Sonic's Insane Life-By InuSonishaUnlimited
Disclaimer: I don't own SEGA or their characters. Also, there are some characters that are not mine in this story, some of which came from DeviantART or otherwise. I will point out these characters and their creators, so that they receive their credit. Either way...that's done.
Summary: Basically put, this story is all about insane, crazy adventures that Sonic and his friends go through in his life. Lots of craziness ensues here, so here's the lowdown: This is M-rated, so kiddies should stay away. There is Strong Language, Strong Violence, Nudity, Lots of Sex and Absolute Insanity. Flames will be punished with a harsh message from me, so think twice about doing it. I take suggestions for characters to show up or scenarios, but otherwise, have fun and hope you enjoy!
News Update- I know, I know, it's been a while but the Insanity is still coming. Your patience is appreciated.
InuSonishaUnlimited: Hope everyone enjoyed the previous chapter.
Sonic: Sure they did.
InuSonishaUnlimited: Viewers, continue to keep this one alive as I do so as well. Thank you very much and happy insanity.
Insane Day 50: Techno-Love Terror and Racing to Win
After a particularly brutal verbal and physical thrashing by one very steamed Tikal, Knuckles found himself leaning against his big shiny Master Emerald, contemplating his current women dilemma. "Hmm… I'm not a one-woman kinda guy, but what other woman can I possibly have that won't make Tikal so freaking jealous?" the red echidna ponders before a newspaper that took a trip on the wind found its way to his face. Taking the paper off of his head, Knuckles finds an conveniently-placed ad on the bottom of the front cover. " "Want to have a woman that fulfills all of your needs with no emotional attraction necessary? Invest in the L.U.S.T. love technology system, otherwise known as the Lust-a-tronic Ultra Sensory Tech computer system." Wow, that sounds perfect!" says the overly-enthusiastic echidna, completely throwing caution to the wind by ignoring the blatantly enlarged warning text below the ad, which you will find out what the warning says later.
Soon enough, he orders his very own L.U.S.T. Being the bragging animal that he is, he felt compelled to call the Tails' home, despite the fact that the sun had barely risen over the horizon and the nearly endless death threats from Sonic about calling at such an hour seemed not to register at all. The loud irritating buzzing of the phone caused the pointed blue ear of the hedgehog to flick. "Oh, who the hell…." The blue hedgehog groans as he digs his way out of the tightened embrace of Female Tails, Rouge, Natasha and Zeta. "Excuse me… pardon me… oh sorry about that…" he whispers, grumbling to himself as he reaches for the phone, picking it up and pulling it to his pointed ear, speaking muffled speech. "Hello….?"
"Hey Sonic! You won't believe what I got!" Knuckles speaks excitedly, completely ignoring how early in the morning it was. Sonic, turning his gaze to the red glowing symbols on the alarm clock reading 5:00 AM, groans to himself as he turns back to the phone. "Knuckles, you hold still for a second…" Sonic says, hanging up the phone and slithering from under the girls like a snake. Of course, he didn't manage this without waking up the aforementioned ladies. "Sonic, its 5 in the morning… Where are you going?" F. Tails asks the tired hedgehog who nearly freaks her out with the look of murderous intent in his eyes. "Oh I'm just paying Knuckles a visit…." Sonic says, cracking his knuckles as he walks down the hallway, taking a 9mm pistol from out of the hallway closet. "A little too early to be expending that much energy, isn't it….?" Natasha asks with a yawn as the hedgehog leaves.
Now Sonic knew, he knew deep down that it was way too early to be killing anyone, let alone kicking someone's ass. However, he also knew that if he didn't, Knuckles would believe he could get away with it every time. With that in mind, he knew he had to put a stop to it once and for all. With red shoes on and white gloves tightened, the murderous hedgehog speeds into the tunnel and across the shaky bridge all the way to Angel Island, where the red echidna had no clue what was coming. "So you decided to look for yourself huh?" Knuckles says proudly, not even noticing the slightly rabid look in Sonic's face. "Knuckles, let me understand this… You woke me up at 5 AM… 5 AM… to see what exactly?" Sonic asks, maintaining his cool and giving his hand a little twirling action. "It's an awesome new computer called a L.U.S.T., my blue friend!" Knuckles exclaims before Sonic grips the echidna's lips with his hand. "L.U.S.T….Lust? You woke me up for that? All right, let's take a look…" Sonic says, following the red echidna inside the house. Some shouting, cursing and fist-landing sounds come from the building until all is quiet again.
"That'll learn ya, punk! Okay, now let's take a look." Sonic says, smacking his fists together as a bruised and battered Knuckles regains consciousness. "What the hell was that for?" he shouts, rubbing the lumps on his head and bruises near his jaw. "For waking me up at fucking 5 AM! Again!" Sonic shouts before the sudden light of the computer system catches both their attention. "What the hell… Did you turn it on?" Sonic asks, the echidna shaking his head. "Welcome to L.U.S.T. System Registration." the computer system speaks. "Awesome, it's ready to register me! I am the only user of this machine, Knuckles the Echidna!" he proudly speaks, Sonic rolling his eyes as he shakes his head, making crazy gestures behind Knuckles. "Master Knuckles has been registered as the sole user of this system." the system speaks as a computerized image of a beautiful woman turns 3D before them, a beautiful young woman at that. On her head are bunny ears and on her backside is a small fluffy tail, covering her body is a tight yet sexy outfit with the breasts only slightly covered. On her feet are red high heels and her bright red eyes look specifically to the red echidna.
"All right Sonic, you can leave…" Knuckles smirks, shooing the hedgehog away slowly. "Hmph, all right but if you call me at 5 AM again, you're taking a dirtnap, douchbag!" Sonic yells, leaving the house while taking the ad of the L.U.S.T. with him. As he left, he could already hear them getting busy, the blue hedgehog shaking his head before he arrived back home. Meanwhile, M. Tails had already gotten breakfast started, with Shadow leaning on one of the table chairs waiting for breakfast. "Sheesh, M. Tails, you're either a very precise cook or one of the slowest cooks around." Shadow jokes at the fox, who rolls his eyes. "Hey, you know how hard it is to cook for like ten people in one house? I feel like I'm running a damn restaurant except without the paying part!" M. Tails says, wiping his head as he flips pancakes with one hand and flips meat with one of his tails. "I don't see why you don't, oh I don't know… make something that does the cooking for you." Shadow says. "What, I need to make a machine that does everything? Next thing you know, you'll say I need to make a machine that has sex with people." M. Tails says, finishing the morning cooking. "Actually there are machines that do that now." Shadow comments as the door opens and Sonic walks in stretching his arms.
"Hey, you're back. Where did you go this morning?" M. Tails asks as following behind Sonic are Cosmo, Cosmia and Ashisa, all approaching the male fox. "Just to beat up Knuckles' ass for waking me up again. Showed me some stupid computer called a L.U.S.T. or something like that." Sonic says, sitting down. "L.U.S.T.? Isn't that the new sex computer system?" Ashisa asks. "Yeah, not sure why you know about it though." M. Tails smirks from Ashisa's comment, the female athletic fox giving his cheek a pinch. "It's in the paper." Cosmo says, handing the fox the morning paper. "Wait a minute…" Shadow says, snatching the paper from the fox. "Says here the ones who ordered them sent them back within a few days, with claims of murderous intent from the programming." Shadow says, putting the paper down. "Uh-oh…" Cosmia says softly, giving a thought as to what could possibly happen. The first thing that came to mind was the computer ripping Knuckles' ball clear off and beating him over the head with them. The second thing was just sexing the echidna until he died from exhaustion. Sonic checks the ad and sure enough, there's a complete list of warnings with the system.
"Let's see… "Warning: This computer system is just as susceptible to viruses as any other computer system. Possible dangers include: ripping of body parts, insatiable sexual urges, possible bullet fire from digitized nipples, acidic eruption due to system climaxing, over-exhaustion, crushed pelvis, crushed testicles, bent penis, exploded brain matter, enlarged/swollen blood vessels… My god." Zeta says after reading over the warnings. "Knuckles is in terrible danger!" F. Tails says, still processing the large list of warnings. "Nah, that red bastard will be fine. He's Knuckles. Knowing him, he'll wear the thing out before it does." Sonic says sitting at the table. "Hey Sonic… you hear that?" Shadow asks, holding his hand over his ear. The blue hedgehog does the same, hearing a familiar music track with a smirk appearing on his face. The song was in fact the very first track you hear on Sonic Rivals 2, those who played it should be familiar with it. If not, it's "Race to Win". "Let's race." Both hedgehogs say before jetting out of the house.
Meanwhile, Knuckles was having the time of his life with his new toy. It did everything any lazy man could ever dream of his woman to do. It did his very small amount of laundry, it cleaned his home, it made his meals, he was very happy. It was only late that evening that Knuckles shut down the L.U.S.T. as he heard the door opening. Tikal, stretching her arms from who knows what she was doing, walks towards the echidna, no longer shooting daggers from her eyes. "Knuckles, I'm sorry for exploding on you again this morning… Maybe we just need to start seeing different people." Tikal says calmly, a hard throb hitting Knuckles deep in his chest. "Umm.. No, no, it's all right, you were totally right! I've been a class-A asshole lately and I need to make that change." he says nervously, doing a terrible job of hiding an obvious secret. "Knuckles, what's going on?" Tikal asks, hands on her hips. "Well… I might have gotten a computerized system with the sole purpose of satisfying my sexual needs whenever you're not around, but it isn't a real woman! So you don't have to get mad, right? Right?" Knuckles says, dropping to his knees expecting a thrashing. "Oh? That's all right." She smiles as she goes into the bedroom. Knuckles makes the symbol of the cross gesture across his chest before retiring to the bedroom.
Back to Sonic and Shadow, who are racing through Station Square for no apparent reason aside from the music track playing loudly. Silver, on his way back from a random shopping trip with Blaze, takes notice of the hedgehogs as well as the song, finding the urge to run with them. "Hey guys, why are we racing?" Silver asks, the two hedgehogs turning to him and shrugging their shoulders in confusion. With that simple gesture, they dash through the city, unknowing of the danger coming up. Further down the road, several barrels of explosives sit in the center of the path, Eggman smirking as he rubs his hands together. "You are a total idiot." Metal says, drinking down his oil mixture. "Classic schemes are well worth the attempt. It works all the time in those old cartoons so it will work now. The music draws the race-hungry hedgehogs to their doom, nearly 25,000 pounds of explosives. They will not survive!" Eggman laughs before ducking for cover in a nearby alleyway. "Dumbass, hiding here is way too close to the…" Metal says before the doctor shuts off his audio speakers. "That's enough out of you." he says, smirking as the hedgehogs loom close. The tragic fact being, Eggman's current living quarters was right in the vicinity of the explosives. One can only assume what is to come as a result of this stupid mistake.
Suffice to say, the hedgehogs stop long before they reach the explosives, seeing the barrels a good couple hundred feet away. With the ever-present mischievous winking pebble at his foot, Sonic kicks it to the explosives and turns with his thumbs up, the massive explosion sending Metal, whose arms are crossed, Eggman, who is screaming like a girl, and Metallias, who just happened to be in the area, flying across the sky. What's more, the explosion destroys Eggman's Station Square base effortlessly. With that danger averted and completely ignoring the other damages to the city as a result of the explosion, the hedgehogs carry on their race, ending it at Mystic Ruins. No clear cut winner, just three hedgehogs running at sheer random.
It wasn't too much longer that evening that something went wrong at the house of the overconfident echidna. Another phone call reached the blue hedgehog, though this time it was at least late in the evening. Sonic picks up the phone, already expecting Knuckles to be bragging about his new machine. "Let's get this over with… What is it, Knux?" Sonic asks, hearing only the raspy voice of the echidna barely making words before the phone went off. "That's odd… Guess it's time to save his ass." Sonic thinks before he gets up and walks down the steps, Shadow waiting with M. Tails. "Time to save the dumbass?" Shadow asks. "Yup." Sonic says, pointing to the door as they make their way to Angel Island. They only reach the bridge before they hear an ear-piercing scream. "Son of a bitch, that's Knuckles all right." M. Tails says as he looks to the house, lights flickering from the windows. "Shit, we gotta hurry." Sonic says, running to the house as he kicks the door open. "Knuckles!" Sonic shouts. "Douchbag!" Shadow shouts looking around the darkened home. "I don't see him!" M. Tails says. "I have a good idea where he is…" Sonic shakes his head, kicking open the door to the bedroom. "Knu….Oh shit." Sonic says, seeing the echidna gripped by his dreads by the very computer system designed to serve him. "What the fuck is wrong with this thing?" Knuckles shouts. "Dumbass, did you read the fucking warnings in the ad?" M. Tails shouts, the echidna shaking his head nervous. "You know, if we were any sort of assholes, we'd leave you to die from your sexual stupidity." Shadow says. "Sadly, we aren't those type." Sonic says, rushing and kicking the murderous woman in the face, releasing the echidna as she flies out the window. The blue hedgehog dives out the broken window and balls his fist as the computerized woman turns to him. "Hostile target, commencing extermination." she says, her breasts opening to reveal spinning gun barrels shooting at the hedgehog. "Shit!" Sonic shouts, diving out of the way and running around before he gets behind her, his faithful Homing Attack sending him towards her. He grips her head with his knees, punching her repeatedly while she grabbed hold of him. With a mighty throw, she sends him onto the rickety bridge, the blue hedgehog gripping the side of the bridge. "This isn't good…" he says, the woman pointing her nipple guns to the hedgehog. "Prepare to die, blue hedgehog." she says, the barrels glowing. "Somebody shut this bitch off!" he shouts, Shadow and M. Tails getting on that immediately. With a mighty tug of the excessively large power cable, the system shuts down with the woman disappearing with a fizzle and crackle. "Whew… good save guys…" Sonic says, pulling himself up as they return to the echidna.
"You guys saved my ass… Again." Knuckles says, rubbing the back of his head. "It's cool, man. I just hope you learned something from all this." Sonic says. "I have. Next time, I'll just go to the strip club. Less likely to get in trouble." Knuckles says with a chuckle. "No… next time you order something life-changing…" M. Tails says as Shadow sneaks up behind Knuckles. "Read the fucking warnings first!" Shadow shouts, nearly giving the echidna a heart attack before they return home. As for Knuckles, sooner than later the punishment continues as Tikal laughs her ass off, watching the echidna send the system back.
InuSonishaUnlimited: It's been way too long but an update at last! For those still reading this, thank you for your patience. Next time, the team gets another new roommate, which causes all sorts of hell for Sonic and his friends.
Sonic: New roommate? We can't possibly fit anyone else in this house.
InuSonishaUnlimited: We will see about that.
M. Tails: Wonder who it is…
