Chapter XLIX
Blood and Blame
Her hand was held out, almost touching him. "Please, Ben, please give me the gun. Everything will be okay, please." A tear fell from her eye and she didn't bother to wipe it away. "Please."
From behind her, she could hear Lukas screaming, "DAMNIT BEN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! PUT THE GUN DOWN NOW! JESUS H CHRIST, ARE YOU INSANE?!"
She could hear Jim saying something, trying to calm him down. Her eyes stayed locked on Ben's. "It's not too late, Benny, please." His hand was shaking. He wasn't a horrible, blood thirsty terrorist, not right now. He was a lost and scared boy. A boy she ached to help. "I can help, Benny, please let me help."
Lukas's voice broke through, "HELP?! YOU OBVIOUSLY AREN'T HELPING HIM! BACK AWAY AND LET ME TALK TO HIM! BENJAMIN DONOVAN WINSTON PUT DOWN THE GUN, NOW!"
Ben's eyes darted between them all. His Dad, face red and screaming at him. Screaming, he always screamed. The cop, gun in hand, ready to take him down. Then there was Doctor Parker. She was pretty, he'd always thought so. She had those big green eyes and dark hair. She always had a nice smile. She listened. She wasn't smiling now. She was crying. Her hand was stretched out, pleading with him. "Please, Benny." He couldn't take it. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" He waved the gun at them, stopping on his father. "YOU HATE ME! YOU THINK SCREAMING AT ME WILL MAKE ME STOP?! I HATE YOU!" He looked at the cop; hadn't Doctor Parker called him something, Brass? "S-stay back, Pig. I'll kill her, I swear."
He pointed the gun back at Doctor Parker. "Why are you really here? How did you know?
She looked at him, big green eyes staring right into his. "I saw your MySpace. I recognized what you were saying. God, I'm sorry, Benny. I should have realized. I failed you, Benny. This is my fault. Don't punish yourself. I was supposed to help you and I failed. Please Ben, don't do this. Not now, not this way. Don't ruin your life like this. We can fix this together. Please."
Was it her fault? Wasn't it his fault? Fault? Wasn't he right? No? Yes? "DON'T SHRINK ME! JUST FUCKING DON'T!" He put the gun back to his own temple, more confused now than ever. "I put that bomb in one of his rooms, this back area, full of files and some old desk. I KILLED HIM! BLEW HIM TO KINGDOM FUCKING COME!"
His Dad went pale. "WHAT?!" His voice, always so loud, went quiet. "What are you saying, Ben? Who'd you kill?"
The Cop shook his head, "No, Ben, no ones dead yet. It's going to work out fine, really. We just need you to put down the gun." The gun shook in his hands. Would it all be okay? Were they lying to him? He didn't know. He knew that Doctor Parker really wanted to help him. She always had. She was the only one that ever listened. Even if he sometimes hated talking to her, she listened. She wanted to help him. Somehow he didn't think she was lying, even about that going to jail thing. Somehow he figured it fit her. She didn't look like she would take any crap like that. "What's going to happen to me?" He looked at Doctor Parker, "What will they do to me?"
She shook her head, "I don't know, Ben, but I swear I'll be with you every step of the way. We can get through this together." Her hand wasn't shaking now. All he wanted to do was take it.
The radio squawked again. A woman's voice again, the same one. "WHERE IS MY FUCKING BACKUP?! I'VE GOT PEOPLE WHO NEED FUCKING MEDICAL ATTENTION NOW!"
Cold sweat ran down his back. He'd done that. "She said people." The Cop looked at him, "That's something different." He shook his head, "No that's the same damn voice. DON'T LIE TO ME!" The Cop couldn't turn off the radio. He was holding back his Dad with one hand and had the gun in the other. "Look, Ben, I'm going to put my gun down and you can put yours down." Ben knew what he was going to do. "Don't turn off that radio. I want to hear them. I want to hear all the chaos I've caused." He spit out the sentence the same way he would something foul tasting. "I did that. I killed him...and it sounds like some other people were there too. I'm just like Daniel and Kevin...and Andrea. I'm a terrorist and I deserve to die." He pressed the gun tighter to his temple.
She could see his hands, such thin hands, going white with the pressure he was putting on the gun. "You don't deserve to die. There's been too much death already, Ben. Please. Listen to me and we can get through this. You just have to trust me. Put the gun down." His eyes were darting back and forth, as a scared rabbit's, looking for a way out or an answer. An answer that just wasn't going to come. Not until he put the gun down. Fear was rioting inside her. Nothing could have ever prepared her for this. There wasn't a Hostage 101 Class at Harvard. The only tangible thing Cami could bring to mind was 'What Would Sara Do?' She made a mental note to ask the Wild Woman if she got out of this alive, because she, herself, didn't have a fucking clue. "Are you okay, Ben?" His glassy eyes focused on her again. He shook his head, almost dazed. "I'm tired, Doctor Parker, really tired."
She saw it in his eyes, the moment before he did it. She lunged forward with all her might, hands reaching out, fingers stretched out, to stop him. "NO!" The gunshot echoed through the room like cannon fire. Something wet and sticky splattered across her face. Horrified she caught the boy's slumping body. She looked down at him, his eyes vacant, his face bloody. "Ben? Benny? Oh God, no. No, Ben." Shock hit her hard and hit her fast. She didn't even protest when Jim ripped her away from Ben's...corpse.
The kid shot himself. He saw Parker lunge at him trying to stop him. All she'd gotten for her efforts was a face-full of blood and brain matter. Behind him he could hear the Father screaming. He saw it hit her, the blood splashing against her skin, and the shock settling in, clouding over her intelligent green eyes. Gun lowered and holstered now, he gently pulled the openly weeping psychologist away from the body, turning her face around, away from the gory horror of the teenage suicide. It was tough, he knew. Even he'd thought she'd almost had him there for a minute.
The father exploded. "OH GOD BENNY!" He grabbed at Parker. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" He shook her and Cambridge Parker - a woman who he knew, by reputation and by first hand knowledge, took no shit - only stared at the man. Her lips forming words that she couldn't even vocalize. "I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB FOR THIS! YOU'LL NEVER PRACTICE IN THIS TOWN AGAIN! MARK MY DAMN WORDS! YOU KILLED MY SON! YOU KILLED MY BENNY!" Over wrought, the man fell to his knees beside his dead son and started running his hands through blood soaked brown hair. "Benny. Oh God, Benny, Why?"
The man's words turned to sobs, sobs that followed him and Parker all the way down the hall. When they reached the Living Room, he began calling for backup. CSI, the Coroner, an ambulance for Cami. He sat the woman on the couch, still concerned about how pale she was. He knelt down in front of her, "You okay, kid?"
Though she nodded and even grinned a little; her eyes were about a million miles away and her hands were ice cold. He took out a handkerchief and dabbed at the blood spatter on her cheek. CSI would give him hell for tampering with the evidence or whatever, but there was no need for her to have a dead kid's blood on her face.
Author's Note: Not exactly a cliffie this time, but we're still holding over from the last chapter. In all honesty, the hardcore writing for this story is done (yipee) So while my beta looks at my wrok and wonders where I learned to write the English language, I have time to start tinkering some new ideas and plots for the next fic I'll be writing. Fun-fun!
