I turn down the volume of the alternative rock radio station that's playing in my car stereo and punch in some numbers into my car's dashboard, making a call over Bluetooth while keeping my eyes on the road behind my pair of aviator glasses that used to be my dad's. I loved the way they looked on it in the past, but when I tried putting them on when I was young, they were too big for me. Now they fit just fine, though I've somewhat grown out of my slight obsession over aviator glasses by this point. The rolling of the dial tone tumbling out of the car speakers silences the quiet conversation that Artoria and Lily are having together, with Salter sitting directly behind me quietly while looking out her window and with Tamamo sitting shotgun.
"Mr. Il?"
I clear my throat quickly, stopping at a red light at an intersection.
"Hey. I got the location of Jacob Vurtans-Quintana; or, if you recognize this other name better, Coke Cabron. He's gonna be in western Archibrod, at Sotimala Beach, tomorrow at one-thirty," I speak loudly and clearly into my steering wheel. "There's a diner that he's got plans to eat at with a distributor of his so that they can talk business; I'll be in that diner before him and deal with him before he can get in."
"Okay. What about the distributor?"
"I got my boys to handle him; they'll intercept him 'fore he can get to the diner."
"Understood. I'll be there with the local police to take care of what comes after."
"Thanks."
I click off the call using a button on the steering wheel.
"Who was that, Master?" Tamamo asks, very curious by the brief conversation that I've had.
"That was Hal Yoalsin, he's the head of the Los Angeles Police Department," I explain. "He's aware that I'm a mage, but he's agreed to keep it a secret."
"Is it not risky to allow a civilian to be aware of your status as a mage?" Artoria asks.
"It is, but if he leaks any info that he's got on me, I'll know. He's one of a few handful of people that I know who're normal but know that magic is a thing in this world, so I can narrow down the choices and figure out who's ratted me out. And he's really unlikely to do anything, he benefits a lot from knowing someone like me."
"And so what was that conversation all about just now?" Tamamo pokes on.
"Remember the phone call I had back at Chaldea when Olga was talking to us, and I had to step outside for a quick sec?"
"Uh-huh."
"That was a guy who runs a known drug ring in a nearby town called Archibrod, it's about an hour's drive away from here, depending on traffic." I check my left and steer onto the next lane over to prepare to take the left turn that I'll need to drive up to the gun range's parking lot. "Hal contacted me earlier this year asking for my help in investigating and eliminating his drug cartel. We're in a position to both take him out and shut down his drug operations at the same time, nice and clean."
"Using your powers to help ordinary citizens in this way..." Salter muses as if she's entertained by the thought. "It is no wonder that your contemporaries have branded you as an outcast, Master."
"Yeah, and they can go fuck themselves," I sneer casually. "If they wanna waste their lives fuckin' searchin' for the goddamn Root, that's none 'a my business, honestly. It's when they send mages to kill me that I start having a real problem with them."
"You won't have to worry about a thing when you've got me around, Master. Mages aren't shit but hoes and tricks!" Tamamo tries to rap to hilarious effect, and I can't stop myself from smirking in amusement at that because it's so unexpected. I blame that one song we listened to when I first turned on the radio, which defaulted to a rap/hip-hop radio station.
"I'm a mage too, for what that's worth," I remind Caster as I pull back into the parking lot.
Piling out of the car, I get the rear door open and pull out the first gun case, and my Servants pull one weapon case each. I rap my knuckles against the old, beat-up looking garage door after casting my Presence Concealment spell, and within a moment, the door rattles as it starts rising up tiredly. Behind it stands Chuck, who raises a hand at me in greeting with a cigarette in his lips.
"Haven't seen you smokin' in a while," I remark to him, nodding to the girls behind me to carry in the cases that they're holding into Chuck's little warehouse, and we stack up the cases in a cleared corner that Chuck points us over to.
"First one in two...no, three weeks," he tells me, and when I turn around, he's holding out his cigarette pack at me with a single cigarette poking out of it. I notice that the pack is still relatively full. "You smoke too, right?"
"Only when I feel like it. I'm good for now, though," I respectfully decline, and Chuck pockets his pack, tapping the large red button on the side of the garage door with his palm to close it. The girls look around the place again - Tamamo has been here before, but it's the Artorias' first time, so with varying sentiments, they observe their surroundings keenly. Artoria, naturally, looks on edge, since Chuck's warehouse is a dark room that's a little claustrophobic, while Salter and Lily look fascinated with all the guns and firearms that can be seen everywhere.
Pulling out several moderate wads of cash in cold hard hundred dollar bills out of two storage runes, I count them in front of Chuck at his desk carefully to confirm for him that I'm paying his fees, no bullshit. After counting, I hand him the cash, and he recounts them for himself before typing into his computer to take a log of it.
"Thank you for business," Chuck laughs, stashing the cash in a small lockbox on his desk next to his computer. "You help me buy dinner this month, haha."
"You're runnin' that low, huh?" I ask, letting a bit of concern slip into my tone. Chuck reaches into his little fridge again and tosses me a can of Cherry Coca-Cola, which I catch and open to drink right away, since it's been a long time since I've last had Cherry Coke.
"Another two clients die since last time you were here," Chuck explains with a sigh, turning in his swivel chair and sipping on his own bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola, made with real sugar, by the way, not the dogshit that Americans call high-fructose corn syrup. "My big paychecks for this month. Now..." Chuck helplessly raises his palms up in a big shrug.
"You did say this wasn't a very profitable business," I point out, and Chuck nods in agreement.
"I know. I knew people stupid. Just not this stupid. You know?"
"Oh, I know." I take a swig of my beverage. "We both know."
"How is business? Your business?"
"Same as usual. Things are slow for this time of the year, but it's picking back up."
"I need shipper for guns. Maybe you could help me." Chuck gestures to the weapons around us, but I shake my head.
"Nah, I keep my business clean."
"Clean? Coke not clean," Chuck chuckles.
"That's a joint venture with the LAPD, I don't count that. And that's only until we take care 'a that shit."
"When?"
"When what?"
"When that finish?"
"Tomorrow. It ends tomorrow."
"Ah. LAPD ready to take over?"
"It's what I've been told."
"You trust LAPD?"
"Not really, but even if I did, if they fuck up, I have to clean up their shit anyway."
"So no difference, then."
"Yeah, pretty much."
My eyes start to wander, and they quickly find brief refuge from boredom in Chuck's computer monitor. He's minimized or closed out of his Excel spreadsheet that keeps track of his earnings for the month, and behind it is a strange window that has diagrams of what looks to be a...
"...is that a tank?" I ask, pointing with my pinky finger over at Chuck's monitor.
"Ah, this..." Chuck turns to face it too. "Yes, tank. Designing it."
"You?" I walk over to get a closer look. "I didn't know you were into engineering."
"Hobby."
"Hm. I guess you really don't have much else to do."
Chuck chuckles again, as if he can't say anything to that."
"Don't worry, up until recently I just kinda worked and stuff..."
"Working on this for couple months," my friend explains. "Just in case this business fail, maybe I can use this."
"Use it? As in sell it?"
Chuck nods. "To Army, or..."
"But that's risky, isn't it? The military'll check your background, and when they figure out that you've gone under the radar for the past year or so..."
"I still have connection. If not Army, then contractor. Uh...Raytheon, Northrup Grumman, General Electric..."
I think he means General Dynamics.
"This tank not work yet," Chuck shakes his head, his omnipresent smile fading away for once into a displeased frown. "I'm trying to make it work. Trouble...problems..." Chuck chuckles yet again, living up to his name. "Lots of problems."
"What's wrong with it?"
"Too advanced. Personal light tank, very small, very maneuverable, with autonomous function."
"How small are we talking?"
"Dozen of them can fit in this warehouse."
I look around. Damn, that's small.
"And you wanna add an autonomous feature to them?"
Chuck nods.
"...why?"
"Why not?"
I get this feeling that Chuck is not a trained engineer.
Sipping on my Cherry Coke, I watch as Chuck takes a USB drive from his drawer and plugs it into his computer, transferring files onto it and then handing the drive to me.
"If you interested, take a look," Chuck smiles at me wholesomely, and feeling that I'd be rude if I didn't take it, I take it.
"I'm not an engineer, though," I warn him.
"You look like one, though," Chuck laughs heartily.
"Hey, hey, just 'cause I have glasses doesn't make me smart."
"Oh, I know, I know!" Chuck just keeps laughing harder, picking up his own glasses in the process. "It's joke, joke!"
Anywhere else, and Chuck would probably be called out for racial stereotyping.
"But what do you want me to do with this?" I ask him, glancing down at the thumb drive for a moment while somewhat puzzled.
"Give me ideas. Improvements, additions..." Chuck gesticulates. "Always trying to improve. Make better, you know."
"I...guess, but...I'm not exactly a creative thinkin' kinda person..."
"Anything help."
I shrug, pocketing the flash drive. "Sure, I guess. I'll see what I can do."
"Master, why don't we have this for dinner every night?"
We're all sitting at a corner table at a Carl's Jr. on the way back home, since I remember that Salter loves burgers and I'd like to take her to a variety of burger places while I'm still a Master. I've ordered a Double-Western Bacon Cheeseburger, my favorite from this place, and Salter's gone with the same - clearly a fellow meat lover. Artoria's gone with the Big Carl, Tamamo's ordered the Teriyaki Burger, and Lily's got the Super Star.
"Because it's unhealthy to eat this shit every day," I frown over at Salter as everyone is deliciously digging into their burgers.
"We as Servants have no need to worry about nutrition," Salter says quite smugly. So smugly, in fact, that I swear she's smiling through her burger.
"That's true, but I still need to."
"Hmm, Master, would it make you happy if I tried my hand at crafting a burger like this for dinner?" Tamamo asks, studying her burger just before she bites into it.
"I thought you really only know how to cook Japanese food?"
"W-Well, if I'm going to live in another country, it'd be for the best if I learned a thing or two about its cuisine, right?" Tamamo tries to reason...which is a solid reason. "Nothing wrong with expanding my knowledge of cooking!"
"True."
"Master, this has been brought to my attention since our return to your home, but it would appear that with every Singularity that we visit, we will procure more and more Servants who will join our cause," Artoria reminds me. "Do you intend on housing and feeding all of them?"
"As many as I can, yeah," I nod matter-of-factly, wiping some barbecue sauce off my lips with a napkin.
"Um, won't that be a huge burden on your financial situation?" Lily speaks up too, saying what Artoria wants to say for her. Truly they are the same person, despite their age difference. "And you said that you've been more used to having to only look after yourself...and now all of a sudden..."
"But that's why we have Chaldea," I point out. "If it gets to the point where I start having trouble looking after everyone, then that's what we have Chaldea for. Even now, my house isn't big enough to stuff nineteen people in, that's absurd."
I pull out the hanging bit of the onion fry that's inside my burger and pop it in my mouth. It's a bit drier than usual, the onion itself, that is, but it's hard to tell, since it's been a while since I last stopped by Carl's Jr.
"And I'm more well-off than I give off. I tend to save my money; I don't really have much to really spend it on. Food, utility, gas, just the basic stuff. Everything else for the most part goes straight into my savings."
But even as I say that, the familiar feeling of discomfort creeps up the back of my neck. Every time I've said something along those lines, whether it's been to friends or fellow business associates or partners, I always ask myself in the back of my mind: for what? Save for what? I'm a single guy who's not really interested in starting a family, and the only hobbies I really have are maybe watching some anime here and there if I feel like it and video games, though I've been playing less and less video games steadily over the years since high school; I wouldn't be surprised if there comes a point where I just stop playing any games altogether. Other than my dad, I don't have any other known family, so it's not like I need to support anyone related to me. And being a mage who uses fake magecraft and unconventional fighting styles and methods that can very easily get me killed at some point, it's not like I can expect myself to live for very long. If anything, I'm at my prime now, being in my early twenties and armed with the freedom to do whatever. That won't stay like that forever, definitely not in another ten or so years.
So is there a point to saving money? When I have nothing to save for?
Perhaps not. But even if I were to fully convince myself that this is the case, I simply have nothing to spend it on. Give it away to charity, maybe? But I know that there've been recent scandals with some reputable charities, so even that's not a great idea. I do pay tithe every month, maybe that's an option, but -
"Master, here, say ahhhh ~ "
I look up, having been somewhat absentmindedly chewing on my burger while engrossed in my thoughts, and Tamamo is reaching over the table a little, offering me a french fry dipped in ketchup. So I oblige her and eat it off her fingers, causing her to squeal a little in delight.
"Master, my appetite is not yet satisfied," Salter beams at me with a perfectly stone-cold look, and I glance down at her tray, which is now holding nothing but burger wrappers and an empty french fry cup/thing/whatever they call it. "I believe another order is in...order."
"Boooo," I call over at Salter jokingly at her incredibly lame pun. "Boooo, get off the stage."
"Only if you allow me another round of this burger."
I look around at the others as I withdraw my wallet. "Anyone else want more?"
"Yes ~ !" Lily enthusiastically raises her hand, her food-induced happiness blinding me once more with radiance. To my (not that great) surprise, Artoria also juts up her hand, though how willingly she does it kind of throws me for a loop, as she's been a bit shyer about asking for seconds before. I guess that's just what burgers to do people like the Artoria's.
So I hand them a ten dollar bill each and slide out of our table so that Lily and Artoria can slip out, and they all scurry over to the counter to order another round of meals, though they all scurry with such magnificent dignity that it's almost admirable, truly a gift of Britain.
"How was your work today, Master?" Tamamo asks me, sounding more personal now that we're back to being alone together again. Even though I'm not too on board with this whole being Tamamo's husband thing, now that I think about it, I do feel a bit bad for her because what she enjoys most is being with me, and obviously with so many more Servants with us, especially with Kiyohime in the mix of things, she just doesn't really have that opportunity anymore.
"Work? Same as ever, really," I sigh a bit.
"Really? It feels like you've been a bit busier ever since we returned from the Singularity. Is that just me?"
"Er, no...I do have something that I'm dealing with right now, but I'll take care of it tomorrow and I won't ever have to worry about it past that point."
"Is it in regards to that phone call you had with that, uh, that Hal Yoalsin-san?"
I nod. "I'll explain when the others return; I'll have to bring a few of you guys with me for that, just in case."
"Okies ~ "
Tamamo slurps on some of her Brisk Raspberry tea.
"Oh, I heard from Siegfried-san that Elizabeth-san had a bit of an episode earlier with you and that Dragon Witch-san, yes?" Tamamo mentions, but she drops her voice considerably and sheds her usual playful tone along with it.
"Yeah. Liz was trying to convince me to buy her a studio set so that she could start producing music, by the looks of it. Does she even know how?"
"I...uh, I doubt it..." Tamamo chuckles awkwardly, speaking slowly and uncertainly. "When we're summoned, we Servants come with the knowledge of the modern era and the language of our Master, at the very least, but given the fact that this is a very strange Holy Grail War, to say the least, maybe a few things've been a bit skewed."
"I'm just surprised she even knows about music production at all. And about idols. Why the hell does she wanna be an idol?"
Tamamo's facial expression goes from somewhat uncomfortable straight to crestfallen.
"Master, do you know about Elizabeth-san's history?" she asks quietly.
"I'd heard of her before, but I did some research when we got back home to refresh my memory. Evidently, she's an infamous Hungarian countess who kidnapped upwards of hundreds of young women with the help of four collaborators to torture and kill them, spawning stories about how she bathed in their blood or something after her death."
Tamamo nods. "Correct. But by chance, do you know how she died?"
I wrack my brains, because I know I've read about that, too.
"I think...she died in solitary confinement? She was imprisoned in Čachtice Castle some time after being arrested and died about five years later."
"Hm, close enough. I suppose this world's history doesn't go into the details behind it."
"So there's more to it?"
"Not much more, but yes, there is more. When she was imprisoned there, Elizabeth-san soon discovered that she couldn't stand being all alone in that castle, so she started screaming and begging for attention from her wardens and her jailers, who in turn became so annoyed that they boarded up the whole castle and only left one opening so that they could give her food and whatnot."
I connect the dots from there. So basically, Elizabeth is a giant attention whore - but then again, she's not the only one.
"So she wants to be an idol because that way, tons of people can give her attention, and like that, she'll have all the attention that she wants," I figure.
Caster nods.
"Please do take care of her, Master," she murmurs with plenty of melancholy. "She's definitely a handful, and going about dealing with her is nothing short of tricky. And with people like me and Kiyo-chan around, and perhaps more to come, she'll have to contend with even more rivals, so to speak, even if they themselves don't realize it. So please make sure to look after her properly."
I take a sip from my own soft drink. "Yeah, that just goes without saying," I agree, "but I do explicitly remember you not getting along very well with her. So pardon my asking, but...in light of that, why are you of all people insisting that I take care of her?"
"We...we have our differences," Tamamo says quickly. "You can tell, right, Master? And not just that, but we've had lots of...run-ins in previous Holy Grail Wars. I can tell you for a fact that Elizabeth-san does not like my company one bit."
"So what about you? You kept acting real mean towards her back in the Singularity when we first found her and Kiyohime, and now you're giving this impression that you wanna be sympathetic to her. Maybe it's no use asking you this directly, but which side of you towards Liz am I supposed to believe?"
"The sympathetic side, of course!"
Tamamo raises her voice somewhat, straightening up her back in response, but she senses that she's getting a bit too worked up and composes herself.
"I understand that maybe with the way I've acted towards her in front of you might bar you from believing me, but...if this simple fox can somehow convince you, half of the reason why I did so was because I was putting up an act. Elizabeth-san is a good girl deep down, I know this, and I wish for there to be one day that you can see that too, or that Elizabeth-san will show you that side of her as well. But Elizabeth-san detests me so much that if I were to treat her in any way other than how I am now, she will become confused. Her image of me is one of a nasty rivalry, an enemy, even, if it weren't for the fact that we now both serve the same Master. So to act as anything other than that will deeply confuse her, and she will not know how to act. For as much as she hates me, she clings onto that relationship that she has with me with such stubbornness that if that were to be taken away from her, it will be as if her self itself will also crumble with it."
This dragon lizard girl has a problem. And it sounds like Tamamo's part of the reason why she turned out this way. Goddamn it, Tammy.
"But how do you know that for a fact? You never tried being nice to her for a change?" I question back, munching on a french fry of my own. The Sabers are sure taking their sweet time with ordering.
"I can't, that's the thing!" Tamamo insists. "I know Elizabeth-san well enough to know that being nice to her at this point will do her no favors."
"You don't know until you try."
"But, Master, it's just not that simple."
Probably not. Who am I to sit here and dictate Tamamo how to behave towards Liz, being the Neanderthal simpleton that I am when it comes to emotional stuff. But at the same time, it's just...Tamamo's side of this is a bit weird. These are Heroic Spirits I'm dealing with, to be fair, but still, it's a bit weird.
"So what's the other half?" I ask.
"Huh?"
"You mentioned the first half of the reason why you were acting the way you were to Liz, what's the other half?"
"Oh. Um..." Tamamo bows her head a little, averting her gaze. "I...I kind of...don't like her either, mikon..."
I stare at her with narrowed eyes.
