Peyton let out a sigh as she took a long look at the scenery around her. It was a beautiful day, complete with the crystal blue sky and beaming sun. The country air smelled fresh and inviting as she wrapped her arms around herself. Peyton Sawyer had a feeling. That in itself wasn't necessarily unusual. Peyton always seemed to have a feeling about something or the other but normally it was dark and ominous. The proverbial black cloud appeared to have followed the blonde around her entire life. She had endured more misfortune in 18 years, than most had in a lifetime. She had tried her best to adapt to the pain. Only releasing through her art and her love for music, mostly the sad blonde kept the feelings bottled up inside.
People left and people disappointed…that's just the way things were. Nothing and no one could help her. Peyton had always thought that way. Never before had there been a hint of light at the end of the tunnel…until now. It felt good. All of a sudden she could breathe. It felt like someone had literally lifted a ton off of her small, fragile frame. For the first time, there was hope and there was light. The road ahead would be long and tiresome but for the first time in a long time, she felt truly free.
She smiled as she turned and headed back inside the building. Just 24 hours before, it had felt like prison. She had been one giant ball of negative energy, a sullen, angry, confused young woman lost in a sea of her own misery. Who knew that one session, just a couple of hours had the power to change everything? It was true although she wouldn't have believed it had she not witnessed it with her own eyes. And Peyton wasn't the only witness to the drastic turnaround. The staff couldn't help but grin as they watched her enter through the door. It was a different Peyton, one with hope that radiated through beautiful green eyes. She waved and nodded to some of them as she returned to her room but the smile quickly faded from her lips.
"Sydney…"
Her roommate looked up and grinned at her. A suitcase and clothes lay across her bed.
"There you are. I didn't think you'd get back in time. I'm almost out of here."
Peyton swallowed hard.
"I…I didn't know you were leaving today."
"I didn't either. I just found out actually but Dr. Pelsinger finally signed off on my outpatient treatment."
"Are you gonna be okay?" Peyton asked. "Do you have somewhere to go?"
Sydney nodded.
"Yeah. I talked to one of my aunts. She's pretty cool, supportive and stuff. She says I can stay with her for a while."
"Good. I'm glad. I mean, I'll miss you and stuff but I know you wanted to get out of this place so I'm happy for you."
"I'm better now and that's all that matters. I feel like things are gonna be different this time, like I can control it. I haven't felt that way in a long time."
"Good for you."
"What about you?" Sydney continued packing.
Peyton managed a small smile.
"I, I don't know. This is gonna sound so corny but I feel…it almost feels like I've been born again."
"That doesn't sound corny at all, Peyton. You talked to Dr. Pelsinger, didn't you?"
She nodded.
"I didn't want to. I didn't plan on it. I was just gonna do whatever, say whatever to make him back off and leave me alone. I just wanted out of this place."
"What happened?"
Peyton shrugged.
"He had this thing he wanted me to do to help open up. I was supposed to make a list of everyone that had ever hurt me or left me and write them a letter."
"Did you do it?"
"Hell no. He said we wouldn't have to open them right away so I figured I could scam him. He'd think I was participating and maybe think about letting me go but meanwhile, I left the envelopes blank. He totally caught me and he started talking and I just couldn't get away. It was so intense. I can't explain it. It's like everything I ever felt or feared…it's like he knew, like he was there. And he wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me run. For the first time ever, I had to face it all."
"And it was the scariest thing you've ever done, right?"
"Yeah."
"But also the best."
"Yeah…yeah, I guess it is. I let go. I let it all out. And it was scary and powerful and intense and liberating all at the same time. When it was over, I felt lighter, like a different person."
"I noticed. You look different. You look better. Besides, last night was the first time I didn't hear you moaning and crying in your sleep."
"Because it's the first time it didn't happen. For the first time since everything that happened with…Derek, I slept through the night, no more nightmares. I wasn't afraid to go to sleep last night."
"That's awesome but what now?" Sydney took a seat beside her.
"I don't know. More therapy, I guess. I didn't want to admit but I guess this stuff really works. I know I have a long way to go and it's gonna be hard. Maybe staying here for a little while trying to figure all that out is for the best. I've been through a lot. I know one therapy session isn't gonna fix all that. It's going to take a lifetime to get through everything, especially what Derek did to me. But at least I can face it now. I'm still afraid but I'm not gonna let that fear hold me hostage the rest of my life."
"You've come a long way from that terrified, pissed off chick I met here almost a month ago."
"I want to try to come to terms with everything. That chick you met had no hope. A part of me was so empty and lost, I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. Sometimes I felt like I was already dead inside. Now I know it doesn't have to be that way anymore."
"That's pretty damned brave of you, Peyton."
"I think you know a little something about being brave, Sydney."
"What are you talking about?"
"Things were going pretty bad for me and a lot of people were trying to help and talk me through it. I didn't want to listen to anyone. That day we first met, I was pretty far gone. You were the first person I really talked to and that helped. It wasn't like you were plotting against me or ganging up on me. You were a real person with a real story and you shared that with me. I know it's not always easy talking about your problems but you did and I really appreciate that. For what's it worth, it opened up something inside me. Your words…well, they mattered."
Sydney fought back tears.
"It's worth a lot, Peyton," she said quietly. "Thank you."
"I'm gonna miss you," they hugged. "Whatever happens, I know you're gonna be okay but I'll always be here for you if you need me."
"Thanks," Sydney replied. "But can you do me just one favor?"
"What's up?"
"You said the road ahead is a long one but just remember you don't have to travel it by yourself. There's still so much you have to work through with yourself but once that's over, just don't forget about the people that love you. I mean, you may not get it, you may not agree with what they did or how they did it, but the bottom line is your friends and family care about you very much. They just wanted to help you be okay again."
"I know."
"Let them back in. Let them help you."
"I will."
"And Lucas too."
Peyton closed her eyes. Lucas Scott was a whole other subject, one that touched her deeply. Her anger and demons from the past had nearly torn them apart. She knew he still loved her, evident by his many attempts to call and visit her at the institution. He was a wonderful and caring man and they had shared a beautiful relationship. It had taken them two years to be able to come together and love each other but even then the sacredness had been tainted by the aftermath of Derek Helm's heinous actions. In order for them to move on and have any chance at happiness and a real future, they would have to delve back into a painful past. Peyton knew in her heart his love was pure and real but would it remain unconditional once he knew the whole truth? After everything, would he still be able to love her? Would he still be able to travel with her down that long, tiresome and unpredictable road?
