Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, isn't it obvious

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, isn't it obvious? Or Or any other dating service. Or Spunk Ransom. Or Chuck E. Cheese. Or Shark Boy.

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1 YEAR PRIOR TO BELLA

Edward sat in his room staring at the ceiling; he was trying to break his record of two weeks, three days, fifteen hours, forty-four minutes, and thirty-six seconds of staring at the ceiling. So far he was doing well, he was four minutes in and feeling fine.

Originally, when Emmett saw Edward doing this, he thought it was another special power Edward had, the ability to stare at things for insanely long periods of time. Emmett became hugely jealous of this ability, up until he found out Edward was just staring for fun, then he told him he was a nerd.

"We should do something to annoy him." Emmett said while him and Jasper looked at Edward through the crack in his doorway.

"I know just the thing." Jasper stood and ran to the computer in the nearby room.

"What are you going to do?" Emmett asked as he followed Jasper. "Get him to watch pretty sunsets with us? Ooo…that would be so romantic."

"No. I want to get him something he'd hate even more." A wicked grin crossed Jasper face. "A girlfriend."

Emmett pretended to be in mock fear. "Hand-picked by us. Excellent." Emmett looked at the computer screen as Jasper typed some stuff in. "Where are you going?"

"To a site I saw a commercial for. It's called eHarmony." eHarmony appeared on the screen. Jasper clicked on the 'new profile' button.

A list of questions came up. 'Name'. Jasper typed in 'Edward Cullen'.

"No, don't type that." Emmett pushed Jasper away from the keyboard. "You need to give him a name that sounds sexy, not like he fell out of a nursing home." Emmett pondered for a moment, then typed 'Spunk Ransom'. "See, sexy."

Jasper shook his head and got back in control of the keyboard. The next space read 'Age'. "Umm…107."

"Too old." Emmett cut in. "You really are horrible at this. You have to give him a mysteriously sexy age."

"Must everything be 'sexy'?"

"Yes." Emmett thought of his options for Edward's age and settled on 32. Nodding in approval, he let Jasper take over once more.

"Male or female." Jasper bit his lip. Then clicked the circle next to male.

Moving on he got location. "What should be put for his location? Sitting in his room pathetically waiting for someone to love him?"

"Sounds good." Emmett gave him a thumbs up.

Describe yourself was the next task. "Emmett, how would you describe Edward?"

"Here let me type." Jasper moved, so Emmett could type.

Emmett typed quite quickly and soon Jasper read what he'd written. "I, Spunk Ransom, am a sex god. I have descended from the higher power to bestow upon all of you weak earthlings my awesome power. Bow at my feet or feel the wrath of my awesome-ness. Humble. I like it." Jasper smiled.

Following those questions, there was a list of random questions to answer, so that your personality could be matched up with someone else's.

Jasper read the first question. "Did you have sudden urges to bite your previous significant other? Yes, no, maybe or n/a. Emmett?"

"I'd say yeah."

"Ok." He clicked and read the next question. "Have you ever had a girlfriend/boyfriend who was either attacked by a wild vampire, became best friends with a werewolf, stalked by a vampire mate out for vengeance because you killed their mate or brunette? Yes, no, maybe or n/a. Emmett?"

"What kind of questions are these anyway? None of that crap is even possible to happen. Anyway, I say nah, because Edward doesn't like girls."

"Next question. Have you ever woken up and realized you have feelings for a certain werewolf that loves your girlfriend?"

"Hmm…"Emmett pondered. "I'd say yes, just to make sure we cover all the ground."

The next fourteen hours were filled with answering random questions that Emmett kept saying were impossible to even happen. Like the one about 'Have your previous significant others ever jumped off of a cliff?' and 'Have you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese?'.

"Finally we're done." Jasper said, after answering the last question. He leaned back and relaxed. "Now, let's wait for the responses."

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The next day, Jasper and Emmett saw that Edward have one response. They clicked to see the person's profile.

The description read. 'I, Shark Boy, am both shark and boy. Therefore, I, Shark Boy, am completely awesome. I, Shark Boy, live in a house. And I, Shark Boy, am looking for someone to live in the house with me (Shark Boy).'.

Jasper and Emmett looked at the picture of 'Shark Boy'. They both grunted in disgust.

"Ok," Jasper started. "Maybe Edward doesn't need a girlfriend that bad." And with that, they deleted Edward's profile.

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Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by a bunch of people asking for us to do a facebook or myspace story. My sister and I came up with this. We still will probably write one with facebook or myspace, but this what we came up with for now. Hope you enjoyed!

Oh yeah, and the line 'I, Spunk Ransom, am a sex god.' is a play on a line from a Final Fantasy XII story I read, I can't remember the name, but the line in that goes 'I, Ffamran Bunansa, am a sex god.' And it makes me laugh every time I read it, so credit for that line goes to them. I'm sorry I can't remember the author's name.