Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written parody. Ranma ½ is property of Rumiko Takahashi, Studio Deen, Shogakukan, Viz Media, and Madman Entertainment. Support the official release.

Senpai
A Ranma ½ Story

|A Kingdom in Flames|

It would be an understatement to say Asuka Saginomiya was upset by the fire that had broken out overnight at Kolkhoz. The Culinary Arts building… she had personally courted Madame St. Paul and the La Belle School of Martial Arts Fine Dining (and Finer Cooking) to head the department. It had been quite the coup, as the French crone was a certified Michelin Star chef and even better, already had all the connections to get the perfect ingredients that made even Japan's top restaurants green with envy.

That had been her first accomplishment, her first addition to the kingdom within her grasp. Yet now? Now it was a pile of ash and soot, with no one having an explanation for this shit. Yes, suffice to say, she was furious right now. It was not going to be a good day today.

And it was about to get worst.

"A-Asuka-sama." Her faithful butler said, interjecting himself into her contemplation of how she was going to torture the person who did this to death. "A message from your father."

"What does he want now?" Asuka snapped.

"He wishes to inform you that your classes for the morrow are to be suspended as he is requesting Ysidro-san to come visit him to update your progress." The butler bowed low, mainly to keep his face safe.

"Of all the…!" Asuka started to rage when she spotted that damnable nun and the woman in question in the distance. "Che!"

"He also said he was reducing your allowance if you are slacking off or giving your instructor problems." The butler continued, relaying the information as clearly as he could.

Of course he would, but there was little she could do at the moment. "Oh whatever. He'll back down off that the very second I give him a slight pout so why does he bother?" Asuka wasn't paying attention as she griped about her father.

Angela and Lida had made their way over to Asuka faster than the girl could have fathomed. "Why does who bother?"

"Ack!" Asuka hopped away from the nun. "No one to concern yourself with. What are you doing here?"

{"You think we didn't hear of the fire?"} Lida asked in Spanish, with an amused tone and a crooked smile.

"We heard about the fire," Angela replied, craning her head to the side as if confused that it couldn't be more obvious.

"Right, as you can see, an important part of the school has been burnt down." Asuka said, sighing in a put upon manner.

"Is there anything else? Maybe some more cheap airsoft you want to peddle off on me?" She was of course referring to the failure of the guns to stop the arsonist.

{"Bitch, what the fuck did you think would happen when you armed a bunch of useless bitches? I gave those guns to the Survival Game Club believing they could do it,"} Lida retorted with a cocked eyebrow after Angela translated Asuka's questions. {"If you're blaming the failure of them on my equipment, then you better be ready to prove it."}

Angela managed to hide the wince she had at the crudeness of the reply.

"Well?" Asuka demanded.

"What were you expecting, just handing them off without a care?" Angela managed to translate in some tact for Lida. "It sounds more like the students' fault than the guns."

Asuka's eyebrows lifted high at the sharp remonstration. "Tch, most everyone who was here got injured or haven't come back to school yet for me to interrogate them. So I can't find that out."

"Then please, don't try to rile Ysidro-san up." Angela said, bowing her head a little. "The results aren't always… pleasant."

Hmm, something to file away for later. "Be that as it may, I am going to be very busy dealing with this. Also, my father wants to meet with you tomorrow to find out about my… training."

Angela translated it for Lida, who smirked a little. {"Don't worry, I'll say all the nice things in the world to him and he won't drop you for your little brother or something like that."} The odd woman chuckled a little. {"Perhaps I'll wear something nice for him to help it go over better."}

Angela really wished Lida wouldn't force her to be less than firm with the truth. "She looks forward to it and will put in a good word for you."

"Really?" Asuka raised an eyebrow at that.

{"I won't get paid until I see you through your training, so it's in my best interest to keep him happy."} Lida explained, at least understanding what that single word was. {"Besides, this just means you owe me for this."}

"She wants to see your training through to the end." Angela quickly translated, making sure to doll it up. "But you should be ready to do her a favor in the future for this."

Asuka slowly nodded, finding the odd Spanish woman and her pet nun slightly more tolerable than that toad of a sensei before. "Of course, that will be fine."

She turned to look towards the blackened structure and sighed.

"Is there anything we can help you with at the moment?" Angela offered. "We of the Church make it a point to allow people to unburden themselves."

{"Well, in these more modern times without a lot of power behind us."} Lida joked to Angela.

"Shh!" Angela made a shushing motion at her companion.

"Ah, no, there is no need for that. The only things I need are a construction firm and the name of the person who burnt it down." Asuka replied, shaking her head. "But thank you for your offer."

{"Well if it's all the same, you should do some light training today so you can make up for tomorrow."} Lida said, smiling in a way that was very disconcerting. {"It absolutely won't help you in the beating you're about to receive, but you should make the effort anyways."}

"At least try to get some training in today instead since tomorrow is now off the table." Angela's prudent translation was nice and neat. "Whatever strides you make will only help you."

Asuka nodded, it'd have to do. "I suppose you two aren't going to be hanging around today, either."

"We have other business to attend to," Angela explained. "Just practice your marksmanship and your draw speed. You're a natural athlete so this shouldn't be too hard."

"I understand." Asuka brusquely turned, dismissing the nun and her companion. "If there is nothing else…"

{"There's too much for me to cover,"} Lida muttered.

"No, we will take our leave." Angela said loudly to make sure Asuka didn't ask about what Lida had said.

Asuka didn't even bother to watch them walk away, there was too many more important things to do.

"Is there a reason you keep insulting her so much?" Angela asked in English after they were away from their client.

"Turnabout is fair play you know?" Lida asked with a sardonic smirk. "I mean, she thinks I'm stupid because I don't speak Japanese. And besides, it keeps you on your toes so you don't slip up and miss anything."

Angela sighed, wishing she could convince the woman that she was just being rude but… "It's not right to be that harsh though."

"I don't have to be right, I just have to keep from being caught," Lida said, snickering at Angela's annoyed look. "Ah, save the petulant pout for complaining to your boyfriend."

Angela turned bright red. "B-b-boyfriend?!

"It's all right, you haven't officially taken the vows yet so you can still have your dirty sinful fun first." Lida teased.

"I-I… AHH!" Angela gave up trying to defend herself and settled for shouting in frustration.

"All right, sorry." Lida stopped smirking and sobered up. "I understand your concern but there is no way for us to save her. She won't listen to me and she thinks she's invincible. It has to be this way."

"I don't have to like it," Angela said, even if she found Asuka's attitude appalling, she didn't wish what was likely to happen on the girl.

"But you have to accept it," Lida said with full seriousness as she looked to the sky. "Not everyone can just rise to Heaven from Earth, sometimes they must fall to Hell first."

Angela looked away upset.

"It'll be fine though, why you ask?" Lida tried to comfort her translator and friend. "Because I am here."

"Are you sure we should just let this happen?" Angela asked quietly.

"We have a chance to save her from her demons, but she needs to confront them first. Could we call ourselves Women of God if we didn't show her the error of her ways?"

Angela blew out a sigh. "You're right, we have to be there to pull her up."

Lida nodded, looking off in a random direction. "And if it isn't possible… well, it's not like she's a victim in this to begin with."

The silence that followed was deep but companionable. They understood each other enough to not need further words. These two were on a mission from God.

One they would carry out without fail.

|An Arrow Piercing Your Soul|

It was strange, this school meeting being called out of the blue. At least, that's how Hatanaka Kosaku had to characterize it. There had been little to no forewarning something like this would be happening, so it just came off as odd. A sour chill hung in the air, as if fear had fused into the anticipation of the event. Why would their beloved leader call them out like this, every student brought out to the gymnasium with no exceptions.

The wait was not long, as Kosaku almost choked on his tongue as he felt the sheer presence of their leaders as the quintet entered the gymnasium. Nabiki was ashen with rage, Katie was colder than before. Akane was restraining some kind of fury and Ranma looked like he was a simmering pot ready to boil. Yet, all four paled in the sheer volume of anger that echoed from the footsteps of Kodachi.

Her heel banged off the floor, louder than a thunder clap and no less awe inspiring. If the Four Devas were upset, Kodachi was transcended beyond divinity in her displeasure. Something had upset them all and they were about to share it with the student body at large.

Kosaku trembled as he tried to keep his composure, his breathing erratic as the energy in the room became stifling.

"My students, no, my friends!" Kodachi began, stepping to the hastily prepared podium. "I have called you here today because last night a startling discovery was made by we your student council!"

Mutters broke out but they went silent once Kodachi spoke again.

"First, however, I must make a confession. It is necessary to establish context, so you may understand how important this is."

The students looked among each other, Kosaku especially among his fellow club members.

"My interest in this school and improving its lot was not purely altruistic," Kodachi revealed, "The true reason I took over the school from the control of my brother was plainly to show up Saginomiya Asuka, my rival in all of life's contests. I showered this school and you students with the wealth of my family purely for my own vain pursuit of superiority."

This came as something of a surprise to many of the students, including many of the boys who had benefitted most from Kodachi's generosity.

"It was my design to make you boys all brought low by Tendo Akane's wrath into my own personal garden of handsome young men, with whom I would lord over Saginomiya in our contests. Willfully servile men who would be purely at my beck and call, to carry out my whims."

Kodachi gripped the podium as the crowd fell suddenly silent, the murmuring over as those words sank in. "A simple game, is it not? As you would all benefit from it, I thought nothing of any other consequence…"

Kodachi slammed a hand on the podium. "However, last night changed all that! What transpired opened my eyes and poured cold water on my childish whims. This is no longer just a game between wealthy girls! The Saginomiya clan has declared war on all families in the ward of Nerima and has been carrying out their atrocities on you, completely innocent and unassuming students, for years!"

Nabiki took that as her cue to translate. "Let me put it like this: who here failed to pass Kolkhoz's crap entrance exam? Show me your hands, and don't be ashamed about it."

She raised her hand. "I bombed on their entrance exam with one of the lowest scores."

Hands rose, quite a number of them. The pool of Furinkan Students who washed out of Kolkhoz and had to settle for this delinquent school was large. Even Kosaku raised his hand high, remembering wanting to try out the boxing club after hearing stories of Olympic glory coming from those halls. Akane's friend Sayuri lifted her hand as well, surprising Yuka.

Nabiki then spoke. "All of you who raised your hands… were deliberately failed by Kolkhoz Academy by having your tests swapped out with those of other students whose parents paid an exorbitant fee for them to enter the school."

There was a silence at that reveal–then the clamor erupted from nearly all the students.

Kosaku's eyes grew large. "W-what?!"

Sayuri and Yuka were as stunned as the other directly affected students. "You're kidding!"

The crowd grew louder, as students who weren't affected started speaking up among those who were.

"A rich school like that? Yeah, I can see them being that shady…"

"I studied my ass off for that test!"

"How despicable, typical Zaibatsu behavior…"

"My girlfriend from middle school got in, did she pay?!"

Nabiki then twisted the knife. "It wouldn't be enough that Kolkhoz was corrupt and greedy, but they crossed a whole other line after that. Midterms, Term finals, and even college entrance exams… for at least the last five years, every good grade made at this school and others has been transfered to someone at Kolkhoz who paid to stay in the school."

The murmuring stopped, as Nabiki drove it home.

"So every test you all worked your butts off for, but somehow inexplicably failed or got low marks? Or the college exam that an older brother or sister or a senpai completely bombed? That was your passing grade being switched out to some lazy jackass who had the money to cop it!"

It was quiet again, with every student stunned speechless by the reveal.

Kodachi held aloft a stack of papers. "What I have here are copies of the original tests you took. To any who desire proof of this, need only to compare the grades of these papers to those you received. This crime has been committed not only against us, but the students of Butsumetsu and Tomobiki High Schools as well."

She slapped the papers onto the podium. "The reason our school is a hotbed of delinquency, why our scores are so low… is because the machinations of the Saginomiya family have been deliberately hurting every student in this school past and present!"

Kosaku was shaking. "So that means, even if we finish High School now…?!"

"Yes, we're all low score idiots in the national database," Nabiki confirmed, "You'll be denied even the chance to take a lot of university exams based solely on your bad High School performance."

"Which means… my dream…" Kosaku looked crushed as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes.

"Impossible," Sayuri murmured among other students, who were realizing that the tests that they underperformed in may have been entirely doctored.

Kodachi stamped her foot again, stopping the panic before it could blow out into a riot. "Despair not, my classmates! I will fix this, no matter the cost, no matter how long it takes. For you, for everyone who attends and has attended this school! I will erase the past, present and terminate the future of despicable terrible Furinkan! Even if I must destroy the education system in Japan to do so!"

"This ain't a game," Ranma said, "Even if the Emperor Himself is in on this nonsense, I'm gonna bust heads and kick every ass until this gets fixed!"

"Not a single one of us deserves this kind of treatment!" Akane said, helping stoke the fire brighter. "Kodachi-san has proven even to me that you all have value, even you boys I hated and called perverts. This kind of thing isn't fair to any of us, so it's up to us to stop it!"

The students slowly swallowed their fears, their tears and instead began to believe. This was no longer someone else's war. It was their war, to be fought by all of them. This was about their futures, about their very lives now…

"So get fired up!" Katie shouted, thrusting her fist into the air. "We're putting a stop to this corruption, all of us, for good!"

One by one, the students did get fired up. Once the crushing weight of the revelation passed, they found their anger and their fighting spirit. The indignation was infectious and soon, all of their blood was boiling as one.

"Tomorrow morning, as if the very heavens favor us, will have a thick fog descend on this area. And under that cover, we will march upon Kolkhoz and give them what for," Kodachi spoke, "Everyone who wishes to fight will be armed for the march, this is no longer just exercise for the combat clubs. We will make our displeasure with Kolkhoz known by taking revenge for our humiliation!"

The silence that hung was different. The air was electric and the students were now hyper-focused on their Student Council President, hanging onto her words and instructions.

Yuka then spoke up. "What about our teachers?"

Another student, a plain looking skinny young man named Daisuke then called out. "Yeah, who was on the take with Kolkhoz?!"

Akane answered with a grim look. "We dealt with them just before school. We'll need new English, Math, History, and Science teachers. Bleh, even the school nurse was in on it."

"Rest assured, only the best teachers have been taken in consideration," Kodachi promised. "When this battle is over, a new day will come to all of you… where the merits of Furinkan High School's student body will be recognized for the real hard work they've done!"

"The whole damn world will know," Nabiki declared.

Akane nodded. "Of course."

"Yeah, let's just get this little bitch portion of the thing done. Before this shit, we might have stopped." Katie said, looking over the crowd. "But not now."

"Definitely not." Ranma almost growled.

A storm was fast approaching, ready to blow right through everything.

|For Great Days to Return|

Misao had finished taping her vlog stuff early today, if only because Ranma didn't come home last night, and neither did Katie after she had been called away. It was weird to wake up to an empty house and little more than a text about business and an admittedly nice nude of Kasumi to quell her worry. But still, her routine had been interrupted and she was restless.

"I'm home," Katie's voice, with all of its tension and weariness, blasted through Misao's ears like the roar of a tornado.

"Welcome back!" Misao's cheery front crumbled when she noticed a certain pigtailed boy was absent. "Where's Ranma?"

"He's busy," Katie explained, as she took off her electric green tie, "Sorry, but shit got real on us."

"How real?" Misao asked, concern evident on her face. As well as the veiled promise of an alien busting mecha coming along for the ride dancing in her tone.

"Nothing that requires an armed intervention," Katie reassured her, "It's just some Zaibatsu assholes doing whatever they want."

Misao hummed. "Ah, Saginomiya?"

Katie nodded affirmative. "Yeah."

"Huh, so that's come full circle," Misao said as if this were trivial information.

Katie remembered Misao's history with Asuka. "Well, it's not Asuka this time. But the rest of her family."

"The whole tree's rotten, now?" Misao asked with a chuckle.

"Yup," Katie said, deciding to warn Misao ahead of time. "Ranma's like really fucking mad about it right now. And not the frustrated 'you idiot' kind of mind. Like bone-in inconsolably angry shit."

"Oh dear." Misao said, concern finally breaking through her veneer of calm. "How bad is it?"

"Let's just say the skyline in the direction of Taian is gonna open up tomorrow." Katie answered, shrugging a little. "Though how much of it is going to be him depends on if the rest of the school leaves anything for him."

Misao whistled. "How bad did Asuka fuck up?"

"The Zaibatsu crap turned out to be stealing grades from the other high schools and selling them off to people willing to pay the price just for the privilege of going to Kolkhoz." Katie laid bare the sins of the Saginomiya clan.

"What the fuck." Misao stated rather than asked. That was warped even for that bitch's standards. "Well, at the very least I made the right choice sending you to Furinkan. Maybe I should do something nice for Ranma…"

"Don't bother, he's not even gonna stick around tonight," Katie warned.

Misao pouted. "What?"

"Like I said, he's busy… got a lot of stuff to prepare for smashing the school."

Misao deflated a little. "The furniture will have to stay where it is."

"It'll be good for me, I'm a tad wiped out and would like to get some rest and you two raising a fuss doesn't help that–fun as it is to watch," Katie revealed.

"Mou!" Misao whined. "At least I'll get to see him before he runs off again."

As the universe had impeccable timing, Ranma came back right as she said this. "Yo, I'm back to drop off some stuff before I gotta jet again."

"Welcome back, Ra-" Misao's greeting was cut off as Ranma seemed to teleport over to her and pull her into his embrace. "-ah!"

He didn't say anything, just settling for kissing her like he just came back from a war.

"Always good for a chortle," Katie said as she watched Misao all but melt under Ranma's graces.

Ranma had stolen the breath of Misao and seven of her alternate universe counterparts by the time the kiss ended. "Sorry, Mi-chan, can't stay I got some cooking to do."

Not even noticing him bolting off to the bedroom to change his clothes real fast. Misao nodded, her eyes slightly raised upward and her tongue flopped out. Her face was a deep red with a sudden and rather intense desire.

"Geez, when did he get this good at pushing her buttons?" Katie thought before quick as a whistle Ranma came jogging out in his red shirt and black pants combo.

"I knew you'd understand." Ranma said with a devilish grin. It faded, but not entirely, as he looked over at Katie. "You and Akane go over the plan for Tomobiki yet?"

"Not much to plan, but she'll do the heavy lifting since most of the kids aren't in my bracket." Katie revealed, only to recoil when Ranma casually shoved Misao into her. "Eh?"

"I'll see you tomorrow then, get some rest." Ranma said, before that grin returned. "Feel free to hate me for tonight though~"

"Hate you...?" Katie asked in confusion as Ranma made himself scarce.

She quickly understood when Misao made a show of licking her lips and began chuckling.

"You said you needed to sleep, didn't you?" He called from beyond the closing door as Misao looked up at her, and now she was drooling. Fantastic.

"Well, fuck me." Katie said.

"Mou~ yes ma'am," Misao obeyed.

Down on the street, Ranma chuckled to himself. "Thanks, senpai."

Much as he wanted to rock Misao's world tonight, he was content to leave her in good hands since he had things to do.

Butsumetsu Junior High was the previous worst time of his life until China built a wall to keep it out of first place. He hated every moment except the times he fought Ryoga, but those were few and far between. That said, with all these new revelations, he felt he had a duty to right the wrongs done to his former alma mater.

"Ah, I'm hungry."

Outside of Butsumetsu High, in an abandoned lot where many of its delinquents gathered, an otherwise silent Soban looked up at the sky, his stomach rumbling with hunger as he contemplated what it meant to be truly at the bottom of the bottom.

It was the worst feeling he ever had. Worse than all the times he'd been turned down by his beloved Shinobu.

Curly, sitting next to him, shook his head. "No way we're gonna eat if we can't get into the school."

The Principal and the staff locked most of the boys out of the school after the battle against Furinkan. Not so much because they fought them, as because they fought them and lost horribly. The staff of Butsumetsu still had their pride, and they weren't going to tolerate a few hundred failures who lost to four people.

"Well, well, look at you guys." One of those four people said then.

Curly stood up and pointed at Ranma, who was standing on the wooden fence that bordered the area. "You!"

Ranma pointed at himself. "Me."

A few of the delinquents got up and got ready to posture as delinquents did. They stopped when they saw the deadly look Ranma stared down at him.

"Oi, you assholes think I'm scared of any of you?"

Curly stopped being shocked, and sat back down. That was some very reasonable logic.

"Whatcha doing here in the ass pit Saotome?" Soban asked, sensing Ranma wasn't here looking for a fight. He may not have been the quickest wit, but he knew when a guy was ready to throw down.

"I'm not here to fight you or do anything bad like that." Ranma said, confirming Soban's senses. "I went to Junior High with you bro, I know what the price is for losing."

You didn't win, you didn't eat. That was lunch, that was learning.

Soban nodded, looking chagrined. "Yeah, can't go home, neither. You think we're gonna get it any better from our parents?"

There were a lot of nods from the other boys.

Ranma nodded. "I guess not, so it makes sense that somebody's gotta look out for you."

There was a clattering, as an Okonomiyaki Cart pulled up, pulled by a extremely cute Japanese girl wearing a short kimono and leggings, and Indian-looking maid. Quickly parking it and setting it up, Ukyo and her new assistant, an equally cute Indian girl dressed as a Victorian Maid, were soon standing behind the warming up griddle of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki Cart.

"Hey there, boys!" Ukyo greeted. "Heard you were in need of a quick meal, and since I have been well compensated for the meal, Ucchan is going to offer y'all free food until you can't eat no more!"

"I hope you are ready to try the finest cooking from three of the best chefs in the world," Lalita offered with a cute pose alongside Ukyo.

The boys around in the abandoned lot looked in awe at the two pretty girls and their cart. Ucchan's Okonomiyaki was a myth to many a young man in Butsumetsu, as she barely left Furinkan. To see the best tasting cart fare before their eyes was as though the Messiah had come to lead them to glory.

"You're serious?" Curly asked. "This is all free?!"

"It ain't free," Ranma said, "This cost me a good chunk of change. Ucchan ain't cheap, so you'd better be willing to pay me back for it."

Again, Soban was usually slow on the uptake but even he got the message. "What do you need us for?"

"We're smashing Kolkhoz tomorrow, and it just wouldn't be right to leave anyone out who didn't want a piece of the action."

Soban blinked and looked at Kolkhoz in the distance and back at Ranma who was smirking. "Zeheheh… funny you should say that, we got unfinished business with them, too."

"Well finish it in our corner, and you won't have to worry about goin' hungry again!" Ranma promised.

"Zahahaha, you feed my boys? I'll jump however high you want." Soban replied.

"Great, Furinkan's gonna be going through the main gate. You guys circle around the back and sides and make sure no one important tries to run. " Ranma said with a dangerous smile on his face.

"No problem!" The boss of Butsumetsu was fast to agree, before he called out to his gang. "EAT UP BOYS, WE'RE GONNA NEED OUR STRENGTH FOR STICKIN' IT TO KOLKHOZ TOMORROW!"

"OI!" The gang yelled right back as they formed lines to be fed.

As the queues formed, Ranma smirked in satisfaction, before looking to the leader of Butsumetsu's delinquents. "Hey, Soban?"

"Yeah Saotome?"

"Do you think how someone is born should determine their fate in life?"

Were Soban a shrewder man, he might have been able to feel sorry for what was about to happen tomorrow.


A/N: I really, really work too much.