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(5) Bloomingtide 14th

"Remind me why we're going to that unkempt clinic?" I grumble. Hawke had demanded that we head straight there the moment we woke up, much to my dismay.

Merrill tsks at me. "Don't you remember? Anders has something really important to talk with us about. We have to go, something bad might be happening."

I narrow my eyes at her. "Something bad is always happening."

"Yes, or it could be something wonderful. He could have finally gotten a new cat!" Merrill adds brightly.

How can she always be like this? I think if I upheld that kind of optimism for longer than a day it would kill me. "Somehow, I doubt it's that. Although if it were, perhaps he would leave us alone more often."

"Oh, come on, he hasn't been that bad since he moved out. Has he?" Hawke asks, tossing the words over her shoulder as we walk.

I scoff. "I'll pretend that was a joke."

"I have to agree with Fenris on this one." Sebastian muses. "He's seemed… I dunno, on edge lately. Something about him has been off."

He's always seemed off to me. Maybe it's the demon possessing him.

Isabela stretches her arms over her head and yawns, appearing to just now have tuned into the conversation. "I don't have the time or the fucks to give to read people like that. You, pretty boy, need a life."

"You know very well that my life has been devoted to the Chantry. I just happen to be observant, it isn't that I don't have anything better to do." Sebastian frowns.

The busty pirate snickers. "All I'm saying, is that if you spend so much time observing other men, you should just ask one out."

Blood rushes to the Chanty man's face. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! To suggest such things to a devoted servant of the Maker…"

"Isabela!" Merrill swats her girlfriend's arm. "Stop it, you're making him uncomfortable! How would you like it if someone told you to do something that went against your morals as a pirate?"

The taller woman presses her palm to her forehead. "Oh, sweetie… Pirate's have no morals, that's the fun part."

That's fair.

"You know what I mean. People won't like us very much if you're rude to them." Merrill shakes her head in disappointment.

Isabela fiddles with her lip ring before giving in. "He knows I'm just playing with him. Right, Sebastian?"

The human male pointedly avoids her gaze and replies, "Yes, I suppose I am an easy target."

"As am I, but she sees you less frequently, so it appears I'm off the hook today." I snort with slight amusement.

Hawke chuckles. "As much as I appreciate party banter, let's keep it to a minimum when we reach the clinic. I want Anders to know he's being taken seriously."

"And if we aren't taking him seriously?" Isabela asks.

At this, I give her a nod of approval. I was thinking the same thing.

Hawke rolls her eyes. "Then please fake it. He said this was urgent and that he absolutely had to speak with me."

Merrill grins at her. "Of course, Hawke! We will listen quietly."

"Now faking it, I can do." Isabela laughs obnoxiously. The little blood mage eyes her suspiciously and she holds her hands up in defense. "I said I can, not that I do."

We climb the steps that lead up to the clinic and pull the door open. Inside, the clinic is empty except for one pacing Anders. He looks at us upon our entry, wringing his hands.

Without so much as a hello, Anders gets straight to the point, "I'm going to try something, and I thought you'd want to be a part of it."

You thought wrong. I lean against the wall of the clinic and cross my arms. Hawke and the others walk over to him.

"We've both been wrong." He addresses only Hawke. "What I did with Justice was unnatural. It should never have happened."

I can't resist laughing at this. "And it took you how many years to figure that out?"

Isabela snickers at my remark but the rest ignore it.

"I… I agree. What made you bring this up?" Hawke asks, treading carefully.

The look on Merrill's face clearly conveys that she is not entirely on board with where this is going.

Anders clears his throat. "I can't help mages like this. Not while I am everything the templars fear about magic. I need to be free of this curse."

Between you and Merrill, the bases certainly are covered for deviant apostate behavior. Though, I don't buy for a second that you believe a word you just said. You're working an angle here. I know Anders, he would never admit he was wrong. Anders is childish and hates to lose. Conceding this point would mean he's lost at the games he's been playing for many years. This is an act. I scowl at the blonde man.

Hawke nods to him, clearly excited by the prospect of his lies. "Do you have plan? What can we do to help stop this?"

"I've spent the past three years researching the methods of the Tevinter magisters. They are—"

I shove off the wall and close the distance between us. "Vishante kaffas, abomination! Have you not an ounce of intelligence in your thick head?!" It takes every bit of self-control I have not to punch him in the face. "The magisters are not to be revered! They're monsters, and if you think you can gain anything other than corruption from studying them you're just as daft as I always suspected!"

Anders holds his ground and glares down his nose at me. "They're the only ones who have ever sought to reverse spirit possessions, not just beheading the victims! If you would listen to what I'm saying instead of just bullying your way into the conversation maybe you'd learn something!"

"From what I've been hearing from you, a beheading might not lower your intelligence." I glower at him.

He ignores me and resumes talking to a very concerned Hawke. "Anyway, I believe I have a formula for a potion that can separate Justice and me. Without killing either."

Yes, deny my existence and see how far that gets you. I dig the claws of my gauntlets into my palms.

"First, lets all take a breath." Hawke holds up her hands.

I can't believe she's buying this line of kaffas! Stepping backwards, I retreat back to the wall several feet away. This is absolute nonsense. She's so blinded by how much she wants to redeem everyone that she can't see how blatantly she's being lied to! He has no intention of ending the possession.

"Okay," Hawke begins again. "Anders, that's wonderful. If that really is the case and we should get started on that immediately!"

We are going to need to have a serious discussion when we get home. I let out a low growl. What ever his plan, it can't be anything good. I just wish I knew what it was…

"Hawke, are you certain about this?" Sebastian gives her a worried look.

Merrill speaks up, "Well, if he's studied it for three years he probably knows what he's talking about. I always see him reading books on magic."

"Yes, if we can separate Anders and Justice I'd say that's worth any risk." Hawke states emphatically.

Does she hear what she's saying? There are so many risks with magic that should never be taken! Not under any circumstances!

Anders beams at Hawke. "I knew you'd stand behind me in this. Even if…" His expression falters.

"What?" Hawke raises an eyebrow.

He shakes his head. "Ah… nothing. I've gathered most of what I need, but there are some… outlandish ingredients I was hoping you'd help me collect. A powder the Tevinters call 'sela petrae,' and a small amount of drakestone."

"I assure you, we'll find them." Hawke claps him on the shoulder. "Anders, I'm proud of you. We'll figure this out."

My skin crawls, and I slam my fist backwards into the wall, leaving a dent.

Anders looks at her lovingly. "I could not have begun to do this without your support."

That's it. I growl and stride out of the clinic. That conniving little bitch can solve his own problems. He doesn't deserve the respect she gives him. Some of us have worked for years and changed who we are to prove ourselves to her; he's done nothing but take and uphold his superiority complex. My mind returns to our first meeting, when I was moments from ripping his heart from his chest. A dark smile turns up the corner of my mouth as I imagine going through with it. It would have saved me a lot of trouble if I would have done it… I grit my teeth. But then I wouldn't have Hawke. She would have kicked me out and never spoken to me again. And I would have been just fine with that… A shudder runs through me. There have been so many moments in which I nearly lost her forever. As much as I wish I could forbid her from helping him, I would never give him the satisfaction of destroying what we have worked so diligently to maintain.