierced me hard; desperately trying to understand me. Everything would be so much easier if I could just tell him the whole truth…

"Because I changed…" I replied bitter and scowled at the table. "I was young and stupid and blinded by hate… Hate against my father, caused by all the pain I had to endure because of him. Hate which soon turned to anger. So I used Professor Snape's past as an excuse – but it was wrong."

Harry let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. His shoulders slumped down. A long, uncomfortable silence followed. Whilst I scowled at the table in front of me, Harry fidgeted with his hands and stared into space.

"Sirius was here… He wishes you the best and hopes to see you soon." I felt relieved when Harry's light voice broke the tension. I hummed in response and looked up.

"Will you see him during summer?"

Harry glanced down at his hands. "I don't know… He said we would see each other soon. But Dumbledore refused to let me stay with the Weasley's. So I honestly don't know how or when I'll see him again."

"At least he can visit you…" I scoffed quietly. "If you're not allowed to leave the Dursley's, I won't leave the orphanage either; that's for sure… You know, if there was a chance for me to change your living arrangement, I would." I smirked half-heartedly. "But until then, I'm sort of glad to know that I'm not the only one suffering…"

Harry looked at me… and chuckled. The corner of his lips tugged upwards. "You're such a Slytherin sometimes…"

I smirked to myself. "So I've been told…"

"Well… I think we should leave. Lunch must be almost over." Instantly, his face lost all traces of amusement and I sighed. "Most gawkers should be gone by now."

He clicked his tongue in annoyance and moved his lanky body on his feet. I wasn't really hungry. More than anything, I didn't want to run in Draco or Severus. Yet, against my own will, I stood up and put the book back on the shelf.

"Let's go then…" My mind told me to stay in the library. But my heart felt so desperate to get one glimpse of my brother or Severus. I knew, I would stick to my plan but for now I needed to see them this one time to make sure they were fine – or at least doing better than me.

Sooner rather than later…

In the evening, I climbed up all the stairs to the astronomy tower. My hands gripped the railing tightly as my eyes started stitching. I gritted my teeth and growled in frustration. I had attended lunch and dinner – two mistakes in one day. Although, I had tried to ignore it, I had felt Draco's burning stares. Once or twice, I had looked up and found myself lost in my brother's features. I had watched him eat and conversate with Blaise but the usual easiness between them had been missing. And it clenched my heart painfully. I knew, I could protect my Gryffindor friends but Draco would always be right in the centre. My insides turned to ice whenever I thought about Draco leaving for Malfoy manor on Saturday. I wouldn't be able to watch out for him anymore…

And Severus… I had glanced up at the staff table to find him staring in my direction. His expression had been difficult to read. He had looked as sour and unpleasant as ever in public. Nevertheless, my heart almost jumped out of my chest as soon as my eyes caught him. I longed to talk to him, to bury my face in his chest and for his arms to hold me close. I wanted to sense him and his scent to engulf me until I forgot about everything else.

But I couldn't… Severus was a living lying detector. Severus and lies were simply incompatible. It had always been that way and would always be. But the truth was out of the question this time.

Sooner rather than later…

I flinched when I felt a looming presence next to me. My heart beat so rapid, I was sure it would explode soon. I closed my eyes briefly and exhaled a shaking breath when Severus' scent enwrapped me soothingly.

I won't… I won't…! I won't give in! I can't!

The longer he remained silent, the more anxious I became. Nonetheless, my body stood frozen on the spot; every muscle tensed alarming. My senses were sharper than ever. I heard the rustling of his robes in the light breeze; I felt the cruelly inviting heat radiating from his body; out of the corner of my eye, I saw him standing tall and proud as always.

Suddenly, he moved and stepped back; out of my sight. My body started trembling and I blinked several times. I felt so terribly confused and lost…

I gasped when I felt warm hands on my upper arms. Slowly, they wandered up and down; caressing me gently. I shut my eyes and gulped. I didn't know what Severus intended to do but I wanted to lean back so badly. After a while, I felt my muscles relax under his soothing touch. I couldn't help it even though I knew I shouldn't make it harder than it was.

I froze instantly again when I felt his hard chest against my back. Slowly, utterly slow, Severus' hands wandered to my shoulders before moving down to my hips. Anxiously, I waited for his next movement. I knew the moment he started speaking, I would push him away. I wished for him to remain silent, yet I couldn't enjoy his caring gesture either. A simple gesture which showed his love just as well as the right words.

I flinched as he wrapped his arms around me; his chest pressed firmly against my back now. I let out a shaking breath when I felt his jaw against my head. I felt every single breath in my hair. Closing my eyes, I finally allowed myself to lean back in Severus' chest. After a while, I dared releasing the railing and held his arms. Slowly, my muscles relaxed. Nevertheless, my body was still trembling. I knew Severus could feel it as well.

"I know, Arya." He spoke softly in my hair.

My heart skipped several beats and I ripped my eyes wide open. Severus' thumbs caressed me gently as soon as he felt my whole body tense once again. I couldn't move; I couldn't speak; I could barely breathe.

I felt a long sigh. "I know why you distance yourself…"

My insides turned to ice. My heart felt as heavy as a bludger. Burning cold rushed through my veins. He knows…?!

"If you desire distance… I will comply with your wish. However, I will not cease to protect you." Severus' voice was thick with emotions, although he tried to hide them.

"What…? How…?" My voice cracked; my mind completely blank.

"Because I know you… His return… You wish to protect your friends." His deep baritone sent a chill down my spine. "But isolating yourself cannot possibly help them."

At once, my muscles relaxed and I let out a sigh of relief. Briefly, I closed my eyes. He doesn't know! I took a few deep breaths for the freezing coldness to vanish.

"I… I know." I whispered and stared at the glittering black lake in the valley. The castle's lights reflected beautiful on the dark surface. "It's just that they'll never understand how much I hate him… Except for Harry, Draco, Blaise and Derek, they all act as if I were a terrible disease… They don't believe us…"

"So I noticed… But if you push everyone away, you give him precisely what he wants… Don't let him control your life, Arya!"

Waves of remorse ran suddenly through my heart. Gulping, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against his warmth. Gently, Severus brushed my hair with his lips. It needed all my willpower not to give in and let myself fall completely. If I did, there would be no return…

"I don't want to lose them… or you… It may not matter to you but for me it changes everything that he's back." I cleared my throat as a lump formed. I felt when Severus tensed more and more with my words. My heart flattered in my chest. Fear spread in my whole body. Sooner rather than later…

"I can't… I don't know how I'm supposed to live my… life… knowing that everyone I care about is in terrible danger because of me… I need to be alone, Severus. For the first time in my life I want to go to the orphanage. Where I won't have to see anyone I care about… And nobody knows who I am… … I need to figure out how to handle everything…"

Anxiously, I opened my eyes again and waited for Severus to say something. My heart pounded loudly against my ribcage. I felt the blood rushing through my ears. Guilt kept nagging painfully in my heart and mind. I knew, I was merely giving weak excuses. Fairies couldn't lie if they used the old magical language. Therefore, the ability to give vague answers or not getting to the point was in my blood. And I felt incredibly bad for using said trait with Severus. I wasn't exactly lying but not telling the truth either.

"Perhaps we should, for the time being, let current events… unfold." Severus stated quietly after a long silence. I felt as he clenched his jaw. "We might speak about everything in the new term…"

I let out a shaking breath as his words sank in. I knew it would only postpone the moment I told him that I couldn't be in a relationship. But I was more than selfish enough to keep Severus as long as he was willing to stay. Once again, my heart won over my mind.

"Thank you."

I closed my eyes briefly as I felt Severus placing a long kiss on top of my head. For the first time today, I felt completely relaxed. Sighing, I pushed aside my penetrating guilt and leaned heavily against Severus' firm chest. I felt his steady breathing. For a while, we both simply watched the black lake and surrounding mountains.

"Severus…?" I asked carefully but he remained silent. "What task did Dumbledore give you?"

Severus' breath caught in his throat before he shifted slightly. My stomach clenched painfully. Coldness enwrapped my heart when my mind started imagining horrible things.

"I am not allowed to tell you." His voice was controlled and steady. I could feel him being completely rigid. He had pulled up his wards again and was guarded.

"He didn't… command you to… to return to him, did he?" I whispered terrified and waited anxiously. My heart pounded loudly.

Severus on the other hand let out a long sigh. After another quiet moment, he finally answered. "No… No, he did not." I didn't move; I barely breathed. I waited for anything else; a movement or other words but Severus remained quiet.

"Promise?"

"… I promise, Arya…"

I let out a sigh of relief as I felt the truth in his words. Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths to calm my sprinting heart again. Slowly, Severus' body heat fought off the freezing coldness in my body. I shuddered, but not with cold, when Severus rested his cheek against the side of my head.

We stayed in our position for a long time. Although, I tried to enjoy it and relax, I simply couldn't. My own words repeated themselves over and over again in my mind. I had merely avoided the actual task tonight.

Sooner rather than later.

It was Friday afternoon. I was down by the black lake. Lazily, I dangled my bare feet in the cold water. My eyes were absentmindedly looking around; my mind not processing anything. Whilst everyone was packing and looking forward going home, I had fled the joyful atmosphere. Since I had spoken with Harry, I hadn't really made any progress with Ron or Hermione. I was still avoiding them… like Draco, Blaise and Severus.

I flinched as someone tapped my shoulder. Snapping my head around, I stared straight in Draco's eyes. I sighed annoyed and turned towards the lake again. Quietly, he sat next to me.

"Aren't you going to say anything at all?" My brother exclaimed irritated. I scoffed to myself but refused to look at him.

"Nope…"

"How about blackmailing you? Would you open your mouth then?" I gritted my teeth and frowned deeply. I felt Draco's burning glare. "I believe your friends wouldn't be amused if they knew about me… Or I could simply tell them about your boyfriend. I'm sure-"

"Shut the fuck up, Draco! Just… shut… up!" I snapped back, my heart pounding loudly in my chest. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to lie to him.

Draco growled aggressively. "You can't imagine how close I am to punch you to your senses! Just open your damn mouth and talk to me!"

I laughed coldly and turned to my fuming brother. Provocative, I opened my arms. "Oh, please! Help yourself! If you leave me alone then… Go on! … Punch…me!"

Draco glared menacing before hissing to himself. "I swear I will if you don't open your fucking mouth, Arya!""""

A cold shiver ran down my spine but I chose to ignore him. Naturally, Draco felt betrayed by my behaviour. Understandable, after all I had ignored and avoided him since the night of my father's return. I pulled my feet out of the water and roughly squeezed them in my socks and shoes again. Pointedly not looking at him, I jumped to my feet and turned to leave. Inwardly, I was shaking with anger and desperation. Sooner rather than later, I reminded myself over and over. A firm grip on my arm whirled me around however. Violently, I ripped my arm out of Draco's grip.

"You won't turn your back on me! You won't ignore me any longer!" Draco yelled furiously, his face contorted with pain.

Provocative, I stepped even closer until our noses were almost touching. The most spiteful sneer on my lips, I watched him challenging. "Oh yeah? What do you want to do about it? Punch me? Yell at me? Annoy me? … There's nothing you can do, Draco. NOTHING! I don't want to talk to you! Not now, not ever! So leave me… the fucking hell… alone!"

My brother's eyes sparkled dangerously. His pale skin turned a slight pink as he glared hateful at me. I shuddered under his intense gaze; a part of me despised myself for hurting him so much. But the other part – the cursed part – knew it was necessary to cut ties.

"You're nothing but a selfish bastard!" Draco spat disgusted. "A fucking… selfish… bastard, Arya! Instead of accepting my help, you prefer drowning yourself in self-pity… I lived with a Death Eater my whole life; everyone here knows who my father really is. But you? Nobody knows about you, yet you act as if you're the only one suffering."

Draco's voice turned ice cold; grey eyes pierced me brutally. "I listened to your pathetic crying for years but I'm done with it! Next time you need pity, go to your idiotic so-called friends!"

Even with his weak insult, furious anger bubbled in my heart. With a raging cry, I pushed Draco as hard as I could. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched when my brother fell backwards in the cold water. With a loud splash he vanished under the black surface. Aggressively, I wiped my cheeks and glared at the spot where he had sunk.

A short moment later, however, a very angry Draco appeared, gasping for air. Coughing, he pushed strains of hair out of his face. Then the most genuine murderous glare I had ever seen shot daggers at me. I felt too irritated with myself, my father and Draco to feel intimidated or scared. So, I whirled around and left with long strides.

Fuming, I made my way back to the castle, glaring at everyone who dared to cross my way. I stomped up the stairs and automatically walked to the great hall. I didn't know what I wanted there but somehow my legs brought me there on their own will.

"JACKSON!"

Confused heads turned in my – or better, our direction. Clenching my hands to tight fists, I turned around. With aggressive strides my brother approached quickly. He was completely dried again.

Without slowing down, he pushed me violently. Groaning, I fell on my back and gasped for air. In the blink of an eye, Draco kneeled over me and grasped my collar. A murderous expression pierced me brutally. His usually pale face was burning red with fury. Stormy eyes were squinted threatening. Before I could react, Draco pulled me back on my feet.

"Got a problem, Malfoy?" I hissed sarcastically. My brother's features turned even darker if possible. His grip on my collar tightened.

"I told you not to turn your back on me!" He snarled with great revulsion. "I let you get away with it last time but not now." I laughed shortly as my irritation grew even further.

"You're to much of a coward to do anything. We discussed this already." I replied ice cold. "You're nothing but a foul… loathsome… daddy loving… coward!"

Draco's face contorted even more as he growled loudly. With more strength I had believed possible, he pushed me back and pinned me firmly against the wall. In the background, I made out a crowd, watching us with great interest.

"Says the fucking, selfish, self-pitying bastard…" His lips twitched in a very malicious sneer. "I suppose that's what happens if you grow up alone in a muggle orphanage without any friends or parents."

I saw nothing anymore, except for my own blinding rage. Gathering all my strength, I pushed my brother's hands away. Before he could do anything else, I slapped him as hard as I could. Immediately, his cheek turned bright red.

But not with Draco…

Instantly, he whirled his head back to me; the angriest expression I had ever seen on his face. Grey orbs held not the slightest trace of sympathy or care anymore. Draco pierced me with pure, burning rage.

"You're nothing but a miserable… lonely… mudblood loving… bastard!" With that he threw me on the floor.

I groaned and saw black for a moment when my head collided painfully with the floor. A sharp stinging pain rushed through my whole body. I could barely breathe.

"MALFOY!" I heard Hermione's shrieking voice distantly.

I groaned again as a blurred face came into my sight. Slowly, very slowly, my vision cleared and I saw a fuming Draco again. I couldn't suppress the cold chuckle when I noticed his burning glare. Instantly, his lips curled in disgust.

"See?" I groaned out. "A bloody coward you are!"

"Shut the fuck up, Jackson!" He spat lowly.

Suddenly, arms pulled him back and my friends appeared in my sight. I couldn't hear what they were saying; I was pointedly sneering at my brother. Triumph filled my heart when I saw that his face turned darker and darker with my provocation.

Slowly, I got on my feet again. Blaise had a firm grip on Draco's arms and muttered quietly to him. For once, his expression was dead serious. Hard brown eyes turned to me and cast me a warning look. I chose to ignore Blaise though. I was overwhelmed with my anger and right now, I wanted to let it out on Draco for not leaving me alone – for his insults.

"You already had the chance to punch me, yet you didn't. So you better go home and tell your daddy what a great coward his son-"

"Arya stop it!" Hermione gripped my arm painfully tight. With a deep frown she watched me pleading. "You need to ignore him!"

I growled and ripped my arm out of her grip when Draco smirked mocking at me. His eyes sparkled dangerously.

"Yeah. Listen to your mudblood friend, Jackson! Go home and enjoy your holidays… Oh right, how could I forget?! You have no home or family."

"Draco!" Blaise hissed loudly but of course that wouldn't stop him.

Crying out in rage, I stormed forward. My blood was boiling in my veins. A violent pulse was audible in my ears. Draco shook off Blaise easily and came to a halt right in front of me. We glared fiercely at each other.

"If you call that miserable place where you live home I could almost pity you, Malfoy." I spat in his face. "I rather have no living parents instead of a Death Eater father and a whore as a mother. No need to mention your psychopathic aunt… No surprise their son turns out a heartless and coward bast-"

I barely noticed Draco's fist before it collided roughly with my jaw.

A sharp, burning pain exploded in my head. I stumbled back and lost my balance. I groaned as I fell on the floor once again. My head felt as if it was bursting. My back throbbed painfully. I rather felt than saw Draco kneeling over me. His shaking fist clenched my collar tightly whilst the other pulled back to punch me again.

I refused to close my eyes and kept them firmly locked with my brother's. His face was contorted with rage. Anger and pain sparkled in his grey orbs. My heart clenched painfully with my own anger and hurt. Even though he had hit me, I felt so terribly bad for bringing him over the edge. I knew I had provoked him to no end. Draco had merely reacted the way I had expected.

Sooner rather than later…

I couldn't suppress the glare, nor the provocative sneer on my lips when I noticed Draco's hesitation. Although he was still fuming, I knew he didn't want to punch me again. If it would have been the other way around, I wouldn't have either.

"Come on, do it!" I muttered spiteful. Draco's hand stopped shaking when he tightened his grip on my collar. "We're done anyway whether you punch me again or not. You're the son of a fucking Death Eater, Draco! You're not better than your own father. Never have and never will! I never-"

A throbbing pain erupted in my nose as his fist collided with my face. I groaned when I smelled blood. Slowly, the warmth flew out of my nose and over my lips into my mouth. Disgusted, I swallowed the metallic taste before locking eyes with my brother again. Even though he tried to disguise it with anger, I could still see glimpses of pain. With burning eyes, he raised his fist again. I shuddered at the cold expression on his face.

However, before Draco could crash down his fist again, somebody lifted him off me.

I found myself looking at a very irritated Professor McGonagall. Next to her, with Draco firmly in his grip, stood Severus. His eyes sparkled dangerously, flickering from my brother to me. Slowly, I stood up; gritting my teeth as my head pounded painfully.

Casting both of us a very stern gaze, my head of house mentioned us to follow her before turning around. Scowling at her back, I focused my magic to ease my pain and stop my nose from bleeding. With a dark expression, Severus pushed Draco in his colleague's direction. When his hard gaze landed on me, I growled annoyed but turned as well. I saw when Draco clenched his jaw. His fists were shaking at his sides. I glared straight ahead. My heart was still pounding rapidly against my ribcage.

"Now explain yourselves!" Professor McGonagall demanded as she and Severus had come to a halt in her classroom.

I crossed my arms and glared fiercely at her desk. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw that Draco was also avoiding her burning gaze. I felt terribly angry with myself and Draco. I knew I had started it but then again, my brother had just continued provoking me as well.

"Well…? I suppose, I don't need to say how disappointed I am. The two of you… and on your last day no less." We both ignored her stubbornly. "Either you explain yourselves or you start your new term with detention. Your choice!"

"I don't believe that is necessary, Minerva." Severus drawled coldly. I heard her incredulous scoff and saw her turning towards him.

"Not necessary? Severus, they had a brawl right under our noses in the middle of the school." With her irritation, her Scottish accent was more prominent than ever.

"I don't deny their stupidity." I tensed the same time Draco growled to himself. "However… I believe… I know their reason. Detention won't change anything; I can assure you… I suggest you leave them be. Their fight itself is punishment enough."

"And do nothing? They're your students, Severus. If they weren't Jackson and Malfoy, you would gladly impose detention or abduct house points."

"Of course… Since detention would indeed teach them a lesson." Severus replied slightly impatient now. "Make sure they sit in the Hogwarts Express tomorrow. Time apart will force them to see reason concerning their… imprudent… foolishness."

I gritted my teeth when I thought about it. As if anything would change during the summer. When we returned, I would continue to ignore him. Nothing and no one could change that!

"Very well…" Professor McGonagall sighed defeated and we both turned our attention to her. "I too have no intention to prolong the matter more than necessary. If I hear of another fight again, you will face the consequences without opposition."

"Yes, Professor." Draco and I replied reluctantly. We both knew very well that, in such case, we would blame each other. Just as we knew that no threat would keep us from arguing again.

"You're dismissed." Her voice made it clear that we shouldn't dare testing her patience.

Draco whirled around and intended to leave as fast as possible. I could still sense his anger and frustration. I wasn't in a better state at the moment. Although, it sort of was my fault, I was incredibly irritated with his insults. They hadn't hurt less just because they had been said in a moment of injudiciousness and suppressed pain.

"I would like a word." Severus called icily.

Very slowly, Draco turned back around; eyebrows furrowed deeply, a scowl as sharp as knives. I watched as Professor McGonagall left the classroom, leaving the three of us alone. Severus' expression was one of disgust as he scowled at us. Whilst Draco returned a cold glare, I preferred avoiding him. Feeling his burning stare was already enough to send a shiver down my spine.

"Have you lost your mind…?" Severus spat angrily. Surprised, I looked up and found myself looking in dangerous burning eyes. "Do you have any idea how foolish you acted out there…?"

I gulped down my reply and chose to clench my jaw instead. Not even Draco dared to say a word even though I knew he was holding himself back as well. Severus growled lowly, his intimidating gaze darkened even further. Goose bumps erupted on my arms.

"Whatever provoked this event… you cannot flaunt your dispute like brainless fools!" He pointed in our direction. "You out of all people should know better! Especially now!"

I frowned in confusion; not following Severus' train of thoughts. Apparently, Draco had the same struggle. He scoffed before addressing him incredibly annoyed.

"Who cares about our fight? It merely strengthens people's belief that we hate each other. So what?"

"So what?" Severus repeated incredulous. "Obviously, you have no idea how serious this is…!"

Draco's lips twitched and his usual light eyes darkened. My scowl wandered quickly between them.

"Obviously your feelings cloud your judgement, Snape…!" My brother spat disdainful. "If this tantrum is because I punched your precious girlfriend, I highly suggest you suck it up!"

Dumbstruck and somewhat shocked, I stared at Draco. I couldn't believe what he had said. At the same time I wondered if it was true. Then again, I knew he had crossed a line with Severus. It seemed like hours they glared at each other furiously. I could see a pulsating vein at Draco's throat. The only sound in the room was my pounding heart. Then Severus' change broke the frozen moment. In less than a heartbeat, his face contorted with rage. I could see his black eyes flashing menacing.

"Use your fucking brain boy or has Arya successfully slapped it out of your skull…?" His tone was dark, threatening and barely more than a snarl. A trace of reluctance flickered in Draco's eyes and he gulped under Severus' wrath. "It's only a matter of time until your father tells the Dark Lord about Arya's connection with your family… Pray he keeps his twisted mouth shut…! Not simply for her sake, but yours as well! … … You're not the only child of a Death Eater wandering through these halls… Should only one of them mention your obsession for disputes with Arya to the wrong person… … … You're a Malfoy… Arya's the Dark Lord's daughter… The time for ignorant games and stupid naivety has passed! … If you mean to protect each other, you must bear responsibility for who you are! And you better start by keeping a low profile…"

Severus paused and turned his glare to me. His expression hardened; black eyes sparkled undefinable. "From this day for you will not be seen together! There will be no more disputes or foolish games in front of prying eyes! … Did I make myself clear?"

"…Yes…"

Severus observed us for a long time before nodding curtly. Apparently satisfied, he folded his arms across his chest.

"You may leave."

With gritted teeth, Draco turned around and left the classroom. Chewing my bottom lip, I nervously gazed at Severus. With a rather bored expression, he raised an expectant eyebrow.

"Do you truly believe Lucius will tell him?" I furrowed my eyebrows in worry. Severus remained confusingly untouched with my question. Hard eyes watched me unfazed.

"Obviously… He's weak and a coward." Severus drawled.

"But… what about Draco… and Narcissa…?" I bit the inside of my cheek remembering the Malfoy patriarch's wife. "Wouldn't he choose protecting his family over… him?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "The man tortured his own son… I hardly think one would consider that as care or offering protection."

My shoulders slumped and I averted my gaze. So there was nothing I could do to protect Draco… After a while, I raised my head again. Severus' face was perfectly blank, although, he was staring at me absentminded. As soon as I looked up, however, he blinked and shifted slightly before his eyes became hard once again.

"Anything else?"

My heart clenched painfully with his cool behaviour. I played with my fingers as my thoughts drifted away. Isn't this what I wanted? … Draco will most certainly stay away from me now… And Severus isn't really pressing anything either… Nevertheless, my eyes stung with the heavily burdened heart beating slowly in my chest.

"No…" I replied quietly and squared my shoulders again. Sooner rather than later…

"Very well." Without another word, Severus walked briskly out of the Transfigurations classroom.

I remained frozen on the spot for a long time. I was incapable of anything anymore when a final coldness enwrapped me agonizingly slow… I had successfully avoided my friends… Draco wouldn't speak with me again any time soon… Severus seemed to avoid me as well…

Never before had I felt so lost and alone…