Chapter 44:

He noticed that Murdock had his hands over his ears and was rocking from side to side on his feet. "B.A., get Murdock out of here. I'm going to stay with Face…I'll call if we need you."

B.A. nodded his head causing the chains around his neck to jingle. "C'mon, Murdock. Why don't we let you lay down for a little while?" he said softly, leading the distant man from the room.

Maggie followed closely behind. "I'll put on some coffee," she said in a shaky voice.

Hannibal was afraid to ask, but he needed to know. "How…how…bad is it?"

"The damage?" Mark questioned. Hannibal nodded his head and Mark closed his eyes not wanting to look at the man he had come to respect greatly. "Bad…real bad."

Hannibal steeled himself and pushed his emotions down. "Okay…what happens next?"

"I need to repair the urethral striction…also known as a narrowed section of the urethra. Urethral stricture is due to scarring of the urethra. This scarring was caused by the injury," he paused and took a breath, "or injuries that Face has suffered in the past."

Hannibal swallowed hard, forcing down the bile that had risen to his throat. "H…how do you do that?"

"I perform a Direct Vision Internal Urethrotomy…or DVIU. I use a tool to cut away the scar tissue and to make the urethra wider. After the tissue is removed I examine the urethra and bladder area to make sure that a clear path has been formed."

Hannibal sat down hard onto the nearest chair. "Dear God," he murmured.

"We need to vacate the clinic by tonight…or early Monday morning at the latest. The procedure itself should take no more than thirty minutes. It is usually done under general or spinal anesthesia…neither of which is an option."

"Oh, kid, I'm so sorry," Hannibal whispered to the unconscious figure before him.

"I'm not going to lie, Hannibal. Face has gone through more pain than any man should ever have to experience in a lifetime. But this is probably going to be worse than you or I can ever imagine."

Hannibal felt the tears start to flow again. "What can I do?"

"Be there for him. You need to be strong. It will probably be the hardest thing you will ever bear witness to…but it will save him years of illness and pain down the road. If it wasn't for the bladder problem I would recommend to wait until he can be sedated since it wasn't giving him problems up to now but I already did some damage to the tissue when I inserted the catheter, that's why he screamed so much, and I can't ram a catheter past it several times a day over the next two weeks. Also now is the time when we have safe access to all tools."

Hannibal stayed with Face while Mark left the room to prepare for the next procedure. It wasn't long before he noticed Face start to shift around under the covers. "Hey, kid," he said softly. "I'm so proud of you. You keep strong and it will all be over before you know it."

Face heard Hannibal's voice and forced his eyes to open. "I'm okay…really…I'm okay," he slurred.

"I know you are," Hannibal smiled, filled with pride at how strong his man was trying to be.

"Face…Mark is going to have to operate one more time."

"St…stay…with me…please," Face pleaded.

Hannibal clasped his hand around Face's. "I'm not going to leave you…I promise."

Face smiled weakly and then let his eyes shut once again.

The next time they opened it was to see Maggie and Mark dressed in scrubs and Hannibal next to him still holding onto his hand. He was once again bared and with his legs in the holders and his heart sped up as he noticed they were just about to start and he had no time to argue his way out of the situation.

"This shouldn't take long, Face," Mark said in a forced confident tone. "Just remember to breathe."

"Squeeze my hand, kid," Hannibal encouraged.

Face followed both men's directions. He breathed and he squeezed, but the next 28 minutes would forever be engrained on his brain.

The pain he could take but the memories were the problem. His mind mixed the here and now with the time the injury was done to him. At first he was able to remind himself of what was happening but then it was harder and harder. After Mark had moved everything in place and the tiny knife started to cut at his tissue he lost his last grip on reality and was catapulted right back to the horrible night. He screamed in horror and tried to move against his bonds while all the time seeing Lynch hurting him over and over again with that sadistic smile on his face.

Face never made it back to them for the rest of the procedure. In his mind he was lost to the mercy of Lynch and his men instead of Mark, Hannibal and Maggie. He screamed and begged Lynch to stop and it tore at their heart. Mark had to wipe his eyes several times to be able to continue with the delicate procedure. When he had it all cut away he removed the tissue and cleaned the area, all through the inserted tube. Then he pulled the tube back and inserted the camera again to make sure nothing has moved down the way towards the bladder. When he was satisfied he removed the tube and instead inserted a Foley catheter.

Finally Face's legs were released and placed back on the table, only he still didn't register where he was. Tears were streaming down his face and he mumbled incoherently. He was lost in his mind unable to notice that he was safe with his friends and all was over.

"Mark, can I…his abdomen…can it stand if I lift him?"

"You want to hold him to bring him back?"

Hannibal couldn't speak, he just nodded.

"You can't hold him against your body but you can slip in behind him and let him lean against you with the help of some pillows, only not too upright."

Mark and Maggie gently lifted Face and Hannibal got onto the table. Face started to get agitated again as he was lifted but seemed to settle once Hannibal held him and gently rocked him while murmuring encouragements to him. Maggie was wiping away the tears that were still falling from his unseeing eyes.

Mark left the room to meet BA and Murdock. He only told them that it was over but not what condition Face was in. Instead he asked them to prepare the van so Face could be moved later on. He thought getting them busy was a good idea and BA quietly thanked him before ordering Murdock around to get his things out of the back, move the seats, pick up blankets and so on.

The fog in Face's mind was slowly lifting. He stilled some and then noticed Hannibal. Hannibal was there, but where was Lynch? Was it really all over? Hannibal was stroking over his hair encouraging him to open his eyes, telling him all was fine. He opened his eyes and then he shifted a little. The little movement made him feel the tube of the catheter that was fixed to his thigh and he jumped. Hannibal had to use all his strength to prevent Face from reaching for it and pulling it out.

"It's there, Hannibal, it's still there, hurts so bad." Face was crying in pain and terror.

"Face, shh. Face it's okay…calm down. It's just a catheter, nobody is hurting you; it was a long time ago."

Face's eyes were wide now, his whole body trembling from the adrenalin the fear had released.

"You with us now kid?"

A tiny nod was his answer.

"Remember what happened?"

"Why…why is it still there I pulled it out. I know I did."

"Shh, calm down Face. Look." Maggie folded the blanket back to reveal the catheter Face was mistaking for the wire that had hurt him so much.

Face slumped back against Hannibal and covered his face with his hands. He didn't know what to feel first. He was in pain, he was ashamed, he was so confused and he was feeling sick again. There wasn't a single spot on his body that didn't hurt and he started sobbing, unable to bear all the horrors of the past weeks and years anymore.

"Please…go. Leave me alone."

"No Face, we aren't going anywhere. Your alone time is over. Never again will you have to suffer alone, kid. We are here for you every step of the way."

Face just sobbed and trembled unable to stop himself.

"That's it kid. Let it all out. Too many things bottled up inside you."

When Mark came back about an hour later he found Face asleep against Hannibal's chest. He had cried himself to sleep. Mark looked at Maggie.

"He's physically fine so far. Urine is flowing, temperature is a bit elevated but nothing to worry, heart rate is high but that's from the adrenalin. It's his mind I'm worried about."

Mark took a deep breath. "Me too. I don't understand how somebody can live through such horrors all by himself and remain sane."

"Mark, what happens now?" Hannibal wanted this to stop. No more pain for his lieutenant. But he needed to know what lay ahead of them.

Mark rubbed over his eyes warily and drew a chair close. "The catheter will stay in place for three days to allow the wound to heal. After that we go on like now, remove it and only put it in to drain the bladder as needed. It is recommended to leave it in place for a week but the risk of infection is too high. Three days is the maximum we can risk. He will still feel some pain when we have to catheterize him after that but we can simply not risk more antibiotics. The tube will stay in for the night though to prevent the tissue from scarring and pulling together. We don't need a new stricture just now."

"The success rate of this procedure is relatively low, 25 % only, but if it comes again he needs an open urethroplasty which I can't do and requires a longer hospital stay. When his bladder is functioning again he still needs to catheterize himself to stretch the tissue and that will also help the rest of the scars to stretch. I only removed the knot where the bastard pierced right through to his rectum."

Hannibal cringed "He needs to do what?"

"Exactly my thought. He won't do it. Can't blame him with his past but it needs to be done. For at least six months, preferably longer. You may have to do it for him or with him, at the very least control him. The first three months it needs to be inside at least every second night. Before going to bed he should empty his bladder and then insert the catheter. It can be the type with a caped end since it's not needed to drain anything, just to stretch. He wouldn't need the bag attached to him or anything. If he needs to go during the night he can just open it, go and then recap it. After that you can gradually increase the intervals. I also want to see him for check up with the camera after some time."

Hannibal sighed, he knew the fight he would have at his hands and he couldn't blame the kid.

"Now let him rest. When he wakes up I want to do another ultrasound, see if everything is okay as long as we have the equipment. I sent BA and Murdock to prepare the van, we have to move soon and quite frankly I don't know how. From here to Maggie's at the slow speed we can move it's a good four hours. We have to avoid a car chase at all costs. I also don't want to keep moving him. We have to get him to a clinic where he is safe and has all the time to heal without disturbance and the equipment to help him and the only place I can think of is Maggie's."

Face woke up pressed against something warm and for a split second everything seemed as if back to normal. But then he felt the pain and the memories hit him like a ton of bricks...a ton of bricks that landed on his midsection and genital region. He moaned loudly unable to hold back his discomfort. He tried to breathe through the intense throbbing, but he was struggling to get control over it.

Hannibal heard Face moan and could feel his torso starting to heave slightly. It sounded as if he was having a hard time breathing. "You alright, kid? You need to slow your breathing down. It's okay...I'm here with you. It's okay." He tried to keep his voice soothing and relaxed, but inside Hannibal was shaking.

Face was now gasping; he put his good hand up to his throat willing the air to go inside.

Hannibal couldn't see much of his lieutenant from the position he was in, but he could feel the heat and the sweat coming off of his slender frame. "Face, I'm going to slide out and go for some help. I'll be right back...I promise."

It took Hannibal a few moments to maneuver his way out from behind Face without jostling him too much. As he rushed for the door he made the mistake of looking back. The sight of his friend...his son...laying there expression twisted in agony almost knocked him off his feet. He pulled his eyes away and went running.

Maggie was entering the kitchen through the back door when she saw a blur whizzing toward her. That blur was Hannibal. "John...what is it?"

"Face woke up and he can't breathe," Hannibal said quickly. "I think it's from pain...and..."

"Gotcha," Maggie replied, knowing exactly what he meant. Pain and memories. "Go get Mark...he's outside packing up with B.A. and Murdock." With that she headed for Face's room.

Face's eyes were shut tight, but his hand was still up by his throat. Maggie grabbed an oxygen canister and approached slowly not wanting to startle him and unsure where his head was at the moment. "Face...it's Maggie. I'm going to put this mask over your mouth to help you breathe."

Face's eyes opened but looked glassy and unfocused. He was close to passing out from the hyperventilation and Maggie wasn't so sure that would be a bad thing. But they needed to get on the road and it would be much safer to do so after examining an awake patient. Plus she couldn't just stand there and watch him suffering.

As Maggie was placing the mask, Hannibal burst back in followed closely by the doctor. They stayed back giving the oxygen some time to work. Mark approached Face as his breathing began to even out. "I'm going to take some vitals, okay?"

Face nodded slowly focusing his attention at the ceiling. He didn't want to look at anybody. They all knew his secret; they had even seen evidence of what was done to him. Last night he was forced to lay in front of them and bear his soul...and other parts of him...for them to watch. He was exposed inside and out. Face didn't know what hurt worse: the shame or the physical pain.

Mark began to read off the results of his examination. "Your pulse is fast, which is understandable given what just happened. BP is normal, but high for you. You're running a low-grade fever which we need to keep an eye on." Mark began setting up for the ultrasound. "Keep that mask on for a little longer and continue taking some deep breaths for me. I'll try to be as gentle as possible."

Face was glad he had the device covering his mouth to hide or at least muffle his cries of pain as Mark pressed into his abdomen. As he moved the wand lower and lower toward the pelvic bone the pain increased tenfold as did his anxiety over being touched in that vicinity. He felt dizzy and nauseous and knew he was about to be ill. He pulled off the mask and rasped, "stop...hurts...gonna be..."

Maggie had seen his color going green while Mark was performing the ultrasound. She had a bucket ready and she turned Face's head to the side and placed it under his mouth.

"I'm almost done, Face, hang in there a couple of more minutes," Mark encouraged. He moved the instrument down a bit lower and pressed a bit harder to get a view of the urethra.

Face let out a deep animalistic growl and then began to vomit repeatedly.

Mark hurriedly finished and then rushed from the room afraid he was about to lose his own battle with his stomach. It made him sick having to hurt the young man yet again. He was a doctor...he wanted to help people...not make them suffer.

Maggie watched Mark flee while still holding the bucket for Face. "Hannibal...take this and stay with Face. I'm going to check on Mark."

Hannibal stood by his friend and held the bucket during the attacks. He knew it had to hurt horribly given the abdominal surgery just a day prior and he prayed it would cause no additional harm. Hannibal wanted to touch Face but wasn't sure physical contact by another male was the best idea given what he had just experienced.

Gradually the nausea subsided and Face turned his head back to the ceiling. He was shivering forcefully from the pain. His body was completely drained yet somehow his mind was reeling. Hannibal wasn't talking to him; Maggie and Mark left rapidly; Murdock and B.A. were nowhere to be found. 'They're all repulsed by me,' Face thought.

Maggie returned about ten minutes later. "Is Mark okay?" Hannibal asked.

Maggie nodded. "He's fine...just needed some air."

"And Face?"

"Mark said things looked as good as expected," she smiled.

"Why is he in so much pain?" Hannibal was aware he was talking about Face as if he wasn't there. But, looking at him lying there staring lifelessly at the ceiling, it was as if he wasn't.

"Have you ever gone through multiple surgeries without anesthetic over the course of a weekend?" she asked.

"Point taken," Hannibal said with a sigh.

"The van is packed up and we need to get out of here within the hour. Face needs to stay horizontal and really shouldn't be moved at all. But we have no choice."

"The joys of being a fugitive," Hannibal said dryly. "If only we were free men, Face could be in a hospital and out of all this agony."

Maggie put her arm around Hannibal's waist. "But you're not," she said gently. "And we need to do the best that we can given the circumstances. Mark is getting a gurney so we can wheel Face out to the van."

'If I had been in a hospital they would not have to deal with all the shit I'm putting them through. Nothing is ever gonna be the same again.' Face thought

"Face, honey, we need to vacate the place for the next patients. I'll prepare you for your transport, wouldn't want to be late for Woody Woodpecker, now would we?"

It felt so good that Maggie talked to him in a normal way. Such a tiny thing but it felt so good. He turned his eyes towards her and even managed a small smile.

"Now that is better. Was about time I saw that Faceman smile again. I'm going to disconnect your IV and wrap up the port. You'll get your next drink at my place. If you feel more dizzy than now or have dry lips or a dry mouth during our journey tell me. Next I'll put a cuff on your arm that allows me to read your BP while on the road without having to disturb you all the time."

Hannibal envied her. He couldn't be that free with Face right now. After what Face had revealed about his past, things he had gone through to protect Hannibal and the team and he, the commanding officer who was supposed to look out for him, had treated him so wrong and caused additional pain. He just didn't know how to approach him.

"That's it, all done. Are you okay?"

No, no he was not and he doubted he would ever be. "Feel …feel…so….dirty." This time he didn't meet her eyes.

Maggie knew that he wasn't really talking about not having had a bath in some days but wanted to keep the mood light. "John, I think that's your cue. I'm going to change your urine bag and then Hannibal can give you a sponge bath while I tidy the room and remove our evidence of having been here."

"But he asked you Maggie. I don't think he wants another man to touch him."

"He's right there… you can ask him not me. And now get busy, we're moving soon."

Hannibal reluctantly got a big bowl with water and a washcloth and began to wash Face's face, neck and limbs. Maggie watched from time to time while cleaning the room and storing equipment away.

"He doesn't only consist of head and limbs, John. Go ahead, he's not going to break into two."

"I don't think I should touch close to…"

"It's okay Hannibal….don't need to…..understand you."

"Oh God, if I should ever understand you men I'm going to write a book and make a fortune within a week. John, stop asking dumb questions and wash him, Face, stop thinking low of yourself. You're one of the finest men I know and nothing that ever happened to you can change that."

Hannibal was standing around dumb founded. "Maggie, he's been ra…"

"I know that and he knows it too. When he came to what helped him settle down? You slipping in behind him. If that's not a compromising condition then I don't know."

"He was asleep by then."

"Oh I forgot. Sure he would be more tolerable to unwanted touches when just waking up from a nightmare."

Hannibal saw her point and had some hope. He anyway only washed his upper torso, afraid to cause pain if he washed close to the freshly operated areas. Mark came in with the gurney announcing that they were all set.

Maggie spread two thick blankets and a number of fluffy looking towels over the gurney and then it was placed alongside him.

Face looked around and became agitated when he couldn't see his clothes anywhere.

"Face hon, what's the matter?"

"Clothes?"

"No, we'll keep you in the nude. It's easier to get access if need be and we don't want you to be uncomfortable with clothes. But don't worry. I have warm blankets and towels for you and will wrap you up like a little bug."

With that he was gently transferred to the gurney and placed on pre warmed towels. Maggie wrapped one of the blankets around him leaving his arms outside and then used the second one to effectively trap his arms next to his body. Then the ride began.

Every little movement sent stabbing pains through his abdomen and groin. By the time he reached the van he was already sweating and panting and gritting his teeth. He couldn't even admire the bed BA and Murdock had build for him in the van. Murdock's seat was removed and secured to the other side of the van and the bed was placed on springs so he wouldn't feel every bump of the road. He was transferred again. Mark had his own car and Murdock brought Maggie's. The rest were with him.

At first Face tried to hold the pain inside and not scream or even moan but after just about 15 minutes he had reached the end of his strength.

"Oh god… BA…. stop…. please stop…no more….please."

Face's cries for mercy started a domino effect. Not knowing what to do, B.A. looked to Hannibal…who looked to Maggie… who looked down at Face who's head was tossing back and forth as it was the only part of his body he could freely move.

Hannibal was torn between his head and heart once more. His head knew that they had to stay on the road; it was a long trip to Bad Rock and they had to keep moving or they risked the military finding them. His heart, however, was screaming for him to stop the van and allow Face a break. Head trumped heart and he said somberly, "Keep going, B.A."

B.A. turned his head back to the road ahead. He gripped the wheel with all his might squeezing his anger out on the leather surface. Face was begging him to stop and it broke his heart…arguably his biggest muscle…to ignore him.