A/N - Sorry for not updating! Also, I have a feeling, it took some time, because of the all the emotions in this chapter... Anyway... here is chapter 52! Enjoy! Please review!
Tris POV
We have been sitting in our bedroom, trying to figure out what he is going to bring. It's mostly him taking all his clothes out from the closet and then showing me them and then me telling if can bring it or not. He has finished packing all his jeans and boxers, now we are moving on to t-shirts and jumpers or jackets.
If it were up to me, I would like to keep all his t-shit; I love wearing them, they make me feel safe and they reminded me of him.
"What about this one?" He asks and I look at his t-shirt. It's black and it's like every normal t-shirt he has so I let him take it. We do this for like over an hour more. Then he shows me another one and I remember that t-shirt so much. He used to wear it in Abnegation. It has the same color as all his other t-shirts: black, but every time I slept over at his house, I would always wear it. It was of course too big for me, but I didn't mind, neither did he. So when we started dating in again Dauntless, I would steal it and wear. I love that t-shirt.
"No." I stay taking it from him. He looks at me and I am trying everything keeping the tears in right now. When he packs, reality starts to sink in, and then we start making random conversation and I forget that he is leaving, but every time he asks me, I realize he is leaving.
"You okay?" He asks and I nod.
"Next one." I tell him, still holding the t-shirt. He holds another t-shirt up and it's the t-shirt he wore when I first saw him in Abnegation, I smile at the memoir.
"Yeah you can take that one." I tell him and he nods. We keep doing this for a while and at the end, I keep two t-shirts from him. The one for Abnegation, and the other t-shirt I always sleep in when I have nightmares. Next are jumpers or hoodies.
"I guess we don't have to go through them, I will just bring all of them." He says putting all of them in his bag. Then I see a hoodie that he is putting down in his bag and I remember he used it a lot in Abnegation. One time he and his family came over to dinner, and he wore it. Then he left at our house, and I took and hid it from Marcus, and then I would wear night when I had nightmares or was cold. I magically got it with me when I changed faction to Dauntless, and I guess he found it.
"Hey, stop." I tell him and walk over to him and his bags. I sit down and he looks at me. I take out the hoodie and take it and then go and sit down on the bed watching him and he looks at me funny.
"It's just a hoodie." He says.
"No, this my hoodie. You can't take it." I tell him and he walks over to me.
"It's my hoodie." He says coming to stand between my legs. I curl up the hoodie and put if on my lap and lean over it. He just smiles. He lefts me up, which cause me to squeal and put my arms around him; still having the hoodie between us. He lefts me up and lays my down on the bed and goes over me. He takes the hoodie away and holds it next to my head.
"It's mine."
"You were the one who left it at my house." I tell him smiling. He leans down so that our faces are inches a part.
"Well I never got it back, then you came here, and I found it. Now I am going to bring it with me because it smells of you." He says and I smile.
"It's still smells of you and that is why I am keeping it. It's mine and it makes me feel safe and someone or something has to make me feel safe if you aren't." I tell him.
"Now are you keeping everything that smells of me, I think I need something that smells of you too." He says smiling and I kiss him. He kisses me back and I move my hands down his side. It doesn't take long time until I find the hem of his t-shirt and him finds mine. He lifts me up and takes my t-shirt off. I mange to take his of too at pretty much the same time. He sits up and looks at me in only my bra.
"You are so beautiful." He tells me and starts kissing me again. My hands go over to his jeans and I can feel his smile against my lips.
"That was amazing!" He tells me looking down at me.
"You are incredible!" I tell him. He smiles and starts kissing me again. We break a part when we hear someone knock on the door. He looks at me and I look at him.
"How can that be?" He asks me and I shake my head. I turn my head to look at the clock and see that is five. It's probably Zeke and the kids.
"I can go and open it up." I tell him. He kisses me one my time and lies down on his side. I stand up and put on my clothes that are on the floor.
"Finish packing and get dressed and I will make something for dinner." I tell him and he smiles. I walk downstairs and when I come to the door I open it and fine Zeke and the kids.
"Did I come in a bad time?" He asks me and smiles. I just roll my eyes.
"Kind of!" I tell him smiling.
"Well, I guess it's a good idea to get laid now since you guys are going to see each other for a while." He says smiling and I playfully hit him.
"Takes for taking care of them." I tell him. Sky and Nick walk in and he nods.
"See you tomorrow." He says and I can see his smiles fades. We say goodbye and he leaves. I close the door and find Sky and Nick watching something on the TV. I walk over to the kitchen and start making pizza.
An hour later I am done. I walk into the living room to find Tobias sitting watching something the kids. I walk back into the kitchen and make the table. I put the pizza on the table, and make a smoothie for the kids. The smoothie is filled with strawberry, bananas, mango and milk and ice. I put it on the table, and get two wine glass, and a bottle of wine. I don't really like drinking in front of the kids, but right now, I guess I can make an exception.
"Dinner is ready." I call from the kitchen. I sit down on my usually chair next to Sky's high chair, and on the opposite side sits Tobias and Nick. We make random conversation for most of the meal until Sky asks a question I didn't expect her to asks.
"So, mommy why people at home yesterday?" She asks and I look at her and then at Tobias.
"I might as well tell them now." He says looking at me. I just look at him and Sky and Nick are both quiet.
"Daddy, is going out of town for some months." He says and it's kind of killing me not to let tears leave my eyes now.
"When you come back?" Nick asks looking up at his dad, and I can swear I see tears in his eyes when he asks.
"I don't know." He answers looking down at Nick. Sky grabs my hand and I look at her and see her crying. I stand up Tobias looks at me.
"I am just getting so more water." I tell him and walk back into the kitchen closing the door behind me. Right after the door closes I can feel the tears coming down my cheek. I walk over to the sink and fill my glass. When it's filled up and put it down on the counter and just breath, still feeling the tears coming. Someone knocks on the door and I dry the tears away.
"Yeah." I say, trying to hid my shaky voice.
"Tris." Tobias says from outside the door. He opens the door and is carrying Sky and Nick. I look at both of them and see they are both crying and I can't hold the tears back anymore. He walks over to me and I take Sky from him. Sky buries her face in my shoulder. Tobias takes his thumb up to my cheek and wipes away the tears on my cheek, but it doesn't really help when more tears come. He then wraps his arm around Sky and I, and I rest my face on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and we stand like this sometime. We break a part when I can feel that Sky isn't crying anymore. I let go of Tobias and look at her and see she is almost sleeping. I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I put her to bed and then I hear someone else come in. I turn to see Tobias putting Nick to bed. I walk out when I am done putting Sky to bed and wait for Tobias to finish up with Nick. I wait for him at the couch up stairs. He comes out and looks at me. He walks over to me and sits down next to me and I break down. He pulls me into his lap and I lean into him and cry. I feel these past couple of day I haven't been able to stop crying.
"Did you finish packing?" I ask him between sobs.
"Yeah, but I would like a t-shirt from you so I can take it with me since I can't take you." He says against me forehead.
"You didn't take the hoodie, right?"
"No, you can keep it." He says.
"Come lets find something you can take." I say standing up, ignoring the tears that keep coming down my cheek. We walk into our bedroom and I find his bags zipped up and ready to go. He keeps his arms around me and we walk over to our - I mean my closet. I open it and he takes the t-shirt I first wore when I first met him and he takes another from the first time I saw him again in Dauntless. When I say I wore them when I first met him for example, I mean that I wore them under what the Abnegation wear. Since we didn't know each other, he didn't know that I wore that t-shirt under when I first saw him, but he figured it out soon enough.
He lets go of me and I turn to see where he is going. He walks over to his bag and puts my two t-shirt in his bag. When he opens the bag, I see a picture, but I can't see who it is. I walk over to him, and he tries to hid it, but get it before him. I look at it. I didn't know he had this picture. It's from when we were young, from Abnegation. We got his parents to take it for us. Just him and me in it. I didn't know he had or kept it. I look at him and he smiles. Then I see another one, it's of me and kids, our first day home back from the infirmary, then there is another one, of us four as a family on their birthday. I smile at the memory, and the last one is of us two in the pit kissing. I didn't know someone took a picture of it.
"Christina gave it to me." He tells me. I look at him and put them back into his bag. He zips his bag up and lifts me up. He walks us over to the bed, and puts me down. He walks over to my closet and gets out and t-shirt. I take my the t-shirt I am wearing and take it off, same with my bra. I then put the new t-shirt on and take my jeans of. Tobias changes into a pair of shorts and comes to lie next to me. I don't mind him not wearing a t-shirt, but I give him the t-shirt that I am keeping. He looks at me weird.
"Put it on." I tell him and he does as I say and smile. He lies down and I lie down on top of him; I lie down on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.
"Why do you want me to wear this t-shirt?" He asks me.
"Because I want it so smell more like you." I tell him between sobs. He turns around so he is lying on his side, and I on mine. I look up at him and he looks down on me.
"Why did you do that?" I ask him.
"Because I want to hold you while I sleep one more time." He says and I can see the tears in his eyes too. I can't let my tears stops and he wraps his arms around me and I do the same to him and try not think about tomorrow night he won't be lying next to me, telling me he loves me or that I am beautiful. I can feel him crying too, because I feel the tears dripping down on me. I move away and look at him and he looks at me. I take both my hands and cups his face in my hands and wipes his tears away, but it doesn't work since more tears come down his cheeks. He does the same to me and I lean up to kiss him and he kisses me. We stay like this until we have to break a part for air.
"I love you so incredible much!" He tells me when we break a part.
"I love you too, so much that I didn't know was possible to love someone that much." I tell him, more tears running down our cheeks. He wraps his arms around me and I wrap my arms around him and I try to let sleep take over me, but I don't want it too, because when I wake up again, I know that Tobias is leaving - this only cause me to cry harder and I feel that he wraps his arms tighter around me.
I wake up the next day to find us both in the same position we went to bed in last night. I look over him to see what time it is. It's 8. They are leaving at 10. I can already feel the urge to cry in my throat, but I am not going to. I am going to be strong for the others around me today. I am going to be strong for my kids because need me, and I really need to cry, I am going to cry tonight. Not now and not in the cafeteria when we say goodbye. I move away from Tobias trying not to wake him up, but of course I failed that. He looks at me.
"Where are you going?" He asks me.
"Shower." I tell him.
"Can I join?" He asks and I nod.
We shower and we get dressed. I decide to not wear any make-up just in case, or maybe I should wear make-up so I know I can't cry either way. I decide to put on some make-up in the end, but I do wear waterproof mascara though, and no eyeliner. I come downstairs to find them all ready to go on the couch.
"Should we go?" I ask and they nod. I help Nick and Sky put on there shoes and I put on my boot with some small heals on them, while Tobias goes upstairs to get his bags. We wait outside for him and he comes out with his bags.
"Do you need help?" I ask him and he shakes his head. He doesn't look at me though and I think I know why. The kids' talk and Tobias and I answer occasionally. In the end we make our way to the cafeteria. We sit down at our usually table and everyone make small conversation, but I bet everyone can feel the sadness that flows around our table. Then someone comes and taps Tobias shoulder and we both turn around to see that it's Lauren. Just perfect.
"Is your bags over there?" She asks him pointing to the were all the bags are and he nods.
"Why are you asking him?" Christina asks.
"Oh, Max asked me to go around and asks if everyone has their bags ready." She answers. "I have heard it's going to be an amazing trip." She answers and I am a bit confused about her answers.
"Wait, no, wait -" I say not getting the words out of my mouth. Everyone is looking at me now. I take a deep breath and try again. "You aren't going are you?" I ask and everyone looks at her.
"Of courses I am going, I am helping Tobias be the leader." She answers and smiles at him.
"Oh okay." I tell her and smile. "Well I hope your trip goes well and take care of each other." I say and she nods.
"Yeah, I will watch out for him and he will watch out for me." She says smiling and I smile back at her, trying everything to ignore the anger that goes through my body. " If I remember right, I heard Max talk about how there was some people who had to share beds on the trip, because of lack of beds, I am sure Max would appreciate Four and I sharing a bed, plus that way we can watch out for each other better." She says with a smile and I nod.
"Yeah, you are right." I tell her.
"Of course, then it's win win for both of us." She answers and I smile at her.
"Well, I will see you later Four." She says and walks of to the next table. I go back to eating my food. Everyone is quiet from there on, now one really says a word, except the kids. Christina has an arm around me, keeping me close; I feel that she feels that if she lets me go, I will break down, and for all I know, I will.
"ALL THE DAUNTLESS THAT ARE GOING ON THIS MISSION PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OVER TO THE DOOR THE LEADS OUT FROM THE CAFETERIA! YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS!" Max says through a microphone. I look around our table and see Harrison, Al, and Four look at each other. We all stand up and Tobias stands up and carries Sky and Nick over to the door. Everyone follows him and I can see that Sky and Nick are listening to something he is saying most likely. They both nod and I can see that they have tears in their eyes. When we come over to the door we see Max and Amar standing there. Tobias goes over to them and hugs Amar and smiles. I wonder what that was about. Zeke comes over to me and wraps his arms around me, but I hesitate for a moment, I need to watch Sky and Nick.
"Shauna has the kids." Zeke tells me as he knows what I am thinking. Harrison and Al comes over to us, and Zeke lets me go so I can hug them.
"Take care!" I tell them and they both nod.
"Watch over her." They say and Zeke nods.
"Bye guys! I am going to miss you!" He says and gives them both a hug. I see Tobias going over to our friends and give them a hug. I see Caleb and Cara coming over to us too. Natalie and Caleb sees each other and hug each other. Tobias goes over to them and hugs his mother and I can see that she is starting to cry. He hugs Caleb and all three of them have tears in their eyes now.
"GET READY DAUNTLESS WE ARE LEAVING IN 2 MIN!" MAX says thought the microphone. Tobias comes over to us and looks at Zeke. Zeke lets go of my arm and I turn around. I don't want to watch this. I know they are hugging now, and I know I am next. I don't want to be though. It doesn't take long time before I feel someone touching my shoulder. I know it's Tobias, but for some reason I hope it's not. I am not going to keep the tears in when he leaves, I know that, but I am going to try. I am not going to cry. He comes around me and looks at me and I can see the tears in his eyes. I look another way, because seeing him cry doesn't help.
"Tris-" He says and takes his hand to my face making me look at him.
"I promised myself I wouldn't cry." I tell him and let the tears come. He wraps his arms around me and I lean into his shoulder.
"I love you!" He says and I nod.
"I don't want you to leave." I cry into his shoulder.
"I know, but I have too." He says.
"I wish I could come with you." I say.
"I wish I could too. I wish I could stay here with you." He says and he pulls away and cups my face in both of his hands.
"But you have to stay here, and take care of Sky and Nick. You are strong and you are going to get through this." He says and he is crying too.
"How do you know that?" I ask.
"Because that's the girl you are! That is the girl I feel in love with when I was 10 years old and that is the girl I am still in love with and I still will be to the day I die." He says, moving closer so that our foreheads are touching. "I love you so much Tris and you have gone through so much and I hate seeing you go through this too."
"I love you too!" I say. "Call me when you can!"
"Yes I will." He says. He leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back and during this moment, I forget everything and everyone around us. I love him so much.
When he pulls away he looks at me still crying and he just looks at me.
"I love you so so much Tris Eaton!" He says.
"I love you too Tobias Prior! Please come back!" I tell him and he nods.
"I promise! You take care of Nick and Sky and I know that you can do it! You can be the perfect mom you never had, but a mom they will have! Okay?" He asks and I nod.
"PLEASE LEAVE YOUR FAMILIES NOW AND HEAD TO THE DOOR!" Max shouts. I grab hold of Tobias again and hold him tight.
"Tris, please let me go." He says kissing my forehead. He wraps his arms around me. "You are making it so hard leaving you know that right?" He asks and I smile. I want to see his expression right now, but I know he will use that as an advantage to let me go completely and I don't want that. I can feel his arms letting go of me and I feel cold right away. Someone from behind wraps their arms around me, trying to get me off Tobias. When that person is able to do that. Tobias kisses me one more time.
"I love you so so much! Know that! Take care of yourself and take care of Sky and Nick!" He says kissing me again. Someone is holding my arms so I can't hold him. He lets go of me and looks at the person from behind.
"Just let her arms go! I want her told me one more time." He says and the person lets me go. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I then let go of him like he does.
"I love you Tobias! Please be careful!" I say and he smiles.
"I will be! I love you too Tris!" He says, he then kisses my forehead. "Take care of her!" He says to the person taking my hands again. He walks over to his bags and gets them pulls them up and walks over to Amar. I guess he is coming too. The same person wraps their arms around me, holding me tight. I broke my promise, because I can't keep the tears in. I love him too much. They all get in a circle and Max is talking to all of them. Tobias keeps looking over at me, showing no emotions like 'Four' does, and I only look at him. The same person holding my arms turns me around and I see that it's Uriah. He wraps his arms around me and I him and just cry. I turn my head to the side, so I can still see the group. Tobias says something again and when he finishes he looks over at our friends I think. I move around Uriah's grip and try to find out who he is looking for. The kids. He is looking at the kids. They both wave at him and he waves back at them. His eyes then find me and I know Uriah knows to because he wraps his arms around tighter. Tobias looks at me and he moves his mouth around and I know he says 'I love you'. I nod and say it back. He smiles and I cry harder. Max opens the doors and the people leave the cafeteria. Tobias then turns around and walks out the door. My face then goes straight into Uriah's shirt and I just cry. This is the worst day ever! I think to myself and just let the tears come.
